Faewillow- Happy B-day!
So are you 41 now?
Hmmm... a birthday celebration....
-evil grin-
-99 FaeClones surround IDK with big green water balloons-
Ready...
Aim...
FIRE!!!!!!!
TwilightDragon- Happy Birthday IDK. My family think a birthday is a curse cause the
mother has to go through labor. The hell with that.
CeeKari- Happy B-day, IDK. You've managed to escape Naraku's attempts to end
your life for another year! -grabs party hats out of fae's pocket-
Let's celebrate!
IDontKnow- -very green IDK emerges after Fae's assault with the balloons-
what is this, Saint Patrick's Day??????????
Naraku, Kagura, Kanna and Yura- -all hand IDK presents-
IDontKnow- Oh goody!
-Opening Naraku's finds a voodoo doll with pins stuck in, uh, well we won't go there but I been wondering what that runny ooze was-
-Gleefully opening Kagura's finds a special wind-blade-
Kagura- It can remove your head without my having to be here at all! Just put a double-A battery in it and watch it take off! HeeHee.
IDontKnow- -Opening Yura's present next I discover a special comb-
Yura- You'll find out what this does the first time you use it!
IDontKnow- -Last but not least I open Kanna's gift and find a small mirror inside the box. My formally frantically frolicking follicles get sucked into the mirror still frantically frolicking!-
Kanna- -in a monotone- I had Naraku make me a special mirror for you IDK it only sucks in hair. Hee. -points- you look funny when you're bald and green!
IDontKnow- -carefully puts the presents aside- thank you all very much. I appreciate the thought! But I'm going to get you all for this -and IDK storms off after the four misguided evil doers followed by a host of lovesick Fae-clones!
Faewillow- IDK, the balloons were green, but they were filled with ordinary water! I don't know why your skin changed...
-hides faerie dust behind back-
As for the clones, they seem to have settled into about age 24, the age at which I had reached my greatest state of obnoxiousness.
FaeClone #37- -outruns IDK and stops him-
FaeClone #88- -hogties IDK-
FaeClone #53- -applies some kind of pink goo to his bare scalp-
-A rainbow of brightly colored tresses sprout from IDK's goo covered scalp-
FaeClone #12- -quickly weaves the rainbow hair into about 20 little brightly colored braids & ties jingle bells on the ends-
Faewillow- BAD CLONES!!! You cut that out!
Clones- -run off to torment someone else, leaving IDK tied up on the beach-
Faewillow- See what I mean?
-Begins untying the hog-tied, green-skinned, rainbow-braided IDK-
IDontKnow- -Now feeling as ridiculous as he looks, shakes his head and starts to sing Jingle Bells-
Hmmm...those FaeClones seem to think highly of me, perhaps if I relent and promise not to boil them all for making me the object of ridicule, I could start a harem and they could be its first inductees.
24 was the height of your obnoxiousness eh? I been obnoxious since I was born, and I've had MUCH more experience at it than any of you!
-The now 41 year old rainbow-haired, green skinned IDK wanders off.-
-Along the way finds an unsuspecting FaeClone. IDK whips out his cauldron fills it with water and throws FaeClone #2 into it-
I always wanted to boil Faewillow, maiden or not. Only now I will have to settle for the Clone-A-Matic imitation, and HOPE that the potion I produce will return my hair to its normal color!
-adds Alberto No. 5, Vitalis, Brilcream, Manoxidil, three old gym socks and a pair of rotten ostrich eggs to the mix-
Rubs hands together- now, in just a minute, I should have normal hair once again...
Faewillow- Oh, I'd say 24 through about 27... about then, I became a little more
reserved...
-looking at cauldron-
Number 2! Get outta there before...
Tag on the back of FaeClone #2's neck- -says: Cold wash only; dry flat-
#2- Uh-oh... -she begins to shrink rapidly-
Faewillow- Ah, crap... IDK, look what you did to #2!!!
other FaeClones- -gather around, looking rather upset-
IDontKnow- -submits meekly and makes no move to run- do your worst girls, I deserve it.
-writes will-
-buys casket through AARP- I'm over 40 now I can do that!
-writes eulogy for his hair-
-waits for the faeclones to kill him-
TwilightDragon- -Still a dog... jumps on IDK's shoulder and waits, because he has nothing to do-
IDontKnow- -IDK drops dog into Cauldron- Nothing to do, you can boil in my pot
MUWHAHAHAHAHA!
The faeclones may kill me, but I will never be taken alive! And since I'll never be taken alive, I might as well enlist someone else to participate in my fun!
