Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8, it's the property of squaresoft. No money has or will exchange hands. Thanx

Well this is the next chapter, thanks sooo much to those people who've been reading and reviewing this and my other stories – I'd name you all but I'm afraid of missing someone out but I'll get round to it eventually. Ok well please continue to review this cause it helps me to write more! Enjoy!

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"If you're not meant to be here than the world would probably be over by now and we'd all currently being tortured for all eternity." His voice soothed and calmed the violent shaking that wracked her body.

"Seifer?" she tried to ask something but she could only manage his name, he was holding her so closely and she couldn't comprehend why he would care about her enough to hold on like he was.

"Shhh." And she did, not thinking about the consequences of her actions and shifted her arms so that they were around him.

She needed to know there was reason for her to be alive and he seemed to understand that need, maybe even share it. He was so warm and strong and she felt so safe – she hadn't expected that anyone could feel safe in his arms, not after the brutality she'd seen him inflict.

But he'd changed, Quistis reasoned that in some way she must have gotten through to him, gotten back to who he used to be when he was younger – back when he'd been talking to her. In a way she realised that had been why she'd always tried to help him at Garden and why it had hurt her so much when he'd become a lapdog for Ultimicia - because she knew the person behind the tough guy façade and even with parts of her memory being repressed by GF's on some level she'd known. But it still didn't really make any sense.

"Why?" she asked, her voice muffled by his chest where her head lay.

Seifer honestly didn't know how he was supposed to answer that, or even what she was referring to; did he mean her parent's actions? Or was it his actions that were in question?

"Because sometimes people will do anything for what they think is right – no matter what they have to put themselves through to achieve their goal." He'd gone with the first option, as the second was too much to contemplate at that moment.

"Yeah but doesn't that just.... It adds to the point that I shouldn't be here at all." She told him, although he had to concentrate on her voice to hear her properly.

"I didn't say that. I was just trying to give you a reason for them using each other, they were trying to bribe the other for the love of a child but what they ended up doing was bringing someone into the world who, whether they knew it or not would ultimately destroy part of an Esthar plot and later help to save time itself. Hell Quis, you even managed to help me give a damn again and I don't think anyone else could have. Rajin and Fujin were just plane scared of me – even after fishing and just hanging out, they were even more... well you know how they are." He hoped he hadn't just sounded like a soppy idiot because he hadn't meant to – it was just all new to him.

"Seifer?" she asked again, only this time she knew exactly what she was saying and looking up at him it made sense.

"Yeah?" he noticed that her tears were gone and in their place left a fragile but hopeful look in her eyes and he half hoped that she would....

"Thank you." She just wondered if it was enough, she didn't know how to explain it but she felt somewhat closer to him and didn't want to loose the contact.

Seifer's lips curled into a small smile, one that she couldn't register properly but there was a reassuring warmth in it that provoked emotions within her heart she'd never felt before, but he didn't give her time to think on it because he pulled her closer to him again and nuzzled his face in her hair.

"It's nothing." He told her, still not letting go and she didn't ask him to. Infact neither mentioned it – afraid that if they did the other would back away in realisation at what they were doing, as long as there were no words they could be simply who they were at that moment and past mistakes had no meaning. They were just two people who needed each other and who, whether they realised it or not were on the verge of something else.

* He was so peaceful when he was sleeping, like he was completely at peace with himself and she hoped that the comfort of oblivion was giving him what he needed. It was a wonder that he'd managed to find sleep at all, but his metal exhaustion had been so great she doubted he had any choice in the matter. She knew she hadn't, a mixture of relief and concern had sent her into a strange sort of deep sleep filled with dreams that ran together and yet meant nothing at all but it seemed that her greatest peace came from watching him sleep and not from the act of slumber itself.

She loved him, deeply and completely and she hated seeing him like he had been the day before, so unsure of who he was and so scared. It was yet another complication in his life that he didn't deserve or need and the only thing she could do was be there for him, with him so that he could be reminded he was never alone.

"Rin?" he muttered as he woke from slumber.

"Yeah?" she whispered sliding back underneath the covers.

