A/N: I should mention that I have never actually seen A Very Brady Christmas. Most of Lorelai's and Rory's running commentary on the movie here is taken from a hilarious review that I found online at www(dot)x-entertainment(dot)com(slash)articles(slash)0703. It reads like it was written by Lorelai herself.

I find writing Romantic Luke to be rather tricky. He's not a guy who's comfortable being very open with his romantic feelings. It's hard to write him without having him turn suddenly into Sensitive New Age Guy, but still find a way for him to express himself. I'm not sure I've succeeded, hopefully I did.

On with the story...


Lorelai and Rory sat on the couch, feet up on the coffee table, both of them licking spoons and watching TV.

"What kind of dough did you say this was?" asked Rory.

"White Chocolate Macadamia Nut," replied Lorelai.

"I think it outdoes the Cappuccino Chip we had last year."

"Bite your tongue! Coffee in any form is clearly the superior choice," Lorelai replied, turning to watch the TV.

"OK, now that is just gross," she commented.

"What? They're kissing," said Rory.

"Yes but watching Peter Brady stick his tongue down the throat of his boss is just – ick." Lorelai shuddered. "And what's up with all the making out that Carol and Mike do in this?"

"So? They're married."

"Yes, but you see, Mrs. Brady was like a mother to a generation, and nobody wants to watch their mother lick their father's ear or grab his ass at every given opportunity."

They were silent for a time, watching the movie, until they heard the doorbell ring. Lorelai jumped up eagerly and ran over to the door to answer it. Her face fell when she realized it was Kirk, dressed in his UPS uniform.

"Delivery for a Lorelai Gilmore," he announced.

"Kirk, you know who I am," Lorelai replied. "And it's Christmas Eve, why are you still working?"

"Gotta deliver these things by Christmas," Kirk said, clearly stressed. "I would've had it done by now except I got trapped in the Hoffmans' attic for six hours."

"You got trapped in their attic?" Rory asked.

"With the bats and the spiders. You probably don't want to touch me, I wasn't able to avoid all the falling bat poop."

"Kirk, how did you get trapped in their attic?" Lorelai asked.

"Well, I was delivering the big-screen TV that Mrs. Hoffman got for Mr. Hoffman for Christmas. Nobody was home, so I brought it up to their attic. They have an outdoor staircase that goes straight to the attic, so I carted the box up two flights of stairs. I almost dropped it twice. The second time I had to lunge to catch it and I wedged my finger in between the box and the banister. I think it may be broken."

"Oh Kirk, you need to see a doctor!" said Rory.

"Anyway I finally got the box inside the attic, and I sat down for a few minutes to nurse my finger, and when I got up to leave, I discovered that the door was locked." Suddenly Kirk ducked from an invisible flying object. "I keep imagining I'm seeing bats flying at me," he explained.

"The door was locked from the outside?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes. It seems that Mr. and Mrs. Hoffman used to lock little Danny in the attic when he got caught shoplifting, so it only locks from the outside," Kirk explained.

"And the Hoffmans didn't warn you about this?" Rory asked.

"Well it may have been in the delivery instructions, but a lot of them got ruined when I dropped them in the snow this morning." Kirk ducked again. "Did you see that? Are you sure you don't have bats in here?"

"There are no bats in my house. So what's my delivery?" Lorelai asked.

"Sent from Sowles Antiques in Hartford," he replied. "Here's the invoice." He handed her a sheet of paper.

Lorelai looked at the paper. "Emily Gilmore," she informed Rory. "I guess this is my annual ostentatious-and-utterly-useless Christmas gift from my parents. I wonder why they didn't just give it to me tomorrow?"

"Won't fit in your car," Kirk informed her as he went out to fetch it. A few minutes later he came back, carting with him a large grandfather clock. "Where do you want it?" he asked.

"We have no room for this," Lorelai complained.

"How about the kitchen?" Rory suggested. "It's not like we go in there that much."

"No, just leave it here," Lorelai said, indicating the entryway. "Maybe I can get Mrs. Kim to exchange it for an antique jewelry box. Are you OK Kirk?" she asked as Kirk stumbled in a fog towards the door. "You really should have a doctor look at that finger."

"Can't stop, need to get the deliveries done..." he murmured as he went out the door.

"Merry Christmas!" Lorelai and Rory called after him.

"Glad I'm not out driving tonight," Lorelai said as she closed the door.

"So who'd you think it was?" Rory said.

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"When the doorbell rang. You thought it was Luke, didn't you? You flew over there faster than Miss Patty when she sees a football team," Rory teased.

"Sshh," Lorelai waved her aside. "We're missing Bobby Brady agonizing over his career choice. I don't know what his problem is, if Carol and Mike give him a hard time about becoming a race car driver he can just bite their heads off with those humongous chompers of his."

"No, no, no," Rory continued. "No dodging the issue, we can watch the Bradys any time."

"What issue?" asked Lorelai.

"Luke. You two were so hot & heavy at Babette's the other night and yet you haven't filled me in on anything. I'm not used to being out of the loop, what on earth will I tell Miss Patty when she asks for the gossip?"

