TW FOR THIS CHAPTER: Mention of M*scarriage

If this is something that you find triggering, I've noted the part of the chapter where it is mentioned so that you can skip over it. Stop reading when you get to the TW and begin again after it says "End TW".

To summarize the part of the chapter without the trigger (chapter content spoiler warning, feel free to come back to this point once you get to the TW and then read on after): Phoenix asks Ginny why Fleur named her. Ginny explains that they did not know they were having twins, so they did not have a name picked out for her. After having the twins, Ginny panicked and didn't know who she wanted to name her daughter after, so Fleur suggested that Ginny name her after everyone in the Order by naming her Phoenix. Her middle name was, of course, to give Phoenix a softer side, which is explained in the second chapter of this fic.

Please let me know if there's any element of this warning or the chapter that I need to adjust. As always, my messages are open, please feel free to reach out if you need anything. If you're reading as a guest, you can also private message me on Tumblr (iiowaw), though please know that I'm not always as quick to respond on Tumblr. All the love.


Chapter Thirty-Three: Godmother


Though sobbing into my twin brother's shirtfront had temporarily made me feel a bit better about things, being home for the break only served to remind me of how little time I likely had left to spend with my family. Each time my mother would press a kiss to my forehead or my father would stop what he was doing to make time to talk to me instead, I found myself itching to tell them everything.

I knew that telling my parents was exactly the sort of thing that the gods had warned me against. They were not the sort to sit quietly and try to figure things out; my parents were action people, plain and simple. I had always admired them for it, but now I found myself wishing that they were something different.

I had always adored my father. The idea of sitting him down and telling him that his daughter was dying was unthinkable-I wanted him to know without having to be the one to tell him. More than anything, I longed to walk into my parents' room and tell my mother the entire truth. My father had known enough sadness in his life to now face it with quiet acceptance, but my mother fought tragedy tooth and nail. It was one of the more obvious ways that their differing experiences in the war were highlighted. Dad had grown up the Wizarding World's hero and eventual martyr, so he believed that saving the world meant creating a place where people could live safely. Mum had been a soldier who led a child army, so she believed that saving the world meant making sure that your people made it out with their lives. They both understood that evil had to be defeated, but, while dad saw loss as a sometimes unavoidable sacrifice, mum saw it as a situation to be circumvented whenever possible.

So, I wanted my mother to brush my hair from my face the way she used to when I was little and give me the soft smile that told me that the solution was a simple one without ever making me feel badly for failing to see it. I wanted her to gather my godmother and my father up, giving them the rundown before explaining how they were going to fix everything.

A week into the break, I found myself hovering in the doorway to my parents' room, intense longing filling me as I thought about how badly I wanted someone else to take the reins completely. Even if she had no way around my death, if she broke down and admitted that my death was as inevitable as I knew it had to be, I wanted solutions to my problems and my parents to hold my hands right up until I died.

Mum was sitting in her bed reading a magazine. Her ginger hair hid her face from my view, but her posture told me that she was upset by whatever she was looking at.

Before I could fully make my decision, she looked up, her brown eyes meeting my own. Her stance instantly softened, the slightly angry expression that she had been wearing fading away as she looked at me.

"Hey, honey. Come in," She said, patting the bed as she slid over to make a spot for me.

I sank gratefully into the cream comforter, which was detailed with powder pink roses. Mum only pulled it out in the winter, for she said that it made her miss the flowers that grew outside of their window a bit less. Uncle Ron had teased her and dad about the floral pattern once, but had wound up apologizing profusely after she had informed him that he wouldn't make her apologetic or ashamed for embracing her femininity while Aunt Hermione had glared at him in agreement. The two women had exchanged deeply amused glances after a few seconds of grovelling, finally admitting that they had been mostly joking.

A rush of warmth filled me as mum wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me slightly sideways as she hugged me close. "What's wrong?" She asked me, voice already soft with concern.

"What were you looking at?" I asked instead, still unsure about telling her anything. It was a bad idea, I knew that it was, but I wanted to do it anyways.

She made an angry noise as she held the magazine up for me to see. The headline read "Harry Potter Seen with Unknown Woman".

"They're such idiots," She growled. "He was out with Angie; she was just wearing her hair up. I'm heading over there first thing tomorrow morning to make them print a retraction!"

I frowned slightly. "Why?"

Mum looked at me, clearly surprised. "What do you mean, why?"

"Why make them print a retraction? I mean, it doesn't hurt anyone. Dad is loved by everyone; I'm sure this won't hurt his reputation at all."

"It doesn't really matter if it does or not," Mum said, sounding slightly scandalized, but still mostly angry with the papers. "I refuse to let anyone mess with my family. They don't need to be writing an article every time he's seen in public with anyone who doesn't have ginger hair. Your dad has been through enough in his life, often at the hands of the press. They can stay out of our business."

"That makes sense. I guess I just didn't think about it like that," I told her. She squinted at me slightly, and I knew that I was in for questioning. Something in my voice must have given away that something was bothering me.

"What's wrong?" She asked me once again, but this time turned her full attention towards me, making it clear that she was expecting an answer.

"It's not a big deal," I said, starting to get up. This had been just as bad of an idea as I had known it was all along. Telling my parents wouldn't get me the comfort and help that I wanted-nothing would. All I could do was make the entire situation worse.

"Phoenix," She said, grabbing my wrist gently to keep me from leaving the room. "You don't have to tell me everything that goes on in your life. We will always try to give you kids your privacy. If someone is bothering you or making you upset, however, you do need to come tell us. You seem really upset, honey. Sit down and tell me what's wrong, please."

"It's really nothing, mum," I tried to assure her, but I could tell that she didn't believe me.

"Honey, you shouldn't try to handle everything on your own. I did that with the diary, and I nearly died for it. Your father kept all sorts of things to himself that could have ended up disastrously for everyone. If something is going on, we can talk to Minerva about it and get everything sorted for you."

She had, in just our short interaction, only served to prove my concerns correct with her words about the press. If I told her about what had happened to me, she would leap to my defense. Not only would she risk starting the war early by doing so, but, should Hastings' plans be forced out into the open, I feared that he wouldn't hesitate to mark both of my parents. Perhaps he wouldn't succeed-Luna, Minnie, and I had already discussed why we thought he hadn't marked my parents (especially if he could mark people without them knowing about it, as we suspected) and determined that it was because they were too well protected. Our home was heavily warded, and the only places that my parents regularly visited were their places of work, the Burrow (which was also well-protected), and the train station to pick us up. Their trips anywhere else were almost always intentionally sporadic. Hastings would have to attack either Platform 9&¾, the Ministry, or the stadium to get to my parents. Any such event would create the sort of pandemonium that he was mostly avoiding. Still, if he no longer had to worry about starting the war early, there was nothing to stop him from going after them.

Knowing that I wouldn't be leaving the room without giving my mother something, I sighed heavily, sitting back down onto the bed.

"It's nothing that Minnie can help with, mum. I'm just…" I trailed off, racking my brain for something to tell her while she waited patiently. "Mum, what if I'm not good enough to make a professional Quidditch team? There's nothing else that I want to do. I've wanted to play for as long as I can remember. Jay wants to play too, and I know that he'll make it professionally. What if he makes it and I don't? I would want to be happy for him because he'd be living his dream, but I'm worried that I would just resent him for living his dream while I wasn't able to."