"Why is Selphie waving at me?" he asked groggily and Rinoa, who didn't have a clue what he was talking about, sat up again and scanned the room. It was then that she noticed a small bouncing figure jumping up and down and waving through the window at the side of the bed, they'd left the curtains open the night before so that they could fall asleep under the comfort of the stars and now seemed to be paying the inadvertent price for it.

"I think she'd trying to talk to me actually." She told him, waving back at Selphie and mouthing 'what are you doing here?' in the brunettes direction.

"Oh, ok." Came the muffled reply.

"Is it ok if I go talk to her, Squall?" she asked when it became clear that her friend really wanted to see her about something.

"Will you be back?" he asked and she wondered if going to talk to Selphie was a good idea.

"Promise." She told him bending down and kissing him, then she lingered above him until he smiled his permission and fell back to sleep.

* "So." Rinoa said by means of a prompt to her best friend and newly found cousin.

"So?" it was early in the morning and the two young women had left their dozing boyfriends so that they could catch up without nervous or prying men trying to find out what was going on or what they were discussing.

"How's it been going with Irvine?" the sorceress asked with the sort of wicked glint that crept into both their eyes when it came to their other half.

"Pretty good – although sometimes it seems like he's on edge – like there's not enough action here for him and I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Selphie confessed over her steaming hot cup of coffee.

"I'm sure he could come up with a few suggestions." Her friend winked in an effort to lighten the mood that was fast descending on everyone.

"Oh don't worry, there are no problems in 'that' area." She paused to take a sip from the rim of the mug. "I just think he's board here." She admitted slumming back into the comfy chair she was sat in with her legs snugly beneath her.

"Oh come on, the guy's happy anywhere you are. I mean you were up here for all of two days before he applied and was granted a transfer here so he could be with you – and you were only going to be here for two weeks!" Rinoa reminded her and the brunette laughed.

Remembering her own slightly crazy reaction when he'd shown up in the middle of the night at her dorm door looking slightly nervous with his hat in his hands. He'd stayed nervous about as long as he was outside her room – all of two seconds before she pulled him into her dorm and then into her arms. Afterwards they'd both decided to stay in Trabia and get to know each other better, the result being that they now lived together and were committed in a far deeper way than some people had first imagined.

"I know, but... I also know him and although he's probably not going to say anything to me about it he's not completely happy here and I wonder sometimes – quite a lot recently... if we should go back to Balamb." Rinoa almost jumped out of her seat, Selphie was her best friend and having her back would be great and with Quistis too the three of them could get back to their girly adventures and late night chats – it sounded childish but she really missed it. She just hoped that Selphie was doing the right thing.

"Are you happy here?" she asked placing her coffee mug down on the table and sliding along the sofa until she was at the end next to Selphies chair.

Her friend sighed, "Mostly yes, but there isn't really anything left for me to do here. The Gardens fixed – even improved and I just do what I can to keep things running but I'm replaceable here - so is Irvine. I miss you guys so much and I'd be ok if I knew Irvine was happy here too... but he's not and I want to go home with him – back to you guys in Balamb." She looked a little sad and it didn't suit her at all.

'These files are causing too much trouble.' Rinoa thought as she went to hug her best friend.

"We'd love to have you back home, the whole group together again!" she exclaimed squeezing Selphie tightly before stepping back and sitting down again.

"I... well I guess I have to talk to Squall and Irvine then...I just hope Irvine's not mad." Rinoa chuckled quietly to her self. "I'll talk to Squall if you want – tell him that you're considering it, he needs something to take his mind off this whole file business." The brunette cast her newfound cousin a curious glance.

"Anything you can tell me?"

Rinoa shook her head "No, he'll probably get around to telling you eventually but right now I think he's just trying to take it all in himself." Then glancing at the clock on the left wall she added, "I'd better go back – he'll be wondering where I am."

"Me too and thanks Rinoa." The young sorceress smiled and sprinted out of the room.

* The hills of Balamb had been left untouched since the end of the sorceress wars as no one on the small continent wanted to rebuild over a town of graves. It had been completely destroyed and only a few had managed to escape the massacre that had befallen the once quiet and peaceful area.

