Many apologies for taking such a long time with this chapter, hot weather and family circumstances. Hope peeps will enjoy anyway! Had to make it R for safety again 'fraid as again it gets a bit fruity (In the best possible taste of course!!)
Karen had spent the night with Charles. BJ knew and had promised her he wouldn't breath a word to Hawkeye. It is now the afternoon and she is due to be on duty in post-op.
I had tried to read the rest of the morning but I found it difficult, by noon I had fallen asleep, missing lunch; I regretted it when I woke feeling extremely hungry and a little sick thinking back to the previous evening and the morning. I tidied myself and wandered into the compound, my book in my hand like a safety. It wasn't as warm as when I arrived and I wished I'd checked up on the Korean weather for late summer, goose-pimples sprung up on my arms as a chilly wind swept around me.
"Hi Karen!" I heard a woman's voice cry out. It was one of the nurses I shared my quarters with, my mind scrambled for her name, she was the one with ginger hair, yes, Emily.
"Hi Emily!" I shouted, "How's things?" and she ambled over.
"Oh not bad, bit tired, was on duty most of last night," she blinked her green eyes, "You haven't done nights have you?"
"Not yet," I replied as an allied plane roared overhead.
"Go get 'em boys!" she yelled looking up laughing. "You will!" she shouted over the noise, "Bit quiet, and you keep thinking about the girls in the club having a good time while you're checking drips and stuff, anyway, you take care now."
"Have you seen Hawkeye?" I asked nonchalantly.
"I hear he's gone off to one of the villages close to here, a woman is having a tough time in labour."
"Thanks," I said and she wandered off. Whatever I'd thought about Hawkeye, he was a professional and I thought to myself it was about time I behaved like one myself. I looked up to the skies to see the last of the allied planes roar off into the hazy horizon and gave a small wave myself. With a surge of patriotism I made my way to Post-op.
I changed into my uniform and strode into the ward; I walked toward the first bed and checked the man's chart. The young, blond lad barely smiled at me, I smiled at him none the less.
"He has a broken clavicle, pretty lucky considering."
I looked up and saw it was Charles. "He's new ," I said.
"His jeep overturned this morning, two of his friends didn't make it," he said.
"I… didn't know that," said the injured man suddenly and he turned his head away. "You mean Joe and Reg…" And then he started sobbing. I gripped his hand, "Why didn't I die too, I was driving, it's my fault that…" and he turned his head away and continued to sob into his pillow. My heart went out to him, I couldn't begin to imagine how bad he was feeling at that moment.
"I suggest you concentrate on getting better for now," Charles said softly, "There is, well are, certain people, er, who are trained in, well to listen and help you in this area." I could tell he found the young man's emotional anguish difficult, but Charles' kind tone and the gentleness in his eyes showed that he was genuinely concerned, sympathetic even.
"What about Father Mulcahy, Doctor?" I interjected.
Charles seemed to wake up from deep thought and looked at me. "Yes, yes," he said, "A good idea nurse. Our Padre is well equipped to help you with these matters, I will speak to him later on today."
The patient nodded a little, sniffing through his tears but remained facing away.
Charles gently touched my arm. "May I have a word, Lieutenant?" he said softly, and I followed him to the corner of the ward. He squeezed the bridge of his nose and looked down. "Karen, you must think I'm an insensitive cretin but I honestly had no idea he hadn't been told about his comrades."
"It wasn't your fault," I said.
"No, I should have checked. Hawkeye had seen him in and… well, I hadn't been in the mood to talk to him today, I …"
As soon as he mentioned Hawkeye's name my mind wandered to what BJ had said about his friend's behaviour, I felt again so bad.
Charles leant slightly towards me and whispered into my ear. "May I er.. see you later on today, for a drink maybe?"
"Yes, of course," I replied,
"Maybe after dinner?" Charles gazed at me warmly although his face looked troubled. I nodded quickly, feeling strangely fearful of what of what he might want to say to me. He left the ward and I went back to my duties. I had some stuff from the ward to clean so with arms full of soiled sheets and gowns I made my way to the laundry. It was there it struck me, I was meant to have a talk with Georgia after dinner! Now what was I going to do? I had promised to be with her and it was so very kind for her to offer but I so longed to know what Charles needed to say. I made my decision after stuffing the last load of laundry into the soapsuds.