"Uh, I hear Reese Witherspoon went brunette," Lorelai supplied.

"Come on! What happened to our incredibly co-dependent mother/daughter relationship where we tell each other everything? You tell me you're dating Luke and the next thing I know he's showing up at Friday night dinners and you two can't keep your paws off each other at Babette's. I need details!"

Lorelai paused for a moment, then sat back with a smile. "I'm happy," she said simply.

"But..." Rory offered, anticipating Lorelai's next word.

"There's no but."

"What? There's always a but with you."

"There's no but. He's got a really cute butt, though."

"Too much information," Rory objected. "So are you in luuuv?" she teased.

"Oh, oh!" Lorelai said, indicating the TV. "We're missing Jan's make-up scene with her husband! Look! There goes Carol leading her daughter straight into a round of monkey sex right in her own house!"

"You're changing the subject again," Rory challenged her.

"Geez! I've never grilled you like this about your boyfriends," Lorelai accused.

"That's because I told you everything on my own. How come you're being so tight-lipped about this, anyway?"

Lorelai shrugged.

Rory's eyes widened. "Oh my God, I'm right, aren't I? You're in love, aren't you! You're not telling me, your Partner in Bitching, because you have nothing to complain about! That's it, isn't it!"

Lorelai sighed. "Oh I don't know, hon. Maybe...I don't know. I just know that it's been going really well. I guess I'm afraid of talking about it, like if I think about it too much I'll jinx it, or uncover some deep-rooted problem or something..." Lorelai trailed off.

"Mom, it's Luke."

"So?"

"You've known him forever. There's no hidden agenda. There's no deep-rooted issues. It's...just Luke."

"Yeah, I know," Lorelai agreed. "Hey, what about you? Didn't I see you at Babette's talking to a certain divorced ex-boyfriend?"

"Oh God, that was weird," Rory replied. "I didn't know he was coming."

"Are you two avoiding each other now?"

"I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it. It's easy to forget when I'm away at school."

"So what did he say?"

"Not much, we just talked about school, that sort of thing, and he said he's becoming an electrician. He's not going back to college."

"At least he's got a plan," said Lorelai.

"Yeah, I think he'll do great. I'm glad he's doing his own thing. It was like, for a while there he was letting Lindsey dictate everything he did. I dunno, maybe he did that with me too."

"And all is well with Mr. James?"

"Yeah, he went back to Minnesota for the holidays. Gave me some really great CDs for Christmas."

"You haven't been gushing about him daily like you used to do," Lorelai said.

"Guess we're old and boring," said Rory. Lorelai gave her a knowing look. "We're fine," Rory defended. "Everything is going fine. There's just not that much new to chat about. Oh look! Mr. Brady is getting the call," Rory said, pointing to the TV.

"Ah, yes, the building collapse," said Lorelai. "They didn't listen to Mr. Brady's advice and now the building is falling apart and they're calling him to bail them out. Of course most people would call 911 or the police, but I guess the former architect is a logical choice too."

They watched as Mr. Brady got trapped in the collapsed building, and was finally rescued.

"Oh no, Mr. Brady's hurt," Rory said.

"A little sawdust and a fake limp and that boy is clearly in rough shape," Lorelai said as Mr. Brady emerged from the building.

"Doesn't it just warm the cockles of your heart?" said Rory as the movie ended.

"A family Christmas for us all to aspire to," Lorelai said. "Hey, should I feel bad that I didn't give you a warm family life like that? Or are you OK with the fact that we're sitting here on our asses eating raw cookie dough, watching it on TV instead?"

"Mom, nobody has a family like that."

"Unless they're heavily medicated, that is," agreed Lorelai.

"On that note, I'm going to bed," announced Rory. She stood up and leaned over to kiss Lorelai good night.

"Night hon," said Lorelai.


Lorelai made her way up into her room and changed into her pajamas. She went over to the window, opened it and stuck her head outside, taking in a deep breath of the frigid winter air and admiring the Christmas lights that were displayed on all the houses on the block. She looked down the street towards Luke's, hoping against hope to see his truck on its way towards her house, but it was not there. She sighed, closed the window, and went over and climbed into bed. She turned out the light, allowing the glow of the Christmas lights that surrounded her window to gently illuminate her room as she fell asleep.

She was awakened abruptly by banging on the window. It was still dark. She quickly sat up in bed as she saw a shadowy figure outside the window, starting to open it from the outside. She let out a scream as she reached for the phone to call 911.

But then suddenly she made out the face, relaxed, and hung up the phone. She got out of bed and opened the window.

"You better not be playing Robert to my Elsa," she said.

"Can you just give me a hand?" Luke said. Lorelai opened the window as wide as it would go and helped him climb in.

"What the hell are you doing? I was just about to have every police officer in Stars Hollow after you!" Lorelai demanded.

"Stan's off duty tonight," Luke replied.

"Well what's a helpless single woman supposed to do when a crazy man breaks into her house in the middle of the night?"

"Helpless, right," Luke commented ironically. "As if you weren't scary enough, those pajamas would scare off any intruders," he said, indicating Lorelai's pajamas which were decked out colorfully and very loudly with wreaths, Christmas trees, Rudolph and a variety of other Christmas scenes.

