Travelers 5

by Gillian

Seen Through The Heart

"Right," Pippin said, laying the last dish on the draining board. "One meal over, now we can start getting ready for the next. If we have any food left the way this lot eat."

"I'll be out of your hair soon enough," Freddy promised, sipping his tea.

"Oh, you're no problem, Freddy," Pip rushed to assure him. "I'm thinking more of the aunts and uncles. And this time tomorrow they'll all be on their way home, thank goodness."

"We better be making our own way home soon, Pip," Merry reminded him, drying the last dish and placing it on the dresser.

Pippin grimaced. "I know."

"No need to hurry on mine and Sam's account," Frodo told them, tilting Fael's rapidly draining bottle as the hobbitling fed voraciously. "You're all welcome as long as you like and as often too."

"Thanks, Frodo!" Pippin said in delight. "I won't stay away too long, that's for sure. Don't want to miss our Fael growing up."

"Yes, thank you, Fro," Freddy said. "If that invitation includes me too."

"Course it does, Freddy," Merry assured him. "Why, it's quite like old times again, all of us around a table."

Frodo looked down at the baby's contented face, deciding not to comment. It was like old times, but he didn't feel quite the same joy in it his cousins did. He missed Sam by his side, the room felt empty without him, despite his friends around him. Sam had spent the days since the party out and about, usually in the long neglected garden.

Fael sputtered around the bottle's teat and Frodo sat him up, exclaiming in dismay as the baby brought up everything he'd just gulped down, smelling considerably worse now than it had.

"Oh dear!" Pippin sprang up for a cloth and tossed it to Merry who handed it quickly to Frodo. He wiped the screaming baby's mouth, crooning softly at his distress.

"There there, Fael," he soothed. "It's all right."

"Here Frodo, I'll take him," Merry offered, another clean cloth in his arms and Frodo kissed his son's head and handed him over, pulling the stickiness of the soiled shirt away from his skin.

"I'll fill the bath," Pippin decided.

"Is he all right?" Freddy asked, grimacing.

"He's fine," Pippin assured him, making himself busy filling the small tub on the draining board. "He does this sometimes."

"Usually not quite so much of it though," Frodo snorted, unbuttoning the shirt and pulling it off. He thought he might need a bath himself.

"Why, Frodo," Pippin exclaimed. "That's the first time I've seen your sword scar since the Houses of Healing! It does look better."

Frodo turned to see the adults in the room surveying him and he flushed self consciously. He'd quite forgotten his many scars and he resisted the urge to hold his soiled shirt back in front of him like a maiden protecting her modesty.

"If that's better what was worse like?" Freddy said hoarsely, his eyes shocked.

"Oh it was awful!" Pip told him, eyes wide. "All black and horrid."

"It is better, Frodo," Merry said, frowning at Pippin. "Why don't you go wash up, we'll sluice the baby down and put a fresh gown on him."

Frodo seized the chance gratefully. "I do smell a bit myself, thanks, Merry."

888

There was silence in the kitchen after Frodo left and Merry busied himself stripping off Fael's stained gown and napkin.

"The water's ready, Merry," Pippin said in subdued tones.

Merry lifted Fael and sat him in the tub, splashing him gently. "You have got a big mouth, Pip," he chided as the other hobbit handed him a cloth. "You know Frodo doesn't like talking about all that."

"That wound? Is it really better than it was?" Freddy asked at his shoulder and Merry slanted him a glance. Their old friend still looked shocked and dismayed.

"Much," Merry confirmed. "Now it's less a wound and more a scar. Once we thought it would never heal."

"And the others?" Freddy asked. "I've heard all your stories, lads, but they don't begin to explain those scars. What about that weal on his side?"

"Best if we leave all the stories until another time, Freddy," Merry said, lifting Fael out of the tub into Pip's waiting arms. "Frodo will be back soon, and I'm not joking when I tell you he doesn't want to talk about it all."

"Even we don't know all of it," Pippin said lowly.

"But who did it?" Freddy insisted. "Who whipped him?"

Merry frowned at him. "Later," he said firmly, watching as Freddy bit his lip angrily. And then Frodo was coming back and Merry determinedly changed the subject.

888

Sam looked up from his weeding as Frodo laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You were well lost there, my lad," Frodo joked as he tossed a blanket down and knelt on it. Fael was dozing against his shoulder and supporting his head carefully Frodo laid him down.

"Just enjoyin' the peace and quiet."

"Not just escaping the house full?" Frodo's eyes were twinkling as he straightened Fael's little gown and touched a tender finger to his chin before rising and crossing to Sam's side.

"How can I put this without insultin' your family," Sam said thoughtfully, slanting the other hobbit a teasing glance as he dropped down next to him. "If your aunt pinches my cheek one more time I may set up permanent camp out here."

