I apologize for the wait, but here's chapter whatever we're on (Too lazy to look it up right now, it's about 3am here. Gomen nasi). Sorry it's so short. And kind of a cliffhanger. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks for the reviews everyone, I'm glad that some people are finding humor in it. Also, just a quick reminder since some people seem to forget easily, this fic is O-O-C. If you don't like OOC, then I suggest you don't read the story. It's that simple, mmm k?
"I must say, Walter, you've been rather, well…um, lately…" Seras Victoria stumbled for the proper words to describe her friends recent odd behavior. "Are you sure you haven't been…ahem…" Seras made suspicious drinking motions with her hands, hoping she wasn't offending her friend. Upon glancing up and seeing the death-glare on Walter's face, she simply dropped her hands and left it at that, scratching her head distractedly as she chuckled nervously.
"Miss Victoria," Walter began, teeth clenched in barely restrained anger, "for the final and last time, I have not been drinking, nor am I as of yet going senile. I'm telling you exactly what I saw, Lord Alucard is destroying the rooms in the underground labyrinth. Miss Sarah here can verify all that I've said!"
Sarah nodded meekly from behind Walter as he continued. "There is definitely something wrong with Lord Alucard, and we must determine the cause immediately. Sir Integra will be arriving back home tomorrow, and we've worked so hard to make this party perfect. Do you want all that work going to waste just because of this incident?"
Seras sighed and shook her head. "Your right, Walter, Master has been acting odd lately. I ran into him earlier, and he was behaving very strangely. Something has to be done about him before Sir Integra arrives. Where did you say you last saw him?" Seras fixed Walter with a curious stare.
"Ahem…well, yes…a-about that…" Walter stuttered, his face flushing a bright shade of red as he glared furiously at the black and white floor tiles.
Seras cocked her head as she stared at Walter with a curious expression. 'What's the matter with him? What a curious shade of red, I don't believe I've ever seen a color quite like that…'
Sarah, who had been standing behind Walter, saw him staring at the floor and stuttering helplessly. She looked curiously between Walter and Seras, the former was currently trying her best to make sense of the poor butler's stuttering. Deciding that this could go on forever, Sarah timidly stepped out from behind Walter and cleared her throat. Seras' head shot up as though startled by the shy servants interruption, while Walter continued stuttering at the floor.
"Please excuse me, miss, but the vampire was in one of the rooms in the underground levels. From the look of it, I believe it was a young ladies room, except it had a large coffin-like bed inside. The vampire had made quite a mess of the room, though. There were women's clothes scattered all over the floor, and the vampire was wearing a few of the ladies-ahem-personal clothes…on his…head." Sarah finished nervously, unsure if the slack-jawed look she was receiving from Seras was a good or bad sign.
"He was WHAT?! What in the HELL was he doing in MY room??" Seras screamed in shock and rageas her anger turned to the little servant that had once again retreated behind Walter, who was cringing in fear at the young vampire's outburst.
"N-Now now, Miss Seras, please do calm down." Walter said in an attempt to calm the outraged young woman. "You can't go down there and talk with Lord Alucard if your-"
"Like HELL I'm going to calm down! He's wearing my clothes, Walter! And he tore my room apart?!" Seras turned an angered glare at Sarah, who nodded her confirmation from behind Walter.
"I'll find out what's wrong with Master, Walter, and I will take care of it. Master or not, he's going to pay for what he's done to my stuff! It will be avenged!"
With a defiant toss of her short blond hair, she turned on her heel and began to march down towards the lower levels, and towards her tiny room in search of her wayward Master.
Before she even reached the first step, a jarring blast was heard from the lower levels that caused the entire Hellsing Manor to shake on its very foundations. Seras lost her balance and tipped over, falling hard on the tile floor before rolling and bouncing down the stone stairs into the basement. Walter caught Sarah as she fell against him, taking them both down to the floor together.
"What was that?" an angry female voice demanded from the bottom of the stairs.
"Oh dear God! It came from the lower levels!" shouted Walter, pulling Sarah to her feet as they both ran down the stairs to join Seras, who was pulling herself up from the floor.
Meanwhile
"Hehehehehehe! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" A very familiar maniacal voice laughed, loading another round into the Harkonen Cannon. "Boom! Boom! BOOM! Make it go BOOM!!" Alucard laughed as he shot another hole through the wall in Seras' room.
