There was little more to be said that night. The small amount of Dorwinion that Aragorn had was beginning to take effect and he was feeling sleepy. Faramir, more because of the wracking shock than the ale, was also feeling rather drowsy. They agreed to retire for the night and talk more in the morning, for there was much more yet to be said and discussed.
That night Aragorn slept the sleep of those granted a stay of execution. When Faramir fell into his bed, however, his thoughts continued to spin. Though sleep eventually took him by force, morning's light did not bring him the same calm it brought his father.
As he drew near Aragorn's study the next morning he could feel his heart beating strangely. Faramir carried with him the white rod of the Stewards that he had offered up to Aragorn when he thought to resign his post at the coronation. When Faramir entered the king's study, Aragorn stepped in from the balcony to greet him.
The king was looking much better than the night before, but it seemed that their roles were reversed and it was now Faramir who looked cheerless. If Faramir felt the love of his father the night before, he did not remember this day.
At Aragorn's "good morning," Faramir merely nodded, a touch of resentment showing. "I come, for a second time, to offer you the resignation of the office of Steward, since i now know that such is not my place, and never had been."
Aragorn had not been so foolish as to expect that Faramir would accept things literally over night, but he had indeed greatly hoped that Faramir would not really wish to resign. He could not see anyone else possibly doing the job at all as well as Faramir, and there were very few people that he would enjoy working closely with so much.
Aragorn shook his head and gently placed his hand over Faramir's, closing his fingers around the staff. "I would have none other than you as my Steward, Faramir. I told you that before, and by that i stand firm. It matters absolutely not that you are not 'of' the House of the Steward, for none now are. You are the best man for the job."
But Faramir's eyes darkened. "I do not need your pity, Aragorn. The King of Gondor can not have his own bastard prince as Steward. Take this office from me, please, that i may have leave to be gone from Minas Tirith."
Aragorn closed his eyes and let out a sigh. "Faramir, please...," he said resting a hand on his shoulder, hoping Faramir would calm down enough to talk things over. His son shrugged his hand away though. "But where would you go? Why would you go?"
"I hoped to dwell in Ithilien. If that is too near, if you would rather i not remain in your realm, perhaps i shall dwell in Dale. I would not see your rule tainted by my presence." Faramir had quickly relearned the art of sang froid, though it was now becoming heated with anger that threatened to boil over.
Aragorn's concern pierced him to the heart. "Faramir, my Faramir, how could you ever taint -"
"Yes, you claim me now. Now, when it is convenient for you to do so. Now, when i shall not be an impediment in your way. Now, when none are left but you to tell me the way of it."
"Faramir -" Aragorn tried vainly to continue.
"You left me here, you ran from me and kept far away from me. Never before did you want anything to do with me. But now it seems to go well with your whim to have the love of a son, as an addition to the collection you have gathered of those who love you."
"Many love you too, Faramir. It is not that -" was all Aragorn managed before Faramir caught his breath again, for he was talking increasingly louder.
"The love of many means nothing to me! It was your love that i needed all those years. I know, i have your official apology on the matter already, as well as your excuse of doing the best for me."
"Faramir, at least try to understand, i was bound to my responsibility in the northern -"
"Bound to your responsibility?! And what of i? Because you were able to pass me off as someone else's child, did that mean that you were relieved of the responsibility of a father? For 36 years i suffered scorn and rejection by he who i thought was my father, the one person on this earth who should have loved me most. However, now i see Denethor's kindness for what it was. He may have never shown me love, yet nor did you, but at least Denethor took responsibility for me."
Aragorn sank into a chair nearby and his head dropped into his hands. "Faramir." Aragorn said desperately, then stopped for a moment, expecting again his enraged son's interruption. When Faramir remained silent, Aragorn continued.
"I understand that there are none now who can verify my words. What the value of my promise is to you i know not, but i do not speak lies, Faramir. Not to anyone. The morning you were born i held you and wept that i had to leave you so soon, for Finduilas and i agreed that it should be so. It was her wish that you be raised as Denethor's son, and i agreed that it would be for the best for you, even though leaving you broke my own heart.
"When your mother dismissed the nurses just moments after your birth, a thought came to me that would allow me to take you and raise you as my son, even though all of Gondor knew that Denethor's wife was to have a second child. I wanted to ask Finduilas to conspire with me, I thought that i would take you secretly while Finduilas acted to mourn that her child had lived no longer than a few minutes in her arms."
"And why did you not do that?" Faramir, now also seated, asked much more composedly, but with little less bitterness.
"Because i knew too well the chances a babe fared in the wild, and for me they were far too low to accept that risk."
"Why did you not take me to Imladris? Long has the House of Elrond been a haven for Elendil's heirs." Faramir asked, his tone growing more even.
That was the question Aragorn was hoping would not be asked. He drew in a deep breath, wondering if after all these years the Valar had finally turned back on him. "In that, Faramir, is the one thing that i do accept your complete blame for. I knew when i was leaving you that i could have taken you to Rivendell and given you the chance to grow up as i did. But i failed do so, and in that, i failed you. That is what i am most sorry for, Faramir, that it was my own cowardice that kept me from doing what was truly best for you.
"We have so much in common, you and i, Faramir. He who i have always considered my father is not so. I never knew my father, and maybe i shall never know him. And when i learned the truth, i too was terribly bitter. I ran from Rivendell and fended alone. But such is not your fate, Faramir. I beg you, stay that we might talk and understand one another. I will tell you that my reason for not returning to Imladris with you was my own shame. I feared Elrond's fury and disappointment to learn of my failing so. Believe me, it was never you i was ashamed of, for you have given me nothing but pride, and every time i heard of a victory lead by Captain Faramir of the Ithilien Rangers my felt swelled. It was myself i was shamed of. I am still ashamed of myself, but now that i did not live up to my responsibility to you. To be honest, i still fear Elrond's reaction, and the reactions of others, if they should ever know that i was in fact a worse father to you than Denethor."
Faramir slowly shook his head, not even knowing what exactly he was denying. He found himself to be exhausted and weak. Once again he felt tears flowing upward from his heart and he would have gladly submitted and released them, but they seemed to recede just before spilling over, robbing him of their cleansing and healing abilities.
Aragorn moved to sit beside Faramir and took his hand. His voice was gentle and he had a soothing tone when he spoke, "Faramir, i know none of this is easy. It is just as hard for me, if in a different manner. But this is the reality of the situation: I do love you, Faramir, my son. Whether you accept or reject that is up to you. Faramir, i am willing to commit to you, to us as father and son, and to always at least try for our relationship no matter what. Are you willing to do the same?"
For a long time Faramir looked into his father's compassionate grey eyes. He felt the long held and hidden anger and bitterness leave him. It was time to move on, Faramir knew; time to go forward with his life and to leave the past behind. Faramir swallowed hard and a hint of a smile touched his lips and expressive blue eyes. Faramir took a renewing breath and nodded, grasping Aragorn's hand.