"Aunt Peony pinched your cheek? That means she like you."

"Does it indeed," Sam said, not impressed. "What does she do when she doesn't like you? Beat you over the head with her walking stick?"

"Funny you should ask..." Frodo dropped a wink and Sam chuckled and nudged his shoulder playfully with his own.

"Anyway, what are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be entertaining your guests?"

"I've left them to their greatest pleasures, annoying Bilbo and emptying my larders. Just when they were filling up nicely too!" Frodo reached out and absently plucked a weed from the soft earth. "Besides, Fael fancied a nap under the trees this morning."

Sam cast a glance over at the peacefully sleeping babe, dappled sunlight painting his soft pink cheeks. "Told you that did he?"

"In his own way," Frodo said loftily. "We have our own communication, my son and I."

Sam couldn't help his wide grin. It was such a pleasure to be kneeling in his garden with Frodo so happy and healthy by his side and their son laying safe asleep nearby. He nudged Frodo's shoulder more gently this time and smiled into wide blue eyes that turned to him.

"What would he be tellin' you now d'you think? If he was awake?" he murmured.

Frodo's own lips turned up in a soft smile. "He'd remind his Frodo-dad that he has a house full of guests and that this is neither the time or place to be dallying with his Sam-dad."

Sam breathed deeply of Frodo's healthy hobbit smell, half closing his eyes in pleasure at having him so close. Then he sighed and turned determinedly back to his weeding. "That's a smart lad we have there," he said hoarsely and Frodo chuckled and began to help weeding in earnest.

"We do indeed. I'm walking into the village after lunch with Pip. Want to come?"

"I'll finish this," Sam decided. "What do you want in the village?"

"Have to send a few letters. I have a few things to sort out about Bag End."

Sam slanted him an uneasy glance. "Like?"

"Like making sure you and Fael have all the rights I can give you," Frodo told him. "It's nothing to worry about, love."

"If you say so," Sam said, deciding to let Frodo handle that side of things. He knew what he was doing after all.

888

Merry looked up from his book when Freddy stuck his head around the door.

"Is Frodo here?"

"He went for a walk with Pip and the baby," Merry said, closing the book with his finger marking his page. "They only just left, you can probably catch up with them."

Freddy smiled. "I might."

Merry sat back with a sigh, then shook his head when he realised he hadn't told Freddy which direction they'd been heading in. He closed his book and jumped up to follow him down the hall to the back door, arriving in the open doorway just in time to see Freddy stand over Sam where he knelt by the garden bed. And then he was frozen in shock as Sam turned and Freddy struck him across the mouth with a backhand that sent him sprawling.

He was so stunned he could only gape in horror as Sam fell on to his side, hand flying to his lip where blood spurted.

"You've been asking for that,' Freddy said, the satisfaction in his voice curdling Merry's blood. He grabbed the round doorjamb with both hands as Freddy unbuckled his belt and pulled it from the loops in his pants. "And this has been a long time coming too," he said, snapping the belt in his hand.

Sam had climbed to his feet, one hand still to his split lip.

"I'm not a nipper any more, Mr. Freddy," Sam said quietly, hand by his side clenching. "I don't have to stand for a thrashin' from you again."

"If you'd learned your lesson the first time then I wouldn't have to do this again," Freddy said, taking a step forward as Sam clenched his other hand into a fist and braced himself.

Merry finally found his voice. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed, cutting across the grass to stand between the two hobbits.

Freddy firmed his jaw, his gaze not leaving Sam's face.

"Keep out of this, Merry. It's not your concern."

"Not my concern?" Merry said incredulously. "I'll ask you again, Freddy, what on earth are you doing?"

Freddy met his eyes. "What you should have done. You're as against this union as I am."

"I told you I was worried about Frodo," Merry said, his voice shaking with his shocked surprise. He threw his hand back and indicated a silent Sam. "I never said anything like this!"

"Maybe if you had then this mess wouldn't have gone so far," Freddy threw back in disgust. "Now go away, cousin and let me finish this."

Merry shook his head, taking a step back until he was by Sam's side. "I don't think so," he said steadily. "In fact I think you're the one who should be going away, cousin. Pack your bags and leave."

Freddy huffed a laugh. "It's not bad enough this gardener is walking around Bag End like he owns it, now you're telling me what to do as well?"

"I'm telling you to go," Merry confirmed. "Frodo will say the same thing when he gets back."

"No!" Sam interjected. "I don't want Frodo worried with this."

"No one cares what you want," Freddy said savagely and Merry was taken aback anew by the rage in his face. "This is Frodo's house and I'll stay here as long as I like." As he spoke he wrapped his belt back around his waist and buckled it firmly. "And I'll say whatever I please to my cousin," he finished smugly.