TwilightDragon- -Hearing this vile threat jumps out of the cauldron, and runs for help.-
Now shrunken FaeClone #2- -clinging to his Hartz Mountain flea collar-
FaeClones- -notice the beagle puppy and subject the area to a thunderous chorus of "Awwwww, how cute!"-
FaeClone #21- -picks up TwilightBeagle & does the girley-voice puppy routine- Isn't him a cute widdle puppy doggy... Izzem a good doggy? Yezzim is!!!
Several FaeClones- -walk away in disgust at #21's display-
Several other FaeClones- -gather to comment on the "cute widdle puppy doggy-
FaeClones #42, 55, and 69- -haul IDK off to an undisclosed place, carrying a rope and some itching powder-
FaeClone #2- -looks around to see everyone gone and yells- helLOW!!! Shrinkage, here!! Yo, anybody wanna get me outta this cauldron? It stinks in here!
FaeClone #1- -plucks the petite person from the pot, splashing water onto the head, face, and neck of the departing IDK, who immediately sprouts hair everywhere the bubbling brew lands-
#21- -continues the girley-voice puppy routine ad nauseum-
TwilightDragon- -enjoying attention-
IDontKnow- -Thinks- 'I cant take this anymore!'
-bites down on right side molar and releases a special suicide pill-
GULP -IDK thrashes about for three seconds and becomes very still-
I knew watching all those James Bond movies would come in handy someday.
-eyes become set-
This is the end GOODBYE CRUEL FAECLONES
-Thinking better of it with his last strength IDK bites down on another molar and swallows the antidote to the poison of the suicide pill-
I suppose being tied up and coated with itching powder isn't sssssso bad...
-Proposes marriage to Faeclones #44 60 72 108 and 119-
Faeclones #44 60 72 108 and 119- -being proposed too-
SakuraSango- -goes over to IDK 'n whacks him- perv...ask one at a time at least...
TwilightDragon- ...where am I?
IDontKnow- OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
-mallet shaped lump appears on head, making jingle hair jangle-
Like the Calypso look, SakuraSango?
Yes all these faeclones would make wonderful receptacles for my children...unfortunately I am too old for that sort of thing, so I think I shall stick to shrinking them.
-goes over to FaeClone #144- you like a demon with lumps don't u?
faewillow- -forced back into character by swarming FaeClones-
Whoa, which one of you has the cloning device? I distinctly remember making only 99 of you...
Clones #15, 36, 42, 58, 89, and 93- -all point at each other, grinning-
Faewillow- Uh-oh...
FaeClone #21- -wanders by, still baby talking to the TwilightBeagle puppy, on whom she has put a collar with a name tag that says "Fuzzy Wuzzums" on it-
FaeClones #44 60 72 and 119- -get into a knock-down, drag-out fight, each accusing the others of man-stealing-
FaeClones #108 & 144- -watch with great amusement as FaeClone #69 lifts the semi-suicidal subject of the fight over one shoulder and disappears into one of the beach houses-
( Suddenly, forty IDK clones spill out the door of that beach house )
Faewillow- O.O
Oh...kay...
-clasps hands behind back & wanders away, whistling some unknown tune, pretending not to know ANY of the clones-
SakuraSango- IDK I love the hair...
-shakes her head like crazy- YAY!!! No more blonde jokes...they were gettin sooo old...
-looks at the clone mess- Oh man I knew that a free trip to Bermuda was too good to be true...
-sees cloning device 'n grabs it-
-tinkers with it 'n aims it at the twilight-beagle 'n fires-
-20 beagle clones appear- Uhhhh...yeah right that was not supposed to happen...ummmm I'll be goin now...
-watches as the 20 beagles turn into 40- Yeah I'm goin now...
-hands the cloning device to a bikini clad Naraku- Be a good boy...
TwilightDragon- -all of...well...me, rip off the faeclones pants, and finds something surprising-
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
-each of them has a...thing on their crouch.-
IDontKnow- -cannot get over how handsome the clones of himself are...let's see-
-awakens from a delirium to discover he is being carried by a FaeClone- hmmm this could be fun.
( suddenly, the front door to the beach house is opened and eleventy-million IDK clones come spilling out )
IDontKnow- What's been going on here??? OH!!!!!!!!!!!!
-upon entering the house IDK sees thirty nine other faeclones with big, satisfied smiles on their faces :)-
IDK finds himself thrown bodily onto a bed-
FaeClone- -says seductively- Now, you are going to make me VERY happy aren't you???
