I apologize for not updating in a while. I have been sick with some form of strep throat. Gah. Not fun at all. On the other hand I am missing school...*evil grin* Ok, it's also because I'm really lazy, but we'll ignore that for now. ^_~

Anyways, thanks to all my reviewers! Your feedback is very much appreciated. Plus, I have never gotten this many reviews for only two chapters...^_^

Disclaimer: I do not own Nightmare on Elmstreet. Sigh. Or anything else (except original characters, which won't appear too often.) I also do not own Maeve. Nor do I own "Pirates of the Caribbean" All the more reason I hate my life.

Alright ladies and gents, today's torture device...I mean, chapter, is on...Freddy, dealing with...crossovers. I'm not so sure how well it'll turn out, but I am going to try. I am not that good with Jack Sparrow...I mean...CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow's 'language' so other than the occasional 'savvy' and quotes, I am not even going to bother.

Warning: This could be bad. But still, no flames.

Also:

*italics* = Jack/Norrington 'speaking in his mind' (You'll see what I mean soon enough)

italics=Freddy 'speaking'

Freddy vs. Fanfiction

Frankie...I mean, Freddy, Goes to Hollywood

*Bad, bad attempt at 80s reference. I don't know why I even named the chapter this, seeing as it has nothing to do with the actual content. *shrugs*

Last we left Freddy, he was attempting to assassinate his Pentium 3 Processor. Clearly, the machine didn't like being hit. And so she bit back. Amid swirling colors, Freddy found himself being lift up into the air, and thrown back down upon the ground.

Freddy checked his surroundings to find he had gone back in time, or so it appeared. The street he was on was completely surrounded by odd looking buildings and other strange structure. The men, it seemed, wore...tights, or some other version of spandex.

What is this? The poor man's version of the 80s?

But that couldn't be the case, he decided, looking at the women, whores, no doubt. Oh they were garbed in dresses, to be sure, but most of these dresses were cut to expose...a little more skin than was needed.

As much as the thought turned him on, Freddy had learned all too well from his past experiences.

"There ye are Captain!" A voice called out from behind him. What? Was he talking to Freddy? It was at this moment, Freddy decided to look down. What the f*&^? Those weren't his shoes, they were black boots. And, come to think about it, his pant material definitely felt off.

Absentmindedly, he felt the air beside his head (for no apparent reason) and discovered that..."I have hair!" He covered his mouth with his hand, as he recognized the voice as not his own. It was slightly slurred, and held some what of an accent. "Indeed you do, Captain." Freddy whirled around to find the man who called out earlier to him giving him an eerie look.

"Where are we?" Freddy tentatively asked. "Tortuga. Jack, are you feelin' alright?" The man called Gibbs questioned. Gibbs? How did Freddy know the man's name? And then the real Jack Sparrow came about.

*What the bloody hell ?*

What the ?

*Tryin' to commandeer me body eh?*

Holy f*&^ing shit. I'm talking to myself.

*No, mate. You're talking to the one, the only Captain Jack Sparrow. And I'll be taking me body back, savvy?*

Suddenly, Freddy felt something shift, and before he knew it, he was shoved to the back of his? mind. Who the hell was Jack Sparrow?

*CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, savvy luv?*

First of all, I'm a f*&%ing nightmare demon, a MALE demon at that. You call me 'luv' again a$$hole, and I'll personally murder you, 'savvy'?

*Murder...Red Rum....hmmm...Rum...*

Is that all you f%$#ing think about? RUM!? What about killing? You have a f%*&ing sword for Satan's sake!

But by then, our beloved Captain had tuned the annoying, enraged dream demon out, in order to go to...where else? A tavern.

Great, now we both get to get piss drunk.

It had been a long while since Freddy got drunk. Not since...high school, he believed. He certainly didn't miss the hangovers.

His attitude changed, when he observed all the drunken women, hanging onto the just as drunk as the women.

*Tortuga, any man's paradise. Unless he's a eunuch. You're not a eunuch, are you?*

WTF is a 'eunuch' ?

*Never mind*

Freddy grinned as a blond, busty young women approached.

*Computer's POV, whose name happens to be Maeve ^_~*

WHAT?!? NO! That bastard can't be happy! Must...torture...must...HAUNT!!!

MUHAHAHAHAAHH!!!

She *smirked* (Well, ok. So computers can't smirk in reality. But this ain't reality. So you know what? The more insane, the better) as an idea came to mind, one that would surely put him in his place...

*Meanwhile*

Things between Freddy, Jack, and the whore were just starting to heat up, when....

*Magical Poof in which their are more dancing Freddies*

What the f&*( ?

Freddy found himself in another landscape, a more...refined town than Tortuga, so to speak.

*What the-*

Great, I'm in another body, right? Who the hell is it this time, Santa?

*Uh...*

Whilst talking to yet another voice, Freddy looked checked himself out. He looked down to see...he was wearing tights.

*STOCKINGS! Those are STOCKINGS. A respectable man such as myself does not wear tights.*

Respectable man?!? What are you, the Queen of England?

*Firstly, I am a male. Secondly-*

It's called sarcasm a$$hole.

*Secondly, I am COMMODORE Norrington.*

WTF is a commodore?

*Never mind*

And, 'secondly', why the hell are you in tights???

*I AM NOT WEARING TIGHTS!*

At that moment, Elizabeth Turner (having married Will Turner a few months ago) bumped into the Commodore. But our Commodore wasn't exactly in control of himself at the moment. And Elizabeth just happened to be wearing a dress that showed...ahem...a little skin. "WHOA!" Freddy stepped back, eyeing the ample chest. "Nice t*&s." SLAP! Freddy winced as he felt the impact of a hand on his cheek.

"Commodore, I expect better of a gentleman such as yourself. Good day." And with that, Elizabeth turned on her heels and angrily walked away.

*My God, YOU IDIOT! YOU FREAKING PERVERT*

Oh, and you WEREN'T looking at her?

At this point, Freddy felt like committing suicide in this body. After all, his day hadn't exactly been 'perfect', to say the least. While contemplating with himself, Freddy was *shoved* aside by the body's rightful owner.

*There. Now, to sort this mess out...*

With that, Freddy was forced to endure painful hours of which nothing really exciting happened, listening to the dull thoughts of Commodore Norrington. And then the Commodore went back to his home, were Freddy discovered the most horrifying thing.

YOU WEAR MAKE-UP!?!

*Cerimonial purposes, I assure you.*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took so long to get up. But alas, I am a lazy American. *bows head in shame* Anyway, thanks once again to my wonderful reviewers, I really appreciate all of your comments and glad you like the story!

Countdown: Freddy vs. Jason comes out in 2 more days...sweet!