As I spoke, I realized with no small amount of heartbreak that I couldn't remember the last time that I thought about my future in Quidditch. Though I worried constantly about playing my best, it was for Jay's sake, not my own. I had little faith that I would still be around by the time I would have been scouted by a team. The thought broke something in me, just a little bit. My life had always revolved around Quidditch, but now I realized that I didn't even think about the sport. I felt robbed, something cold spreading through my chest as I stared blankly at the wall behind her head.

"Oh, baby," She said, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. The tears that filled my eyes were very real as she hugged me close. "You're going to be scouted by so many teams that you won't even know what to do with all of the offers. I've never seen anyone play the way that you do. It's like you need the sport in order to breathe. I knew the moment that you climbed on a broom for the first time that we had a little professional player on our hands. Our little Phoenix, born with wings."

Trying to keep the tears that were brimming in my eyes from spilling over, I hugged her back tightly. "Thanks, mum."

"Of course, baby."

When she stood, I found myself reaching after her, though she didn't notice my hands as she moved towards the door.

"Mum, can I ask you something?" I knew that I couldn't tell my mother my secrets, but I didn't want her to leave.

She stopped, her hand on the handle of the door, before turning to look at me. A soft smile spread over her face, her hand leaving the door to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. The look that she gave me made my heart ache. It was the look that she used to wear when putting me back to bed after I had a bad dream.

As my mother walked back into the room and sat down next to me on the edge of her bed, I found myself closing my eyes and breathing in the way she smelled, the floral perfume that she had always worn settling in the air around me. I wasn't sure when I had stopped being able to recall the scent of that perfume from memory, but I found that I could no longer conjure it up in my head when I wasn't in the room with my mother. It still smelled like home.

Her hand smoothed my curls down, her touch gentle. I wondered if she was questioning why her eldest daughter was having a minor breakdown, or if she was simply waiting it out. There was no denying that she was aware of my emotions, for there were tears streaming steadily from my eyes, coating her hand as she stroked my cheek. I wanted to open my eyes and find that I was still little, that Hogwarts had been just another dream and that I had never left home for longer than to spend a few weeks at the Burrow. The wanting furthered the ache in my chest, which only grew when I opened my eyes to find that I was still sixteen. The little girl who wore her parents' Quidditch robes and prayed to grow big enough to have her own was no more, and I was left in her wake wishing that she had prayed a little less, grown a little more slowly.

"Getting older is hard," Mum whispered, and I wondered if she was reading my mind. The thought didn't scare me as much as it should have. "Is that what this is about? I remember that it hit me around this time during your father's sixth year that he would be graduating a year before I did. Of course, we were fighting a war, so that year without him felt very daunting, but I know how close you and Jay are. I would imagine it must feel just as formidable an opponent as a battlefield, to spend a year without him. You two have been attached at the hip since you got off of the train, from what I've heard."

My mind was whirling, as my mother unwittingly gave me an entirely new thing to stress about. I opened and closed my mouth several times, trying to process what she had just said, then ultimately decided that I could not. Ignoring how confused I knew she would be at the subject change, I asked my mother the question that I had initially been pondering, which had nothing at all to do with the tears that were still rolling down my cheeks. "Mum, why did Aunt Fleur pick out my name? And why Phoenix?"

If they had named me something different, maybe I wouldn't have been the person that the prophecy spoke of. An illogical thought, perhaps, but one that I couldn't shake. I tried to find it in me to resent the name, but I could not. My name was picked out by one of my favorite people on the planet. When my family and friends spoke my name, they said it with love. I could no sooner hate my name then I could the person who gave it to me.

TW

Mum blinked, her expression just as bewildered as I had been anticipating. Lifting a finger to wipe the tears off of my cheeks, my mother said. "It's not a story that has the happiest beginning, I feel that I should warn you."

I shrugged, indicating that she could tell me regardless. I found that few stories were entirely happy. Life, it seemed, did not deign to exist without sadness.

Taking a deep breath, mum nodded before telling me, "Before we had you and James, I was pregnant with another baby. A boy."

The story had not begun as I had expected, but I could see where it was leading. I reached out a hand, entwining my fingers with mum's. She gave me a slightly watery smile as she squeezed my hand in hers.

"We lost him, as I'm sure you've guessed, but we didn't lose him until the very end. He already had a bedroom, a name, and a whole family full of people who loved him. We were going to name him Arthur Rubeus. Your father wanted us to honor my father and Hagrid."

There was a pronounced ache in her voice as she spoke, and suddenly the odd combination of longing and deep sadness that occasionally overtook my mother's face when we were all together had a name. Arthur Rubeus. My brother. I squeezed her hand again, thrice this time, to tell her that I loved her without interrupting her story.

"After we lost our sweet Arty, we moved out of the other house and gave everything of his to a family that needed it except for the blanket that your Grandma Molly knitted for him. When we found out that we were pregnant again, all that we could handle knowing was that the baby was healthy. The doctor tried his best to tell us more, but we absolutely refused. We went to every appointment, just as we were supposed to, but we didn't want to get attached again until we had you. It was just…we had already lost so much, even before we lost Art."

As she spoke, she waved her wand at the dresser. The middle drawer rolled out, a small panel that I had never noticed before dropping from the underside of the drawer. She summoned a tiny yellow blanket, handing it to me with slightly shaky hands.

I traced the name Arthur with my pinky finger, the lettering a clear sky blue. My heart hurt for the brother that I had never known I had.

Clearing her throat, mum continued, "Your Aunt Angie was pregnant at the same time, obviously. She was the first to notice the similarities between our pregnancies that there hadn't been with any others. When she found out that we weren't willing to be told anything, she went to your grandmother, who had a miniature epiphany and immediately decided to take matters into her own hands. They rounded up Fleur, Hermione, and your very confused Uncle Ron, and then marched on down to St Mungo's. There they found Luna and a similarly confused Neville sitting on the steps, waiting so patiently that you'd have thought they'd been invited to be there."

She broke off to laugh lightly, a sound which I echoed. Luna was, undeniably, one of a kind. I had no doubt that she had been the one to drag Neville to the hospital, offering no explanation at all as she did so.

"They stormed St Mungo's, ready to corner the poor doctor and declare that they wouldn't leave without the information that they were looking for, but he was utterly relieved to finally tell someone that I was, indeed, having twins. With the group that they had gathered, they had more than half of my emergency contacts, so he was even within his rights to tell them, as he considered it "necessary patient information", though I think he would have told them either way. He wanted to tell them your genders, as well, but they respected our wishes and declined. After that, they started to get things together, making sure that we had the supplies for two babies. When we went to the hospital so that I could deliver you two, Bill and Charlie ran by the house and set up a second bedroom. They thought of absolutely everything…minus your names. When I had your brother, it was fairly easy to name him, because James Sirius was a name that we had loved while discussing names for Arty, one that we had made note of to give to a future boy of ours. We hadn't ever discussed girl names, though, and…well…"

Mum let out a small laugh, her expression a bit sheepish. A small smile was creeping onto my face as her cheeks reddened, the crimson color a deeper rouge than her hair.

