This is kind of a long chapter. I had no idea what to title this chapter since a lot happens. It's angst filled by the way. I tried my hardest on this one. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 10: Hysterics
Ryou sat uncomfortably beside Bakura in the taxi. The silent Yami just sat there beside him with his arms folded across his chest and looked out the window.
It was Ryou's first day out of the hospital and he felt pretty edgy. Who knew how Bakura was going to treat him once they got back to the house? He hadn't entered the room again since that first time and he had even waited outside the hospital for him and had let the nurses guide him out.
The cab pulled over to their house and Bakura got out as soon as he paid the driver. Ryou edged his way out and concealed a wince when he accidentally hit his broken arm on the door. Bakura didn't seem to notice.
The two walked next to each other in silence as they walked into the house. Bakura immediately went up the stairs to go into his room and left Ryou standing at the bottom of the stairs by himself. A few seconds later he heard a door close and that was it.
Taking a deep breath Ryou slowly walked up the stairs. It was hard to do with a broken arm, wounded leg, and a stitch in the stomach. Every step shot pain up his body.
At last making it up the stairs Ryou painfully walked to Bakura's door. He stood there for a minute or so until he finally took a folded up piece of paper and slipped it under the door.
Walking away he went to the bathroom. In there he had a secret that would take away all the pain.
Bakura sighed as he lay down on his bed. With Ryou being in his current state he would be very limited to do things but out of his fear he would try to do his chores anyway. Of course Bakura didn't want to see his hikari go through all that trouble, but once again, the reputation was at stake...
There was a slight shuffle outside the door. Bakura lifted himself up on his elbows and looked at the door. For a few moments there were no sounds but then he saw a small folded paper come from beneath the door and then the shuffling moved away.
Standing up he went over and picked up the paper. Sitting on the floor Bakura opened it and looked what was written on the inside.
To my Yami,
I am currently writing this at night in my hospital bed. I hope you read this very carefully.
I know I am a bother to you and that you wish I could be stronger. I also know how weak I am and how many times I fail to please you. Know that I do try my hardest and want to be stronger, but I am sorry to say that I cannot. I apologize deeply for being such a failure.
As another apology, I am sorry that I said I hated you. In truth, I do hate some bits about you, but you are my Yami and cannot completely hate you. Just like I know you don't hate me because I am your hikari.
I am sorry to not tell you all this in person, but it has to be this way. Tell my friends that I am truly sorry and not to feel bad. Thank you, Bakura.
With All Respect,
Ryou
P.S (Don't blame yourself.)
"Don't blame myself?" Bakura read aloud from the note. The note confused him deeply. What was Ryou talking about?
As is to almost answer his question there was a sharp pain coming from somewhere in his body. Clutching his chest tightly Bakura winced deeply. It felt like it was coming from his mind, heart, and soul. What was going on?
A thought struck Bakura. It was sudden, but he knew what was going on. He could feel it.
The next second he found himself at the bathroom door. The next second he had used his shoulder to ram down the door with all his strength.
Kneeling on the floor was a surprised Ryou. His eyes were wide and he tried to hide the mess on the floor.
There were bottles of pills lying on the floor, luckily unopened. There was a sharp kitchen knife on the ground beside him and it already had a few blood marks staining the blade. Lying on some toilet paper were some heroin filled needles. One of them was still in Ryou's hands.
Dashing to his hikara Bakura snatched the needle out of his hands and shouted, "What in the world do you think you're doing!?"
"Give it back!" Ryou shouted and tried to snatch it back but failed.
Tossing the needle aside Bakura grabbed the boy by the shoulders and asked, "What in Ra's name are you doing?!"
"Leave me along, Bakura!" Ryou said hysterically and frantically reached out to the dagger.
Roughly grabbing his hands Bakura pressed them together and then held his struggling hikari tightly against him as he said, "Don't you dare try to kill yourself!"
Ryou tried pounding his fists against Bakura and kept on struggling as he said angrily, "And why shouldn't I? My life is nothing but darkness."
Holding him with all his strength Bakura said, "There is light in everything, Ryou! You can't just give it up so easily!"
"And what would you know about it?" he asked him with more hysterics in his angry voice. "You're the one who hates me!"
"I don't hate you!"
The hikari stopped struggling for a moment.
"What do you mean? I know you hate for everything I am."
Lifting Ryou's face with one hand Bakura said quietly, "You might believe I hate you, but I don't. I never have and never will. All I have done to you is just so it wouldn't damage my reputation."