"No you won't," Merry said firmly. "And let me tell you why. You seemed obsessed with Frodo's scar this morning, Freddy. Couldn't take your eyes off it."

Freddy's face grew wary. "So?"

"You were full of questions about where and when he got it, but I noticed you knew right away what caused it. And why shouldn't you? Who better in the Shire than you knows what kind of scar a whip leaves on a hobbits flesh?"

"That's enough!" Freddy hissed, shooting a hateful glance at Sam. "You have no right to talk about this in front of him."

Merry shook his head sadly. "I wondered if you remembered, Freddy, but it seems you don't. It was Sam and I who found you in the lockholes that day."

The hobbit's face went still.

"We saw the state you were in," Merry continued. "We carried you out. It was Sam who wrapped his coat around you, so no one else would see what they did to you."

"You have no idea what they did to me," Freddy ground out.

"We have a pretty good idea." Merry met his cousin's eyes squarely. "And it's the only reason I'm not standing back and watching Sam beat the snot out of you right now. But if you bother Frodo with this then believe me, Freddy, I'll bloody hold his coat while he does."

"Why are you bringing this up now?" Freddy demanded hotly.

Merry bit his lip, unsure for a moment if he wanted to take this any further. But a sideways glance at Sam, bloody hand clenched, eyes hard convinced him. "I'm just thinking how interested folk would be in all the gruesome details, Freddy." Merry raised one brow. "All the lurid, sordid details."

Freddy's face was white, his eyes hot and shining. "You'd do that?" he said incredulously. "In defense of this upstart gardener's boy?"

"To protect my friends, yes," Merry confirmed quietly. He shook his head sorrowfully. "You force my hand, Freddy, with this violence. I won't have you show this face to Frodo."

"Because if I do you'll try to shame me to the whole Shire," Freddy sneered. "Well, fine. You've obviously chosen your side, cousin. Made your bed." He looked Merry up and down then flung a disgusted look at Sam. "I hope you enjoy lying in it."

Merry stood firm as Freddy strode up to him and then past, brushing his arm roughly against him as he pushed by, watching as he easily hopped the fence and strode down the path towards the market place. Only then did Merry take a deep breath and feel his heartbeat begin to slow. He turned to Sam and shook his head when he saw the blood on his face. "Oh, Sam, I'm so sorry."

"It weren't your doin'," Sam mumbled, lifting a shaking hand to his mouth.

The trembling fingers bought sudden unexpected tears to Merry's eyes but he blinked them away. There was an almost physical pain in his heart as he recalled the last terrible minutes, the unexpected violence, the lengths he had been forced to go to. He nodded to Sam's swollen lip. "We should clean that up."

Sam followed him silently into the cool dimness of the house and sat down at the table while Merry poured some water from the kettle and found a soft clean rag.

"I saw him strike you," Merry said quietly as he poured a little witch hazel into the water, turning it cloudy. "I heard what he said. Will you tell me what he did before?"

"It doesn't matter," Sam dismissed, taking the dampened cloth and pressing the corner of it to his lip, hissing a little at the sting. "It was a long time ago."

"I'm guessing Frodo doesn't know." Merry sat at the table, watching as Sam dipped another corner of the rag into the saucer and touched it to his lip. "Here, let me do that." He took the rag and folded it into a neater pad before dabbing it in the solution and holding it firmly against Sam's mouth.

"No," Sam mumbled against the cloth. "And I don't want him to."

"I know Freddy never had much time for you," Merry muttered. "But I had no idea he'd been so cruel to you in the past. Please tell me what happened back then, Sam, my head's spinning with all this!"

Sam gave him a long look and then shrugged. "He thought I was too big for my britches," he said, as Merry carefully pulled back the cloth and surveyed the torn flesh. "Happen I was. He cornered me one day in the garden when Frodo wasn't here."

Merry studied Sam's battered face grimly. "And thrashed you." It wasn't a question.

"He wasn't that much bigger'n me, but he caught me by surprise same as he did today. Mr. Bilbo stepped in and put a stop to it afore it went too far."

"Bilbo knew?" Merry said in surprise.

"Mr. Bilbo was always kind to me." Sam licked gingerly at his lip and grimaced. "Told me not to pay no nevermind to Freddy or anyone else who said I shouldn't be Frodo's friend." He looked down at the bloody cloth in Merry's hand. "But I never forgot it, Merry."

"I bet you didn't." Merry balled the cloth in his fist. "For what it's worth, Sam, I never said a word against you when I spoke to Freddy. I told him I was worried about Frodo, but I swear that's all."

Sam looked up at him and Merry could tell he was turning the words over in his mind.

"Really?" he finally asked and Merry nodded fervently.