Throughout dinner I watched the door. BJ ambled in with one of the mechanics, Father Mulcahy followed soon after, Major Houlihan arrived and nodded towards me, smiling a little before she sat down next to BJ. A flash of orange made me spill my fork of beans - sweeping through the door was a wiry, hairy man in a pencil-skirt and matching tangerine spiky-heeled shoes; I could just see that Georgia was behind him to his left, they both laughed. Georgia then saw me and came over, waving; she had a big grin on her face.
"Hi Karen," she grinned, "By the look on your face I don't think you've ever met Klinger have you?"
She sat herself down beside me and helped herself to a piece of my bread roll, no I hadn't met Klinger if she was referring to the gaily dressed man she came in with.
"Oh, he's an absolute sweetheart!" she trilled, "Apparently he has spent a few days in Tokyo, arrived back just an hour ago," and she munched a little more of my bread.
"I must admit it makes the place brighter," I said, and smiled as I watched Klinger hitch up his skirt with some grace as he sat down, it was as if it was the most natural act in the world for him.
"Ooh, I must get some food of my own," she said, and I agreed as I watched her totter over to Igor. My eye caught Klinger's and he waved at me, his thick, black eyebrows raised and his little white purse dangling from his arm; I waved timidly back and had to smile. I toyed with my food, no sign of Charles.
Georgia leant over slightly at the table and made a would-be shield with her hand, "You mean you and Dr Winchester, no way!"
"Yes!" I rasped, "Oh please don't make it out we're talking about something secret Georgia!" I replied and pulled her covert hands back down on the table. I looked around. "Best we go to the Officers' club and talk, please?" She smiled and arm in arm we walked over. I thought that Charles might just wander in there anyway, I could stall him a while. Georgia and I started with a couple of beers but after a while we took to whiskeys (with insistence from Georgia. I still had regrets from the last two nights – what willpower I thought) and my tongue loosened, telling her about what had happened between Hawkeye, Charles and me.
Georgia listened with interest and then, after draining her Whiskey, cuddled my arm. "Oh my," she began, "And I thought I liked to live dangerously! Seriously though, maybe you should come clean with Hawkeye." She must have seen my eyes widen. "I know nothing kind of happened between you two," she quickly added, "But I reckon it is better to be honest."
"But it isn't anybody's business!" I said, "Especially Hawkeye's."
"I know that Karen, but…" and she fumbled with her glass.
"But what?" And I felt my heart lurch.
"Well I think you better know that earlier today when I was leaving the ward Hawkeye came up to me and he was holding a watch."
"A watch?" I said, rather confused at first but then it dawned on me.
"Yes, one with a gold strap," she said quietly, "He said he had found it in the swamp and asked me if I knew who it belonged to. I didn't recognize it at first but after he left I remembered you were wearing one so very much like it when we were on the jeep coming in and…"
"Yes it was mine," I said "And I did leave it in the swamp but not when I left Hawkeye." I felt uncomfortable admitting this.
Georgia was quiet for a second. "I see," she said at last.
"Did you tell Hawkeye when you remembered?"
"No I didn't Karen, honest I didn't!" And her brown eyes looked directly into mine, "I just guessed there must have been an explanation, maybe you'd left it after you had that drink with him, or that it wasn't yours at all or …"
"Or that I'd left it there after being with Dr Winchester?" I said.
Georgia looked down at her glass.
"So you guessed I might have been with him all the time?" I asked.
"Well," she said "Yes, but it was only when Hawkeye started raving on about the Major being a sneaking woman-stealer and it was so typical that he flashed his money under your nose to impress you."
This time my eyes narrowed and my brow furrowed with fury. How dare Hawkeye assume I could be only attracted to a man because of his wealth! Did he think I was really that shallow?
"Are you OK Karen?" a meek voice broke through my thoughts and Georgia was looking at me with a tear in her eye. "I know I should have found you right away and told you," she flustered, "But I was so busy and I didn't know where you were, and when I bumped into you in the shower and you asked to meet up I …"
I rested my hand on her arm, it was quite obvious she was upset; I must have looked so angry!