The paths had worn away and the plant life had reclaimed the land leading up to the village, this left Zell and Laurie the task of finding their way up through the over growth with only an old map, a compass and a communicator in case of emergencies.

They'd been walking for most of the morning, neither of them really saying much as they enjoyed each other's company, this wasn't an unusual occurrence between the two of them but Laurie was acutely aware of her husbands mood. Something was bothering him and she didn't know whether she should ask him or not. He seemed quite happy to keep a fast pace up the hillside so maybe it would be ok to leave him to his thoughts.

"Laurie do you want to take a break?" he asked and she realised he must have caught her watching him.

"No I'm fine." She told him double stepping to catch up with him and taking his offered hand. "Just wondering what's on your mind that's all." She added so that he could take his cue if he wanted to tell her.

"Nothin much." He said absently scratching the back of his head as they walked. "Just wonderin what my parents were like, I mean I know Ma but I don't know my mother..." he tried to form what he was going to say in his head so that he could help her to understand. "I wouldn't change my life now for the world Laurie. It's just sometimes..."

"You're wondering what you missed out on right?" Zell turned to her and she noticed a certain look of surprise in his eyes. "What? Am I wrong?"

"No." he told her shaking his head "You're beautiful and pretty smart too." Laurie blushed and allowed herself to be pulled into his arms and to be lost in his bright blue eyes.

"When we have kids promise me we'll do everything we can to stay with them." When she'd gotten over the fact that he said 'when' not 'if' Laurie attempted an answer. Although she was fully aware that articulating words was pretty hard after a statement like that.

"You have my word." She managed before leaning in and sealing her commitment with a kiss.

* "Selphies considering coming back to Balamb, with Irvine of course." Rinoa informed Squall who was stood leaning against the railing that surrounded the garden. It was the equivalent of the quad in Balamb, only in Trabia wall heating had been installed to counteract the intense cold.

"What does Irvine think?" he asked absently.

"Well Selphies not sure, but she thinks he wants to go back but you know Irvine – he'll do anything to make her happy." She added moving up to him on the railing.

"Know the feeling." He whispered although it was so quiet it barely registered as sound and she wasn't sure that he'd said it.

"So, if she mentions it to you will it be ok? I mean can they come back with us?" Rinoa asked leaning with her back against the railing so that she could see his face. His solemn features seemed to reflect the cold around them, his jaw set firm and determined but his eyes betrayed his appearance. In them she could see the fear of a young man faced with a history he never wanted to know and yet another position of responsibility he hadn't expected to be placed upon him - Laguna Loire's son.

"If they can get the files transferred by the time we're done in Esthar then yeah." He told her, still not really acknowledging that she was there next to him.

"So we're going?" came the tentative question.

"I don't have a choice, Laguna deserves to know and I need to get this over with." This time he looked up at her with dread evident in his face. But although she understood why he felt the way he did she disagreed with what he said and he knew it. "Go on say it because it'll only drive you mad if you don't."

Rinoa lowered her eyes to the floor before she spoke and silently hoped that what she said wouldn't push him over the edge and start an argument between the two of them. "I don't think that this is something you do and then forget about and you can't just pretend it hasn't happened either. Laguna's a good man Squall and he's gone through enough in his life I don't think that you can just tell him and then leave it be." She paused and Squall spoke up.

"And I haven't been through enough?" he asked raising his voice and Rinoa cringed.

"That's not what I mean and you know it, it's not as if he's rejected you or shoved you off to some orphanage because he couldn't handle the responsibility – he didn't know and when he does I don't think this is something he'll take lightly." It had ended up a little more personal than she'd intended and her anger at her father for what he did to Selphie had unknowingly made it into her argument.

"Rinoa what's going on?" Squall asked her as he reached out for her hands, she gave them to him and looked up at his face.

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't make a mistake you'll regret, Laguna's a really good guy and he's looked after all of us before now and I know that you think he can be a moron but there are worse people you could have as your father – believe me I know." He smiled at her and pulled her against him she welcomed it, smiling against his chest.