"Really. And if I had it to do over again I wouldn't even say that," he said honestly. "Freddy was right about one thing, I have chosen a side. And it's yours and Frodo's side. Wherever that may be, Sam, I'm on it."

"I'm glad to hear it." Sam said huskily. "It's goin' to be hard enough for Frodo to lose Mr. Freddy, he'd break his heart to lose you too, Merry."

"That will never happen," Merry said firmly.

"What was all that stuff you was saying to Mr. Freddy about the lockholes? How do you know for sure what they did to him?"

"For sure?" Merry shrugged. "I don't know any more than you, Sam and you were there with me. But I had my suspicions even then, and you can't say you didn't.."

"I did." Sam nodded grimly. "And he wasn't the only one, from what I've heard since. They was bad times." He looked directly at him and Merry was relieved to see some colour back in his cheeks. "You wouldn't really have spread such gossip about him around the Shire, would you?"

"Course not," Merry half smiled, wondering if he was fooling Sam any better than he was himself.

"Course not," Sam repeated dubiously. "I almost felt sorry for the fellow, and that's sayin' something! But if I thought it would keep him from spewin' his hateful words at Frodo I might have found myself that ruthless as well."

"Yes," Merry agreed solemnly, then he smiled at Sam. "Frodo was right, Sam. You do take good care of him."

"And he of me," Sam smiled, then winced. "Ouch!"

"You've opened it back up again," Merry fussed, wetting the cloth again. "How are you going to explain this to Frodo?"

"I'll think of something." Sam winced again. He looked appealingly at Merry. "Help me think of something?"

888

Frodo laid Fael down for his nap in his cradle, gently rocking it as long lashes swept his cheeks and he began to doze. A cooler afternoon breeze gently billowed the curtains and Frodo drew a light cover over Fael, chuckling under his breath as strong little legs kicked at the cover even in sleep. He rocked for a few minutes more, enjoying just the sound of the baby's soft quick breaths and the feel of his smooth skin under loving fingertips.

Finally he left him to his nap, drawing the door half closed behind him.

Down the hall he could hear movement from the room Freddy was sharing with Merry and Pippin and Frodo paused uncertainly. For days he had been watching Freddy watch him, waiting in vain for the other hobbit to speak out and say what was obviously on his mind.

But Freddy had never sought him out and with the house full of slowly departing guests and Sam disappearing every chance he got Frodo hadn't had the chance to seek him out instead. Indeed, he'd even wondered if he should. Perhaps Freddy had just been taken by surprise the other night at the party? Perhaps, like Merry, he needed time to get used to all this?

Perhaps it was time to find out.

Frodo stopped in the round doorway and rapped softly. Then he stuck his head around the door.

"Freddy? Can we talk?"

Freddy looked up, a folded shirt in his hands, a port open on the bed.

"Freddy?"

"Hello, Fro. I looked for you in the village but they said you'd been and gone."

Frodo stepped into the room, surveying the empty drawers and the clothes folded in the port. "I only had a few letters to send then Pip and I went for a walk. Why are you packing, Freddy?"

Freddy laid the shirt in the port and picked up a handful of bright cravats and dropped them on top. "I decided I'd imposed on you long enough, Fro."

Frodo frowned at the light tone, at the eyes that wouldn't meet his. "But I thought you were riding back with Merry and Pippin when they go?"

"All the way back to Buckland with that noisy Took?" Freddy laughed, taking a final look at the dresser and drawers. "No thanks." He closed the port with a snap. Then he turned and finally met Frodo's eyes. He smiled amiably.

Frodo drew in a breath. Just for a moment that look had been back, the one that had so surprised him at the party, the one he hadn't wanted to put a name to.

It looked like rage.

"I wish you wouldn't do this, Freddy," he said quietly, locking his hands together in front of him to stop his fingers from shaking. "You don't have to do this."

"Best this way, old chap," Freddy said jovially. "Best to leave while we still have at least the memory of friendship between us."

"We're still friends, Freddy," Frodo exclaimed. "That hasn't changed."

Freddy laughed dryly and shook his head. "Everything's changed, Fro," he said. "Time after time I've had to stand by while all that I knew and loved was washed away. I've watched my world change around me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it." He huffed a harsh laugh. "When I did try I paid a bitter enough price."

"Not all changes are bad, Freddy," Frodo said quietly.

Freddy shook his head again. "You don't even know how much you've changed, Frodo, if you expect me to smile and nod while you throw everything away for this gardener of yours. If you expect me of celebrate the life of some misbegotten elfspawn-"

"That's enough!" Frodo exclaimed.

Freddy clenched his jaw then smiled a travesty of his old smile. "Told you it was better if I left," he said, quirking one brow. "You and I are miles apart now, Frodo. There's no ground we can meet on."

