Sorry if this chapter is kind of long. I
just kept on writing and couldint stop I think this the longest one so far
Chapter Eleven:
True Feelings
Belinda heard the soft music of her alarm radio playing as the soft music slowly drifted into her mind as she slowly woke up. Here it was sunday morning , she rolled over and looked at the time. She had not been sleeping very well the last three nights since her argument with Landon.She still had not decided whether or not to go to church. She had not talked to Landon since that friday. Normally Landon and Belinda always went to church together and he would always call the night before just to touch base and to confirm when and if he was to pick her up. They had been going to church together for fifteen years and this was the first time he did not call her, and she certainly wasn't going to call him She closed her eyes and took a deep breathe than slowly let it out. Relax she told herself relax ,snap out of it Belinda just get up out of bed get dressed and go. as she opened her eyes and climbed out of bed. An hour later she was in her car pulling up to her church. She showed up at the last possible moment just to avoid seeing Landon. Thinking to herself " If he doesn't want to see me or talk to me then maybe......... She didn't even finish the thought." This is so ridiculous if he did not talk to her today she would have to see him on monday no matter what so basically they both were just postponing the inevitable. As she parked her car and got out and walked toward the front of the church. In front was the Reverend greeting everyone as they walked in.
Hello Belinda
Hello Reverend
I didn't think you were going to make it
I had a medical emergency
Nothing serious I hope ?
No she's fine
Thats good. I knew it had to be something important to keep you away. Landons already inside. I was suprised to see him without you, in all the years you have been coming here I think I have never seen you two apart. Even at other church functions I never saw just one of you.But go on in, Im sure Landon will be glad you made it and will be happy to see you.
Reverend I think you should that Landon and I.................Belinda hesitated unsure of what to tell him
What is it Belinda Is anything wrong ?
" Oh its nothing." she said rather quickly " I'd better get inside Ill talk to later maybe after the service.".as she walked in.
As she stepped inside she was wondering were she should sit. She decided to sit at the very back of the church. She flashed back to Landons and Jamie wedding and remembered that she also sat at the very back of the church because at the time she still felt uncomfortable around Jamie and she also felt like she didnt belong there.Finally the Reverend walked in and saw her sitting there by herself. She could see the suprise in his face that she was by herself as he walked by In fact she felt like eveyone in the whole church was looking at her and wondering why she wasn't sitting next to Landon. Some people in the church just loved to gossip and this will probaly get some peoples tounges wagging..
After church Belinda just sat there watching eveybody leave. She noticed that Landon slipped out the other door as if to avoid seeing her. Someone must have told him I was here.When she was all alone she stood up and walked to the front of the church and sat in the second row and prayed though she wasnt exactly sure what she was praying for.
Dear God, Its me, Belinda. I just wanted to say..............to say thank you, thank you for eveything. For all the blessings in my life. Someone once told me That talent was Gods gift to you and what you do with that talent is you gift back to God. That someone was Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan Carter and she was my best friend. We grew up together but we didnt become best friends till my senior year in high school then she....she died. Belinda closed her eyes as she said those last words.
Suddenly she heard a voice out of nowhere "Belinda, are you okay?"
She opened her eyes and saw the Reverend there standing next to her a concerned look on his face.
Reverend I didn't hear you walk up
Obviously not I didnt mean to startle you. I was just wondering if everything was allright.
Belinda looked away closing her eyes not saying anything .
Why dont you come to my office where we can talk privatley as he held out his hand she opened her eyes took his hand and stood and walked next to him toward his office.
As they approached his office he opened the door for " thank you said Belinda
Would you like to sit on a chair or maybe the couch maybe
The couch is fine
So have a seat
So how are things going.?
Fine
Just fine
Yes just fine
So hows Landon doing.?
Fine
Just fine
Yes just fine hes doing great just lovely
He detected a bit of anger in her voice when he asked about Landon.
So whats wrong.?
Nothings wrong
Are you sure nothings wrong because I noticed you and Landon seem to be avoiding each other. And when I asked you how Landon was doing you seemed kind of angry
Im not angry.
Well how about upset, upset that Landon did or say something.
Has Landon ever mentioned Jamie Sullivan to you.?
He has talked to me about her a couple of times.
Only a couple of times
Well actually more than a couple of a times.
What did he say about her.?
I really can't say its something between just Landon and me but I know enough but if this about her the only thing I can say is that you two need to move on. Landons needs to move on if he ever hopes to have a relationship with you beyond friendship and you need to let go of your friendship with Jamie so you dont feel guilty about taking her place in Landons life.
As he said those words she had a look of shock and suprise on her face " Thats...............thats.............not...... it " she said stammering " thats..... not whats wrong "
Are you sure its not that because your voice doesnt sound very convincing. Are you trying to coinvice me or maybe yourself.? But I have to ask you this question. Are you in love with Landon Carter.?