"In my defense, my hormones were all over the place. I just couldn't stop crying," She laughed. "I was so distraught that we didn't have a name for you. Everyone had tried to ask us if we were thinking about names, but we insisted that we would see you and just know. It was half true, too. We knew for James; it was just you that completely stumped us. I felt so silly, because everyone had told me that I needed plan names. I was just scared. Fleur knew just what to do though. I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of people that I wanted you to share a name with, so Fleur suggested that I just name you after all of them. You're named after the whole order, you know."

End TW

I smiled at my mother as she tucked another stray strand of hair behind my ear. I had left it down for the day, so it was all over the place. Her expression was soft as she smiled back at me, and I was unable to stop myself from leaning into the palm of her hand for a brief moment.

"Phoenix. Our little miracle."

I giggled. "Don't tell James, I'm guessing?"

"Well, he was the one who was too impatient to wait," She laughed as well, "You two were over a month early, you know. I delivered James in under an hour. You took longer."

"I thought we were born only a few minutes apart?" I asked, confused.

"That's what we told you," She agreed, "James liked to order you around because he was the older of you two, so we thought that telling you that you were only a few minutes apart would make it easier. Most twins are born within a few minutes of each other, so it made sense. Roxy and Fred were twelve minutes apart. You took a while though. They told us that there may be complications because of how long you took, but you were just perfect. We thought we were getting one baby, Harry and I, but we came home with two."

I offered the woman a small smile as she put the blanket away, returning her hug when she bent down and wrapped her arms around me. This time, when she moved to leave the room, I let her go.


The shopping trip that we had planned in muggle London came quickly. We invited Roxy along as well, as I knew that she was still looking for the perfect gift for her girlfriend.

Coleen was out of the door as soon as we apparated to their front lawn, running down the sidewalk to wrap Lily, Roxy, and I in hugs as though she hadn't seen us just over a week prior. She blushed furiously before giving mum and Aunt Angie a quick hug as well, which made both women chuckle as they stepped around us to greet Col's parents.

We spent the day scouring the stores for our gifts. I was made to promise to perform various charms for the other girls as they found gifts that they wanted to magically alter. At one point, I watched a blushing Coleen place a very nice pair of socks on the shop counter, the pattern of various chess pieces that adorned the gift earning her some teasing grins as she paid and quickly shoved the socks into her bag.

I followed Lily over to a section on muggle healing in a bookstore, watching as she gathered a stack of books on brain damage and memory loss.

"Is that what you two want to study?" I asked as she set another textbook on top of the rapidly growing pile on the floor beside her.

My sister jumped, clapping a hand over her heart as she turned her head to glare at me. "Merlin, you're like a cat. I'm going to put a bell on you. Uh, yeah, Ali and I want to focus on the mind."

She shuffled oddly for a few moments, clearly debating something.

"You don't have to tell me," I assured my sister, though I hadn't the foggiest idea what she was thinking about. I had just known Lily for long enough to know when she was weighing her options.

"I know. Just…don't tell anyone, okay? Ali is a little private about it because she's spent her entire life being told that it isn't possible. She's sort of convinced that, when we do tell people, they're going to dismiss us as idealistic children. People already underestimate her all the time, you know?"

"I won't tell a soul," I vowed, then immediately had to rectify my statement. "I mean, I need to tell Jay that you two are interested in the brain because he has some top secret idea for something that you and Ali can do together, if you don't mind, but I won't tell him whatever it is that you're building up to tell me."

Lily bounced eagerly at the mention of our bandaid solution, but stayed on topic. "Basically, Ali and I want to expand the magical mind medicine by looking into muggle research and techniques and figuring out if there are ways to combine the two. She's so smart and creative, Phoe. She wants to see if there's anything that we can do to improve her grandparents' minds, which is really the secret part, but she also just wants to help people in general. You know, for all that wizarding medicine has improved after the war-which it really has-we're definitely stunting ourselves by relying solely on magical solutions. Ali has all of these ideas for how we can revolutionize magical healing. I think she's going to change the world."

I offered my sister a warm smile, brushing a lock of hair behind her eyes. "I think you both are."

Her cheeks went a bit red, and the brilliant grin on her face was still visible even when she ducked her head towards the stack of textbooks, carefully gathering them up. I very much so hoped that Jay's solution would be what the two girls needed to get back on good terms.

"Don't forget to put a lightening spell on those if you use an owl," I warned, lightly tapping the massive tower in her arms with my index finger as I spoke.

She gave me a slightly sheepish look. "Can you-"

"Yeah, no problem. Just come find me when you're ready to send them."

Roxy decided to get Taylor a beautiful necklace, which had a tiny maple leaf charm hanging from it. The leaf was apparently an inside joke between them.

I got Jay a scrapbook, which I would charm similarly to my journal. There were a lot of little drawings that I planned to slip into it, creating a sort of collage of random memories from our years at Hogwarts. Though Jay had a perfect memory, I thought that he might enjoy seeing things from my perspective.

The day was fun, with mum making Coleen promise to come over to the house after Christmas. I was disappointed to realize that I would miss her visit, as I would be spending that time with Jay's family, but she promised to come by over the summer as well.

When we got back to the house, I ran upstairs to drop both my purchases and Lily's off in our rooms. I glanced in my twin's room as I rushed past him, only to stop and stare inside in horror.

"James? What on Earth are you doing to that poor owl?" I cried incredulously.

James didn't even look away from his owl, Genie, as he continued to try and tie the gigantic package to the bird's leg.

"I'm trying to get him to deliver my mail!" He said, as though that should be obvious. "He won't let me get it tied on though!"

"Well he can't exactly do that when the package is as big as he and appears to be twice as heavy!" I responded, exasperated. I walked forward, taking the package from him and pulling out my wand. "James, your wrapping job is terrible. I showed you how to wrap gifts!"

He groaned, sinking back into the bed and placing his head into his hands. "I tried everything! I even tried a spell that swore it would do it for me, but nothing can wrap that bloody gift neatly!"

I rolled my eyes, carefully removing the paper as I spoke, "Well you probably ought to ask for help next time."

"I don't have to ask for help, I can take care of it perfectly fine on my-NO!" James yelled as he lifted his head from his hands just in time to see the paper fall away from the present.

"James…" I gasped, floored and a little bit mortified on my twin's behalf. "What…what is this?"

My brother went beet red as I very carefully held up the top-of-the-line camera for him to see. It was one that Coleen and, to my slight surprise, Jay had discussed several times at dinner. There were features on it that I couldn't so much as pronounce, let alone use. It had also only been available for a few weeks.

"James, this thing costs more than a broomstick. What is it doing in your room?" I asked nervously.

"I-oh don't look at me like that; I didn't steal it! I've just been saving up all of my Hogsmeade money, my birthday money, and I've sold a few things…" He trailed off, awkwardly rubbing his arm as he stared somewhere just left of my shoes.

"James," I said warningly, praying that I wasn't going to have to lecture my twin after we had been getting along so well. "This had better not be for Coleen."

"So what if it is?" He exclaimed defensively.

