Disclaimer – if you can't be cool, be feared...my momma always told me that.
You know I planned for this fic to finish several chapters ago...ah well!
I toyed with the idea of Mystique/Magneto in my head for a while (I know that sounded dirty but moving on...) and came up with something. Hope you like it.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I give you many thanks.
UniversalAnimeGirl (Heressss Roguey! Lol), Life of La=Silverwolf, DemonRogue13, Moonlight152, Sickmindedsucker, Pixie13 (Xavier and Mags? Sorry but that's just 2...scary), Pyro Tusnami, Silent Inquisition (of course there are ways around the untouchable thing re: remy's mesh catsuit comment in chapter 2 ;) ), Riderazzo, Pyro Lady, Sweety8587 and last but not least MutantFreek (I added another one! Ya happy now? Special scene in this chappie just for you)
Seeing as there wasn't an official 'couply' name for mags and the blue lady I want to thank to Ruby631 for the chapter name of 'Magique', just say it, it sounds like ma – geek. It's fun and yes I am demented. Although Lyranfan's Evil M& M was very groovy as well.
'thoughties'
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Magique a.k.a Death By Cereal
Marsha scrutinised the shelf containing hair dye. Was she a Chestnut Brunette or a Dark Auburn? She decided on the Dark Auburn, shoved a stray blonde lock back under her cap and strode off towards the cereal section in the supermarket.
She'd be damned if she stayed a blonde a second longer, everyone knew blondes were such sluts...
She selected a box of Lucky Charms (it came with a free mini Barbie doll) and sighed, food shopping was so boring.
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A few aisles away Mastermind smiled at the woman who trying to flirt with what she thought was a gorgeous 6 foot man with dark hair, a tan and a Mediterranean accent.
"So Senorita" he said with a smirk, "My place or yours?"
The busty red head gave him a saucy grin, "Oh my place is definitely closer, I could show you my stamp collection..." She eyed his Armani suit with pleasure, she had a thing for rich, tall dark and handsome men, they bought shoes for you.
"How I about I drive you there?" said Mastermind as he offered the woman his arm.
"That would be great!" she said excitedly as she followed him out the store. "Wow is that your car?" she said with pleasure, eyeing the Bentley Convertible in awe.
Mastermind smiled at what in reality was a beat up red Volkswagen with the paint falling off.
'Oh yeah.... My powers ROCK!"
He just loved supermarkets; you met the nicest people...
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"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING FOOL!"
"Sorry!" Marsha said quickly as she eyed the blue woman in fear. " She hurriedly carried on down the cereal aisle when a shouting caught her attention and she stopped.
She looked back to see the blue woman arguing with someone in a purple cape with a bucket on his head. Marsha could have sworn he looked familiar.
"For the last time Raven, we're getting cocoa puffs!" screamed the man
"Cornflakes!" shouted the woman as she tried to put her cereal in the trolley, only for the metal to close over itself preventing her from doing so.
"Cocoa Puffs!"
"Cornflakes!"
"Cocoa Puffs!"
"Cornflakes!"
"Cocoa Puffs!"
"That's it!" screamed Mystique as she brandished a large gun and pointed at the man in the cape. "Put the damn cornflakes in the trolley Lensherr!"
"Have you taken Pyro's pills again this morning? You know I can stop the shot with my fearsome powers of magnetism..." he said haughtily
"Think again Bucket head, the gun has plastic bullets, now put the damn Cocoa Puffs back, and put my cornflakes in the trolley!" shouted Mystique as she waved the gun around menacingly
Magneto sighed as he slammed his favourite cereal back on the shelf. "Every single time we have a disagreement you go and point a gun at me!" he said huffily
"Well it's not my fault you can't communicate properly!" said Mystique as she put the gun back in her bra, Magneto never really did figure how she managed to fit that big gun in there but that's life huh?
"I can't communicate properly? Every time you don't get your way you go all violent!" retorted Magneto
"Well I'm sorry, but your the one neglecting our relationship all the time by running off and attack humans every chance you get!"
"Hey world dominations hard work you know!" defended Magneto, "Do you know how many hours I put in?"