FaeClone69- -whips out a syrrette of Sodium Pentathol and sticks it in IDK-
NOW, TELL ME WHERE THE CLONING DEVICE IS?
WHERE IS IT!
MUST HAVE IT!
I WANT IT NOW!
Other FaeClones- -Quite unaware that IDK is being interrogated mercilessly, they puzzle over what they are hearing in the beach house-
-All assume that IDK is finally having the time of his life LOL-
( Just as IDK is about to crack, 40 widdle beagle puppies burst through the door, two of them coming to rest on IDK's head, one chewing on a jingle bell )
IDontKnow- HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
Oh, and the thing of which TwilightBeagle speaks, is a tag that says DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENALTY OF THE LAW
TwilightDragon- I'm bored, soo...
-starts singing-
Rolling around at the speed of sound,
Got places to go, gotta follow my rainbow.
Can't stick around, have to keep moving on,
Guess what lies ahead, only one way to find out!
Must keep on moving ahead,
No time for guessing, follow my plan instead.
Trusting in what you can't see,
Take my lead I'll set you free.
Follow me, set me free,
Trust me and we will escape from the city.
I'll make it through, follow me.
Follow me, set me free,
Trust me and we will escape from the city.
I'll make it through prove it to you.
Follow me!
Oh yeah!
SakuraSango- -runs till she sees a souvenir shop- Ohhh shoppin...that'll make me feel better...
-pulls out IDK's Visa- Shoppin spree...-goes in 'n starts to shop like crazy-...
FaeClone #21- -shouts at the beagles- Bad puppies!
-#21 grabs a local newspaper, rolls it up, & begins swatting puppy butt-
FaeClone #69- -upon the entrance of a yipping horde of beagle puppies & FaeClone #21, decides to give up her interrogation of IDK and wanders off in search of the cloning device-
Naraku- -fiddling with the piece of (to him) unknown technology, bumps into Yura and Sesshomaru who are walking together on the beach. Naraku, Yura and Sess bump heads, spattering blood into the device just as bird poop containing some kind of seeds falls into it. Naraku drops the cloning device on its activation button. Several clones, each part Naraku, part Yura, part Sesshomaru, and part tropical flower, spring forth from the cloning device.-
FaeClone #128- -seeing the bizarre new clones, chases Naraku down- Give me that!
-then grabs the device and runs away-
SakuraSango- -comes back from the store-
Hey guys found stuff for all of u...-holds up 25 bags-...
-looks around 'n notices all of the new clones including the Naraku-Yura-flower ones-
-scratches her head- Yeah right...
-grabs a camera- No one's gonna believe this vacation unless I get pics...
-screams over the hundreds of clones-
SMILE!!!!
-takes the pic 'n watches as every clone doubles-
-grabs the cloning device 'n sees a warning label- Do not expose clones to flashes of any type-
Great timin...
IDontKnow- -goes off to the post office where he finds a $19,244,136,142,188.02 bill awaiting him from anxious VISA folks-
IDK writes out a check for two cents and mails it-
-As he is leaving the post office IDK notices a strange plant, following him-
-flips through horticultural dictionary-
I christen thee Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae
-Just as the real (and now bankrupt)IDK is about to spray the plant with industrial strength weed killer, one of the faeclones shows up-
FaeClone- You and I could make some beautiful music together you know!
IDontKnow- Okay Fae -checks tag on the back of her neck- #964 be right with u.
-Before IDK can get ready for his encounter with the clone, he rips up the Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae and throws it in his cauldron which is slowly simmering-
( After following the FaeClone into the woods fully expecting to 'make beautiful music' with this vision of loveliness, IDK is stunned to see a Trombone flying at him. Catching the instrument, he attaches the slide as FaeClone produces a trumpet and begins to play )
IDontKnow- -begins to sing-
I GOT THOSE OLD BERMUDA BLUES I'M SO LOW I LOOK UP JUST TO SEE MY SHOES
FaeClone- -goes into a blues-ey rip-
IDontKnow- YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND, MY LIVE IS VERY HARRRRRRRRRRRRRD CAUSE IT AIN'T EASY BEING THE WORLDS FIRST CLONED, GENETICALLY ALTERED, SINGING BARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!
Faewillow- Hmmm... well, I played the cornet when I was ten...