I bit back a sigh. "James, you can't buy your way into a girl's favor! Especially not that girl's favor! She's Coleen Creevey; she's not going to let you buy her gifts in order to try and make her go out with you! You know that, James, I know you do, so why have you bought her the camera?"

"Of course I know that," My twin snapped, so fervently that I couldn't help but believe him. "I bought it for her because she's been talking about it for months. She literally had the day that it came out marked in her calendar, but she told me that it was just a nice fantasy of hers, because she was never actually going to be able to own a camera even half as nice as that one. I've dated girls before who have said stuff like that and really meant that they wanted me to buy it for them, but Coleen just meant it and that kills me. She deserves nice things, especially when those things are fancy cameras that she'll use to create works of art that she just gives away. Sometimes she hands people these incredible pictures and they don't even say thank you. And people are so fucking mean to her when they think no one else is around and it just-it kills me, Phoenix. So, yeah, I bought her the camera. I wasn't even going to sign the package. I just want her to have it."

I stared at my brother for a long moment, wrestling with the guilt that was gnawing at my insides. He looked utterly sincere.

"Well…in that case, this paper is ugly," I waved my arm, charming the paper into something much nicer. "Now, let me wrap this for you and then we'll shrink it down so that we can tie it to Genie. There are some cards in my room-in the second drawer of my desk-go get one and sign it. A gift like this should be signed, but you'd better let her know exactly why you got it for her."

James hustled out of the room, coming back just as I finished wrapping the gift. I instructed him to write the counter charm for the shrinking and lightening spells on the envelope before I tied it neatly to Genie and we sent him off.

We stood in silence for a few minutes after the bird had disappeared from sight, both still staring out of the window.

"Remind me to show you again how to wrap gifts later, Jamie. That really was terrible," I told him. "And…I'm sorry for jumping instantly to the wrong conclusion. That wasn't fair of me."

"It's not as though I haven't given you reason to do so in the past. I can, admittedly, be a prat sometimes," James responded, his wry grin evident in his tone. It faded after a moment, his voice becoming a bit soft as he reached up to slide the window closed without meeting my gaze. "Thanks, P."


We all made our way to the Burrow five days before Christmas. As usual, things were loud, crazy, and crowded, so I found myself staying up late trying to finish the scrapbook that I was planning on giving Jay. A few nights before Christmas, a set of soft footsteps from outside of our door reached my ears. I paused my movement for a moment, until I was sure that I knew whose footsteps I was hearing trek up the stairs, and then, with a small grin, I shoved the scrapbook into my bag and set off after my big brother.

The window was already closed when I got to it, but I didn't hesitate to yank it open and climb out onto the roof, my kneazle tucked into the pocket of the hoodie that I had borrowed from Jay.

Teddy was gazing at the stars when I climbed into eye-sight of him. The moon would be full soon. I would be coming back from Jay's grandparents' house just in time for Freddy's transformation, as I refused to leave him alone for it. The new house his parents had purchased had a room that they had arranged for full moons, with Uncle Bill warding it from the inside just in case his wolfsbane potion ever failed.

Teddy looked surprised but pleased to see me.

"Hey," He greeted, holding out an arm for me to slide under. "I was just thinking about how I could get you without waking everyone else up."

"I heard your footsteps," I responded with a small smile, tucking myself into his side and shivering slightly against the fierce winter chill. "What's up, Ted?"

The smile that he gave me was blinding, his hair pure white with joy. In the moonlight, it was almost luminescent.

"Victoire is pregnant. I'm going to be a dad, Phoe."

I squealed, flinging my arms around him. He laughed as he hugged me back, squeezing me tightly to his side.

"You and Levi were the first people that I've told," He admitted. "Tori told her mum and Dom, but I wanted you two to know first. It'll be a surprise for mum and dad."

I beamed at him. "Thank you, Ted. That means a lot."

"Would you be the godmother?"

It took some effort to keep the smile on my face. If I said yes, I would be setting the kid up to grow up without a godmother when I inevitably fulfilled the prophecy in a few years, but there was no good way to say no. Furthermore, I didn't want to say no. It was, honestly, a shock that they were asking me, but I was beyond honored. I knew Vic and I had gotten much closer recently, but that had also meant that I knew that Victoire and Teddy had several more friends than the rest of the family seemed to realize. Their reasoning for choosing me was lost on me, but I wasn't going to complain.

"I would love to, Teddy. Vic's okay with it, too?"

My brother actually laughed at the question. "The word godparents hadn't even fully left my mouth before she was suggesting you and Levi. It was a pretty easy decision, Phoe."

I was so happy for him that I wondered if I was glowing too. In fact, I realized that the familiar gold magic was swirling around my hands. I quickly stamped it down, though I made a mental note to tell Jay that he was probably right about it being connected to my emotions.

"Don't look so surprised," He teased, nudging me playfully. "Tori wants a whole Quidditch team's worth of kids. We'll have children enough for everyone to be a godparent if she has her way. You just…you've loved Victoire in a quiet way that she's really needed. She hasn't talked to any of our friends about what happened between her and Dom because she knew that they would all take her side, and what she wanted wasn't for someone to dislike her sister on her behalf, but just someone to talk to about everything. You never picked a side, and I don't think Tori knows how to express how much that means to her. It was a no-brainer for us to pick you, because we know that you're going to love and respect our kid just as much as you do the rest of your loved ones."

I ducked my head, pressing my face into his side to hide the tears shimmering in my eyes. I was sick of crying, but I couldn't help the tears that sprang into existence at his words.

"I'm so excited to be a dad," He told me, joy almost tangible. "That baby is going to grow up so loved. Mum and dad will be the best grandparents ever, and they're going to have such amazing aunts and uncles. They'll never know the attention that we had to grow up with, Phoe. I swear it. Vic and I are going to keep the whole thing between the family. No one will even know until well after the baby is born. She knows all of the healers, so she can get all of her appointments done by someone who will keep it a secret. We'll keep them out of the limelight. It's going to be perfect."

I smiled at my brother, desperately hoping that his words would ring true. "That sounds amazing, Ted. You guys are going to be the best parents that any kid could hope to have. I cannot wait to meet your baby. I already love them with everything that I have."

Teddy grinned once again. "I do, too."

We gazed up at the stars together, my thoughts drifting, as they always did, to Jay when I found Sirius in the sky.


Christmas was a pleasant affair. Dom had written to me the night before and admitted that she wasn't going to be home for the holiday. She was still worried that coming home would cause her to become so homesick that she wasn't able to stand leaving again. I wasn't sure that I understood her worries, but I believed her when she said that it was a legitimate concern, and I knew how badly she wanted to see the world, so I supported her. She wrote to her parents once she had made the decision, but I managed to catch Lou before they told everyone the news and let him know privately. It seemed to help a bit that Dominique had specifically mentioned missing Louis so much that it was almost unthinkable to see him and then leave again, but he still asked me to leave the room almost as soon as he was done reading the part of the letter I had brought him, and I could hear him sobbing once the door swung shut behind me.

After Teddy told me his big news, Vic begged me to come help her fix the gifts that she had been working on for our parents and grandparents. After everyone else had been given their gifts, Ted and Vic handed Grandpa, Grandma Molly, Grandma Andy, Aunt Fleur, Uncle Bill, mum, and dad a package, instructing them to wait until they asked them to open them.

