My father stayed with me, probably longer than his job would have allowed under normal circumstances, until I felt calm enough to navigate the crowds on my own. I wanted nothing more than to go home and talk to him about what happened, what was going to happen, what his thoughts were about all this, but I understood the need to appear as if we really cared about attending this thing and not, as I had begun to suspect, that we were stalling for time.
I tried to push it out of my mind for the time being so I didn't drive myself crazy and instead let my thoughts wander back to other more… oh forget it. I started thinking about Bowen. I couldn't help it and, after the way our last encounter had gone, I needed to see him and, I suppose, make amends.
I found him sitting on a bench, facing away from me. Mairi must have left him for the time being because he was alone. I was not used to apologizing for my actions, and I was unsure how to act or what to say. I slowly walked towards him, trying to come up with appropriate words. By the time I reached him, none had come to mind.
I stood there silently behind him, working up my nerve for several moments before I called his name.
At the sound of my voice he jumped up from the bench and spun to face me.
"Lana!" He pulled me into a rough embrace, effectively knocking the wind out of me and confusing me beyond belief. He released me and took my arms in his hands, holding me away from him so he could look at me. His eyes were wild with fear and at first I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the hell was wrong with him.
"Why are you still here? We need to get you out of sight. My house is closer if we need to…"
Oh right; the Stormtroopers were coming to take me away the last he'd heard. As realization dawned on me, Bowen looked frantically around the festival for the threat he still perceived.
"No, no it's ok," I tried to wriggle out of his grasp. "They're here because of my application to the Academy." I pushed down all the tumultuous thoughts surrounding that. There was no need to further complicate things right now.
Bowen released my arms and I saw the tension visibly leave his body. He sat back down on the bench and gazed off into the crowd.
Without looking at me, with tightly controlled anger in his voice, he said, "You applied to the Academy and yet your first thought when the Empire shows up is that I'd betrayed you."
Momentarily taken aback by his quick change of demeanor – and remorseful for my wrongful accusations – I found myself nervously rubbing my palms on the sides of my legs. At a complete loss for words, I dropped my gaze to the ground.
"I don't know what to say."
After a silent moment I looked back up at him and he turned cold eyes on me.
"I'm sorry would be a good place to start."
"I'm sorry, Bowen."
He laughed bitterly. "You know, despite the accusations you threw at me, I was sick with worry ever since you and your father left." I hung my head contritely as he continued, almost to himself. "I don't know why I try. You're a lost cause."
Stung by his words, I felt my temper rise. "What is that supposed to mean?" He shook his head and looked away again, but not before I saw the hurt look in his eyes. What did he have to be hurt about? I had reacted completely within reason. "I kicked you out two weeks ago, we haven't spoken since, and then Stormtroopers show up looking for me."
He stood and turned to face me in one fluid movement. "It never even occurred to you there could be another reason for their presence," he accused. "No. You immediately assumed I was trying to harm you in some way."
"What was I supposed to think? We fight, we don't speak for two weeks, and…and then you come here with that…that…girl…" I honestly don't know what that last part had to do with anything, but there it was, coming out of my mouth nonetheless.
"What, would you have liked me to ask you?" He raised his eyebrows at me, waiting for an answer; challenging me, almost. What was I supposed to say to that?
"I don't know. It would have been better than going with her."
He scoffed. "You never cease to amaze me, Lana. You would want to go with me – someone you believe would so easily betray you – just to prevent me going with someone you dislike."
I thought about earlier; about the way it felt to see that evil girl touching him so familiarly. The way I felt when I believed he'd deceived me and ratted me out to the Imperials. I thought about telling him this, but decided against it.
"My point is why, when you're here with someone who hates every fiber of my being, should I not think you would betray me?"
But, then again, what good would it have done telling him how I felt, since at this point we were essentially just shouting over each other?
"She wouldn't leave me alone, Lana…"
"I mean, yeah, I applied to Raithal…"
"…and remember, I was there in the library; I heard what they said to you..."
"…but I never applied to the Imperial Academy…"
"…so I thought, if anything, I could make your life easier…"
"… and how was I supposed to know the Empire took over every training facility…"
"… just by asking Mairi to go with me to the…"
Bowen stopped talking mid-sentence so I did too. He shook his head and frowned.
"Wait, what did you say?"
My hand flew to cover my mouth as I realized this public venue was definitely not the place to discuss this. I grabbed Bowen's hand and pulled him down to sit next to me on the bench.
"Come over for dinner; my father and I are discussing everything then."
I met Bowen's wide eyes and something clicked. I realized, by how much fear and worry I saw, just how much he must've cared about me. I can't say I understood it, being that we just met not that long ago, but I could at least believe it.
I dropped my eyes when I realized he was still grasping my hands. Suddenly nervous about this, I tried to pull them away, but he gripped them harder, causing me to look up at him. His eyes were thoughtful, and very sad.
"I am so, so sorry for telling you about your mother. I've been kicking myself for the past two weeks. I hate that I caused you so much pain. Please believe me; I would never have brought it up if I hadn't thought you already knew."
"I know," I said. And at that moment, I did. I smiled tentatively at him. "Friends?"
He smiled, his eyes crinkled, and I felt warm inside.
"Always," he answered.
