Chapter 17

Scavenger Hunt

A/N: HEY! I'm finally updating this...yay! Oh, and Chimbo, if you're reading this, please read my newly updated bio for an apology. And to those who have been waiting forever for some updates, I swear I'm going to update this more often. Really. Even though I'm going to be a member of the stage crew of the summer play (I don't have to do much anyway). And for those who care, I've added two more scenes to "Crazy Pills, Orange Juice, and Evil Gophers, Oh My!"

Read, review, and enjoy.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Severus in pure terror as Esquire collided right into him. Severus fell off his surfboard into the salty water.

I hate salt, thought Severus with vigor as he swam back to the surface.

The wave was gone, and so was his surfboard. Esquire was bobbing on the surface of the water as well, a bemused expression on his face.

"Esquire, you stupid prat!" shouted Severus. "What were you thinking, heading straight at me like that?"

"I...lost my footing...." said Esquire weakly.

"LOST YOUR FOOTING?!" shrieked Severus, face twisting in rage. "I'll give you footing---"

"Sev!" shouted Dan, paddling toward them furiously. "Don't hurt him!"

At this point, Severus had Esquire in a headlock, screaming about how completely idiotic he was and how he should never, ever set foot in the ocean again for the safety of mankind.

Dan got off his board and pulled Severus off of the whimpering Esquire.

"You could have killed him!" shouted Dan.

"Oh, I highly doubt it," sneered Severus. "In any case, Esquire was being totally moronic---did you see that collision?!"

"Yeah, but you didn't need to put him in a headlock," said Dan.

Severus sighed. "It's just...well...he always seems to aim for me...and this time he actually got me...."

"He doesn't aim for anybody," said Dan. "The guy can't aim, period."

"True," admitted Severus.

"I'm right here, you know!" spluttered Esquire.

"We know," said Severus and Dan.

"I think I'm going back to the house," said Severus. "Ah, there's my board...." The surfboard was bobbing toward them as they spoke.

"Okay," said Dan. "Actually, I think we all better stop for the day, I have something planned."

"Please don't tell me we're going coconut-picking again," groaned Severus. "I must've got clonked on the head at least twenty times." He grabbed his surfboard.

"No, it's nothing like that," said Dan. "You can go in first, I'll round up everyone else." Dan looked around. "And find my surfboard," he added.

"Fine by me." Severus sat on his surfboard and paddled to shore.

Whatever Dan had planned, Severus hoped it wasn't too weird.


"Scavenger hunting?!" screeched Severus.

They all had assembled in the living room of Dan's beach house after Severus' and Esquire's little episode. It was several days after they had first arrived, and Dan had already had them pick coconuts, body build (nearly leading to a fractured toe on Bob's part), and water ski (that, admitingly, had been fun). Now he wanted to go scavenger hunting? It was too much.

"You don't like it?" asked Dan, looking concerned. "I thought it was a good idea...."

"I think it's a great idea, Dan," said Bob hastily, always the peacemaker (A/N: In other chapters, it states Bill as being the optimist and peacemaker; this is not true. It is actually Bob. I constantly got the two confused because of their similar names, but not anymore!).

"CROCODILES!" shouted Esquire, which of course meant that he was excited (if you aren't clued into the Esquire lingo by now, you are very sad indeed).

"Hmm...well, what sort of things will we be looking for?" asked Dave.

"Yeah, I don't want to look for stupid stuff, like a seashell or something," said Bill. "It's got to be interesting."

"Oh, don't worry, these are plenty interesting," said Dan.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Dan, no offense or anything, but aren't scavenger hunts such a...such a...such a first year thing to do?"

"But we are first years," pointed out Esquire.

"Yeah, but we don't want to act like it," said Severus.

"Who cares?" shrugged Dan. "It's not like anyone we know is here or anything."

"Good point," said Severus. "I still think it's stupid, but I guess I'm in."

Dan grinned. "Excellent. I shall now give you the list..." Dan handed them a list of the items they would need:

20-dollar bill

A necklace

Half-eaten hot dog


"Half-eaten hot dog?!" exclaimed Severus. "Gross!"

Dan shrugged. "Hey, I never said it would be hygienic."

Employee's name-tag from that ice cream place

Somebody's (not your own) bathing suit


"No way," said Severus. "No way am I stealing someone's bathing suit! How would I find one, anyway?"

"You have to know where to look," said Dan vaguely.

"Gee, that helps," muttered Severus, and continued reading.

One of those cigarette butts that are always in the sand

"Just so we know," interjected Dave. "This is on the public beach, right? Not this one?"

"Yeah," said Dan. "You won't get far if you just stay on the private beach."

Somebody's hat

A picnic basket (with or without food in it
)

And thus ended the list.