FaeClone #964- -suddenly breaks into the opening from In The Mood, pausing at the end of the opening for the other instruments to come in-
Crickets- -chirping can be heard everywhere-
Pin- -dropping can be heard everywhere-
FaeClone #964- Fine -takes off into a by-ear trumpet rendition of Summertime
IDontKnow- -doing a fine imitation of Ella Fitzgerald- SUMMERTIME, AND THE LIVIN' IS EASY...I DON'T KNOW, ALL THE WORDS TO THIS SONNNNNNG. ALL I KNOW, IS THAT I LIIIIIIKE BERMUDA, BUT NARRRRRRRAAAAAKU LOOKS SO STRANGE IN A THONG!
Naraku- -walks by in a thong- AAAAAAAAAH Shaddup!
IDontKnow- -realizes he is developing a crush on FC #964-
SakuraSango- -walking writhing in pain-
Oh God what is that horrible sound??? It feels like my eardrums r gonna burst at any sec...
-looks 'n sees IDK with his arm raised screeching at a higher pitched note-
-runs 'n snatches the Tetsuiga-
Hey IDK -slashes a tree- stop torturing the poor tourists with your voice...understand???
-holds the Tetsuiga up-
IDontKnow- Hey Fae baby Launch me with another riff will ya?
I GOT THE SAKURASANGO BLUES,
SHE SWINGS HER MALLET AT MY HEAD, AND IT HURTS DOWN TO MY SHOOES!
THAT GIRL'S SO MEAN TO ME! LET ME TELL YOU THE NEWWWWWS,
IT HURTS FOR ME TO TELL Y'ALL, BUT I GOT THOSE SAKURASANGO BLUES!
FaeClone #944- -adds a nice touch with the drums as all of the Twilight Dragon Beagle puppies begin to howl and the IDKClones clap wildly-
IDKClones- -begin to throw money at our feet in the form of change-
IDontKnow- WOW if this keeps up I will have enough to pay off the Visa People!
Uh, where did u guys get all this change?
IDKClone #8- We robbed the first national bank of Bermuda!
IDontKnow- -upon hearing this news, runs and hides behind the Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae plant-
SakuraSango- -watches as IDK hides- Hmmm wonder what got into him? Oh well...
-hears sirens 'n looks up-
-a police officer walks up to her- Excuse me have u seen this man...
-holds up a pic of IDK-
-looks at IDK as he begs her to not turn him in-
decides to be nice- besides he still has a MasterCard she can use-
Yep officer...-points to the bikini clad Naraku- That's him right there...
-watches as Naraku is dragged off-
Good that sight was gettin a little disturbing to watch any longer...there's somethin wrong about bikini clad evil villains...Now to get that MasterCard
TwilightDragon- WHEN WILL I GO BACK TO HUMAN?????? WHAA!!!!
-starts crying-
FaeClone #21- -picks up the sobbing TwilightBeagle puppy and attempts to console him with puppy treats. When this doesn't work, she runs to Faewillow, yelling- Mom, what's wrong with Fuzzy Wuzzums?
Faewillow- O.O
Oh my gosh, I completely forgot about that!!! You poor thing...
-sprinkles faerie dust on the puppy's head & mutters quietly-
-With a flash of light, TwilightBeagle disappears, replaced by TwilightDragon in human form-
-All the TwilightBeagle clones follow suit-
FaeClone #21- -terribly upset at the loss of her pet, runs sobbing & wailing down the beach, stopping all of this suddenly to pick up a turtle, which she promptly names "Shelly," and begins talking to it in that girly, silly manner- Awwww... what a cute widdo turtow wurdow...
( FaeClone #944 is joined by other faeclones: #69, (who is taller than all the other clones), #101 (with coke-bottle glasses), #501 (dressed in all denim), and #666 (who is dressed all in black and pierced in several places). The group builds a stage & a windmill/generator, plug in their instruments & amps, and begin a concert, starting with The House of the Rising Sun )
IDontKnow- -unable to resist joins in- IT'S BEEN THE RUIN OF MANY A POOR BOY, AND GOD, I KNOW, I'M ONE
-goes to pet store with the offending MasterCard taped to his (the ultimate protection for it LOL) to buy FaeClone #21 a new puppy.-
Hmmmm -chooses a Saint Bernard-
-As he is lugging this beast out of the store he sees about a thousand Bermuda Cops escorting a thong-clad demon off to jail-
Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye IDK
-Hands the Saint Bernard to FC #21- Here is a gift for Milady
TwilightDragon- -blows up all the cops with newly retrieved Tetsusaiga-
You have no idea how good it feel to be at normal height. Now IDK, payback for something you've done that I have forgotten of!
-points sword at IDK-
IDontKnow- Uh Twilight Dragon IT WASNT ME IN POLICE CUSTODY, IT WAS NARAKU!!!!!!!!!!!