"You better remind me of that when we get there Rin." Then added, just so that she knew he understood what she meant "And I'm sorry your fathers such a jerk." When he released her, she looked at him.

"Yeah well, we can't choose who our parents will be can we." Then what she'd just said hit her and she fell back against him. "I'm... I didn't mean to say that."

"It's ok, it's pretty accurate actually." He told her looking down at her and wondering what they could really control – life always seemed to have other plans and he wanted just a little bit of choice in his future.

* "Irvine, do you ever think of going back to Balamb?" Selphie asked her sharpshooter as they walked towards the cafeteria hand in hand, it was about one o'clock and she'd only just talked her self into bringing the subject up.

"Sure, all the time." He told her but his eyes drifted towards three young SeeD females, it took a prod from Selphie to bring his eyes back to her. "Sorry Darlin', force of habit." He said by means of an apology and she smiled her forgiveness.

"Irvy, are you happy here?" she asked pushing through the doors backwards so that she could look at him.

"With you? Sure, anywhere you are." And he placed his hat on her head affectionately. She pushed the top up of the hat and shook her head.

"What if I went back to Balamb?" she asked wondering if he was ever going to give her a straight answer.

His face almost went white when she suggested it but he replied none the less, "I'd follow you, why are you going?" he asked picking up two trays and giving one to her.

"Only if you do." And then realising that this was going nowhere she tried to figure out what else could be pre occupying him. When she realised she mentally hit herself for being so self occupied.

"Your file." She muttered and he turned to her, she was stood with hands on hips studying him.

"That can wait Selph." He told her choosing between something that passed for a sandwich and a bowl of something that he presumed was meant to be soup although it looked more like swamp water.

"No it can't." She told him stubbornly and hurried her tray along selecting the salad, chocolate cake and lemonade.

"It's not something I want to bring up in a public place." Irvine whispered into her ear when he bent down.

"Well we'll sit over there then." She countered leading him over to the more secluded are of the canteen. He followed she noticed, somewhat reluctantly and even when he sat down he looked like he'd very much like to hide under his hat – the hat that he was wearing.

"I'm telling ya darlin; this isn't somethin you want to hear over lunch." He warned taking his hat back and pushing it firmly onto his head.

"Look I've helped defeat an evil sorceress after lunch and not been phased by it, tell me what's wrong Irvine." She said, pleading with his eyes under his hat as well.

"Ok, ok but this ain't pretty." And sitting back in his seat he continued, with his head down so far that she could just catch his eyes. "I'm from Galbadia and my parents were your ordinary townsfolk – or so my file tells me. Mom was called Caitlin and my dad was ... Wayne Kinnease, they were married for a little over two years when they had me."

She watched him as he told her what had happened and couldn't help feeling a little sad, Irvine always gave the appearance of a loner and she couldn't help the feeling that she was about to find out why.

"What happened to them?" she prompted the sharpshooter who seemed to have drifted off.

"They got involved in a hostage situation in the local hospital, my mom was still pregnant at the time... they let me go when I was born but they were killed like some sorta exchange." He stopped and looked her right in the eyes. "I don't want to talk about this... it's just if I do I get angry, kinda like I did last night when I found out about your uncle."

Selphie nodded. "Ok, I just wanted to know." She told him and then, in an attempt to lighten his mood asked. "So how do you feel about moving back to Balamb?" she asked shifting round to be next to him and to her relief he laughed.

"Pretty damn good seffie." He told her and she leaned in and kissed him.

All she had to do now was sort everything out with Squall, she just hoped he cheered up a bit before she had to and that it wouldn't be too much trouble. Rinoa hadn't told her much but she knew enough to worry about him, he'd cheered up a lot over the last few years and she didn't really want him to go back to his old brooding self. But she had to wonder, if her own file could make her dry and cause the change in Irvine what did his involve and what exactly was going on?

*** As always positive feedback and constructive criticism welcome. Oh and to seth8 who wanted to know if Griever will make an appearance in this story – although he won't appear in this one I think he's going to in another one that will follow this. (I'd already written it before you suggested it but I've got it as more of a dream sequence at the mo) with any luck next chapter will be up soon.