Levi and I stood off to the side as they carried out their plans, trying not to grin too widely. They all decided to squish together on one sofa, with mum sitting on one arm, Grandma Andy on the other, and everyone else squished in-between. Finally, once they had gotten settled, Teddy asked them to open their gifts.

There was a lot of clamoring as they began to tear into the wrapping paper while everyone else jostled each other whilst attempting to see, with Rose and Molly insistently shushing everyone the entire while. Mum read the fastest, standing up and flinging herself at the couple with an excited scream. Aunt Fleur gasped, crossing the room in a blur of silver to join the couple. Grandma Molly burst into tears, and Grandpa let out a soft chuckle as he wrapped an arm around her.

"What is it?" James shouted, standing on the tips of his toes and missing the pout that Lily directed at the back of his head when he completely blocked her view by doing so.

In response, dad and Uncle Bill held up the sweaters that Vic and I had painstakingly knitted for them. They both read "Grandpa".

The room exploded.

Everyone surged forward to pull the couple into happy hugs, with mum and Aunt Fleur tugging on their sweatshirts before helping a tearful Grandma Molly into her "Great-Grandma" sweatshirt. Grandma Andy beamed at the other woman, proudly sporting a matching "Great-Grandma" sweater, her hand resting lightly on Grandpa's shoulder. He looked very pleased to show off his new title of "Great-Grandpa", repeatedly glancing down at the front of his jumper and tracing the hyphen with a contented smile.

Once everyone had quieted down a bit, Teddy explained their plans to keep the baby a secret to the family, sheepishly asking that none of the people that he had just gifted a sweater wear them out in public. He earned a bit of good-hearted ribbing for the question, but everyone accepted his request easily after the incident at Platform 9&¾.

"Alright, now for the next round," Ted grinned, turning towards the group. "Our siblings. I think we should make all of you squish onto that sofa too."

"Easy," Levi grinned.

Grandpa exchanged an amused look with Grandma Andy, rising from his seat and offering her a hand up afterwards. Levi immediately leapt onto the center of the couch, with Lily immediately scrambling into the seat beside him and leaning her head against his upper arm. Al and James managed to take up most of the rest of the room, so Lou and I sat on the arms of the sofa.

Teddy pouted. "Well, that's significantly less crowded than I was expecting. I guess you can have your gifts now."

There was a ripple of laughter as Levi began playfully jeering at our brother, with Lily and Al happily joining in. The teasing stopped once we had all been handed a package, though Teddy did let out a sound of faux-outrage when our eldest brother immediately tore into his, not bothering to wait for permission.

I gasped after tearing open my gift, for Victoire had been finished with the sibling sweaters by the time she asked me for help, so I had been under the assumption that I would be getting one that proclaimed me an aunt, just like everyone else. Instead, my beautiful gold sweater proudly proclaimed me "Godmother" in brilliant green font. James caught sight of the front of my new garment, nudging me and giving me a genuine smile of congratulations. In response, I fixed the lock of his hair that had taken to standing straight up after he had pulled his own "Uncle J" sweater over his head.

I was grateful that no one seemed upset by who had been named godparents as everyone made us line up so that they could read the front of our sweaters. Instead, everyone spent the rest of the evening congratulating Victoire and Teddy, teasing the adults about getting old, and sharing in the excitement.

"So, I didn't even think about the fact that you two are keeping this a secret," I mumbled to Vic at one point, "But I have a solution for the sweaters."

"You just want to wear yours out," She teased, but she looked immensely pleased by my words.

"I do," I agreed, before waving my wand at my sweater.

"Why did you make it look like a Weasley sweater?" Teddy asked, his brow furrowed as he stood on his tiptoes to get a better glimpse (which was wholly unnecessary, considering he was the tallest person in the room).

"It…doesn't," James said, giving our older brother a concerned look.

"Yeah, mate, have you been out of school for that long? I can re-teach you your letters, if you'd like," Levi teased, probably having already guessed what I had done, given that he was a dab hand at charms himself.

I laughed. "It's a charm. Now only the people that I choose to allow to see my sweater for what it actually says can. Here, Ted, now you should be able to see it properly. Sorry, I made you my guinea pig, just so that I could make sure that the spell would work. I can do everyone else's as well."

Soon our sweaters were all charmed so that we could wear them out in public. Grandma Molly was thrilled, happily declaring that she would only take hers off to wash it. Vic seemed endlessly pleased with the joy in the room, laughing merrily when our grandmother pressed kisses to her cheeks until mum laughing told her to leave Vic be. Teddy was talking to anyone that would hold still about the books he had been reading and the themes that he and his wife were considering for the nursery.

As I watched everyone debating gender and discussing potential names, I found myself trying to commit the day to memory. Later, I would draw things out, tucking the drawing into the mess of parchment that surrounded my bed, where no one but my family would know what the scene really depicted.

"Stop it," Freddy mumbled as he came to stand at my side.

I threw him a confused look over my shoulder. "Stop what?"

"Looking like you think this may be your last Christmas. You'll get more, Nix. I know you will. So stop looking like you think this is it and go try to get Levi to guess the gender, since we all know he'll be right."

"If Teddy and Vic don't want to know, then I won't ask," I responded primly, ignoring the first part of his demand, though he had a point. The only way that I could waste the time that I had left was to spend it acting like I was already gone.

Freddy seemed to take my avoidance as the compliance that it was, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as we watched Molly pull her wand on Levi, who was holding his hands up in surrender and trying to hide behind an unsympathetic Uncle Ron.


The portkey to Jay's grandparents' took me to a stunning mansion-"the big house", as Jay called it. It had a wrap-around porch that was covered in furniture that I suspected his grandad had made by hand. He was a big fan of carpentry. The mansion was white, four stories, and incredibly detailed. The marble columns that held up the roof over the porch were intricately carved with all sorts of flowering vines. I suspected that Jay could probably name all of them.

Flora came running down the stairs to meet me, her thin frame packing a surprisingly strong grip as she wrapped her arms around me. When she pulled back, she scooped Circe up and cuddled her to her chest. I suspected that I wouldn't be seeing much of my cat for the next few days, as Circe liked Flora as much as she did me and hardly ever saw the woman.

Flora was very tall, at least a foot taller than me, and her grey hair was cut into a pixie cut. Her face bore lines that made it clear that she had spent her years laughing. I thought that she was incredibly beautiful.

Jack was a few inches shorter than his wife and stocky. He had a rasping sort of laugh and an unexpectedly deep voice. Sometimes, when he spoke very quickly, his accent was almost too thick for me to understand him. He proudly pulled me aside to look at the rocking chairs that he had just finished polishing, ignoring Flora's protests that he at least let me set down my things. When I told him that I liked them, he gave me a wink and said he'd be sure to make me a set when Jay and I got a place of our own. I tried not to let the sadness that the words created in me show as he led me inside.

Jay was bent over a bowl of cookie dough, looking incredibly concentrated as he counted chocolate chips into the mixture. It was obvious that he didn't even know that I was here.

"The recipe calls for 101 chips, so he stands there and counts them out every time," Jack said, shaking his head with a fond grin. "You can go surprise him, if you'd like."

