Title: Time And Time Again
Author name: Moonstarlet
Author email: sailorcomet18@yahoo.com
Category: Humor, History, Romance
Keywords: Harry, Lily, James
Spoilers: PS/SS, COS, POA, GOF
Rating: 5 stars... I mean... PG

Summary: Voldemort plans to go back in time to kill James and Lily before Harry is ever born. Can Harry save his mom and dad? What happens when the mom *likes* the son? Plus, the Marauders at 15...oh lordy!
Disclaimer:
I own nothing. JKR owns everything.

A/N: Sorry to everyone who has waited patiently for the next chapter in TATA. I've had a seriously heinous case of writer's block (it got to the point where I was afraid to even open the TATA file on my computer, b/c I'd have to look at that cocky, blinking cursor. Stupid cursor, mocking me when it knew I couldn't write, but I'm digressing.). I'm back to it and hopefully won't have any problems. I hope you enjoy the following chapter. Finally, Lily's *interest* in Harry in dealt with.

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Winter, 1975, Henry

Avoiding the sexual advances of one's mother was hard work, Harry concluded half an hour into his tutoring session with Lily.

For Harry, who'd never had much experience with the fairer sex- beyond a few dances with Parvati Patil and a kiss on the cheek from Hermione- this proved to be a thoroughly uncomfortable enterprise. Not only was Harry forced to deal with an incestuous, infatuated teenage mother, whose hand continued to rest rather high on his thigh no matter how often he moved it, but he had to watch one of his worst enemies make lovey-dovey eyes at her.

Oh, yes. Severus Snape was there. And, yes, he had fallen for Harry's mother. Which meant that Harry couldn't turn her romantic attention from himself without risking it falling on Snape instead. The big nosed, greasy haired, ugly git. Harry would rot in hell before he allowed that monster to become his father!

Glancing up and across the small worktable, Harry met the eyes of Snape himself. Snape's eyes narrowed and he bared his teeth, as if to say "I was here first. She's mine."

Over my dead body, Harry thought in return.

Little did Snape know, but Harry had brought reinforcements. Hidden in the supply closet of the potions classroom was Sirius, who was only too happy to terrorize Snape despite his misgivings about Harry. Positioned at opposite ends of the corridor outside the room were James, who didn't want Lily to be with Harry any more than Harry did, and Remus, who came along to keep his friends out of trouble (although, secretly, Harry thought Remus wanted to torture Snape just as much). Speaking of James, Harry was still P.O.-ed that James had played that "blinking" trick on him. James of course denied it, but come on! Who else could it be? Voldemort?

Unfortunately, Peter was helping too, hidden behind a statue of Vladmir the Vicious just outside the classroom door. James had a refused to leave him behind. (Yeah, James can be noble when it comes to Peter, but he's not to good to play tricks on his own son...)

"Next, you add the hemlock root to the infusion of Mugwort and stir the mixture separately," Lily's hand covered Harry's as he slowly stirred the concoction. Noticing this, Snape glared at Harry. Harry glared right back.

Okay, he thought, time to put the plan into action.

"Wow, Lily, you sure do know a lot about potions," Harry said.

Lily blushed prettily. "Oh, thank you, Henry. That's so nice to say."

He nodded. "Yeah, considering girls usually aren't smart enough for this kind of stuff."

Lily's eyes widened in shock.

"I mean, " Harry continued, "girls' brains aren't really made for this, I mean, complicated classes like Potions. Girls are really better at simple things like cooking and cleaning and taking care of babies."

Lily's face was turning an unflattering shade of red and she was beginning to hyperventilate. "What?!"

Harry went on. "I mean, it's nice that you can do this kind of stuff, but really, it's not gonna help you any. I mean, not when you get married and start having kids, your husband will take care of you then. And it's not like anybody would hire a girl, anyway, not when you could find any guy to do the same work better."

If this had been a cartoon, a shrill whistle would be blowing in the background as large plumes of steam came out of Lily's ears. As it was, her face was magenta with blotches of purple on her forehead and cheeks. Her teeth were quietly grinding, and she was breathing very deeply.

Time for Phase Two.

Turning, Harry looked straight into his mother's eyes. He then snorted loudly, sucking all of the phlegm, snot and mucus from his nose and throat into his mouth.

His eyes still on Lily, Harry lifted his head, then spat.

The saliva, which was a nasty green color and filled with large lumps, hit the wall directly behind Lily, where it began a slow slide to the floor.

A muscle in Lily's cheek began to twitch rapidly.

"You are a neanderthal." Snape was frowning, but Harry could see the look of triumph in his eyes. "I don't know where you grew up, but here, in the civilized world, all people are held in equal esteem, regardless of race, creed, religion and, especially, gender."

Snape smiled apologetically at Lily. "Allow me to apologize for this fool's statement. I assure you, Lily, that I do not agree with him."

Lily smiled at Snape. "Thank you, Severus. I really do appreciate that. "

She glared at Harry, then said through tight lips, "Do not speak to me again. Ever."

Snape smirked maliciously in Harry's direction.

Lily continued with her lesson, keeping her eyes pointedly averted from Harry. Harry took this all in stride, as it was exactly what he wanted. He couldn't help but notice that Snape's left arm had slid behind Lily and was lightly stroking her back. Every few minutes, Snape would whisper things in her ear, things that sounded suspiciously like, "I think you're smart enough to do anything, Lily, even if he doesn't."

Harry felt his jaw clench. He didn't appreciate Snape manipulating his mother when she was upset. (Never mind that it was Harry who had gotten her upset in the first place.)

Time for Phase Three.

