Morning came and went before Faramir was awake again. Sunlight glared through a window, blinding the young man. He started to rise very cautiously, not clearly remembering where he was. The sounds of horses outside reminded him quickly enough.
Going to the window and looking out over the land about him he found himself wishing he was in Minas Tirith again. Rohan was not the most beautiful land in Middle-earth. he thought. Faramir wondered how the White City was faring when his thoughts were drawn away by a knock at the door. Aragorn entered and tossed an apple to his son.
"I take it you slept well?" he said with a grin.
"I did not think i would get any sleep last night. I guess my body decided that for me in the end," Faramir said with a yawn.
"You do not remember me leading you in here, do you?" Aragorn chuckled.
Faramir just shook his head. "I wondered how i got here. Thank you."
"Think nothing of it, you would do the same for me," Aragorn said, letting himself fall onto the bed. He was again growing used to proper, comfortable sleeping arrangements as opposed to tree roots, rocks, and uneven, cold ground. "We are leaving in a few days. Gandalf wants to have a look in on the situation at Isengard, Legolas and Gimli are going to Helm's Deep along the way, then they are going to Fangorn. When i see the Hobbits off with Gandalf and the Lord and Lady of Lorien, i will return here briefly before going back to Gondor and relieving Glorfindel and Erestor of their burdens... that is to say, each other. I think you might do well to stay here for a while. As you said, you are needed. I have already talked to Imrahil, he intends to stay, as does Arwen, so she told me before they left last night."
Faramir reflected for a moment, nibbling at the piece of fruit. "I miss home, father. Yet, i know i should remain here a while, and i will, as long as i must."
"Just remember that Éowyn needs to stay here until after she is delivered. You can not have her out riding...." Aragorn thought better of his warning to Faramir. "Let me rephrase that, you can not let her insist that she is well enough to go out riding."
Faramir smiled, if weakly. "I will do all i can. Perhaps i can return to the city temporarily? It is not a difficult journey from here to there, perhaps i could go between Edoras and Minas Tirith frequently?" Faramir thought aloud, being seated.
"You do miss home. That could be a wise idea, but if i were you i would bring it up to Éowyn first," Aragorn advised. "You have not yet talked to her about speaking with her brother?"
"No, i only just woke before you knocked. I should want to speak to her as soon as possible though." Faramir rose again, pulling a tunic over his shirt. "I agree that Éomer must know in order to deal justice. What is justice for such a crime?"
Aragorn shook his head in aversion, "i can think of a few things. Faramir, there is one thing i must ask you. When you and Éowyn were in the Houses -"
"Do we have to discuss this, father?" Faramir asked resignedly. "I don't rightly know what happened. In that dreadful nightfall i thought all hope was gone. I lost heart and yielded. My brother had died, the man i thought was my father killed himself and tried to take me with him, i was just coming out a fever.... These things i do not call as excuses, father, but reasons. And when that black despair closed in and yet i felt the love of another.... It was the one time in my life that i ever acted without thinking things through."
"Faramir, you do not have to explain to me," Aragorn said. "All i meant to ask was if..."
"Do you accuse me of -"
"I accuse you of nothing," Aragorn said quickly, seeing Faramir's disturbance. "I know you better than that. You are my son after all."
Faramir nodded. "I am sorry i said that, father."
Aragorn shook his head though. "You are weary, i understand."
"The Lady of Lorien said something strange to me last night. I did not wholly understand what she meant. She spoke of a shadow that was on my heart but is now gone. She also referred to the terror Morgoth."
"The evil of Morgoth was deeply and easily sown in Men," Aragorn said. "It abides in some yet, those like Éowyn's assailant. But Morgoth's truest power was in the evil ability to make Men despair and so fall to reckless acts without being at all evil themselves. When the despair is gone again, oft has it been the downfall of many a strong man to see the truth of what happened."
"Is that what she speaks of then? My reckless act? The night that you all left Minas Tirith i felt the same despair. I felt as though i was forsaken because of my failing. I heard Denethor's words to Boromir, telling my brother that i was naught but a weakling. Perhaps his words were true though."
"Faramir," Aragorn said with a adamant tone, "i do not wish to hear you say such things of yourself. Do not believe those lies. You know the truth, you must not allow lies to cloud your heart and mind. Faramir," Aragorn's attitude grew softer, "it is as my Elven brothers are often wont to say... 'you are only human.' Every man living has had failings, and despite what the twins say, there is no perfect being, there are none here without some chink in their armor. You, Faramir, have done better than most. You take responsibility for what you do. There are those who, in your place, would run, mostly from themselves. Does Éowyn forgive you, or did she ever blame you in the first place?"
Faramir stared at nothing out the open window, the sun light was still intense and he had to pull his gaze from it. "I do not know, father."
Aragorn laid a hand on his son's shoulder. "Then go and find out. If you forgives you or holds you blameless, i charge you with granting yourself forgiveness. This once do i speak not as your father, but as your king."
