When I woke up the next day, I knew I had to get back on track. I got up early but I still missed my father before he left for work. I wanted to talk to him about the whole rock incident from the morning before. Yes, it had only been one day. It's amazing how much can happen in a day.
So I went back to the library with the intention of doing research. Now, you may be wondering how it is that I had so much leisure time with which to hang around libraries and propel small objects at women I don't particularly get on with. Well, whether you are wondering or not I'm going to tell you, so you'd better just deal with it.
I should have been in my last year of University. All of the other girls my age were, which kept them occupied for most of the week. Gossip and their hair kept them occupied for the rest. But anyway, I managed to finish a semester early, and so had a whole semester free before I would have to choose a profession and go into apprenticeship or go to secondary school.
I knew I wasn't going to secondary school. Although it masqueraded as academic, it was really just a place for the women to go to meet husbands. I had no place there. I contemplated many professions, but the one I was seriously considering at the time of the "rock incident" was Interplanetary Shuttle Pilot. I'd even submitted my application paperwork to a training facility that seemed to have a pretty decent program.
But as I walked to the library that crisp fall morning, I wondered if there wasn't something more. Romanticized tales of heroism and bravery had filled my head and I'd never been as passionate about anything as when I researched the Jedi. I knew it was ridiculous – and highly dangerous to even think about – but I couldn't stop my mind from wandering there. The possibility that I had the powers to become a Jedi – even if there weren't any others left – was too exciting not to ponder. If, in fact, the whole thing yesterday wasn't somehow an accident.
So once again I found myself in the library looking for answers. This time, however, I wasn't counting on research to find those answers. Oh no, I was bent on experimentation. I grabbed a sizable book and went as far back into the stacks as I possibly could, hiding myself from the view of anybody that would possibly enter the library. There I sat, on the floor with the book laying several feet away from me.
I probably looked ridiculous, sitting there, staring intently at a book lying on the floor, but I had to know. Either the book would move or, well, I don't know or what. But I had to try. I don't know how long I sat there staring at that damn book – without a twitch of movement from it, may I add – when I heard a voice behind me.
"You know, it works better when you open them up."
I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. "Why?" I wasn't even really talking to him, more to the greater powers of the universe. Why did this man insist on tracking me down and interrupting when I was quite obviously in the middle of something? He obviously thought I was talking to him though, and felt the need to respond to my rhetorical question.
"Well, then at least you can see the words." I turned to see him grinning at me, proud of the joke he apparently thought he just made. I couldn't help but smile at his foolishness and shake my head at him.
"I meant…oh never mind." It dawned on me that it was a school day and he shouldn't even be here harassing me. "Shouldn't you be in class?"
He smiled at me in the way that made his eyes crinkle. "Career day." He shrugged. "I'm here seeing what it would be like to be in the Royal Guard."
"Why?" I asked, and I couldn't help but hear the amount of disdain I had in my voice. He heard it too, and he stiffened at my words.
"Because that's what I'm going to be." He frowned at me. "What's wrong with the Royal Guard? Both our fathers are in it."
I could see that he had been stung by my words, and I completely did not understand. "Don't you want more than that? Don't you want to get off this planet, and see the galaxy?"
He folded his arms across his chest. "Oh and I supposed that whatever you've decided to do with your life will accomplish that for you."
"It just may." I folded my arms, mirroring his stance and stuck my chin out at him in a defiant pose.
He smirked at me and cocked an eyebrow. "And just what profession would that be?"
I could have said 'Interplanetary Shuttle Pilot.' I could have. It probably would have shut him up and the conversation would have been over and I could have gotten back to my little experiment. But no, when have I ever taken the easy way?
"I don't know." I took a deep breath and decided to plunge ahead. "I'd have liked to be a Jedi, if such a thing still existed." I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth, even before I saw his wide-eyed, slack-jawed expression.
"Lana, you can't say things like that!" he said after a moment, his voice harsh and low. "Do you know what could happen if the wrong people heard you?"
I did not answer, but instead glared at him, my arms folded across my chest. After a bit more staring at me, he went on in an intense whisper.
"You do realize the Empire has killed people for less?"