Frodo's hands were still clenched, but it was anger that had them shaking now, not sorrow. "You were right," he said coldly, pulling the door open wide.

Freddy picked up his bag and turned for the door. "I'm right about a lot of things, but I expect you'll find that out the hard way soon enough."

He paused by Frodo and tilted his head. "You're not the hobbit I thought you were, Frodo, but maybe that's my fault for expecting too much. You always did have some odd notions."

"Freddy."

Freddy paused in the doorway without turning.

"It is your fault, Freddy. And your loss." Broad shoulders twitched for a moment, then the hobbit crossed the threshold and was gone.

His steps died away and Frodo sat back down on the bed numbly. He couldn't believe that conversation had happened, couldn't believe how quickly Freddy's mask of civility had slipped to reveal the rage and hatred simmering underneath. What on earth did Freddy see when he looked at them? What on earth inspired such loathing?

Frodo shivered. All of a sudden he was remembering elven eyes spitting hatred at him across a glade in Rivendell. To think that Freddy had been here under his roof for days thinking such thoughts about them. About Fael.

Overcome with the urge to check on the baby Frodo hurried to his room, pushing open the door and drawing in a startled breath at the figure bending over the cradle.

"Sam," he breathed out in relief and Sam swung his head around, finger to his lips.

"Shh, he's still fast asleep." Sam frowned and crossed to him swiftly. "You all right?"

Frodo reached out and clutched broad shoulders, leaning against him with a sigh. "You startled me," he said quietly.

Strong fingers reached out and caught his chin and Frodo schooled his face and smiled into concerned brown eyes. "Decided to come back inside?" he teased, then his smile died and he reached out and touched a gentle finger to Sam's mouth. "What happened to your mouth?"

Sam touched the torn patch with his tongue and shrugged ruefully. "I slipped in the garden. Hit myself on the hoe handle."

Frodo stared at him, watching as a pink tide spread from Sam's collar and made its way gamely to his ears. He drew his hand back and crossed his arms, one brow rising. "A gardening accident?" he said dubiously.

Sam cleared his throat. "Uh huh."

Frodo reached out and traced a thin scar just visible under Sam's shirt collar. "Anything like this gardening accident?"

Sam's hand flew to his throat and the pink tide turned red. "Oh, bother," he exclaimed.

"Sam Traveler you are the worst liar," Frodo said in exasperation. "You couldn't come up with anything better than that old story?"

"I forgot what we told Bilbo," Sam muttered.

"I suppose in a way it is like that 'gardening accident'," Frodo said unhappily. "Isn't it?"

Sam frowned. "How do you mean?" he said cautiously.

"I mean you were hurt again because of us." Frodo nodded towards the cradle. "The three of us."

Sam eyes grew worried. "You've spoken to Mr. Freddy then? What did he say to you?"

"Nothing I want to repeat," Frodo said, feeling the disgust all over again. "I'm more interested in how this happened."

Sam curved his hands around Frodo's shoulders. "It was nothin'," he said, "Really, love, I'd rather not speak of it either." He pulled him close and Frodo let himself be drawn into Sam's arms, wrapping himself in the warm embrace. But his mind was racing, wondering how far it had all gone, remembering that flash of rage, those horrible words.

"I'm sorry," Sam murmured. "You've lost a friend."

"Nothing for you to apologise for, Sam," Frodo said. "I'm just realising Freddy wasn't the friend I thought he was anyway."

He leaned back a little and met Sam's eyes. "You sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine," Sam said, eyes creasing as he smiled reassuringly.

Frodo pressed a gentle kiss to that smile, drawing back as Sam hissed and jerked away. "I'm sorry!" Frodo exclaimed.

"It's just a bit sore," Sam said, raising his hand and pressing it to the wound. "And all I want to do is kiss you."

Frodo tasted the tang of blood on his own lips but he swallowed his anger and forced himself to smile. "I'll have to do the kissing for both of us," he whispered, leaning forward and laying a gentle kiss to the unhurt side of Sam's lips.

"Mmm," Sam hummed. "I could get used to that."

Frodo nuzzled his cheek. "I have a few other ideas as well," he said against smooth skin, and chuckled at the shudder of pleasure that rippled through his love.

"We can't," Sam groaned, his hands shaping Frodo's shoulders and tugging him closer.

Frodo tilted his head back. "Is this the same hobbit who gave me that afternoon tumble just the other day? Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Mashed flat under the weight of all your relatives." Sam cast a haunted look to the open window, voices raised in laughter and song could be heard through it from the garden.

Frodo gave in and rested his head on Sam's shoulder again. "All my relatives," he repeated with a sigh. Freddy's face flickered in his mind again and he wrapped his arms around Sam protectively. "The last of them will be gone this time tomorrow, love," he promised. "Except for Merry and Pip and Bilbo of course."