"This is insane," said Severus, folding the paper and putting it in his shirt pocket. "How are we supposed to find all of this stuff by ourselves?"

"You won't have to," said Dan. "We're dividing into teams of three."

"Radical," said Dave, making a peace sign. "Who are on the teams?"

"Well, I'm captain of my team," said Dan. "Which consists of Bob, Bill, and...well, me, obviously."

"Oh, great! So I'm stuck with these two duffers?" said Severus, indicating Esquire and Dave.

"Not only that, but you're captain," grinned Dan.

"Well, I suppose that's something," muttered Sev.

"Okay, let's start!" shouted Dan.


"Okay, let's start with the easiest one-somebody's hat," said Severus, looking at the list.

"I got it, I got it!" yelled Esquire, running to someone wearing a hat.

"ESQUIRE!!!" screamed Severus. "I think Dan meant FIND one, not take it off—"

But it was too late. Esquire had already taken the person's hat and its owner was now in hot pursuit.

"GIVE ME BACK MY HAT!" shouted the person.

"NEVER!" shrieked Esquire, running like crazy, waving the hat in the air tauntingly.

Severus smacked his forehead.

Dave ran over to the hat's owner and tackled him.

"GYAAAHHHH!" yelled the person as they hit the sand.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Esquire, and threw the hat to Severus, who caught it and stuffed into his bag.

Dave had the person pinned to the sand. "RUN!"

Severus and Esquire ran like crazy. About 100 yards later, they tripped over somebody's picnic basket. Food came tumbling out of it.

"Hey!" shouted the middle-aged woman who happened to own the picnic basket.

Severus saw the opportunity, grabbed the basket, and shoved it into the bag. Then he and Esquire continued running like maniacs, ignoring the woman's protests.

When they were safely out of the hat owner's clutches, Severus and Esquire collapsed onto the sand, breathing heavily.

"Okay," panted Severus, taking out the list and crossing off the items they had gotten. "So, I think next we should look for---"

Dave came running up to them, panting even harder than they were. "I—I---" He took a deep breath. "I only just got away!"

"We got a picnic basket!" said Esquire proudly, taking it out of the bag and brandishing it.

"Most excellent," panted Dave, grinning.

"I think we should look for a cigarette butt next," said Severus, sitting up.

They dug around in the sand for quite a while, when Dave exclaimed, "Found one!" and held up a cigarette butt triumphantly.

Severus grabbed it and stuffed it into the bag. "We have two more items we'll probably find on the beach---a necklace and somebody's bathing suit--preferably not on the person."

"Let's go," said Dave.

They ran around the beach, looking for necklaces just lying in the sand, when Severus saw one on a lady's neck.

"But we can't just grab it off her neck," said Severus. "I think the last thing we want right now is another chase..."

"Yeah, I am pretty tired," said Dave.

"Not me!" said Esquire. "I had a whole cup of sugar before we came!"

"Okay, we need to use your energy before it runs out," said Severus. "Esquire, you get the necklace, and Dave and I will look for a bathing suit."

"I think I saw a changing area somewhere," said Dave.

"Good," said Severus. "Okay...now!"

Esquire ran off to the lady, and Dave and Sev headed to the changing rooms, where they ran into Dan, Bill, and Bob, who were clutching a bathing suit.

"It was the only one in there," smirked Bill. "And we have the name tag and half-eaten hot dog already!"

"So? We have the cigarette butt, the picnic basket, and Esquire is getting the necklace as we speak," bragged Severus.

"So, we have the same amount of things," said Dan.

"I don't like this game," said Bob.

"That's just because you don't like competition, Bob," snorted Bill. "Come on, we have to get the other stuff..."

Then they ran off towards the beach. Esquire was running back to them, holding the necklace.

"I've got it!" he cried victoriously, and handed it to Severus.

Severus stuffed it into the bag. "Good work, Esquire."

"Oh, and I saw a twenty-dollar bill on the way over!" said Esquire. "Isn't that weird? I've never seen a twenty-dollar bill in person before! Wow! These American Muggles sure do have some weird currency!"

Severus and Dave stared at him.

"Er, you didn't by any chance pick it up, did you?" asked Dave, clearing his throat.

"Of course not!" said Esquire, sounding scandalized. "I would never take money from the sand!"

"YOU STUPID IDIOT!" yelled Severus, losing his temper. "That's one on the list! Where did you find it?!"

"Oops," giggled Esquire. "Er, I'll lead you to it."

Esquire ran off, laughing insanely, while Dave and Severus followed him.

Esquire stopped when they were nearly under the boardwalk and stared at the sand. "Huh, it was here before..."

Suddenly they heard loud shouts of laughter behind them. They turned around and saw Dan waving what looked like suspiciously like a twenty- dollar bill, with Bill and Bob laughing hysterically.

Severus took a deep, calming breath, and turned to glare at Esquire.

