I've Seen More Spine in Jellyfish
jimmySLOTH

I can't do shout outs today guys because I'm just too goddamned lazy. ;; Summer will be here soon and I... oh forget this I'm just lazy. I do, however, have a really important Author's Note for you guys...

[AUTHOR'S NOTE] When I explain why I was not able to write for a while, please, please-please, PLEASE, do NOT tell me to update sooner in your review! I really find that rude and it also makes me realize that you don't even read these Author's Notes. Please and Thanks.

Much love to yamatoforever, Lady Na-No-Da, nEo-cHaN, and Violette Mai. =) Thanks for being such loyal reviewers and writing such kind things! And now I present to you the newest chapter of ISMSIJ, please enjoy!

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Taichi opened the door for me as I sullenly grabbed a chair closest to it. I knew I didn't want to be here. Even he knew I didn't want to be here. But I think it made him happy that I could at least show up. I mean, I didn't give him the benefit of the doubt before. Hell, I knew he didn't have a choice in the move, and I was a jackass about it anyway. That's just how I am. I mean, it's not like I try... er, scratch that, I try really, really hard without my knowing it to be a jackass.

Taichi grabbed the waiter and order us some regular coffee. I hate coffee. God, do I hate coffee. Dad like coffee. I do not. I never will. Never. I hate coffee. Probably because I hate everything my father stood for, everything that made him smile and laugh, everything he held dear to him.

I'm kind of lucky he didn't really like Takeru.

Taichi stared deep into my eyes. Drawly, I said, "Would you stop staring? I hate it when people stare at me."

He smiled at me and then diverted his attention to the newly-delivered coffee. He poured in a small amount of cream and a spoonful of sugar before mixing it gently with his spoon. I suddenly realized that I had been staring at him in his coffee procedures for a full three minutes. Embarrassed at the fact that I had zoned out for so long, I turned my head. Apparently, and luckily, Taichi had not noticed. "So, Yamato, what have you been up to lately?"

Oh god, not THAT ice-breaker. He thinks I'm really interested in talking to him. He thinks I've forgiven him for things in the past. Jesus Christ, how naïve is this kid? Coldly, I gave him my answer. "Not Much."

He nodded slowly. "Ah, I see." He twirled his spoon in his coffee. "You're still mad at me." Carefully, he placed the spoon on his napkin.

"Oh, and they say you're not clever."

He sat quietly for a few minutes. "Listen, Yamato, I know you're not very happy with me. I couldn't control what had happened all those years ago, it's not like I was old enough to live on my own. I couldn't ask to stay at your house either, it would just be too pressuring. Your parents were divorced and I knew times were hard. And you can't really rely on Mimi or Sora, plus Jyou moved years ago, and Koushiro didn't know where he stood with his parents so he was going to Hong-Kong. The only other close friends I had were my soccer pals, and they were really just soccer buddies, I didn't know them like I knew you guys.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this but you need to know it. And I know it's not in your nature to be a forgiving person but just give me a chance, Yamato. We were best friends then, how much could have changed?"

The pain in my heart released. His words struck me like a brick in the forehead. Immediately, I slammed my hand down on the table and turned my eyes to ice. "How much could have changed? HOW MUCH could have CHANGED? My whole fucking life changed, Tai-Chi. My whole fucking life. You were the only real friend I had and you were gone. Gone. Who would I run to? My father..." Well, I couldn't let him know exactly why I hated my father... So I simply told him what any rational person would have: "...didn't really care about me, and my mother was off fucking business men, plus Takeru was too young to have understood me, so who was left to talk to? No one. I was on my own for five fucking years before you so kindly tried to ignite old flames.

"And five years spent cold can change a person. I was cold to start off with but Jesus Taichi, I'm the freaking Abominable Snow-Freak now. So if you want to know how much could have changed, the answer is a whole fucking lot." My hand left the table and my eyes gradually lost their chill.

Taichi sat silently, digesting my words. He looked like he was truly guilty, after all these years. Guilt will get him no where. Guilt will haunt his life but it will not make up for mine. I want him to make up for my life. I want him to hurt like I have. I want someone to hurt, I want them to hurt for things they shouldn't be hurting for. I want someone to be like me.

"Yamato... why exactly could you never talk to your father?" he asked, a strangely inquisitive look in his eyes.

"Being intrusive won't get you the answer, Taichi." I thought about saying that. I seriously did. Instead, I managed to say something a little less direct.