"Oh please! As if you're really working when you take extended weekend breaks in Paris! Admit it! Your cheating on me aren't you?" shouted Mystique as Magneto looked sheepish; he glanced around hopefully for someone to save him.
"Excuse me?"
Mystique swirled around to find the woman in the pink hat that had walked into her earlier standing right behind her.
"What?" she snapped
"Err.... My name's Marsha Wainthrope, I'm a relationship counsellor. It just seemed like you two were having some problems, I was wondering if I could help?" she ventured hopefully (after all they seemed like they had tons of problems, which would mean loads of sessions and therefore more money...kerching!).
"Yeah you can help," said Mystique harshly, "By telling him what an idiot he is to stray away from this!" she turned around and pointed at her (in Marsha's opinion) perfect ass.
Magneto scoffed, "Like that's your real ass, you Lucy Liu wannabe. She has cellulite you know.," he added to Marsha
"No shit!" said Marsha disbelievingly staring at Mystique's backside a little harder
"Ooooooh I knew I shouldn't have dated my boss!" moaned Mystique, "You never take me seriously!"
"That's because you're an idiot!" Magneto stuck his tongue out her, which was a bad move as Mystique pulled out her gun again.
"Ha! See if you're so cocky now you're looking into the barrel of Ms. Death" breezed Mystique
"Oh go ahead shoot me, at least I won't have to listen to the ranting of a women who names all her guns!" snapped Magneto
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" said Marsha as she got in the middle "You guys really need some time out! So sit your asses down and listen!" she said in her 'Authoritative Shouty Voice No 1'.
"Gees no need to be so tetchy," mumbled Mystique as she put the gun away and sat down on a display of Sugar Puffs.
"Alright..." continued Marsha, "Now it seems to me that your problems all stem from your inability to effectively compromise. There is no 'I' in relationship-"
"Actually there are two," noted Magneto as he used his powers to empty some old lady's cart up side down and remould it into a throne for him to sit on.
"I meant figuratively!" sighed Marsha, "Relationships involve working together for the common good. Now why were you fighting over the cereal types, hmm?"
"She doesn't like cocoa puffs, so apparently I can't eat them either!" pouted Magneto, "Some of us need sugar to run on..."
"Then why don't you buy both boxes? Or compromise and buy Lucky Charms, they have cereal goodness as well as sugar?" asked Marsha
"Because he's cheap!" spat Mystique
"That's not true! I just have to concentrate my funds in other areas." he finished mysteriously
"Please!" said Mystique, "Every week he goes to Xavier's to get drunk and go to strip bars, which I do know is a fact so don't even deny it buster!"
Marsha envisioned the man in a grass skirt. So that's where she'd seen him before!
"We all need our pastimes, " said Marsha diplomatically, "However, if..."
"Mystique"
"Mystique is feeling neglected, then you should create some time for you and her to spend together. Show her that you care" finished Marsha
"But she knows I care, I mean I trust her with all my important jobs, I wouldn't give them to just anybody you know."
"How sweet," deadpanned Mystique "You get to go kill people while I have to baby-sit a house full of lunatics all by myself!"
"Lunatics? Wait you left her with all your kids?" enquired a shocked Marsha
"The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, psycho every last one of them." clarified Mystique, They're driving me crazy..."
"Too late" interjected Magneto quietly from his throne
"...Wanda is always trying to kill Toad, Toad just stinks, Blob just eats and eats, Lance and that bloody guitar at four in the morning and don't even get me started on your son!" ranted Mystique
"Yeah! He's so violent!" added Marsha indignantly
"Oh sure! Everyone just gang up on me!" huffed Magneto, "I have to live with Pyro you know! Although he has been gone for the last few days....."
"He's my cousin!" said Marsha proudly
"Poor you" quipped Mystique
"Yeah! Poor me! Look what your son did to my hair!" she pulled of her hat and revealed her two-tone locks.
"That Pietro, always such a prankster...he gets that from his mother you know..." said Magneto wistfully as Marsha continued
"Not to mention my car was totally wrecked yesterday because of that psycho Rogue-"
Mystique blinked. "Rogue totalled your car?"
"With an axe and everything, she even took my precious photos...." sobbed Marsha
Mystique smiled, "My baby's all grown up and being a vandal." she sniffed happily, "I'm so proud."