"They don't count," Sam assured him, patting his back. "They hardly ever pinch my cheeks. Or my bum either come to that. Pearl," he supplied, when Frodo jerked his head back.

"Oh, Sam," Frodo said, chest shaking. "What a lot you've had to put up with." His eyes touched on the torn lip but he kept his smile on his face. "I love you," he whispered.

"Love you," Sam whispered back.

They held each other close for some time.

888

"Where's Freddy?"

Frodo looked over at Pippin and then at Sam. "Freddy's gone, Pip."

Pippin's eyes widened in astonishment but Frodo noticed that Merry didn't seem surprised. He cast another glance at Sam and saw the quick look he exchanged with Merry. Frodo filed it away.

"But I thought we were all riding home together?" Pippin said, brow creasing in confusion. "And why would he leave without saying goodbye?"

"It seems Freddy had some problems with Sam and I," Frodo said as gently as he could.

"Problems?" As usual Pippin's eyes sought Merry's for clarification. "What does he mean, Merry? What problem did Freddy have with Sam and Frodo?"

"What do you think, Pippin?" Merry sighed. "Freddy can't accept that Frodo and Sam are making a life together now."

Pippin was shaking his head. "I can't believe that Freddy would leave over that," he said surely. "Why should it make any difference to him whether they love each other or not?"

"I don't know, it just does." Frodo studied his young cousin in concern, Pippin's normally cheerful face was pinched and drawn, his eyes confused.

"But Freddy's your friend, Frodo," Pip insisted. "He's known you all your life! How can he just stop being your friend, just like that?"

"Stop asking foolish questions, Pippin!" Merry said roughly. "We don't have answers, all right? Some folk will never accept someone that's different, it's about time you learned that for yourself."

"Merry," Frodo chided, noting that there were tears standing in Pip's eyes. "No need to be so rough, Pip's upset." He rose and crossed to Pippin's side but the other hobbit shook him off.

"It's not fair," he said angrily, dashing the tears from his eyes. "Why does everything have to change?" He turned on his heel and left the room, pushing past Peony and Bilbo.

"What bee's in his bonnet?" Peony said, clutching her shawl around her shoulders.

"Supper ready yet?" Bilbo said, eyes darting around the room. "What's going on?"

"Merry, you were too hard on him," Frodo said reproachfully.

"That lad needs to grow up a bit," Pearl sniffed, sitting down at the table and reaching for the butter knife.

"He's had to grow up too fast, that's the problem," Merry snapped, pushing away from the table.

"Another young hothead," Peony sighed, taking his vacated seat. "Any cake?"

888

Pippin was in their room, sitting on the floor by the bed, head pressed miserably to his knees. He looked up as Merry pushed the door closed behind him then lowered his flushed face again.

"Who are you mad at, Pip?" Merry asked quietly, leaning back against the door and crossing his arms. "Because I think Frodo is upset enough already, and I know this isn't easy on Sam either."

Pippin sniffed, wiping his eyes on his knees. "I'm not mad," he muttered.

Merry pushed away from the door and dropped down next to his younger cousin, leaning back against the bed with a sigh. "Sure sounded like you were."

"I just don't understand!" Pippin burst out. "This morning Freddy was sitting laughing with us, and now he's gone? It was just like old times for a while and now it's all ruined." He kicked out at the rug by his feet. "I wish things didn't have to change, Merry. I wish it was all back like it used to be."

"No you don't," Merry chided, wrapping his arm around Pip's shoulders.

"I do," Pip insisted stubbornly. "When we were all friends and had jolly times together and I didn't get so confused and churned up about things."

Merry sighed. "It's all right to wish bad times away, Pip, we all do it. But what about the good things that have come from the bad? Would you wish Fael away? Separate Sam and Frodo?"

"Course not," Pippin muttered. He laid his head on Merry's shoulder. "Merry?"

Merry cupped his cousin's head, stroking tenderly through fair curls. "Hmm?"

Pippin turned to look at him and Merry gazed into damp eyes. "Do you think it's wrong then? To love a lad? I didn't think it was, but now I'm not so sure."

"Love's never wrong, Pip."

"But you didn't like it either, when Frodo and Sam came back together."

Merry flushed, but kept his gaze even. "I think I was a bit like you, Pip, wishing things could go back to the way they were before we left."

"But they can't, can they," Pippin said sadly. "Everything seemed so easy then, no one was asking us to make hard choices."

"It wasn't a hard choice for you, Pip," Merry reminded him. "All you cared about was whether Frodo and Sam were happy. I admire that about you."

"You do?" Pippin blinked in surprise.