As soon as he asked the question she stood up and walked to the window looking outside. " It sure is a beautiful day isnt it."
Quit trying to change the subject Belinda. Are you in love with Landon.?
She didn't say anything. What could she say. Yes, no, maybe. None of them seemed to be the right answer. Finally she just said " I don't know."
But you must feel something for him. Think why are you reacting this way, to him, to Amy Johnson.
He told you about her, When, how.?
Landon actually stopped by to see me Saturday night.
So you know everything.?
Yes. Belinda think about all the time you spend together. How do you feel when he looks at you.?
She thought back to thursday when she was reading to the children and she realized he was watching her. How she felt almost embarassed, almost blushing. All she could say was " Im just glad to have him as a friend, to be there when I need him.
Well maybe you just need to have a serious talk with him. I know he's still here because he had a meeting. with other church members so if you leave now you just might be able to catch him if you leave now.
She turned quickly and went to the door. " Thanks for talking to me Ill talk to you later sorry I have to go.
I know Belinda Good Luck.
As she stepped out of the office she was practically running. She knew where the meeting was being held but as she got there the room was empty except for one person. " Excuse me but have you seen Doctor Carter:"?
You just missed him he left a few minutes ago but if you hurry you might catch him he went straight down the halll door to the left.
Thanks
She ran down the hall and through the door to the parking lot she spotted him just opening his car door Landon she called out as she was running out to him Landon wait When he saw her he hesitated about whether he should just get into her car and go without talking to her.
Im glad I caught up to you I really need to talk to you.Landon just stood there not saying a word.
" Okay " said Belinda What I wanted to say was that Im sorry, sorry for everything I said. He just stood there not moving not talking. He was starting to make Belinda feel uncomfortable. " Landon don't be this way."
What way is that
I said Im sorry what more do you want She began to feel the anger boiling up within her.
Maybe to be left alone,to not talk to might be nice at least for now as he pened his car and sat inside cloasing the door behind as he then opened his window looking at her.
Please wait dont go please. I have to tell you something something I should of told you a long time ago.
What is it.
Landon I......... Saying it was a lot harder the she thought considering she still wasnt sure what she should say to him
"Thats what I thought" said Landon as he started his car and pulled away leaving Belinda standing there
After Landon left she just stood there for the longest time thinking, thinking about everything that happened , not just the last week but everything that has happened since that senior year in high school. Im not going to cry she said, I am not going to cry but she failed as she felt the tears start rolling down her face as she turned around and started toward her car.
Belinda heard the soft music of her alarm radio playing as the soft music slowly drifted into her mind as she slowly woke up. Here it was sunday morning , she rolled over and looked at the time. She had not been sleeping very well the last three nights since her argument with Landon.She still had not decided whether or not to go to church. She had not talked to Landon since that friday. Normally Landon and Belinda always went to church together and he would always call the night before just to touch base and to confirm when and if he was to pick her up. They had been going to church together for fifteen years and this was the first time he did not call her, and she certainly wasn't going to call him She closed her eyes and took a deep breathe than slowly let it out. Relax she told herself relax ,snap out of it Belinda just get up out of bed get dressed and go. as she opened her eyes and climbed out of bed. An hour later she was in her car pulling up to her church. She showed up at the last possible moment just to avoid seeing Landon. Thinking to herself " If he doesn't want to see me or talk to me then maybe......... She didn't even finish the thought." This is so ridiculous if he did not talk to her today she would have to see him on monday no matter what so basically they both were just postponing the inevitable. As she parked her car and got out and walked toward the front of the church. In front was the Reverend greeting everyone as they walked in.
Hello Belinda
Hello Reverend
I didn't think you were going to make it
I had a medical emergency
Nothing serious I hope ?
No she's fine
Thats good. I knew it had to be something important to keep you away. Landons already inside. I was suprised to see him without you, in all the years you have been coming here I think I have never seen you two apart. Even at other church functions I never saw just one of you.But go on in, Im sure Landon will be glad you made it and will be happy to see you.
Reverend I think you should that Landon and I.................Belinda hesitated unsure of what to tell him
What is it Belinda Is anything wrong ?
" Oh its nothing." she said rather quickly " I'd better get inside Ill talk to later maybe after the service.".as she walked in.
As she stepped inside she was wondering were she should sit. She decided to sit at the very back of the church. She flashed back to Landons and Jamie wedding and remembered that she also sat at the very back of the church because at the time she still felt uncomfortable around Jamie and she also felt like she didnt belong there.Finally the Reverend walked in and saw her sitting there by herself. She could see the suprise in his face that she was by herself as he walked by In fact she felt like eveyone in the whole church was looking at her and wondering why she wasn't sitting next to Landon. Some people in the church just loved to gossip and this will probaly get some peoples tounges wagging..