Stinging tears formed in his hikari's eyes as he said, "If you cared about me so much then you wouldn't have done all those things to me."
One of Bakura's hands squeezed Ryou's arm tightly. He took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"Ryou, do you remember what I told you when I was on those pills?"
"No," Ryou said quickly. "I can't remember."
"Well I know what I said. I remember it clearly. You might have thought I was on the medication when I told you those three words, but I wasn't."
Ryou's eyes widened and a few tears escaped his eyes. "What are you talking about?"
Bakura's grip on him tightened but his eyes softened as he said in a whisper, "I knew what I said. I was on the medication for some time, but then I saw you through the darkness that clouded my vision. You were so kind and seemed to have a light around you as we held each other. I thought I was dreaming of heaven. I wanted to show you all my bottled up emotions, so I kissed you. Then I told you that I loved you. Do you know why?"
More tears escaped Ryou's eyes. "You didn't mean anything, you were on medications..."
"I told you that because I do. I love you, Ryou."
The boy burst into another string of hysterics.
"You don't mean that! I know you don't! You hate me!" He reached out for the dagger again and said angrily, "There is still nothing you can say or do to stop me!"
Bakura grabbed his hands again and before he could reach the dagger and said, "I know something that will stop you."
"Oh? And what is that?"
Bakura pressed his mouth against Ryou's.
The kiss was rough and Ryou could barely breath. Bakura's hands gripped onto his hikari's arms so tightly that there would surely be bruises there. His lips were pressing themselves tighter against his every second so that Ryou couldn't pull away.
At long last he gave out a low moan that meant he had to breath. Bakura released his grip on Ryou, who trembled for a few moments before he broke down in sobs and cried into his Yami's shirt. He was shocked at the reaction and hesitated before putting his arms around him for comfort.
As his head nestled into the hikari's snow white hair Bakura felt something wet on his own cheeks as well.
Bakura quietly watched the boy sleep. He had cried himself to sleep and the Yami had to carry him to bed. There were bandages on his arms from the cuts he given himself before he had barged in. He had also seen the dark bruises he given him from holding him so tightly...
Shaking off the feeling he sighed sadly. Ryou had cried because he had kissed him and was crying when he confessed of his hidden love for him.
That could only mean one thing:
Ryou didn't love him.
Chapter 10: Hysterics
Ryou sat uncomfortably beside Bakura in the taxi. The silent Yami just sat there beside him with his arms folded across his chest and looked out the window.
It was Ryou's first day out of the hospital and he felt pretty edgy. Who knew how Bakura was going to treat him once they got back to the house? He hadn't entered the room again since that first time and he had even waited outside the hospital for him and had let the nurses guide him out.
The cab pulled over to their house and Bakura got out as soon as he paid the driver. Ryou edged his way out and concealed a wince when he accidentally hit his broken arm on the door. Bakura didn't seem to notice.
The two walked next to each other in silence as they walked into the house. Bakura immediately went up the stairs to go into his room and left Ryou standing at the bottom of the stairs by himself. A few seconds later he heard a door close and that was it.
Taking a deep breath Ryou slowly walked up the stairs. It was hard to do with a broken arm, wounded leg, and a stitch in the stomach. Every step shot pain up his body.
At last making it up the stairs Ryou painfully walked to Bakura's door. He stood there for a minute or so until he finally took a folded up piece of paper and slipped it under the door.
Walking away he went to the bathroom. In there he had a secret that would take away all the pain.
Bakura sighed as he lay down on his bed. With Ryou being in his current state he would be very limited to do things but out of his fear he would try to do his chores anyway. Of course Bakura didn't want to see his hikari go through all that trouble, but once again, the reputation was at stake...
There was a slight shuffle outside the door. Bakura lifted himself up on his elbows and looked at the door. For a few moments there were no sounds but then he saw a small folded paper come from beneath the door and then the shuffling moved away.
Standing up he went over and picked up the paper. Sitting on the floor Bakura opened it and looked what was written on the inside.
To my Yami,
I am currently writing this at night in my hospital bed. I hope you read this very carefully.
I know I am a bother to you and that you wish I could be stronger. I also know how weak I am and how many times I fail to please you. Know that I do try my hardest and want to be stronger, but I am sorry to say that I cannot. I apologize deeply for being such a failure.
As another apology, I am sorry that I said I hated you. In truth, I do hate some bits about you, but you are my Yami and cannot completely hate you. Just like I know you don't hate me because I am your hikari.