Merry nodded. "I really do. You may mess things up now and then but you always make the wise choice in the end. You follow your heart."

Pippin's cheeks flushed with pleasure and then he wrinkled his nose. "You had to mention how I mess up?"

"Well it is your greatest talent," Merry teased, ruffling soft curls. "There have been some tough choices, haven't there, Pip? I'm not sure I've always made the wisest ones."

"You can only do your best, Merry," Pippin said earnestly. "And for what it's worth I think you've always done the right thing, in the end. You've always taken good care of me." He flushed again, ducking his head. "Even when I do one of those foolish things I'm famous for."

Merry studied his flushed cheeks. "You're talking about the other night? With Edgar?"

Pippin groaned. "What was I thinking?"

"What were you thinking with you mean," Merry teased, nudging him with his shoulder. He took a breath. "This is as good a time as any, Pip, to clear things up between us about that night."

"It's all right," Pippin said hastily. "You don't have to say anything. I know."

"You know what?" Merry asked curiously.

Pippin grimaced. "I know that you weren't offering to, you know..." He trailed away, shrugging awkwardly. "I knew it then too." He flicked a glance at Merry's eyes and then his gaze skittered away.

A suspicion formed in Merry's mind. "Pippin," he began ominously. "Did you set me up?"

"No!" Pippin exclaimed, eyes wide.

Merry believed him right away, Pippin could never lie to him. "Then what?"

"I really was confused about things. Then when you put your arm around me like you always do and I felt so safe like I always do, I just thought..."

"Oh, Pippin," Merry said in disbelief.

"It was all true, what I said," Pippin rushed to assure him. "I did think you and I could learn all that stuff together. Make each other feel good."

"Did?" Merry said quietly, wondering at the sudden pang he felt at the word. "Don't you think it any more?"

Pippin shrugged, avoiding his gaze. "I suppose I still do," he whispered. "But now I'm not so sure whether I should, Merry. Look how everything's changed for Frodo and Sam. I don't want things to change between us. I like them the way they are."

"I do too," Merry agreed, squeezing his cousin's shoulders gently.

Pippin he looked directly at Merry now, his dear confused face only inches away, his leaf green eyes bright with unshed tears, his breath cool on Merry's face. "Merry?" he whispered. "What about you? What do you want?"

And there was one of those hard choices Pippin had been talking about, laid out in front of him. Merry felt woefully unprepared for all this, this question, these feelings, the odd longing that was coming over him.

"I don't know," he finally said, noting the surprise on Pippin's face. It was strangely gratifying that even after all that had happened Pippin could be surprised that there were things Merry didn't know. Gratifying and somewhat terrifying too. He decided to say just what he was on his mind.

"I think, Pip, that if we're both still unsure, then maybe we shouldn't be making these kinds of choices right now."

Pippin tilted his head thoughtfully. "That makes sense."

Merry pinched his ear. "Well, don't sound so surprised! I do make sense occasionally."

Pippin rubbed his ear and poked his tongue out. "I suppose I was just hoping you'd make the decision for me. It's so much easier not having to think for myself."

Merry snorted a laugh, a little surprised himself by the wry sentiment coming from his young cousin's mouth. "Maybe it's time I let you make more decisions," he thought aloud.

"Even though I might mess them up?"

Merry leaned over and laid his forehead to Pip's, the way they used to when they were younger. "How did this all get so serious?" he wondered. "Weren't you just looking for a quick tumble?"

"Fat chance of that," Pippin grumbled, then chuckled as Merry applied tickling fingers to his ribs. "All right, I'm sorry! I was just joking!"

Pip panted his husky giggles as Merry relented and just pulled him close. "I didn't say we couldn't still make each other feel good," he said impulsively. Pippin blinked at him and he hastened on. "Eventually, I mean. Just, not rush into anything."

"Start slow, you mean?" Pippin said doubtfully.

"If you want." Merry held his breath, not sure himself where this was coming from.

Pippin's smile was like the sun coming out and Merry blew out the breath he'd been holding. "I do want," the younger hobbit said decisively. "And slowly sounds just fine."

"Well, good," Merry said, half thrilled with the answer, half amazed at his own insanity. "I, er, I suppose we'd better get out there before the cakes are all gone."

Even faced with this dire prospect Pip didn't move. "Slow," he said thoughtfully. "Like, just a kiss?"

Merry swallowed hard. "I suppose."

"Now?"

Merry opened his mouth to come up with an answer, although he never was sure exactly what he'd been going to say. Pippin swooped over and laid a kiss right on his mouth, soft, then hard, then finally a little wet as a warm tongue licked his lips and just touched the tip of his own tongue.

Merry opened eyes he didn't even realise he'd closed to see Pippin's pleased face smiling at him.

"A good start I think," he said decisively.

