Chapter 4

by: squirrelgirl123

To: Harry Potter

From: Ginny Weasley

Subject: That was fun...

Harry,

Well, your show was... interesting. Your interview wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. The contestants are fantastic. I KNOW THAT ONE GUY FROM WORK!!! He's such a loser, I hope he doesn't win. Anyway, that was fun. I thought I would die when I saw the look on Mum's face when Hermione (the Queen of subltlety herself) asked her if she liked her ring. She's sob buckets at the wedding.

-Ginny

To: Ginny

From: Harry Potter

Subject: NOT THAT BAD... ARE YOU ON DRUGS?

Ginny,

That interview was awful. Terrible. The woman spent ten minutes GRILLING me about my 'relationship' with my parents. I'm not going back. Oh, this was released on the internet, and I am sending it to you so you can see just how bad it was.

Interview between Mr. Harry Potter and Ms. Rita Skeeter

RS: So, what do you think of the show?

HP: I haven't seen it yet.

RS: Surely you have some ideas about the plot?

HP: Well, ah, it's very... smart. You know, people trying to be... me. Er, you know, it's cool.

RS: Would your parents have liked it?

HP: My parents died when I was a year old. I don't know whether they would have liked it.

RS: I sense pain. Are you still sad about your parents, Harry?

HP: Ummm

RS: I remember you confessed to me in fourth year that you still cried about them.

HP: I DID NOT! YOU MADE THAT UP! YOU AND YOUR-

RS: There's no need to be embarrased about it Harry. We all cry sometimes. Now, would they approve of your relationship with Ginny Weasley?

HP: I think they probably wanted me to have friends. I mean, they weren't antisocial or anything.

RS: Ahh, I see. Friends.

HP: Ummm, yeah. Friends. Do you have a problem with that?

RS: No, of course not. Now Harry, do you feel that your parents have been watching over your momentous career in Quidditch?

HP: Can we leave my parents out of this?

RS: Is this a hard subject for you? Do you feel your relationship with them was... dysfunctional in any way?

(HP faints).

-Harry

To: Harry Potter

From: Ginny Weasley

Subject: No, I'm not on drugs. I prefer natural highs, such as caffeine.

Harry,

I personally found your adaptation of the Wronski Feint to be masterful. You can't use it again though. What are you going to do next time, throw up?

-Ginny

To: Ginny Weasley

From: Harry Potter

Subject: Wronski Feint

Ginny,

I'm working my way through the Skiving Snackboxes... I will always be grateful I had the foresight to be Fred and George's first patron. There are so many benefits.

-Harry

To: Harry Potter

From: Ludo Bagman

Subject: Who Wants to be... Harry Potter?

Harry,

Congratulations are in order! You preformed fantastically with Rita ( I always believed old friends preformed best together.), and the ratings are in! We're very, very high Harry, even for a season premiere. Remember this is a short show... every episode counts. We'll just have to keep them coming, and a bonus check may appear. Only 7 more episodes until the finale! And what a show-stopper it's going to be.

-Ludo

To: Harry Potter

From: Ron and Hermione

Subject: Your Show

Harry,

Congratulations... you're doing very well in the ratings. Ron was especially fond of the Virtu-Voldemort sequence. I believe his exact quote is; "That thing is wicked awesome." I personally enjoy the mental challenges they're putting the contestants through (such as isolation, grief (sending them letters saying a close friend had died and then forbidding them to talk about it to 'preserve the show's integrity' was a stroke of genius) and pressure). I find them to be fascinating.

-Hermione

To: Ron

From: Harry

Subject: My show

Ron,

Why am I getting mail from you AND Hermione? Can't you type?

-Harry

To: Harry

From: Ron

Subject: your show

Harry,

We were planning the wedding and we thought we'd send you a word of congratulations. The party is ON for next Saturday... it's at Hermione's this time. I thought I would add that the fainting thing was a stroke of genius. You should have done it at the beginning though, and saved yourself the Ginny question. You looked fairly stupid answering it.

-Ron

To: Ron Weasley

From: Harry Potter

Subject: my show has high ratings

Ron,

On second thought, please let Hermione type all your mail. I prefer discussions on the rigorous mental stimulation the contestants are receiving to blunt criticism of me. And yes, I'll be at the party. I don't know why I subject myself to these things.

-Harry

To: Harry Potter

From: Molly Weasley

Subject: I hear your show is doing well!

Harry,

I am thrilled that your show is doing so well in the ratings. I know you thought you didn't do well on the interview, but it added the element of humor, and people do love a good laugh. Hermione has agreed to host the Saturday party this week, and Ginny will take the week after that. You and Ron will have to take responsibility for two of the five remaining weeks. I hope I'll see you at Hermione's! (Just think... she'll be my daughter-in-law in two short months!)

Love,

Mrs. Weasley

To: Mrs. Weasley

From: Harry Potter

Subject: It's doing very well, thanks

Mrs. Weasley,

Thank you... it's doing very well in the ratings. I hope it stays that way. Well, I've heard that the interview was humorous from a lot of people, and while I fail to find the humor in it, I'm happy that you managed to derive some. I'll take the week after Ginny. I have a Quidditch game the day of the season finale, so I might be a bit late. You never know how long these things are going to run.

-Harry

To: Harry Potter

From: Peter Pettigrew

Subject: none

Harry,

I watched your show, I thought it was really cool. I'm considering proposing, to Rita Skeeter. If she agrees, will you be our best man? You brought us together.

-Peter

To: Rita Skeeter

From: Peter Pettigrew

Subject: Hello

Rita,

You don't know me (actually, you probably think I'm dead. This is a common misconception, due to the fact that I decided to take a vacation to Switzerland at a critical point in time, and I found it so relaxing that I took up residence there for several years.)

This may come as a surprise to you, but I have e-mailed you to propose marriage. I am one of the forces behind the changing of Harry Potter's life too, and I was startled to find that someone such as yourself was too. What do you say?

Yours truly,

Peter Pettigrew

To: Peter

From: Rita Skeeter

Subject: Re: Hello

Absolutely. Just name the date.

-Rita

To: Peter Pettigrew

From: Harry Potter

Subject: none

Hmmm, will I be the best man for two of the people I hate most in this world? Why not? Just send me the date, and I'll be there. By the way, congratulations.

-Harry