Yay for me, I'm still alive! I thought for sure with all the death threats people have been sending me I wouldn't have lived this long. What's with that? If I don't update, people will send anime hit men to come and get me?! Your all so violent, but that's why I love you, right? Anyways, if you really want to know why I haven't updated recently, you can all go and blame that-fan for their wonderful Hellsing fic, 'A New Red Start'. I've been hooked on it and I can't stop reading it, meaning that I haven't been working on my own story for some time now. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it. = . =

Despite the utter chaos taking place in the west wing of the Hellsing manor, Walter C. Dornez strolled through the east wing, accompanied by a very shaken Sarah, who had fled to him after her last encounter with our inebriated hero.

"He's gone much to far, even for his usual pranks. He must think he's free to do as he pleases with Sir Integra gone. If he keeps this up, we will be the only four members remaining in this organization." Walter fumed silently, his face a calm mask over his growing anger towards the resident vampire.

Sarah, meanwhile, followed meekly behind Walter, nervously glancing into rooms as they passed by. After fleeing from Alucard, she had run into Walter, who was mumbling something about senility and wine as he rummaged through a cabinet full of liquor.

Deciding that she would leave him with his alcohol, Sarah began to back slowly out of the room. Unfortunately, she hadn't noticed the big fluffy rug in front of the door, and now tripped on it as she made her way silently out. Luckily for her, though, she caught herself on the doorframe before landing on the stone floor.

Walter turned at the unexpected disturbance, a bottle of wine in each hand as he rose to his feet. "Oh, Miss Sarah! Forgive me, I didn't hear you enter. Is there something I can assist you with?"

Sarah looked uncertain from the bottle to Walter, and back again, unsure if the man was sober at the moment. Sure, he looked like he was alright, but so did that walking corpse, until he started walking into the walls.

"Ah...yes, well, this isn't what it looks like. These aren't mine," he hastily explained, noticing Sarah's look of apprehension, "I haven't been drinking any of these! I was merely looking for a certain...vintage...for the...party." Walter muttered, trailing off near the end as he realized how stupid he must sound. He quickly put the bottles back into the cabinet, feeling nervous under the suspicious stare of the young servant. 'Wonderful,' thought Walter, 'Now they'll think I'm senile and an alcoholic...'

Sarah stared apprehensively at the muttering retainer as she tried to decide whether to talk to Walter or make a run for it while she could. Before she could bolt, Walter broke the silence between them, repeating his earlier question.

As Sarah explained what she had seen to Walter, she noticed his face grow angrier by the minute. By the time she finished her tale, the butler had regained his composure and calmly led her with him out to the hallway, where she now found herself tailing after as Walter searched for the wayward vampire.

Walter was currently making his way down to the basement, on a straight course for Alucard's dungeon room. 'His Majesty' had been in his room since they had begun the party planning, hiding out so as not to have any of the work given to him, which had been fine by Walter and Seras.

Sarah looked about curiously, as she had never seen these lower levels before. 'Wow, this place is a lot bigger then I thought, there's a whole other section underground!' she poked cautiously at a few of the closed doors. 'Hmm...they all seem locked. These must all be just for storage.'

As the two were passing the younger vampire's room, Sarah heard a faint scuffling noise coming from within. Walter seemed not to notice, as he kept dead on his course for the elder vampire's room. Sarah, her curiosity getting the better of her, stopped outside the door, placing her ear against the cool, wooden door to better hear within. The noise was muted by the thick stone walls and heavy oak door, but there was definitely something in there.

Sarah chanced a quick glance at Walter, who was farther up the hall and had not yet noticed her disappearance. 'It's probably just a rat, but still...' Ever the curious type, Sarah gently pushed the heavy door open.

The sight that greeted her eyes was one she would not soon forget, even were she as immortal as the vampire himself. 'Alucard', as Walter had called him, the No Life King of the undead, trump card of the Order of Royal Protestant Knights and the bane of existence to many of the Hellsing staff, was prancing around in some woman's lacy pink bra and panties, which he was wearing over his normal red attire.

Sarah, unsure whether to laugh or scream in terror, simply stood slack-jawed at the sight before her. She fell hard to the ground, her legs unable to support her any longer. She merely sat in the doorframe as Alucard began jumping on a coffin-like bed, his head banging against the upper lid with each bounce. The vampire didn't seem to mind to much, as he just kept on jumping and singing in some nonsense language that, no doubt, only he could understand. He was currently engrossed in trying to pull another pair of panties over his large, wide-brimmed hat, and failing miserably.

Meanwhile, Walter had noticed that Sarah was no longer behind him. Concerned for the young ladies safety, especially knowing that Alucard was somewhere nearby, he made his way back the way they had come, calling out for her.

As he came near Seras' room, he noticed Sarah sitting in the doorway, a mingled look of sheer terror and utter amusement on her face. Worried for her safety, he rushed forward to her side.

"Miss Sarah! What are you-" Walter abruptly stopped as he followed the shocked young servants gaze to the dancing vampire/transvestite bouncing on the bed. Never, in all his years at Hellsing, had he seen anything like it, and that was saying something.

"Wheee!" Bonk! "Come!" Bonk! "Play!" Bonk! "With!" Bonk! "Me!" Alucard shouted to the two appalled figures in the doorway, enunciating each word with another jump into the coffin lid.

Walter looked around the room, noticing that other articles of clothing had been thrown onto the floor in a heap, make-up was scattered about on the dresser, and the Harkonnen Cannon appeared to be missing as well. Walter's gaze returned to the vampire once more before he realized just who's bra and panties Alucard was modeling. The Hellsing family retainer's eyes grew big as saucers as he blushed furiously, turning away from the insane vampire to bolt out the door.

Halfway up the stairs, Walter groaned before running back down the stairs to grab young Sarah, still sitting in shock, and dragged her out of the room, slamming the door behind them.

Alucard's insane giggle chased them all the way to the upper floors.