"I thought I was supposed to be showing you the way," Merry managed through tingling lips.

"Not when it comes to kissing," Pippin reminded him. "I told you, that I know how to do."

Merry licked his lips thoughtfully. "You do," he agreed. He studied Pippin's smug face and couldn't help the smile that blossomed on his own. Then he was chuckling and Pip was laughing too.

"Now," the young Took said gleefully, rubbing his hands together. "Better look to those cakes, hey?"

888

"Pippin seemed fine at supper," Frodo observed, joining Merry on the bench.

Merry smiled down at his pipe. "You know Pip. He gets over things quickly enough."

"When he has you to run to," Frodo reminded him. He took a deep breath of evening air. "It's been quite a day."

Merry nodded fervently. "It certainly has."

"Did I tell you, Merry, Sam and I made a bit of a pact. Not to run crying to each other over every little trouble we have with folk."

Merry tilted him a curious glance. "Sounds like a good rule."

"In theory," Frodo agreed. "It worked for me right up to the moment I kissed Sam and tasted blood on his lips." He turned a deadly serious face to Merry. "That doesn't count as a little trouble to me."

"Ah," Merry said carefully. "Maybe this is something you should talk to Sam about."

Frodo huffed a chuckle under his breath. "Sam doesn't want to worry me. My fault I suppose, I do tend to brood a bit too much these days. But I'm not going to fall apart over this, Merry, I'm sure I've guessed the greater part of it already."

Merry sighed and gave in, feeling quite thankful to get it off his chest. "Some, but not all," he revealed. "You know Freddy never had much time for Sam."

"To tell you the truth, Merry, I honestly never noticed it," Frodo said regretfully.

"He took pains to hide how deep it ran, that's for sure." Merry took a deep breath. "Like the time he cornered Sam in the garden years ago and gave him a beating."

Frodo's face paled and he turned wide eyes to Merry. "What?"

"When I followed him into the garden this morning, Frodo, it was in time to see him strike Sam to the ground and pull his belt off to do it again. You never saw such a thing!"

"I don't believe this," Frodo said dazedly. "Although it shouldn't come as such a shock to me after the face he showed me today. And what he said about Fael."

"What did he say?"

Frodo shook his head. "Nothing I care to repeat. But I never dreamt there was such hatred for Sam from Freddy, even back then. I thought today no more than an argument that turned to fists."

"It would have turned to fists again, if I hadn't been there," Merry reported. "But I don't think Freddy would have had it all his own way this time. He wasn't facing some shy young servant boy today."

Frodo's eyes darkened and he clenched his fists. "Sam would have beat the daylights out of him," he said angrily. "I half wish you'd let him!"

"I half wish that myself. But Sam doesn't want you to know about this, Frodo," Merry reminded him. "I think it's a hard memory for him, one he doesn't want reminding of."

"Of course he doesn't," Frodo said huskily, and Merry could see the anger subsiding and sorrow taking its place. "He didn't deserve that, Merry. Not just for being my friend."

"No, he didn't," Merry agreed. "I was never so surprised or disappointed in anyone my life as I am with Freddy. To tell you the truth, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it. I thought I knew him."

"So did I. My poor Sam."

"You won't let on I told you, will you, Frodo? It's only because I don't want you trying to stay in contact with Freddy that I'm breaking Sam's confidence now."

"I'll keep the secret. I owe Sam that much at least. But I'm glad to know, Merry. Thank you."

Merry shook his head. "Don't thank me. I'm ashamed that he actually thought I would be on his side in all this. That if nothing else opened my eyes to how stubborn I've been over you and Sam. I love both of you, and now you love each other. And I'm glad, Frodo, truly glad."

Frodo smiled and laid his hand over his cousin's.

888

The elf he loves the high wood,

The man he loves to roam;

The dwarf he loves his bright gold,

The hobbit loves his home.

Frodo closed the door gently behind him and Sam looked up from his seat by the cradle, pausing in his quiet song.

"That's nice," Frodo said softly, crossing to his side and laying a loving hand on his shoulder. Together they looked down into the cradle at the yawning baby. "When did you come up with it?"

"It's like one my mam used to sing me." Sam gently rocked the cradle and Fael's eyes drooped. "I changed it some."

"How's your lip?"

"It's fine," Sam assured him, reaching up and squeezing Frodo's hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it."

"If you say so," Frodo acquiesced, letting Sam keep his secret. He had a few secrets of his own after all. He dropped a kiss on honey curls. "Don't you worry either, love."

Sam looked up at him, his soft brown eyes just a little shadowed.

"Nothing I've lost compares to what I've gained. All right?"

Sam smiled a little, his eyes creasing at the corners, the shadows lifting. "All right," he whispered.

To Be Continued!