Faramir smirked at this sudden use of power, seeing that Aragorn was beginning to realize the advantages of office. A quick, provisional bow covered the deep-impressed habit of acknowledging an order from one's superior.
"Go on, my son. Speak with your lady, you may find her in the hall, i believe, and see if she will consent to talk to her brother. You and i shall need to talk later. I'm glad you are rested today, i believe maps and Imrahil will be involved in our discussion later," Aragorn said, a touch of wry making its way into his voice.
Faramir accepted this and left to find Éowyn. She was indeed in the hall as Aragorn said, Merry was there also, but Faramir was most surprised to see Éowyn working at embroidery.
He approached and bowed briefly. "My lady and my friend. How does this day see you both?"
Éowyn smiled brightly at her betrothed. "I am well, Faramir," she said. Though obviously glad to see him, she did not look particularly well.
Merry also said he was doing fine, but noted also that he could do with a little more pipeweed. Faramir and Merry struck up a conversation on the topic of smoking. Faramir had always found it rather strange that someone should enjoy inhaling smoke and he himself never cared for pipeweed. Merry was quick to extol its virtues though, in such a way that Faramir could not help but be amused.
His attention was quickly turned when Éowyn pricked her finger on the embroidering needle, cursed loudly, and threw down her work in aggravation. "Are you alright?" he asked, reaching for her hand.
"I am fine," she said in a low tone. "This work is not for me. I had a nurse who tried desperately to teach me this, but i can not master it no matter how i try."
"Maybe Lady Arwen can show you," Merry suggested. "Strider said that she sowed his standard that he used when they came to battle at Pelennor with us."
Eowyn thanked Merry for the idea and said she would mention it to the Queen of Gondor, but there was little determination in her voice. Merry decided to head off for a while and find the other three Shirelings.
Faramir asked Éowyn to go again with him to the library, already his favorite place to be in Edoras. She agreed and once there she looked concerned of what he needed solitude to tell her of.
"Have you come to tell me that you have had second thoughts of our proposal?" she asked in fear. "That now you know the truth and know there is a chance these children are not yours, you wish not to be associated with them or me?"
"Eowyn, nothing of the sort! I will support you and them no matter what. I will not fail to give these children the love that every child deserves, no matter who's they are. No, Éowyn, i come not to turn you away, but to ask your forgiveness," he said, kneeling. "I acted less than honorably and less than wisely that night in the healing garden. Moreover, my behavior was abhorrent when you returned to Minas Tirith. Aragorn wishes me to forgive myself and be rid of the shadow of doubt that plagues me, but i can not do that without your forgiveness, Éowyn. I beseech you."
Éowyn looked long at Faramir, seeing how poorly he regarded himself at that point. The young Steward was feeling much as he often did when some error of his was brought to the attention of Denethor.
"Faramir," Éowyn said gently, kneeling beside him, "you must be able to forgive yourself and not fear the judgment of others. Such is a cage that only you can free yourself from. Do you really think that if i had not forgiven you, or if i had ever blamed you, i would have ever taken your hand?"
Faramir rose, bidding Éowyn to as he did. He held her close to him. "Thank you, Éowyn. You truly are an amazing woman."
"You are a good man, Faramir. Do not distress yourself with doubt. Be strong and proud. Your people love you, your father loves you, and i love you, Faramir."
For one heartbeat Faramir was silent before responding softly, "I love you, too, Éowyn."
Quietly they remained in each other's arms for a while. Faramir could not help but contemplate the misgivings in his heart over his last statement, but he resolved that it did not matter what he felt. He would care for Éowyn and the children she now bore without fail.
"Éowyn," Faramir said gently after a time, breaking the hush. "Have you thought of telling to Éomer what you told to me yesterday?"
Éowyn was still before answering. "I believe i must tell him, Faramir. Sooner is likely better than later. It's just that... i am not sure i can say it to him."
"You told me, though. Surely you can tell Éomer, he is your brother. There were never any secrets between my brother and i," Faramir said reassuringly.
Eowyn shook her head. "This is different. I fear to tell him for how he will react with himself. He will take this as his failing to protect to me, even though i have mostly rejected his help. Yet i know he must know. I no longer have the strength to take up my own battles."
"Éowyn, you do not have to face anything alone," he said, taking her hand. "I know that you would handle your problems for yourself, but I am here for you, and i would see justice done upon that man, even if i must take care of it myself. But i do believe it better to bring this matter to the King, for he must deal justice in his way."
Éowyn gripped Faramir's hand seeking security. "Then let us have this done quickly. Please come with me, Faramir."
Faramir agreed and let Éowyn lead him to where she knew Éomer likely to be, hoping that the King of Rohan did not have any callers this day.
---
I am hoping this chapter offers something of an explain of things that were previous (and intentionally) left vague. I know a lot of people have been bothered by the apparent "indulgence" of Faramir and Eowyn, but think about it - at the time, it definitely looked like the end of the world. Remember that fear drives people to do things they wouldn't ordinarily. This is just forthright humanness, not necessarily fallibility. Who would cast the first stone?