"I think I need some more quicksilver," he said to no one in particular. Harry slowly backed up until his heels touched the enormous double-door supply closet. Checking to make sure that neither Lily nor Snape was looking, Harry slowly opened the left door.

Crouched on the bottom shelf, nearly bent in half, was his teenage godfather. He was frowning.

"I always knew that perverted freak of nature had a thing for Lils." Sirius whispered, his eyes locked on Snape, who had begun massaging Lily's shoulders. "Look at him, the whole school knows she belongs with James. Bloody hermaphrodite. Trying to steal my best buddy's girl."

"Do you even know what a hermaphrodite is?" Harry asked quietly.

Sirius glanced at Harry quickly, before returning his attention to Snape and Lily. "I heard Remus say it once. It sounded like an insult. Is it?"

"It means..." Shaking his head, Harry changed his mind. "I'll tell you later. Is there any quicksilver in there?"

Sirius handed it over. "Make sure Lily is looking at you, when I do this, okay? Or else we'll all be screwed, although I doubt Snape could get screwed if he had a bag of bananas in a monkey whorehouse. And don't forget to go to the bathroom in five minutes. Five minutes exactly. Got it?"

"I got it." He left the door slightly open before leaving.

Harry returned to the table, in time to watch Snape play with a strand of his mother's hair. Breathing deeply, Harry remained in control of the intense desire to hit the greasy haired prat.

Looking over at the supply closet, Harry saw Sirius giving him a thumbs up through a small crack between the doors.

Here we go.

"Lily, you're right. I'm sorry for saying those horrible things to you."

Without looking up from her cauldron, Lily sighed. "It's not enough to be sorry for saying it, you have to be sorry for thinking it."

Sirius was mouthing the words, "Hurry up."

"I am sorry, Lily. I don't really feel that way. I know there are a lot of things that you can do so much better than me."

Lily looked up. Yes!

"Then why would you say something like that?" she asked.

A small streak of pink light hit Snape in the side. The light glowed faintly, growing in size until it covered every inch of cloth on his body, before disappearing. All this happened in an instant. Snape never noticed. Harry could hardly contain his smile.

"I guess I was just a little frustrated that I'm so bad at potions. I try really hard but I never seem to get it, and it comes so easily to you. It just seems a little unfair."

Everything he should say had been planned out earlier in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory. Of course he didn't think that girls were stupid or should only have babies, but he had needed to make his mother angry.

"Well," Lily sighed once more. "I guess I forgive you for now, but don't do it again."

Smiling widely, Harry replied, "I won't. I promise."

He poured the powdered quicksilver into his cauldron, carefully stirring the potion. Looking across the table, Harry saw Snape scratch his shoulder.

A few minutes later, out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Sirius motioning for him to leave.

"I'm really sorry, but I've got to go to the bathroom." Trying very hard not to look guilty, Harry walked to the door, then once out of sight, began running towards James, at the end of the corridor.

"Phases One, Two and Three are completed and Phase Four is in progress," said Harry when he reached his father.

"Was she pissed?" James replied, referring, of course, to Lily.

"Furious."

"Did you spit like I taught you?"

"It was great!" Harry's face broke into a grin.

"That really pissed her off, didn't it?"

"Oh, yeah."

James fell silent, stroking his chin pensively. "That slimey bugger's been hitting on Lily, hasn't he?"

Slowly, Harry nodded. He'd wondered how James might react to this.

James nodded back. "Remind me to make it my life's purpose to be sure that everyone knows how much of a pillock Snapey is."

Harry nodded once again.

A loud noise, like skin hitting skin, could be heard from where Harry stood. Then, Lily's voice, shouting indecipherable words and phrases.

James and Harry looked at each other, grinning. "Phase Four completed. You'd better go, Harry. It's nearly time for the last phase."

Harry made his way back down the corridor, trying to look as if he'd been coming from the bathroom and not a planned rendezvous with his father.

Halfway down the hall, Harry saw Lily advancing toward him, her fists clenched, robes billowing behind her and her face flushed a deep red. She was mumbling to herself and didn't seem to notice Harry when she passed him.

"Pigs!" she cried out. "Why are all the men in this school pigs?"

It worked!

Coming out of the classroom, clad only in his green and silver boxers, was Severus Snape.

*******

Later that night....

"What did Lily say when she saw you?" Sirius asked, pulling the covers back from his bed.

James chuckled. "She wouldn't stop swearing. You wouldn't believe the things she was calling Snape."

"Our sweet, little Lily swearing? What's the world coming to?" Remus found a volley of pillows thrown at him for that remark.

"That's my girlfriend you're talking about! I'll not have you disrespecting the future mother of my child."

Harry began blushing.

"It's about time, James. Thought I'd die before you and Lily got together."

Ignoring Sirius, James turned to Harry, "Bet you didn't even think it'd work, did you, Har-Henry?"

"Not really. I was sure Snape'd realize we put a Chafing Charm on his clothes."

"Snape'll never be able to forget this, no matter how many Memory Charms he uses..." noted Remus.

Sirius grinned. "Ah, I wish I could have seen him when he started ripping his clothes off." His eyes widened in shock when he realized what he'd said. Whistles and catcalls filled the room.

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A/N2: Thanks for sticking around. Let me know what you think, press the review button and give me a piece of your mind (not literally, of course... unless you really want to). The next chapter should be out in a week or two (no more than two, I promise). Some really angsty stuff is coming up. Think angry!Harry, ala OOTP. Also, I'm writing this fic, with the idea that whatever happened in OOTP, did not happen here. Sorry if you have a problem with that, but, well, I started this fic well before OOTP came out (never mind that I'll finish it well after OOTP came out, that's not important). Anyway, see you in a few days. Sincerely...., me.