"That's okay," I said with a small smile, being sure to keep my voice low. "I can wait until he's done. I don't want to make him lose count."

"Sweet girl," Flora commented, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

Jay glanced up after another few seconds, his face breaking into a delighted grin as he jogged across the room to pick me up in a hug.

"Hello, Marigold," He said, pressing a kiss to my nose. He had flour on his cheeks. "I didn't know that you were here already!"

"You were focused," I explained, dusting the white powder off of his face with what was probably an adoring grin. "I didn't want to interrupt."

"Come here for a second," He said, his smile still blinding as he pulled me across the kitchen by my hand. "Close your eyes and open your mouth."

I did as he asked, not expecting him to drop chips into my mouth. At first I thought that they were chocolate, nearly crinkling my nose up in distaste before I recognized the amazing taste that was melting in my mouth.

"Are these cinnamon?" I asked delightedly, opening my eyes to grin at him.

"Grandad makes them," He said with a nod.

"These are amazing!" I gushed, giving the man a brilliant grin over my shoulder. "Cinnamon is my favorite!"

Jack blushed, thanking me in a slightly gruff voice, though I could tell that my praise had pleased him.

Oliver and Alicia were in town running errands, but they arrived soon after I did. I was fully anticipating the chaser vs keeper scrimmage that we were immediately pulled into, though I wasn't expecting the praise that Jack and Flora poured on me when we returned to the ground. They had apparently both been good enough to play professionally in their youth, but Flora chose to pursue healing and Jack broke his wrist badly enough during his very first pro match that not even magic had been able to heal it properly. Luckily, he claimed, it had put him under the watch of the pretty healer that he had had a crush on since his first year at Hogwarts, to which Flora blushed furiously and swatted at his arm while hiding a pleased grin.

Despite going pro not working out for either one of them, they had been the ones to teach Oliver everything he knew, as neither had ever lost their passion for the sport. Flora had played beater for Ravenclaw, while Jack had been Gryffindor's prized keeper. Both claimed that the way I played was something special.

Jay showed me to the room that I would be staying in after we finished our match, ducking into his room to grab my gift as we went. My room was lovely, with deep blue bedding and light grey walls. I had an amazing view of the stables below, where Jack and Flora raised Abraxan horses.

"What do you think?" Jay asked as I stood before the windows, and a glance over my shoulder found him looking slightly anxious for my response.

"I can see why you love it here," I said, the words completely honest. "It's beautiful. Thank you for inviting me."

He grinned, coming to sit on the edge of my bed before patting the spot next to him.

"I want to give you your gift first," I demanded as I sat down.

He laughed. "Alright. I won't object."

"Anniversary," I said, as we had both Christmas and anniversary gifts to exchange. Even my dislike of our anniversary's placement couldn't dampen my excitement to give him the gift.

Bouncing slightly with eagerness, I passed him the gift, which was wrapped in iridescent silver paper. He grinned at my excitement before slowly peeling back the paper, folding it and setting it aside before he glanced at the scrapbook.

His gasp when he opened the first page and found the drawing that I had done of him during his Quidditch tryout during my first year had my heart racing. He remained very quiet as he flipped through each page, hardly seeming to notice the way that I was vibrating with anxiousness as I waited for his response.

Finally, he glanced up, his eyes full of tears, and mumbled, "Well, that blows my gift completely out of the water."

I didn't even have a chance to respond before he was kissing me, his cheeks damp under my fingers as I kissed him back.

"I love it, Marigold. Thank you so much," He said as he leaned back. The look in his eyes told me that he understood that the gift was partially inspired by my conviction that I was going to die, something that I hadn't planned on him picking up on, though I should have anticipated as much. Rather than address it, he looked back at the last picture, which was just a sketch of him grinning on the Astronomy tower. "Is this really how you see me?"

I traced the sharp line of his cheekbones with my hand before doing the same with the sketch that he held. "Yes. Is it not how you see yourself?"

He offered me a slightly sheepish grin. "I look…no, this isn't how I see myself. It's really, really nice to know that you see me this way, though."

I laughed, not really sure what he meant by the words, but understanding that he was flattered by the drawings. He grinned when I leaned into his side, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pressing a kiss to the top of my head in response.

For Christmas, I had purchased him a new pair of socks, as his favorite pair had just worn out. It was a more simple gift, but Jay was really particular about the texture of his socks, so I knew that he would appreciate the gesture.

With a slightly apologetic grin, he handed me a marigold plant. He seemed incredibly pleased when I thanked him profusely, for I absolutely adored the plants and never wanted him to stop giving them to me. He then passed me a box, which contained a small marigold charm for my necklace-my anniversary gift from him. I didn't think that it was anything less than wonderful, and I made sure to tell him so. After that, he passed me a very thick, incredibly heavy package.

I pulled the paper off with almost as much care as Jay, passing it to him as I grinned at the stack of twine-bound books. The top one read The Art of Swordfighting. The others were about anything from rare mythology to…

"Beetles?" I gasped, smacking his arm harmlessly as he roared with laughter. "You got me a book about beetles?"

Jay was laughing too hard to respond, his hands holding his stomach as he lay back against the comforter and absolutely lost it. I grinned at the sight, my own laughter ringing through the room as I poked my fingers into his side and watched him jump. It took only a few minutes before he had turned the tables, pinning me down and tickling me until I was crying.

"You know," He said with a chuckle as he finally let me go, "You never told me who won that fight between you and Lucy."

I groaned, still flat on my back as I tried to catch my breath after his assault. "Believe it or not, I hold my own rather well when I'm not up against a six-foot tall Quidditch Captain."

Jay laughed, hauling me upright and pressing a kiss to my cheek. "Well, make sure you don't start any fights with Ben, then."

"I was talking about you," I rolled my eyes, sticking my tongue out at him as he climbed to his feet.

"Ah, but I'm not six feet tall," He said with a teasing grin, holding a finger up as I turned to look at him incredulously.

"Taller or shorter?" I demanded, to which his smile only broadened. He backed away with a playful glint in his eyes as I shoved myself off the bed, following him across the room as I asked again, "Taller or shorter?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He teased, laughing as I fired a harmless hex at him in response.

"Jay Wood, you tell me right now!" I whined, groaning as he took off running. As I chased him down the hallway, I continued to fire benign spells at him. All of the adults laughed as we burst into the room, with Jay running to crouch behind his gran as I held my wand aloft threateningly.

Jack gave his grandson, who was glowing softly and sporting a rather impressive set of antlers, a once over. "Always did like a woman who could hold her own," He chuckled approvingly.

There was at least one dish that contained cinnamon at every meal, which was incredibly touching. I finally got to try Flora's famous cinnamon rolls at breakfast on our second day. They were, as Jay had claimed on more than one occasion, the best cinnamon rolls in the world.

Jack was always tinkering or crafting something, and seemed incredibly pleased when I went out to sit in his shop with him, painting the pot for my newest marigold plant while he built Flora a new coffee table. He told me that he'd like to have me paint something that he crafted at some point in the future, grinning when I suggested that maybe we could work together to make something for Flora's birthday the next time that I came over.

While we were out feeding the Abraxans on my third day in Scotland, I told Jay about the book that my Uncle Ron had mentioned.