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"C'mon Kitty hurry up" said Rogue as Kitty typed into the computer quickly.
"Just a sec.." mumbled Kitty as she concentrated.
They were all in the control room. By all that meant Rogue, Gambit, Kitty, Lance, Jean, Scott, Pietro and the New Mutants, including Bobby who had red marks on his face, which would suggest that someone had ripped something, say...duct tape...off his face in a hurry.
"It's definitely not here. She doesn't have any apartments or houses rented or owned in her name, not except her work place." stated Kitty as she logged out of Bayville City Council's files.
"Dammit" said Rogue, she turn to the boys, "Guess we're just going tah have tah use you boys tah get that hussie's home address.
"Chere y' all sexy when y' orderin' people around." said Remy saucily as he draped an arm around her shoulder
"Keep your hands off her Gambit!" shouted Scott frustratedly, "And you two get down from there!"
Kitty and Lance were busy on another table. "What?" they both said at the same time.
Rogue surveyed her team. "Now that we have extra people, Ah say we go all out. Everyone lets go bag us a whore!"
"Hey I thought I was in charge?" said Pietro indignantly
"Yeah well move over Sugah, cos Roguey's running the show now!" she said as she picked up her trusty axe and waved it around happily
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Back in the supermarket.....
"Ok sure, at first it was great and we did it like 20 times a day...but now i'm lucky if it's once a month." complained Magneto from his supermarket trolley throne.
"That's also your fault, " countered Mystique " I mean what better bonding activity is their then mini golf? And with our own private course we had so much fun, but now he keeps going on these 'crusades' " Mystique did a fake cough in which Marsha could clearly hear the word 'Disneyland', "and we never have time to play any more."
"Hmmmm....I think you both have some serious issues that need sorting out." said Marsha "Here's the card for my practice, it's on Main Street, call up and book an appointment. Don't forget that every relationship needs time and effort to make it work. "
"Ha!" screamed Mystique suddenly, "Erik's been trying to get me to see a shrink for years! What make's you think I'll turn up now?"
"Oh I don't know Raven, it could be a good idea, and this lovely young woman is so good at understanding our problems."
Mystique bristled with fury, "Oh so she's LOVELY now is she?" She stood up and produced the gun again. "You know what your problem is? You've been sleeping around for so long and I haven't said a thing! Well now I am....It's over!"
"Raven! Wait!" began Magneto before Marsha cut in.
"Ah well now that's over, you wanna go back to my place?" she asked happily
"WHAT!" they both shouted at the same time
"Preposterous!" shouted Magneto
"You wench!" Mystique turned her gun on Marsha.
"Whoa! Easy now, d-don't shoot me!" stammered Marsha as she looked at the big gun.
"Yeah let me kill her!" shouted Magneto, "I am a one woman man, I'll have you know!"
"Really?" asked Mystique
"Of course...sure I may look at other women but I'll always love you" declared Magneto majestically
"That's so sweet!" said Mystique happily, "Come on Erik, let's go play some mini-golf."
Marsha watched as the two walked down the aisle arm in arm and sighed happily. Thank god they forgot to hurt her.
She thought too soon.
Mystique turned around and pointed the gun at Marsha. "Say Goodnight" she said sweetly before pulling the trigger.
Marsha panicked and grabbed the nearest thing and pulled it in front of her.
Which happened to be a box of Lucky Charms. Lucky in this case was correct because the bullet went straight into the free mini Barbie Doll therefore not killing Marsha, which was as mentioned lucky.
Unfortunately the force of the bullet caused the whole packet to explode in Marsha's hands, therefore propelling her several feet backwards and knocking her out. Again.
"Charming..." was all Marsha had a chance to mumbled before she fell into the realm of unconsciousness surrounded by moons and stars. Oh yeah...and the actual cereal.
"CLEAN UP ON AISLE 9!!!"
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Hope you liked it!!! I would like to apologise to all blondes, I know you're not all sluts and it was just mentioned for comedy purpose only...ahem.
So if you could be so kind, tap that review button and you can probably expect 'Death by Crazy Pissed Off Over Possessive Girlfriends and Pietro (DbCPOOPGaP lol thx universalanime girl) very soon.
Ciao
Soulstress