I was spared from answering him due to the high-pitched squealing giggles coming from just outside the library. Bowen tensed, looking very much like one of the jungle cats that lived in the wilds outside the city. Then, after taking a deep breath, he slumped his shoulders and dropped his head into his hand in a look of utter defeat.
I caught his eye and grimaced at him, although I was glad for the distraction. "Tell me they're here because they want to be Royal Guards as well."
He sighed the sigh of someone who has been much harassed. "No, they're here so that I can ask to escort Mairi to the harvest festival."
I dropped his gaze. "Oh." I didn't know how else to respond to that. Here was my supposed friend, asking a girl who had been a nightmare to me for most of my life to go to a festival with him.
"Hey," he said sharply and I looked back up at him. "I don't want to ask her. They just won't stop pestering me."
"Oh." I repeated. How was it that he could rob me of any intelligent thought processes? This was twice, now.
"This conversation isn't over…" he assured me. His eyes darted among the stacks of books. "Um… Cover for me." He quickly ducked behind one of the stacks, and before I could ask him what he was talking about, I heard another voice behind me.
"Oh, look at who it is! You're looking especially foul today, Lana." I took a deep breath before I turned around. I was already unsettled by my conversation with Bowen and not only was this sure to be an unpleasant experience, but I couldn't even truly spat with them. I had to keep in mind that whatever I said, Bowen would be able to hear it. I was about to say something back when Bowen's words came into my head. 'Cover for me,' he had said.
"Bowen's not here."
The two girls snickered. "Of course he's not here!" the one said. "We came to see you."
I stared blankly at them for a moment, trying to figure out what power of the universe I had angered to warrant this. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to subdue my anger and annoyance with them. I opened my eyes and folded my arms across my chest.
"Why?"
The blonde one glared at me, and if I didn't know how little use of her brain she had, I may have been intimidated. "We heard you had dinner with Bowen last night."
I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Seriously, if being his friend was going to cause me to have to talk to these dogs, I would pass on the friendship thing. "And?"
The brown-haired girl stepped forward. "And you'd better back off." She had the nerve to push her finger in my face. "He's going with Mairi to the festival," she indicated the other girl, "so don't get any ideas."
I remember thinking many things at this time. I remember thinking of several retorts, most of which involved the getting of ideas, and their lack of ability to do so. I recall trying to remember Mairi, blond; Selia, brunette so that I knew which one I was pummeling should future opportunities arise. I also remember a small part of my brain reminding me that Bowen was listening, and to keep that in mind when I responded.
Instead of any of these thoughts prevailing, I turned to Mairi (blonde) and heard myself saying in as sweet a mocking tone as I could manage, "Aww, it's too bad he hasn't asked you…"
I saw a flash of anger in her eyes before she composed herself and smiled just as sweetly back at me, shaking her head. "Poor, poor Lana. You honestly think he has any interest in you?" Selia laughed and Mairi, encouraged by her friend, continued, stepping closer and speaking in a dangerously quiet tone. "Don't get any ideas, you ugly little wench. If he has any interest in you, it's for one thing only. He will use you and throw you away like the dirty little whore that you are."
Before I had a chance to react, she and Selia ran out of the library, giggling to themselves at their perceived victory. I felt my blood boil, and it was probably best that they did so, because I was mad enough to strangle one of them. I heard Bowen behind me reluctantly coming out from behind the shelves.
I whirled around, shouting at him. "Did you hear what they just said to me?" As I completed my turn I saw his astonished face as he jumped out of the way of the book that had flown from its position on the floor, at least two meters away from me, and slammed against the wall behind him.
Shock effectively removed all my anger and I stood facing him, my mouth hanging open. We both remained immobile, staring at each other for several minutes in silence before I managed to speak.
"Did you see that?" I was barely able to whisper. He just stood there and nodded at me. Neither of us moved, or said anything, and I'm fairly certain I forgot to breathe at one point. Finally he shook his head, apparently trying to collect himself. When he spoke to me, his voice was cool and he would not meet my gaze.
"I need to leave. I have to get back." With that he walked out of the library without a backward glance towards me.