"Really Georgia, it wasn't your fault," I consoled her, "Hell, you didn't know what was really going on. You are right though, I've got to face Hawkeye and just tell him outright if even just to stop him getting drunk and mouthing off."
Before this conversation I had really wanted to be kind to Hawkeye but now I just felt so mad at him I just wanted to put him straight – straight through the nearest window.
I ordered a couple of more whiskeys and we talked about more pleasant stuff - England, the weather in Korea, the rats in Korea, the war in Korea and Georgia's studies (she was learning French as she had a promise of a job in Paris when the war was over). I made sure I kept one eye on the club door for Charles but he didn't appear; he never did mention where he wanted to meet, maybe I should have gone to the Swamp but then Hawkeye might have been there! Why should Charles assume I'd look for him anyway? I almost expected Hawkeye to come in at some point too.
Oh this was such a claustrophobic place to be! Not only was there no escape from the war, but there was no escape from anyone else here in the camp! After a while I reckoned my head was spinning enough for the evening so I finished my drink, hugged Georgia and thanked her for her company and said my goodbyes, and with an effort that would have impressed Hawkeye, left the Officers' club. It was dark and quite chilly, I wore a cardigan which I clasped around my body but my bare legs sprung up with goose-bumps.
I felt so tired.
Creeping back to my tent I heard some laughter from the showers, I looked round to see BJ and Hawkeye. Hawkeye was flashing his gown open and shut to his friend's amusement. So typical, I muttered to myself. I hid in the shadows until their voices were distant and then carried on with more speed. Suddenly I saw Charles, he too was robed and he was heading towards the showers. I froze, I couldn't think what to do. He seemed to spend so much time looking back and forth and around the compound before deciding to enter the showers. My heart was speeding like a train, had he been looking around for me? Should I have the guts to just knock on the shower door? No that would be unthinkable, I just could never do that. Not to the showers surely? To my horror I found myself boldly walking towards them.
"Hellooo Lady!!"
I jumped and turned, to be faced with the hairy guy but this time he was in a green floral frock. "I wear green tonight," he said "Not because it's the closest colour to Khaki but I hear it is easy on the eye and goes well with my eyes too."
I laughed, "Hello Klinger," I said, "Good to meet you."
"Good to meet you too," he replied, and he held a gloved hand out to me, I shook it. "I've been watching you," he said, and I shivered. "I'd just love to know where you got your shoes, been looking for a pair like that for some time to match my yellow Veronica Lake number; see ya later!"
And he walked off whistling.
Calming down my eyes returned to the shower tent. I felt so scared but then my mind went back to the previous night when Charles and I were in bed and after a few deep breaths my shaking legs brought me over to the door. I knocked, I feel a little too quietly. I could hear water running, and noticed the door was slightly ajar so I pulled it a little open, the room was somewhat steamy but I saw Charles remove his slippers and place them on the bench. A towel was wrapped rather precariously around his middle.
I coughed.
"Who is it?" he jumped slightly and his voice was full of annoyance.
"Charles, it's me Karen."
And he turned round. His body was damp from the steam and he placed an arm over his chest. "Karen!" he spluttered, "I am so sorry, I mean, I wanted to see you earlier, I certainly didn't want you to see me like this!"
I smiled, I liked to see him like this.
"I had every intention of coming to the mess this evening but …" and he halted, "I was called to the ward, I was needed. I am very sorry I let you down," and his hand reached to secure his towel.
"May I come in?" I asked, thinking maybe it was a strange question to ask, after all, it wasn't exactly his tent. I looked back over my shoulder but there was nobody about.
Charles sat down on the bench next to his slippers and rubbed his palms over his face. "Yes," he said softly, "Come in Karen, I want to talk to you," and as I stepped into the room he rose to turn the off the shower. For the first time that evening my body shook and despite the whiskey, I felt terror run through every vein in my body. Charles sat down again and patted the space on the bench next to him. My legs weakly took me over to him and I sat with my hands clenched together and my eyes fixed on the ground. I could feel his damp thigh press against me.