I am sorry to not tell you all this in person, but it has to be this way. Tell my friends that I am truly sorry and not to feel bad. Thank you, Bakura.
With All Respect,
Ryou
P.S (Don't blame yourself.)
"Don't blame myself?" Bakura read aloud from the note. The note confused him deeply. What was Ryou talking about?
As is to almost answer his question there was a sharp pain coming from somewhere in his body. Clutching his chest tightly Bakura winced deeply. It felt like it was coming from his mind, heart, and soul. What was going on?
A thought struck Bakura. It was sudden, but he knew what was going on. He could feel it.
The next second he found himself at the bathroom door. The next second he had used his shoulder to ram down the door with all his strength.
Kneeling on the floor was a surprised Ryou. His eyes were wide and he tried to hide the mess on the floor.
There were bottles of pills lying on the floor, luckily unopened. There was a sharp kitchen knife on the ground beside him and it already had a few blood marks staining the blade. Lying on some toilet paper were some heroin filled needles. One of them was still in Ryou's hands.
Dashing to his hikara Bakura snatched the needle out of his hands and shouted, "What in the world do you think you're doing!?"
"Give it back!" Ryou shouted and tried to snatch it back but failed.
Tossing the needle aside Bakura grabbed the boy by the shoulders and asked, "What in Ra's name are you doing?!"
"Leave me along, Bakura!" Ryou said hysterically and frantically reached out to the dagger.
Roughly grabbing his hands Bakura pressed them together and then held his struggling hikari tightly against him as he said, "Don't you dare try to kill yourself!"
Ryou tried pounding his fists against Bakura and kept on struggling as he said angrily, "And why shouldn't I? My life is nothing but darkness."
Holding him with all his strength Bakura said, "There is light in everything, Ryou! You can't just give it up so easily!"
"And what would you know about it?" he asked him with more hysterics in his angry voice. "You're the one who hates me!"
"I don't hate you!"
The hikari stopped struggling for a moment.
"What do you mean? I know you hate for everything I am."
Lifting Ryou's face with one hand Bakura said quietly, "You might believe I hate you, but I don't. I never have and never will. All I have done to you is just so it wouldn't damage my reputation."
Stinging tears formed in his hikari's eyes as he said, "If you cared about me so much then you wouldn't have done all those things to me."
One of Bakura's hands squeezed Ryou's arm tightly. He took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"Ryou, do you remember what I told you when I was on those pills?"
"No," Ryou said quickly. "I can't remember."
"Well I know what I said. I remember it clearly. You might have thought I was on the medication when I told you those three words, but I wasn't."
Ryou's eyes widened and a few tears escaped his eyes. "What are you talking about?"
Bakura's grip on him tightened but his eyes softened as he said in a whisper, "I knew what I said. I was on the medication for some time, but then I saw you through the darkness that clouded my vision. You were so kind and seemed to have a light around you as we held each other. I thought I was dreaming of heaven. I wanted to show you all my bottled up emotions, so I kissed you. Then I told you that I loved you. Do you know why?"
More tears escaped Ryou's eyes. "You didn't mean anything, you were on medications..."
"I told you that because I do. I love you, Ryou."
The boy burst into another string of hysterics.
"You don't mean that! I know you don't! You hate me!" He reached out for the dagger again and said angrily, "There is still nothing you can say or do to stop me!"
Bakura grabbed his hands again and before he could reach the dagger and said, "I know something that will stop you."
"Oh? And what is that?"
Bakura pressed his mouth against Ryou's.
The kiss was rough and Ryou could barely breath. Bakura's hands gripped onto his hikari's arms so tightly that there would surely be bruises there. His lips were pressing themselves tighter against his every second so that Ryou couldn't pull away.
At long last he gave out a low moan that meant he had to breath. Bakura released his grip on Ryou, who trembled for a few moments before he broke down in sobs and cried into his Yami's shirt. He was shocked at the reaction and hesitated before putting his arms around him for comfort.
As his head nestled into the hikari's snow white hair Bakura felt something wet on his own cheeks as well.
Bakura quietly watched the boy sleep. He had cried himself to sleep and the Yami had to carry him to bed. There were bandages on his arms from the cuts he given himself before he had barged in. He had also seen the dark bruises he given him from holding him so tightly...
Shaking off the feeling he sighed sadly. Ryou had cried because he had kissed him and was crying when he confessed of his hidden love for him.
That could only mean one thing:
Ryou didn't love him.