After church Belinda just sat there watching eveybody leave. She noticed that Landon slipped out the other door as if to avoid seeing her. Someone must have told him I was here.When she was all alone she stood up and walked to the front of the church and sat in the second row and prayed though she wasnt exactly sure what she was praying for.
Dear God, Its me, Belinda. I just wanted to say..............to say thank you, thank you for eveything. For all the blessings in my life. Someone once told me That talent was Gods gift to you and what you do with that talent is you gift back to God. That someone was Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan Carter and she was my best friend. We grew up together but we didnt become best friends till my senior year in high school then she....she died. Belinda closed her eyes as she said those last words.
Suddenly she heard a voice out of nowhere "Belinda, are you okay?"
She opened her eyes and saw the Reverend there standing next to her a concerned look on his face.
Reverend I didn't hear you walk up
Obviously not I didnt mean to startle you. I was just wondering if everything was allright.
Belinda looked away closing her eyes not saying anything .
Why dont you come to my office where we can talk privatley as he held out his hand she opened her eyes took his hand and stood and walked next to him toward his office.
As they approached his office he opened the door for " thank you said Belinda
Would you like to sit on a chair or maybe the couch maybe
The couch is fine
So have a seat
So how are things going.?
Fine
Just fine
Yes just fine
So hows Landon doing.?
Fine
Just fine
Yes just fine hes doing great just lovely
He detected a bit of anger in her voice when he asked about Landon.
So whats wrong.?
Nothings wrong
Are you sure nothings wrong because I noticed you and Landon seem to be avoiding each other. And when I asked you how Landon was doing you seemed kind of angry
Im not angry.
Well how about upset, upset that Landon did or say something.
Has Landon ever mentioned Jamie Sullivan to you.?
He has talked to me about her a couple of times.
Only a couple of times
Well actually more than a couple of a times.
What did he say about her.?
I really can't say its something between just Landon and me but I know enough but if this about her the only thing I can say is that you two need to move on. Landons needs to move on if he ever hopes to have a relationship with you beyond friendship and you need to let go of your friendship with Jamie so you dont feel guilty about taking her place in Landons life.
As he said those words she had a look of shock and suprise on her face " Thats...............thats.............not...... it " she said stammering " thats..... not whats wrong "
Are you sure its not that because your voice doesnt sound very convincing. Are you trying to coinvice me or maybe yourself.? But I have to ask you this question. Are you in love with Landon Carter.?
As soon as he asked the question she stood up and walked to the window looking outside. " It sure is a beautiful day isnt it."
Quit trying to change the subject Belinda. Are you in love with Landon.?
She didn't say anything. What could she say. Yes, no, maybe. None of them seemed to be the right answer. Finally she just said " I don't know."
But you must feel something for him. Think why are you reacting this way, to him, to Amy Johnson.
He told you about her, When, how.?
Landon actually stopped by to see me Saturday night.
So you know everything.?
Yes. Belinda think about all the time you spend together. How do you feel when he looks at you.?
She thought back to thursday when she was reading to the children and she realized he was watching her. How she felt almost embarassed, almost blushing. All she could say was " Im just glad to have him as a friend, to be there when I need him.
Well maybe you just need to have a serious talk with him. I know he's still here because he had a meeting. with other church members so if you leave now you just might be able to catch him if you leave now.
She turned quickly and went to the door. " Thanks for talking to me Ill talk to you later sorry I have to go.
I know Belinda Good Luck.
As she stepped out of the office she was practically running. She knew where the meeting was being held but as she got there the room was empty except for one person. " Excuse me but have you seen Doctor Carter:"?
You just missed him he left a few minutes ago but if you hurry you might catch him he went straight down the halll door to the left.
Thanks
She ran down the hall and through the door to the parking lot she spotted him just opening his car door Landon she called out as she was running out to him Landon wait When he saw her he hesitated about whether he should just get into her car and go without talking to her.
Im glad I caught up to you I really need to talk to you.Landon just stood there not saying a word.
" Okay " said Belinda What I wanted to say was that Im sorry, sorry for everything I said. He just stood there not moving not talking. He was starting to make Belinda feel uncomfortable. " Landon don't be this way."
What way is that
I said Im sorry what more do you want She began to feel the anger boiling up within her.
Maybe to be left alone,to not talk to might be nice at least for now as he pened his car and sat inside cloasing the door behind as he then opened his window looking at her.
Please wait dont go please. I have to tell you something something I should of told you a long time ago.
What is it.
Landon I......... Saying it was a lot harder the she thought considering she still wasnt sure what she should say to him
"Thats what I thought" said Landon as he started his car and pulled away leaving Belinda standing there
After Landon left she just stood there for the longest time thinking, thinking about everything that happened , not just the last week but everything that has happened since that senior year in high school. Im not going to cry she said, I am not going to cry but she failed as she felt the tears start rolling down her face as she turned around and started toward her car.