He gently took my hand. "Last night," he began, and I felt my terror turn into ice, "Was something beautiful, something special." My trembling turned into little jumps and I could feel again the beginning of tears. "It was the first time for you wasn't it?" and his voice was a whisper. I didn't respond. He continued: "I didn't think, oh God I just didn't think!" and his hand gripped mine tightly.
I blinked back my tears and summoned the courage to look at him. "Yes," I replied more feebly than I wanted, "It was my first time but I don't regret it, I don't regret it at all!" and as I felt just one tear fall I experienced an emotional surge and turned to him. "Why don't you just say it Charles?" I demanded, "That it was all a mistake and we should just get on with our lives, and the war?"
"No," he said softly, "That's not what I was going to say at all," and his light blue eyes stared directly into mine. "I just feel so responsible as an older man… and with you… well being so much younger and so inexperienced…"
"Is that how you see me?" I replied acidly, "That I am some little girl hick from the sticks knowing nothing about the world?" and I stood up. "Is it because you think I don't know anything about culture? Never been to the right schools? Never been to the right parties?" I could hear my voice breaking up but Charles remained silent and then grasped my hands.
"No!" he said at last, and drew me to him, " No Karen, that's not true, I have never looked down on you and have never dreamed of judging you!" His eyes filled with tears.
"You know nothing about me Charles," I sniffed, realising that I barely knew anything about myself.
"You're right," he said, "And now I want to learn everything possible about you."
I knelt down in front of him and cried into his damp shoulder, and he hugged me tightly. I felt both enraged at him and comforted by his embrace. I could smell the faint aroma of shaving foam on his neck and feel the coldness of his dog-tags which fell against my cleavage.
"I love you and I loved you from the moment I ever saw you," I heard myself say. Oh why I ever said that then I don't know but maybe I truly believed it.
"Karen," Charles breathed into my ear, "Meeting you was the best thing that has happened to me since I have been here."
I held him closer and noticed my trembling had ceased.
He stood up and took me in his arms. I could feel his damp chest against my face, the hairs sticking to my cheek. We kissed gently, his tongue parted my lips and I sank into the wonderful moistness of his mouth. His hands reached around me and he removed my cardigan, which fell with a clack of buttons onto the floor. Gazing into my eyes he then unzipped my dress, but suddenly he froze and clutching his towel around him he sat down again.
"No Karen," he gasped. "This is unfair to you, I don't …"
"Want to?" I replied. I was too full of passion to stop what was happening so I took him by the hands and pulled him back up towards me. "Charles, don't be gallant, just make love to me!" I said.
He smiled silently and opened one of the shower cubicles. Turning the water on he removed his towel and pulled me in, the sudden cascade of cold water made me gasp.
"It might warm up!" Charles laughed.
"I'm sure it will!" I said as my eyes blinked through the water, my hair fell in damp tendrils about my face and I realised I was still wearing my dress. I shrugged it off and it fell. I clasped my body to his and reached up to kiss him, he attacked my lips with passion and I felt his hands reach round and undo my brassiere. It too fell into the pool of water at our feet. I shivered as he kissed down my neck and bent down to reach my nipples. His soft lips took them into his mouth gently; his hands stroked up and down my body as the water fell about us and my hands curled around his wet hair as his warm tongue prodded and circled. I felt his hand reach and pull my knickers down, his fingers probed gently inside me. My legs felt so weak with absolute longing,
Charles then kissed further down my body and he knelt down and held my waist. I'd never experienced this before as his tongue trailed down past my belly button and reached down between my legs; I felt the delicious wetness of his mouth on me and inside me, and as I pushed myself into him I couldn't help but scream out as my body shook.
Charles stood and looked at me. His lovely blue eyes seemed a bit sheepish as he blinked through the falling spray and he pecked me lovingly on the cheek. I reached up to him and my hungry lips found his, we kissed deeply and my hands once more caressed him. I wanted to please him too although I knew it would be so very new to me, I felt scared but I so wanted to do this. I knelt down and took his hardness gently into my mouth and I caressed him with my tongue. I heard that in my town, doing this meant a girl was loose but this was surely different – those girls did it under duress I imagined, I was enjoying this and felt pleasure pleasing Charles.