He had taken off his usual red coat and thrown it on the floor with the other piles of clothes, leaving his traditional black suit underneath. He had put a pair of Seras' pink panties on over his own pants, and was wearing one of her pink, lacy bras over the top of his head. He had also found a very flattering shade of orange lipstick that he had applied himself, but in his inebriated state he had drawn it up far past his nose. Gotten it stuck inside his nose, as a matter of fact. He didn't seem to mind it too much, as he had found the Harkonen when he had accidentally tripped and fallen through the closet door.
He had spent several minutes trying to pull the Harkonen back through the closet door with the rest of his body, but, being solid as it was, it refused to co-operate with his efforts. In the end, he had been forced to go through the closet door and simply blast it open from the inside, rather then just opening the door from the outside.
The entire room shook with each blast, the walls enclosing Victoria's room crumbling into dust as the Harkonen shot right through the next seven rooms that were beside hers. Alucard was laughing like a lunatic as he blasted the room to pieces, yelling 'Boom' at each shot and collapsing in a helpless giggling fit before getting up and repeating it again.
He now had the hiccups from laughing so hard, and with each hiccup, another drunken bat flew out of his mouth. By the time our hero's arrived at Seras' room (or what was left of it), a swarm of tiny, drunken bats were circling around Alucard's head. Every now and then, a squeak of terror could be heard as an unlucky bat had the misfortune of flying into the path of the Harkonen.
Our three heros stood just outside the empty doorframe, staring in shock and disbelief at the scattered articles, holes in the wall, and the drunken bats; but they stared mainly at the insane vampire that had caused the entire affair.
It only took Seras a second to recover from her initial shock, as she saw exactly which of her clothes Alucard had chosen to wear. She immediately charged at her Master, intent on recovering her personal items before further embarrassment resulted.
Walter came out of his shock as he saw Seras race past him and head straight for Alucard. Leaving Sarah in the doorway, he took off after the vampiress, pulling his monofilament wires out from his pocket as he entered the room.
"MOMMY!!" shouted Alucard, as he saw Seras racing towards him from the doorway, "Mommy came back!!" With that, he jumped down off the coffin-bed and proceeded to run towards Seras, arms out wide as he attempted to hug her.
Seeing her Master running towards her yelling 'mommy' again, Seras skidded to a halt and turned tail to run, fear quickly replacing her anger.
"No, no, please!! Not again! Make him go awaaaaaay!!" Seras pleaded as Alucard caught up to her, picking her up off the ground and squeezing her like a giant teddy bear.
Walter grabbed Alucard from behind, trying to pry the elder vampire's arms off his fledgling before he accidentally killed her…again.
Alucard seemed not to notice Walter's presence as he began to swing Seras around and around the room, swatting drunken bats in all directions.
Walter ducked, dodged and jumped to avoid the onslaught of the tiny critters, but was repeatedly hit by the flying projectiles, knocking him into the only part of the wall that was still standing. Until he crashed through it.
Sarah, meanwhile, had stood in the doorway the whole time, watching first Seras and then Walter lose to the insane Alucard. Overcome by fear, she fled the lower levels, seeking a hiding spot up on the main floor of the manor, and leaving the other two to the mercies of Alucard.
Meanwhile, upstairs
The main gates of the Hellsing estate opened with a soft squeaking noise to allow a fancy black car entrance to the manor. It pulled up to the main doors and the driver exited, walking around to the passenger side to open the rear door for the occupant inside.
A tall blonde woman with ice blue eyes and wearing a man's tailored suit stepped out of the car, looking quite perturbed. Her right eye twitched in anger as she glared up at the manor and began climbing the steps.
How dare they send me to the very northern, godforsaken part of this bloody isle for nothing! They will pay dearly for this little 'prank' and I shall see to it personally! I'm sure Alucard had a part in this, and probably dragged the Police Girl in on it as well, but Walter?! Of all the people to betray me, I never thought I'd see the day he would…
Sir Integra silently fumed as she ripped the front doors open and stepped inside, venomous daggers shooting from her crystalline blue eyes as she scanned the empty main hall.
Uh oh, cliffhanger! Oooooh I'm evil. Yep. But really, I am sorry about that. Possibly. Not. Anyways, I'll have the next chapter up really soon. Until then!
