Disclaimers: They are still not mine, but I realize that they have been through so much... so, I just up and decided to steal them for a few more chapters.. What's it to you, DPB? I'll think about returning them...
A/N: Sorry for not updating yesterday. I got busy with college crap, assignments and the like.. But, yeah, here comes the next two chapters. Enjoy, and remember: reviews can only make me want to write more and more and more...
A/N 2: The song used in this one is one I wrote a long time ago, so the chances of it ever being on the radio are slim to none... but since this is my fanfic, I decided to put it on Harm's radio... Go figure... The song was actually part of a song-fic challenge, so if you like it, you can thank Sarah because she was my challenger..
Anyway...
"Through Thick and Thin"
Part Seven
I'm pretty sure that buying that damn monkey is the single most unintelligent thing I have ever done. Talk about kill the moment... At least she didn't get mad... I think she actually thought it was cute... I hope she thought it was cute... I can't believe some of the things that people recorded on it... Although some of it was pretty funny.. The 'you're ugly and you smell like butt' comment was funny. The 'I'm a bad monkey... if you spank me I'll spit at you!' line was classic... and the 'I touch myself in public' was hilarious, completely inappropriate, but hilarious nonetheless...
God, please tell me I'm not lost again.. Where the hell am I? Did that guy say Exit 71 or 74? Or was it 70? I honestly have no clue. I guess men don't ask for directions because we know that even once we have them the chances of us actually getting where we need to go are about as good as a snowball's chances of not melting in hell...
"What are you thinking about?" She asks, squeezing my hand lightly.
"Ah, well, I was wondering what exit that guy told me to take." I confess. She might as well know that even after getting directions I still have no idea where we are. I know where we need to be, but I have no idea how to get there.
"Harm, just tell me where we're going. Maybe I'll know how to get there.." She suggests softly.
No way. We either get there and it's a surprise or we don't make it and I find something else to do..
"Mac, it's supposed to be a surprise." I tell her, hoping that she'll understand just how bad I want to do this for her, for us...
"I promise to give you directions then act completely surprised when we get there." She says, laughing.
I smile. How can I say no to her? Damn... I'm going to have to..
"I'll take my chances... Pick a number... 70, 71, or 74?" I ask, completely serious.
"Are you serious?" She asks, raising a questioning eyebrow at me.
"As a heart attack.. Quick, pick one.. 70's coming up.." I tell her.
After thinking for a few seconds, she laughs. "I don't like those numbers. Take Exit 73 and wake me up if we get where we're going." With that she scoots down lower in her seat and closes her eyes.
She drifts off to sleep still clutching my hand.
Upon arriving at Exit 73, I do as Mac suggested. In the distance a sign informs me that in 45 miles, I will reach my destination. How she knew what exit to take, I'll never know... Sometimes Mac just knows that she knows something... She's not afraid of her intuition, and I'm alive because of it, so I too have come to trust what she says, thinks, and feels.
The faint sound of an interesting chord progression can be heard as I set the cruise control. Do I let go of her hand and turn it up, or do I strain to make out the words? Decisions, decisions...
I opt for lifting my knee to the wheel. With the hand that is now free, I lean up and turn the radio up a little. Thank God for long arms and long legs...
I've honestly never heard this song before, but because of the unique progression, I am forced to listen... The words are absolutely beautifully heartbreaking...
"I told myself I just needed a little space, just a little time..
Years later I am incomplete and you are completely not mine..
It was probably something I did, or something I left unsaid..
Time marches on to a beat that's unknown and I feel dead...
The darkness in me needs the light in you
The weakness in me needs you to pull me through
And this heart is yours even if you have plans to break it
Because without you, I know I'll never make it...
I told myself I just needed to see you, just a glance..
So I followed you here and I watched the two of you dance..
Maybe it was something he did, or something he said..
Images of you swaying and laughing run through my head..
The darkness in me still needs the light in you
I am still weak, I still need you to pull me through
I came here to give you my heart, will you take it?
Because without you, I know I'll never make it...
I told myself I just needed a little space, just a little time..
I can never be complete unless you're completely mine..
I called you to tell you that I no longer need time and space..
I can barely breathe as I listen to you say..
If your darkness still needs the light in me,
And if strong is still what you need me to be,
I have waited to give you my heart, please take it,
Because without you, I know I'll never make it...
Without you, I know I'll never make it..."
As I lift my knee to the wheel and use my free hand to turn the radio back down, I feel a single tear streak down my cheek.. I wipe it away.. I watched her.. I watched her with Dalton, with Brumby.. With Webb.. And the whole time, I needed her.. I needed her to be with me.. I needed to hold her, to kiss her, to touch her... I needed the blessed assurance I now feel when I wake up and she's curled up next to me...
Does she know how I feel? Does she know just how much I love her? How much I need her?
Of course not, Rabb... You haven't told her.. You have tried to show her, tried to convince her that she means everything to you, but words? Words... God, you use them everyday in court... You can make her laugh, but you can't tell her what's in your heart? You can't tell her that she's the reason you get up every morning, that she's the most important person in your life and that she always has been? You can't tell her that you've loved her for as long as you can remember, that she's your one in over six billion...
"I've got so much I need to tell you." I whisper, glancing at her sleeping form. "God, you're beautiful."
"Thank you... and what do you need to tell me?" She asks, half awake, half asleep.
"I'll tell you later.. we're almost there... When we get there, I'll tell you what I need to tell you, okay?" I say, lifting her hand up and pressing my lips to it.
"Hmmm, okay." She answers, barely coherent.
Less than an hour later, I reach our destination and kill the engine... Here goes nothing..
"Mac? Mac, we're here... wake up." I say, shaking her slightly.
Her eyes flutter open and she looks around. She smiles and stretches a little.
"This is where we need to be? Are you sure?" She asks, laughing and looking around.
"This is where we need to be.." I assure her, returning her smile.
"But, Harm... all I see are trees... and more trees.." She asks, still looking around, unsure of her surroundings.
"Trees and stars... Look up." I say, pressing a button. The sunroof opens and I hear her gasp.
"Oh, God.. Harm.. They are so beautiful.. and bright... Oh, my God.." She says, opening her door and getting out of the SUV.
I unfasten my seat belt and get out. She walks over and stands in front of me, looking up at the sky, smiling.
"You like it?" I ask, wrapping my arms around her.
"I love it." She whispers, then lets out a sigh.
"What is it?" I ask, sensing that something is wrong.
"Nothing." She attempts to assure me.
"That wasn't a 'nothing's wrong' sigh, Mac.. Tell me.. what's wrong?" I ask as she turns around to face me.
"I'm... Well, after riding so long.. I, ah, have to pee... really bad.." She says, lowering her gaze, avoiding my eyes.
I can't help it. I start laughing.
"What's so funny, flyboy?" She asks me, giving me a look that is supposed to intimidate me... Sometimes she can act like such a little kid.. I love that about her..
"You, I'm laughing at you.. We finally get here, and you've got to pee so we end up getting here just to leave?" I ask, laughing still.
"Yeah, so? What's it to you?" She asks, punching me playfully in the stomach.
"I passed a rest area on the way here. It's about a mile or two back... Let's go." I tell her, kissing her.
We get into my SUV and head towards the rest area.