"Hey, no making fun, Rudolph might hear you!"

"Hey that was easier than last time," Luke said, indicating the window. "I didn't fall out of the tree or anything."

"Helps when you're not drunk. You're not drunk, are you?" she asked, eyeing him up and down and sniffing his breath.

"No, but I'm still not convinced that Liz didn't slip something into those brownies of hers."

"Ah, well at least that would explain why you're breaking into my house – through the second floor window, no less – at 1AM," said Lorelai, folding her arms over her chest and tapping her foot.

"Hey, should you check on Rory? That was a pretty good scream you let out."

Lorelai shook her head. "Rory sleeps like the dead. There was this one time when she was 11 and we had a fire, she slept right through the whole thing. The smoke alarms were going off, the whole fire department was here traipsing through the house, and she was just dead to the world."

"You had a fire? How did it start?" Luke asked.

"Oh, I decided to try using the fireplace..." Lorelai trailed off.

"You forgot to open the flue, didn't you?"

"No...Yes," she admitted. "So are you going to explain why you're breaking into my house at this hour?"

"The door was locked," Luke replied.

"You know, there's this really cool invention called a 'doorbell.'"

"I didn't want to wake anyone up."

"Ah, good plan," Lorelai said. "So you're coming to my house at 1AM, you don't want to wake us up, so I can only assume you came here to see Marcus, my stuffed lizard?"

Luke was silent for a few moments. He finally sighed. "It was a long night."

"OK..." Lorelai said, still confused.

"Between listening to T.J. speculate on why and how anyone would give a partridge in a pear tree as a Christmas gift, Liz talking about the Solstice and the current alignment of the planets, and Jess sulking in a corner with his book, only looking up occasionally to mock each of us in turn..." Luke trailed off. He paused, then shrugged. "Ah hell, I missed you," he said finally. "I thought – I dunno, I guess I was thinking maybe I'd crash on the chair or something..."

Lorelai went over to him, softly caressed his face and kissed him gently. "I missed you too," she said. They proceeded to kiss for several minutes.

"Stay with me?" Lorelai asked when they finally came up for air.

Luke nodded in agreement. He took his coat off, but before setting it down he reached into the pocket and pulled out a small, wrapped gift which he pushed into Lorelai's hands. "Here, this is for you," he said.

"Now?" she asked.

"Well Rory will be up in the morning and you're going to your parents' house..."

"OK!" Lorelai said eagerly as she tore off the wrapping to reveal a jewelry box. She opened it to find a pair of vintage-style pearl earrings. "Oh my God, they're beautiful! Thank you!" she said as she embraced Luke and kissed him fervently.

Suddenly she pulled away. "Wait a minute," she said.

"What?"

"This isn't what I told Rory to tell you to get for me."

"You don't like them?" Luke asked.

"I love them, but since it's not what I asked for, you must have come up with the idea somehow on your own, and unfortunately I can only think of two ways. Either you have another woman on the side who's doing your shopping for you, or these aren't really pearls, they're some sort of stone from the Luxan home world that the aliens left behind when they dropped you off."

"Or maybe I came across them when I was cleaning out my closet and I thought you'd like them," Luke offered.

"You found them in your closet? Where were they, sandwiched between the tutu and the fishnet stockings?"

"They were in a box. It was...it was just some stuff from the old house," Luke said awkwardly.

Suddenly Lorelai understood. "Luke, were these your mother's?" she asked as she went over to him and gently caressed his hair.

"Yeah," Luke replied. "I just...they made me think of you."

"But shouldn't they go to Liz?"

"I talked to her about it tonight. She's fine with it. I gave her a bunch of other stuff that I found."

"But shouldn't you – "Lorelai began.

Luke cut her off. "Are you going to keep arguing with me on this? Because if you are, I will take them back and give them to Liz."

"Don't you dare," said Lorelai, pulling the box out of his reach. She kissed him gently on his cheek, up his face, and finally on the lips. "Thank you. I love them," she said. "OK, my turn." She bounded down the stairs and returned with an envelope which she presented to him.

Luke opened it to reveal several brochures and receipts. "I'm taking you on a romantic getaway," Lorelai explained. "We're going to The Balsams in New Hampshire, where we can ski to our heart's desire."

"You don't ski."

"OK, you're going skiing. They have snowshoeing and Nordic skiing and everything. I'm going hot tubbing and restaurant tasting and massage-getting."

Luke rifled through the brochures for a few minutes, then finally encircled Lorelai with his arms. "It looks great. Thanks," he said as he pressed his lips against hers.

"OK, now I really do need to get some sleep or things could get ugly tomorrow. I'll be like Night of the Living Dead."

"What else is new?" Luke said.

Lorelai climbed back into bed as Luke stripped down to his boxers and joined her. They snuggled in together and held each other as they both started to drift off to sleep.

"Thanks for the tickets," Luke whispered in the dark.

"Thanks for the earrings. I love them," Lorelai replied as she drifted off to sleep. A moment before drifting off completely, she murmured, "I love you."

Luke was suddenly wide awake. "I love you too," he said, hugging her sleeping body close to him.