Naraku- -Thong-wearin' super villain skulks off into the woods-
IDontKnow- I remember very well the jail break from about - oh thirty pages ago though, as a blonde you would've been kinda cute, but the five o'clock shadow was a dead give-away! excuse me.
-Calls out to FaeClone #666- do me a favor, will you, and find some way to abuse Twilight Dragon for letting Naraku loose on society again
Naraku- -At that moment, a very drunk and very deranged Naraku is lap-dancing with the Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae plant as a prop-
( In the audience are about eleventy dozen IDKClones and SakuraSango )
( Suddenly Inner Circle's Bad Boys starts blaring from giant overhead speakers, and SakuraSango cocks her mallet )
SakuraSango- -looks over 'n sees the lap dancing Naraku 'n screams- OMG MY EYES!!!
-runs over 'n starts whacking the bikini clad Naraku till he's squished-
Man now I'm gonna haveta find some kinda amnesia ray...
-goes off in search of an amnesia ray-
FaeClone #21- -On receipt of her new puppy, squeals with joy, bear hugs IDK with the dog at face level, and runs off to teach it to play catch, missing all of the action-
Band- -continues as if nothing had happened until IDK's request for FaeClone #666's um, help-
FaeClone666- Hmmm, possibilities...
FaeClone501- Number 666, don't you even think about it! No abusing of underage demons...
FaeClone#666- Oh yeah, right...
Group- -throws Naraku off the stage-
Naraku- -lands on TwilightDragon, knocking the sword from his hands. It lands several
feet away.
TwilightDragon- -landed on-
Band- -goes back to the music, playing Walkin' the Dog (ancient Aerosmith) and following up with Wild Thing-
( 45 police officers arrive, looking for the guy who blew up their brothers-in-arms )
I#69- -pointing to Naraku- That's him, officers. I saw it with my own eyes. He was resisting arrest. Careful, he was armed with a sword...
Officers- -arrest the confused demon, dragging him away with cuffed hands and feet.-
Naraku- -confused and being arrested-
Band- -...and the band plays on...-
IDontKnow- -IDK jumps from the stage and comes up to FC #501 and whispers in her ear-
( After thinking about it the band strikes up KEY LARGO and IDK and FC #69 begin a slow dance around the floor )
Band- WE HAD IT ALL
JUST LIKE BOGEY AND BECALL
STARRING IN OUR OWN LATE-LATE SHOW
JUST LIKE THEY DID IN KEY LARGO
IDontKnow- -proves to be good at dancing, but in the process of twirling FC, he trips and in a domino effect knocks over forty IDKClones, the last of which hits SakuraSango so hard that her mallet goes flying through the air like the sledgehammer in the Apple Commercial of 1984 and hits Faewillow square on the head-
Faewillow- -falls over and faerie dust and everything from her dimensional pocket spills out resulting in Chaos-
.o
Ow
-sits up & looks around-
-Sneezes, then grabs back of head, muttering in a language you don't understand-
-Several clones transform into bizarre creatures, and strange lights fill the air-
-notices I #33-
Um, who are you? You look familiar...
I #33- Uh-oh...
Band ...and the band plays on... next song: What Condition My Condition Was In (I think that's what it was called) by Kenny Rogers (I think), then Existential Blues by T-Bone-
Faewillow- -looks around-
Where am I, and who are you people?
IDontKnow- -As a three headed scaly green FaeClone runs by chasing someone, IDK gets up-
What happened? OWWWWWWWW
-having shielded FaeClone #69 from the worst of the fallout, IDK takes her hand and runs to the stage-
-grabbing the amnesiac progenitor of the clones, IDK throws her over his shoulder and runs for the exit just as a black hole opens on the floor in front of him-
-taking the very last grains of the faerie dust from the vial on pg 19 (I think it was) IDK sprinkles the dust on the original Faewillow and whispers almost to himself-
I hope this cures amnesia, please let this cure amnesia
( reaching the exit, IDK sees SakuraSango smashing Twilight Dragon into the ground for no reason. )
SakuraSango- IF YOU HADNT RELEASED THAT THONG-WEARIN' FORCE OF EVIL NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!!!!!!!
IDontKnow- -DIVERTS HIS EYE AS A PARTICULARLY VICIOUS WHACK LANDS ON DA HEAD that's gonna leave a mark.
( suddenly a creature which looked to be part Tyrannosaurus Rex, part Beagle, and part Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae plant appears and begins to chase IDK back toward the black hole )
IDontKnow- HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
