A/N: Been a long time since I stepped into DA. But here's a little contribution from me.

Disclaimer: It ain't mine, but you know that as well as I do.

========
A Little Sister's World

I have to wonder what Zack would think. In some ways I need to know what he would think.

This nation I've helped organise. This world that I've begun to build. Would he approve?

Part of me says, "who cares" and moves on. I survived ten years without him, looking after my own ass, watching my own back. Then I had Logan to help me watch it, and to teach me there was so much more to see, to do. Logan was the one who showed me I could take care of others. That I was good at it. That it could mean something to me. Until then I hadn't realised how much we had taken care of each other at Manticore. But I still wasn't thinking of the other transgenics as people, so it didn't count for much. But at least a few good people – some of who are looking to return the favour – are still alive.

Yet part of me stares up at the heavens and asks for Zack to come back and tell me I'm doing fine. Or at least how I could do it better. Alec's always ready to point out what I'm doing wrong, in that usual mocking way. Logan's my self-appointed conscience. Mole would never let me get away with anything. But another opinion never hurt.

Perhaps it's the memories, the past we shared, that not even other X5s, like Alec, could understand. Zack was my constant once, not omnipotent, but omnipresent. For all I didn't understand the emotion, I loved him, as I loved all my brothers and sisters.

I don't think the other transgenics know that. They are starting to see, but only just now. Did they love before? That is something only they can answer, and only when they've been around long enough to look back and discern for themselves.

Joshua loves. He's always loved. But Father loved him first.

Alec loves. But he had Rachel.

Gem loves. She has her baby. So, I guess that means she is the best example. Out of all the normal transgenics, she's the one that shows it the most.

Zack, however, loved so very much, and no one showed him how. He loved more than he knew what to do with. Love guided everything he did in the end.

From helping to rescue Case – even if he would never admit it – to giving his life for me. We never would have escaped except for Zack. Never would have attempted it. Why would we? There was no world for us beyond Manticore. It was hell, yeah, but it was all we knew.

Looking at me people would, and do, say I broke training the most. I was the insubordinate, the one who disregards rules left, right and centre. But Zack was the one who taught me how. He taught me how to see beyond the grey walls, and soldier commands. I don't think he knew what kind of a monster he was creating, but he did it anyway.

Without Zack, I'd still be accepting Manticore as a necessary evil. Even after the escape no matter how much I hated Manticore, how much I came to understand its evil, I still saw it as part of life, dogging my steps, crashing in on my party. Manticore was the devil, yeah, but I was a mortal, and not a match. I don't believe Zack ever saw Manticore that way. He may have temporarily accepted its supremacy, but even if circumstance hadn't forced his hand I think he would have taken the fight there eventually. He always did think big.

Without Zack, I'd still be accepting Manticore as my life. Sure, it'd be nice to say that I would have thought of escape, but truly? I've never been good at that big picture stuff. I live one day to the next. Only now can I begin to look at the future without having to keep my gaze firmly on back.

Of course, now I have to. Everyone's looking at me, expecting me to know what to do, what to say. I don't think the general population of Freak Nation has any idea how much I rely on people like Mole, Alec, Logan and Cindy to help me. It's all very well being one of these strong, intelligent leader-types, but I'm used to being a grunt.

That's what I want Zack. He'd set me straight so fast it'd make my head spin. He'd be self-righteous and demanding, he might even be wrong, but at least I'd get some approval.

Perhaps he'd even take it off my hands. Now that's a thought, the guy who led the first X5 escape in charge of a bunch of straggly soldiers who don't know what to do with themselves. That'd go over real well. I don't think they'd get he was the original freethinker. Maybe that's only something you can get if you're part of our group. Jondy would understand. Krit, Syl, Tinga. Ben. Even Brin.

None of them have shown up 'round here. Not that I know of anyway. Perhaps they're afraid. Perhaps they're mad – Zack managed to keep them all alive until I appeared on the scene. Perhaps there's a myriad of reasons why.

Until the very last Zack was insisting we go to ground, split up, and lie low. Better judgement suggests that we do that now, and I can hear the little Zack voice that sits on my shoulder telling me to go, to cut everyone loose before we're all killed. Freethinking or not, Zack knew his duty and he knew what needed to be done to make sure we were safe.

Still, almost everyone thinks we belong here, together. Maybe Zack would too. We're a bigger family. I doubt a cell phone and constant movement would save us now.

I really want to ask him if I'm doing ok. I really want to know. So, Zack, big brother, if you're out there do you think you could find some time that isn't about the mission and drop in. Just tell me I'm OK? You did once, and I'd like to hear those words again.

Imagining a new world, beyond these grey walls, it isn't easy you know.

========

Please review.

Your honest opinions mean the world to me.