"I just don't like him."

"Well why not?"

"I don't HAVE to like my father."

"Well, yes, I know that Yamato. But..." He paused. "But if you only disliked him then it's not really my fault you didn't have anyone to talk to, because that just means that you really never tried."

Oh, ouch. "Listen, I have my reasons for not liking the bastard!" I spat angrily. Why the hell did he care anyway? Why the hell did I, all of a sudden, become so enthralling?

"Come on, Yamato, what's the big deal? Did he hit you as a child? My mom did too, but I don't hate her. I was simply a bad kid. I mean, how bad could it possibly be?"

I felt tears well up in my eyes. I stood up so suddenly that the stupid table toppled and the coffee went every which way. I couldn't even face Taichi. I couldn't cry. I had to leave, had to just take a little breather. I simply walked out the door of the coffee house and down the street.

:FLASHBACK:

"Hey Yama, how was your day?" Taichi asked, flipping onto the couch and turning on the television. I flinched at those words. How could I tell him what was going on with me? How could I possibly reveal my secrets to anyone?

"Oh, pretty good. I... I stayed home with my dad today. I didn't have anything else to do and you were at soccer..."

Taichi flashed me a smile. "At least you had fun. I got to run laps." I flinched.

"At least you had fun."

"...you had fun."

"...fun."

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I felt a hand on my shoulder, and turned to see Taichi. He was panting. "...god, Yamato, I didn't mean to make you flip out back there, but what's going on with you?"

"Why do you care? Why do you even want to know?!"

Taichi gave him a puzzled look. "You're... You're my best friend. I... I still really care about you. You know you can tell me anything, Yamato, anything."

I felt like he needed a test. Sarcastically, I turned to him and pulled him into the nearest empty alleyway. "So, I can tell you anything, huh? Can I tell you that all those years I told you I'd been having good days, I'd been lying? Can I tell you that every time you'd ask me what I'd been doing I'd probably be lying?"

Oh, I had confused him. Poor boy. "What?"

"Okay, okay, let's get down to the bread and butter." I pushed him against the brick alleyway wall. I could see him wince slightly. "Can I tell you that my father's been fucking me since I was 10 years old?"

Taichi gave me an oddly unreadable expression. It was like he was caught between fear, trepidation, and disbelief. "W-What?!"

"Yeah, the man I shouldn't hate according to you was making me give him blow jobs since I was 10." I turned my eyes away from his. He was so innocent. I shouldn't have been hurting him with this.

But...what?

Wasn't that what I had wanted to do? Hurt someone the way I had been hurt?

Why should Taichi be any different?

Slowly the brunette reached his hands up to my face and turned my eyes back to his. There was a compassion flowing so deep from them that for the first time in years I was allowing myself to cry. Tears flowed silently down my face as Taichi whispered, "Yama. Oh, Yama... I can't believe this... Why..." He stopped himself. I knew he was going to ask why I had never told him but he already knew the answer. It was fairly obvious.

It hurt.

It hurt too much to divulge to another person. It was painful to me... and he knew it. He realized then why I had acted the way I had for so long. He realized why I was the way I am. His hand softly stroked my cheek. "Yama... I..."

"D-don't say anything. It isn't your problem." I smiled uneasily. "I mean, hey, he's dead now right?" I sniffled callously.

He smiled at me. "Yama... Do you want to come to my soccer game tomorrow, and then maybe walk around town with me? We could talk or something, maybe just walk. How about it?"

I couldn't block Taichi out of my life anymore. I had divulged too much to him. How could I walk away from someone who knew so much, so many disgusting things, and still care about me? I nodded. Of course. Of course I would. "Yeah, I guess." There goes the idiot in me again.

Taichi smiled. The pure acceptance seemed to make him happy. "Alright." He scrawled an address and time down on a piece of paper. "See you there." He slipped out from my hold and walked off down the street.

What had I gotten myself into? Why had I told him so much?

And why did it feel so good to tell him that?

Shouldn't it have been painful?

I wondered if this was just my assumptions crashing down on me. And then it hit me... all I really have are assumptions. Oh shit.

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=) hope that was satisfactory you guys. It's a bit longer [I think] and it's less inert than the other ones. The Taito is just piling itself on, and the next chapter should introduce the Takesuke/Daikeru. Please review, it would mean the world to me!

Love much, Meg Ishida!