"Maybe Scorpius's dad knows what happened to it?" He suggested.

I bounced excitedly in place at the prospect. "That's an amazing idea! I can't believe I didn't think about asking him."

"You've been busy," He said, pulling me closer to him and wrapping his arms around me. "You can use Quaffle to owl him about it when we get back inside."

Jay didn't miss the wince on my face at his words. At his questioning glance, I mumbled, "It's probably not something that I should bring up in a letter. Aunt Hermione is okay with it now, but I don't know if Mr. Malfoy is. It had to be pretty traumatizing, after all."

"Why would having your dad, Aunt Hermione, and Uncle Ron brought to his house be traumatizing for him? Did Voldemort do something to the Malfoys after they escaped?"

Sometimes I forgot that the entire world didn't even know half of what my father and his best friends went through during the war. I blinked at Jay for a minute, trying to figure out how to tell him what had happened to my Aunt Hermione while he grew visibly more concerned by the second.

"My Aunt Hermione had the sword of Gryffindor on her when the snatchers took her," I explained to Jay, my voice soft. "It was supposed to be in Bellatrix's vault. She tortured her with the cruciatus curse to find out how she had gotten it. Aunt Hermione always wears long sleeves because she has the m word carved into her arm because of that night."

Jay's eyes were wide with absolute horror as he stared at me, clearly unable to formulate a response. Finally, he said, "Your family is made up of some of the strongest people that I've ever met. I agree that writing about that night in a letter probably isn't the best idea."

I nodded, then sighed. "The next time that I'll see the Malfoys longer than in passing is probably going to be Easter, though."

"We'll figure it out, Marigold," Jay promised. I nodded, trying not to look too disappointed. "Now, are you going to explain why your sweater says godmother on it, or am I just going to have to keep guessing? My mother asked me why your grandma changed the color of your Weasley sweater, so I'm assuming it's a secret?"

"Oh!" I gasped, having completely forgotten that I had been given permission to tell Jay about my future godchild. I was lucky that he was as perceptive and clever as he was, or I'd have really let the cat out of the bag. "It is a secret! Only you and a few other people are allowed to know outside of the family right now, though your parents will probably be told soon enough. Teddy and Victoire are going to have a baby! And they asked me to be the godmother!"

Jay laughed, giving me a bright grin as I hopped about excitedly. He began talking about how he needed to write them his congratulations when we got back inside, clearly as happy for the couple as I was.

After a few minutes of happy planning, he turned to look at me. "I'm really glad that you accepted, Marigold. I'm going to make sure that you get to be that kid's godmother for a really, really long time, okay?"

He was the only person in the world who could actually manage such a feat, but I would never let him know that. Instead, I leaned up to press a kiss to his lips.

"Oh, I found out what Lily and Ali want to study," I said as we both leaned back a bit. "They want to focus on the mind, particularly when it comes to combining muggle and magical practices. They're apparently kind of private about it, so hopefully that doesn't affect your plans any."

To my relief, Jay's face completely lit up. "Phoenix, that's perfect. I've been working with a Healer since I was little-there were a bunch that wanted to study my memory, but he was the only one who treated me like a person rather than a lab subject, so I stuck with him-and I was going to just have him recommend someone for the girls to talk to about healing, depending on their area of interest, but Dr. Lewis has a muggle doctorate as well as his healing training, so he's actually perfect. If you want to ask Lily if she's okay with me passing their contact information along to him, I brought up my plans with him when I went to see him at the beginning of the break and he loved the idea of setting something up for them, so I know he's going to be thrilled that they're interested in his field. Dr. Lewis takes on apprentices all the time because he loves teaching almost as much as he loves research and healing. They can probably write him every couple of weeks or so with questions and maybe see about setting up a few days over the summer to shadow him."

I cut my boyfriend off by grabbing his cheeks gently and pressing my lips to his. He was beaming when I pulled back just far enough to avoid shouting in his face due to my eagerness. "Jay, that's so perfect. Lily is going to flip. Thank you so much for doing all of this; I genuinely can't tell you what it means to me, let alone to my sister. She and Ali are going to be amazing, Jay-bird. The way that she talks about all of these ideas that they have make it so clear that they're going to change the world."

"Thank you for asking me to help you, Phoe. I know that asking for help isn't your favorite thing to do, but it means a lot to the people that you care about when you do it," Jay responded, fingers fidgeting with the end of the simple braid that I had taken to wearing the past few days because I knew that he liked the hairstyle.

I tried to bite back a grimace, though the brief amusement that flashed across his face told me that I had probably done a poor job of it. Though I knew exactly what I wanted to say, I struggled with finding the proper words for it. To my relief, Jay seemed content to listen as I fumbled through an attempt at explaining my feelings to him. "It's…not, you're right, but I've been trying to get better about it. Mum has always said that we're all guilty of taking after dad in that we like to try and do everything on our own. I feel…bad, I guess, when I ask people for help, because it feels like I'm burdening them. I'm trying really hard to at least give on smaller things, but this was a big one for me, and I definitely couldn't have come up with something even half as incredible as what you did, so thank you. Really, Jay, thank you."

"I know that you don't believe that there's anything that can be done to change what you think is your fate," Jay said, the expression that he wore making it clear how it pained him to say the words, "But I also know that you want to live. I know that, Phoenix. I honestly don't understand why you think that you won't, though I won't tell you that you're wrong for feeling that way. I just hope that you can understand that for all you are convinced you can't be saved, I'm convinced that you can. I would do anything for you. We will figure this out. Okay?"

It took everything in me not to simply agree, to give in and spend my time hunting for a way to save myself. The problem was that I was there when the gods told me the prophecy. When I had asked them if I must die, they had confirmed that my heart would be weighed-something that was only done in death. Mum had always argued that prophecies did not have to mean anything, or at least mean their worst interpretation, but dad said that it was better to be aware of how others were interpreting it, for their actions and responses were the ones that you weren't in control of. If the gods believed that I had to die, then I didn't see any other way around it. To spend my time hunting for a different ending would be to waste time that I could have been searching for the means to stop Hastings. All that I could do was accept my fate.

Jay must have seen my response spelled out on my face, for the light in his eyes dimmed just a bit. It hurt so badly to know that I had caused such a reaction that I found myself desperately attempting to shake off some of the deep sadness that frequently overtook me when I contemplated my future.

"I do want to live," I told him, fingers still gripping his cheeks lightly, "And whether I get to do that for one hundred years or one, I want to live. I may not agree with you, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to sit around and wait to die. Can we just…can we agree that we don't agree and pretend that the prophecy doesn't exist at all, just for a little while?"

Jay gave me a soft smile, tracing the sharp cut of my jawline with the back of his index finger. I loved him so much that it was almost incomprehensible. Trying to quantify just how much love I held for him felt a bit like attempting to fully grasp the endless expanse of the universe-it wasn't really possible, but sometimes it was nice to give it my best attempt.

"Only if you're the one to feed the Abraxans," He said, the unexpectedness of his request making me let out a surprised giggle. The smile on his face grew at the sound. "Someone has to take pictures, after all."

"Pictures?" I laughed. "With what?"

A wave of his wand revealed a strap wrapped around his neck, which he reached up and pulled on until the camera that had been resting against his back came into view.