Esquire laughed nervously.

"You are so dead," said Severus quietly.

Esquire squeaked and tore off. Severus followed him. "GET BACK HERE, YOU STUPID, WORHTLESS, IDIOTIC, MORONIC PIECE OF VERMIN!!! WHERE ELSE ARE WE GOING TO GET A TWENTY-DOLLAR BILL?!"


"Found a bathing suit," said Dave after Severus had stopped chasing Esquire and they had returned to the changing rooms, both panting heavily. Dave waved a pair of briefs.

"Good," said Severus. "Let's go to the boardwalk now; see if Dan and his team missed anything or left anything behind."

"I want ice cream," announced Esquire.

"Good, we'll get the employee's name tag while we're there," said Dave.

Severus suddenly had an idea. "Quick---how much money do you both have?"

"I have ten American Muggle dollars," said Dave.

"So do I," said Esquire.

"Excellent!" exclaimed Severus happily, which was a rare event. "All we have to do before we take the employee's name badge is give him the two ten dollar bills and ask for a twenty dollar bill in exchange...then we take his badge and run!"

"You're really getting into this, aren't you?" asked Dave, giving Severus a curious look.

"I like competition," said Severus. "Okay, let's get that badge and twenty dollar bill!"

They hurried over to the ice cream stand, where a young man smiled at them. "What can I get you boys?"

"A twenty dollar-bill," said Severus shortly, handing him the two tens.

"But I wanted ice cream!" whined Esquire.

"Oh, fine," snapped Severus, and whipped out a single. "And one small vanilla cone, pl-"

"I WANT STRAWBERRY!" cried Esquire frantically.

"Ok, fine!" shouted Severus. "One strawberry small ice cream cone, please!"

"You got it, British dudes," winked the guy, and started to make the ice cream. When he was done, he handed Esquire the cone, put the single into the register, and gave Severus his change.

"Er...what is this?" asked Severus, who was familiar with dollar bills but not coins.

"Your change," grinned the man.

"Whatever," said Severus, and put it in his pocket. "Now, about that twenty..."

"Coming right up," said the ice cream guy, and he took the two tens, put them into the register too, and gave them a twenty.

"Excellent," said Severus, grinning madly, and put the twenty his bag. "Oh, and by the way, we'll need your name badge."

"What the-"

Dave grabbed the name tag and they all ran off, laughing insanely.

"Here you go, Sev," laughed Dave, and tossed Severus the nametag. He caught it and put it into the bag. They stopped running.

"Okay, all we need now is a half-eaten hot dog," said Severus, looking over the list.

They scoured the boardwalk, not finding any left on benches or lying around, when they saw someone eating a hot dog.

"ATTACK!" cried Severus, and they all ran at the person eating the hot dog, who looked quite stunned as they tackled him and ran off with his half-eaten hot dog.

"Brilliant!" exclaimed Dave. "We have all the items!"

"Let's get back to the house, and quickly," said Severus urgently.

When they got back to the house, they saw Dan, Bill, and Bob already there.

"BLAST IT!" cried Severus in rage, and threw down his bag. The only thing he had ever gotten truly excited about in his life, and it had to go and be ruined!

"Relax," said Bill heavily. "We got kicked off the beach for attacking a woman wearing a necklace."

"It was the last thing we needed, too," said Bob, sighing.

"Did you guys get everything?" asked Dan.

"We sure did," said Severus, and felt very triumphant indeed when he displayed the items.

"Congratulations," said Bill bitterly.

"Good for you," smiled Bob.

"Okay, since you won and everything," said Dan. "You three get special privileges to the Secret Toilet."

"Huh?"

"What Secret Toilet?"

"Yeah, I thought there was only one..."

"Yeah, that's what you thought," said Dan. "But I kept it a secret on purpose so no one would try to find it. It's the best loo ever; you just wait and see. Come on, I'll show you..."

Dan ordered Bill and Bob to stay behind as he led Severus, Dave, and Esquire downstairs (Severus hadn't even known there was a downstairs) to the Secret Toilet. Secret Toilet. It sounded like a parody to The Secret Garden.

When Dan opened the door, Severus gasped in astonishment.

Inside the room was the most magnificent toilet he had ever seen; even better than the one at home. The bathtub was made of black marble, and was so deep it could have been a miniature swimming pool. Lush, velvet curtains hung to its side, and the colors were such a deep red it was amazing. The carpet was plush underneath is bare feet, and it was deep red too. A giant mirror hung to one side of the wall. A large mural was on the ceiling that suspiciously resembled that of the Sistine Chapel.

"Wow," was all Severus could say.

Dave and Esquire nodded in agreement.

A/N: WOW, that was really long, huh? Longer than I thought it would be...anyway, I hoped you liked it, and please review!