Since Éowyn did not answer his question, he guessed he was rather on target and decided that he need not stay around. He told the guard that should the Lady emerge from his study that he should show her to the best chambers currently untaken in the Citadel. On his way to go get some sleep so he could at least face the morning, Faramir desperately wanted to stop and talk to his father for a while, but neither Aragorn nor Arwen could be found in the Citadel. Faramir decided he would put it off, though he couldn't help the nagging thought that they were avoiding him.
Faramir wanted nothing more than to fall sound asleep when he laid down, but such was not in the stars for him. Instead he ran over in his mind everything that had gone on in the last months. When he learned that the war had been won and the Shadow vanquished, he had rejoiced thinking that his days of battle had ended and that he would again know what it was to live in peace. Though he felt slightly guilty to think it, he was just as glad to know that Denethor's ever-critical presence was also no more, and it seemed that a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Then when he learned that he had a father who cared about him and encouraged him, Faramir thought his fortunes truly changed.
He wondered now, though. It seemed that those things had been but brief rays of light between the overcast weather of his life. Since his mother's passing Faramir had done all he could to win the acceptance, if not love, of Denethor, but he always failed somehow. He had come to internalize the belief that if he only tried harder he would not fail others. When Aragorn's presence in his life began to change his perspective about what failing was, Faramir came to think that those who did not appreciate who he was were the ones with observation issues.
But now with his world darkening again it felt as though shadows were again lengthening, but only over him. His self-query from earlier that night came back to his mind, why did the Valar give him this fortune? Why, indeed? Perhaps it was the will of the Valar that had given him nothing but misery for the last 36 years. If so, why should they single him out so? Or moveover, why did they seem to demand such perfection from him, did they not know he was but one person, a weak mortal at that? Damn them! Why did they not challenge someone of their own strength?
Falling into an uneasy sleep, Faramir decided that this time he would not give up too easily. If the Deathless, the Lords of Valinor, wanted to see him fight and struggle, he would not disappoint, only he made up his mind that they would not see him defeated, as they seemed to wish. No, when his days had ended, he would not have gone in loss but in victory and glory to be remembered.
Sleep took the Steward but it did not last long and when he rose with the sun he went to Aragorn's study. His father was not yet there, in truth not yet awake, and Faramir sat at the east window as he had upon his return. His eyes were drawn to the skies as ever and settled upon the failing light of the Hunter, only this time the starry figure of the great Oromë did not draw a smile from the young man, but an angry stare. Even with the day he could not get out from under the oppressive watch of the Valar. Certainly, they watched ever, how long had it been since the last time they sent help? Or perhaps they had wanted to see the human race and all of Middle-earth fall. They obviously loved the Elves enough to call them West to safety before mortals took over and brought weakness and failure.
Now that was another matter. Elves, who lived forever, who had all the time in the world to learn and read and sing and anything else they so chose. Elves, who praised the scholar in equal measure with the warrior and held them with the same regard. Elves, who were beautiful beyond compare and loved wisdom and gentleness and beauty. Elves, who could read minds as well as hearts, and possessed powers that no mortal could rightly understand. Elves, who never had misery for which there was no escape.
When Aragorn finally entered the study with Arwen at his side, Faramir just stared with such heat and condemnation brewing in his heart. Some small, meek part of him did not understand why he was thinking and feeling these things, but was too afraid to challenge the shadow on his heart.