"Did you just decide to have that on hand?" I was nearly breathless with laughter at the out of the blue reveal.

He shrugged, looking incredibly pleased with my response, and then lifted the camera up to snap a picture of me without warning. Though I couldn't see his face behind the device, I knew that he was grinning. "I'm full of surprises."

"Apparently."

The horses were huge, scattering the low-lying mist each time that they stomped their feet. I was amused to learn that Jay was slightly afraid of them, despite having grown up around them. They were as sweet as they were large, though I had heard people say that Abraxans could be temperamental.

After we finished feeding them, I asked if we could walk to the lake that I could see from my room. The walk was several kilometers long and hilly, but there was only a bit of snow on the ground and we had cast warming charms on ourselves before we left. I enjoyed the way the fog settled around the rolling hills, as well as the clean smell of the air as we walked along.

"The lake is almost pretty," I said, still not completely won over by any body of water, but not finding anything besides the obvious to dislike about the deep blue stretch of water.

Jay laughed. "That's a loch, my love. And it's beautiful."

I giggled at his loyalty to the body of water that I doubted he had ever even set foot in, wrapping my arms around his waist while we stared out at the water. The walk back was a bit colder than the walk there, but Jay tugged me into his side and distracted me with stories of spending part of his youth on the grounds until we were at the house.

When we made it back inside, Jack was pulling a loaf of rosemary bread out of the oven, made with the herb that his wife had grown in their expansive garden. As we ate warm pieces of the bread with butter that they had purchased at the local market, I thought that I never wanted to leave the big house and its kind-hearted inhabitants.


The sun was already low in the sky when I reached Uncle George and Aunt Angelina's new home. They let me in with a few absent-minded greetings, their thoughts clearly with their son, who was undoubtedly already locked up in the room upstairs.

Roxy gave me a small hug when I wrapped my arms around her, though she didn't get up from her chair to greet me the way that I was expecting.

"You okay?" I whispered.

She nodded, but I was unconvinced. Still, I knew that Freddy's transformation would begin soon, so I had little time to chat with Roxy. She was probably bothered by the thought of what her brother would be going through, as she was normally across a castle from the event, not close enough to feel the stress and fear that I knew was pouring off of him. I pressed a kiss to the side of her head, giving her shoulder a squeeze before I climbed the stairs two at a time.

After about half an hour, the knock sounded against the door, the familiar series of four taps, followed by a pause, and then finished by another two taps that let me know that Freddy was still himself.

I flicked my wand at the door, removing the wards before I crawled into the room. Freddy was curled up in the far corner, looking for all intents and purposes like a very large, deep brown wolf. His golden eyes tracked my movement as I crossed the room to him. Werewolves looked different when they did not take wolfsbane, lanky and a strange mixture of wolf and man. On wolfsbane, however, they just looked like a huge wolf.

I curled up against Freddy's side, locking the door with a flick of my wand before silencing it. Sticking my hand into my bag, I summoned the large blanket that I had knitted specifically for his wolf and covered him up with it. Then, as I always did on the full moon, I tipped my head back against him and sang. I didn't stop until his breathing evened out, his massive head resting against my shoulder as he fell asleep. While he rested, I watched the moon climb slowly through the sky, never once succumbing to the sleep that called to me. His nightmares were worse on the full moon, so I always stayed awake in order to guard him from them.


The next morning, Freddy accepted the pain potion that I gave him before making his way to his room, eager for a shower. I folded the blanket back up, tucking it into my bag for the next moon. When I glanced back up, I was surprised to see Roxy standing in the doorway, still looking just as upset as she had the night before.

"Hey," I greeted, holding out an arm for her. "Come here and talk to me."

Roxy moved across the room to my side quickly, dropping her head down to rest against my shoulder.

"What's going on?" I asked her softly, knowing that Freddy would be able to hear us if we spoke too loudly.

She let out a small sigh. "You're my brother's person, you know? I'm so, so glad that he has you, especially through all of this. I don't want you to think that this is in any way directed at you, because it's not. I just...I don't know who else to talk to about this besides you. I'm glad that Fred has you, but I feel so guilty because he should have me. I may be Fred's twin, but I do a pretty terrible job of even being his sister. We're hardly close, but I don't even know how to fix that. I can feel how horrible this is for him, but there's nothing that I can really do about it. He doesn't want to confide in me, you know?"

"I get it," I admitted, rubbing my thumb against her shoulder as I spoke. "I feel that way about James a lot, honestly. I wonder why being with James feels like being with Teddy, but being with Freddy feels like breathing."

"I wish that it had been us, sometimes," She told me, her voice cracking slightly at the confession. "You and me."

"I can't explain why it isn't."

"I know."

"I love you so much, Roxy. I really hope that you know that. We have so many people that sometimes it's hard to keep track of who we consider best friends and who we don't. There's a lot of people that I call my best friend, but I really mean it when I tell you that you're one of mine. With Freddy, it's just that...I can't imagine life without either Jay or Freddy. I would feel incomplete. And that's not to say that I can imagine losing you, because I can't. It's just that they're a crucial part of my ability to function. The feelings that I feel for each of them are different, obviously, but I feel like they're the pillars that hold up...me, I suppose."

Roxy wrapped her arms around me. When she spoke again, there was something hesitant and a touch angry in her tone. "Did someone hurt you, Phoenix?"

I turned to her, trying to keep my alarm from showing on my face. I knew that she still picked up on it. "What?"

"Come on, Phoe. For every bit that you and my brother are sneaky, I am observant. I've known that something has been going on with you for ages. You know that. At first, I assumed that you were, quite understandably, just traumatized by the attack on Hogwarts. You know that I know more happened on that night than you're letting on. Now, though, I don't think that that's it. You don't have to talk about it with me. I know that you have Fred and Jay. I made the mistake of being insecure about our friendship once and you made it clear to me that I was wrong to be so. I'm okay with not being your confidant, so long as you have someone to confide in. If someone hurt you, though, I will ruin them," She told me very calmly. "Don't forget where the hat wanted to place me. I can't duel to save my life, but if someone did something to you, I will use everything that I have on them to take them down. I'll even call in a favor with Ben to really cement it."

"I believe you," I told her, her words serving to remind me why I wasn't telling her my secrets even as she set out to reassure me that she had my back. It was an interesting, guilt-inducing conundrum. "Thank you."

"Of course," She said brightly, as though she hadn't just finished threatening to ruin someone's life. "We Slytherin gals have to stick together!"

I laughed despite myself. "We're Gryffs, Pop-Rox."

She giggled as well. "Oh no, birdy. We're better."

We set off in search of breakfast after that. Though the table was laden with food, we were surprised to find the house empty. A quick glance outside told us why that was.

"Oh no," I whined as Roxy tugged me outside.

The snowball fight lasted a whopping three hours, with Aunt Angie pausing the game repeatedly to cast heating charms on everyone and Freddy refusing to let me retreat inside. He charmed the big tree in the yard to drop a massive load of snow onto his parents' heads, which earned him a blinding grin of pure pride from his father. His responding smile brought tears to my eyes, for he was finally receiving the affection that he had always craved from his father at a time when he needed it most.


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