"Karen," he gasped, "I don't expect you to…" but I continued. My hand shakily held him as I felt the smoothness and warmth of him in my mouth and I could hear him quietly moan saying my name, his fingers twirled through my hair. After a time he started moving himself between my lips, very gently at first but then quite urgently. He withdrew from me and lifted my chin to look at him. His breathing was heavy.
"I don't want to stop Charles," I said, "Please, just let me carry on."
He looked at me and blinked. I took him once again between my lips, letting him gently move in my mouth. He moaned as my tongue felt its way around him and his hips regained their urgency. He held my head tightly as my fingers worked their way through his wet body hair and between his thighs, caressing him gently. Suddenly he pulled me up and lifted me so my arms could rest on walls of the shower cubicle, burying his face into my neck. I felt his legs push mine apart and he entered me. It was hard to keep balanced, our wet bodies slipping against each other, but my legs clasped his hips as he pushed into me again and again until once more I felt my body tense with pleasure. We cried out together and held each other tightly, then there was silence except for the sound of the water running and our heavy, trembling breaths.
We decided to go our separate ways that night, me to the nurses quarters and he to the Swamp; but beforehand, I wrung my soggy clothes out as much as I could and we giggled together, Charles suggesting I could say I was caught in a freak shower. I just asked for a something to place around me and he gave me a neatly folded dry towel.
"As you saw, the army under-estimates the size of some of its personnel so I always come to the showers with two."
I bundled my damp clothes up under my arm, and after we kissed I trotted back. The girls were huddled up in bed and only Nora, the Texas nurse, was up, sitting on the side of her bed and engrossed with painting her toenails. Observing her slow and imprecise attempts I guessed she'd had quite a good evening herself. I hurriedly stuffed my clothes into my wash-bag knowing that it probably wasn't the best thing to do, and after pulling on my nightgown I climbed into my cot.
"Night Nora," I whispered, and she slowly looked over to me as her brush left a trail of little red dots up her big toe.
"Huh? Oh, nigh'-nigh', Karen" she slurred and I turned over to sleep and smiled to myself. Charles said before we parted that we'd meet tomorrow, maybe go out of the camp and spend some time alone. As I felt my eyes close with tiredness a thought entered my head, I hadn't seen Dr Mathews; had she left? Nobody had mentioned if she had, surely I'd have heard, but my mind was too numb to entertain this quandary and I drifted into oblivion.
Except it wasn't oblivion, where I found myself was somewhere I didn't want to be: I was at home in Maine and seeing that perfect peach coloured carpet outside Mamma and Dad's bedroom door. This time there was no red but the hall was in darkness and there was just a sliver of light under the door, I stood so very still watching the shadows from the other side make the sliver flash between dark and light. The voices came again, I could see my hand reach up and turn the knob and the hall flooded with a yellow light as I opened the door, my first sight is the family picture on the table on Dad's side of the bed but then my attention is drawn to a movement from the window.
"Get that brat out of here!" I hear an angry voice.
A man runs towards me but a woman pulls him back, it is Mamma and she looks so smart wearing a silver dress and her perfect blonde hair is piled up, she looks immaculate. I try to push the door a bit more to come in and see her but something is stopping me, I look down and see a pair of legs, still and lying on the floor. There are some stains of red on the carpet.
"She's seen us!" I hear. The man is very tall and slim, his face is red and his brown straight fringe is stuck flat on his forehead.
"Leave it Arthur!" Mamma shouts and I see her run over to me and when she kneels down I feel her arms around me, her perfume smells stale and streaks of black are around her eyes, some of it is smudged down her cheeks.
"Lets go darling," she says quietly, smiling and stroking my hair.
"Oh no!" the man walks towards us, I pull free from Mamma's embrace. "You don't walk away from this so easily Grace, we had an understanding."
The yellow light faded; I saw images of white-coated trees and white-coated mountains and every one of them had the smiling face of a woman with perfect blonde hair. I awoke with my cheek buried in the dampness of my pillow and blinked as I raised my head towards the noise of another morning at the MASH 4077.
To be continued...
