Here is the revised third chapter, I really hope you enjoy it. I got a little sick of the first version, so I fleshed it out and made it better. Thanks for reading! I really appreciate it.

love it? hate it? review anyway.

All Standard Disclaimers Apply
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Colors. Heat. Light. PAIN! Hitomi whimpered in her tourtured slumber. She twisted her frail body as if to escape ethereal bonds. The thorazine pumped through her veins, her eyes had opened briefly to see his concerned face. Him. He. Van...

Since her return to her world, life had become anguish. Hitomi could tell no one of her adventures, she withdrew from everything. After awhile she had even given up running, the only thing that had given her joy before her adventure on Gaea. Soon after that, the cutting started. At first it was easy for her to explain away, since everyone knew how clumsy she was.

"I slipped when I was shaving, silly me!" She would say, accompanying the lie with a cheerful smile. How she hated herself then, how she hated herself. She stopped eating, forcing herself to merely survive. After her return, everyone noticed how she had changed. Hitomi was no longer vibrant or charismatic, she was wan and pale. A silent shadow of her former self. Yukari cried to Amano, who stayed in Japan to finish school and attend university. It was she who saw through Hitomi's gossamerthin lies.

"Amano-chan, she's sick! Something happened to her while she was missing, I just know it..." Yukari shoved her heavy auburn hair behind her ear as she huddled close to her boyfriend on the park bench. She knew Hitomi was hurt by her relationship with Amano, that she felt excluded and uncomfortable. She sighed and closed her eyes in frustration. "She doesn't talk to me, or to anyone! It's almost summer and she refuses to wear her short sleeved uniform.." Yukari trailed off, tears filling her eyes. "I saw the cuts," she cried into Amano's shoulder as if clinging to him would help bring the old Hitomi back.

Hitomi watched them from the trees, her heart breaking. She felt loathsome, hurting Yukari and Amano; her best friends. Her eyes darkened, the dull emerald green turning an undecribable shade. All she caused was pain and trouble. If only you knew... She thought to herself before turning away and dashing the tears from her eyes. The walk home was long but it passed quickly for Hitomi was deep in thought. She knew what she needed to do, to make everything all right again. She had to go away again, for good. Van and Gaea were unreachable, vivid memories. Bright memories. They stood out against the dark veneer of her unreachable depression. If her parents were home more, they might have noticed. Unfortunately, pressure of being a surgeon and mother of two, providing a home that wanted for nothing was too much for Kanzaki Makiko. She made sure Hitomi and Mamouru had everything they wanted, while she spent long days and evenings at work. Her father Daichi was a corporate lawyer, and was rarely home. He was called away at every hour of the day or night, to take a depostion or provide legal counsel. They never noticed that she barely ate, never noticed the blood in the bathtub, never noticed their daughter's empty eyes.

Once Hitomi reached the safety of her room, she gazed at the snowy white feather, tiwsting it around in her fingers. She set it down to wipe the tears from her eyes as she signed her name to the letter. The pen was set down, the feather picked up once again.

I love you Van...

Hitomi gently, almost reverently picked up the straight razor blade she had purchased at the art supply store. Slowly and carefully she drew it across her left wrist, cutting deeply along the vein in her left wrist. She had calculated the best way to achieve her goal. Cutting not straight across her wrists, like everyone who tried and failed did. Instead she cut deeply, opening up the vein from the midpoint of her forearm to her wrist lengthewise. More vein spilling more blood more quickly. She closed her eyes, her light eyebrows drawing together in a cruel parody of a child's concentraion. She exhaled before opening her eyes to survey her damage. It was hard to get a steady hold on the blade, the blood running down her arm made it slippery. She cut deeply into her right arm, not cleanly or regularly like the cut in her left. She had to stop and grip the blade tighter before she could finish. The pain was almost glorious. The feeling. Oh the feeling of it! She picked up the feather and brought it shakily to her lips, kissing it almost. Her vision began to cloud and she began to sway. Her eyes closed and Hitomi sank to the floor of her room. She was unconcious before she hit the carpet, before she saw Van's feather desecrated with her blood.

It was her mother who had found her. She was bearly breathing and was more pale than she had been when her heart had stopped during the vision of the doppleganger. After calling the ambulence, Kanzaki Makiko held the almost lifeless form of her daughter to her breast. She clasped her hands around Hitomi's frail wrists, trying with all her will and being to staunch the flow of blood as is flowed. She didn't notice the feather at all. or even the note until Hitomi was at the hospital recieving blood and out of immediate danger. Her heart shattered as she read the letter as she sat by her daughter's bedside in the intensive care unit.

Dear You,

If you are reading this, that means I've succeeded. I've caused too much pain and heartache to you all. More than I can bear. I want you to know how hard I tried. Tried to be the best friend, best runner, best student, best daughter, best sister I could. You deserved more from life than to have to deal with me. Constantly reassuring me that I was okay and that things would get better, when even I knew that they wouldn't.

Yukari- I knew you loved Amano-san before you did, you supported me even though you were going against your own heart. I saw how much it broke your heart, how much anguish it caused you to see me run that 100 meters to win the kiss. I caused you pain, when I disapeared, when i came back....now. I love you, Yukari-chan, you were the best friend that could ever be. I'm sorry I let you down...

Mom-Don't blame yourself. You've had to work so hard to support Mamouru and I since Dad left. I remember how you used to cry when I came back, late at night when you thought I was asleep. When you thought you were silent. I love you. I know this won't be easy on you, but it's for the best. Now you don't have to worry about me, or try to get afternoons off to come see me run. I never felt angry when you couldn't make it, i always understood. I love you so much, Mom. I wish I could have told you where I'd gone, tell you what happened, but I couldn't. i couldn't bear to have you worry more about me.

Mamouru- I love you, BoogerFace. No matter what you do, or where you go in life, I'll be looking out for you and smiling. Just remember that I love you, little brother. Put your heart into everything you do, you will get hurt sometimes, but you have to keep going. If you give your all, things will work out.

I love you all, please don't cry, please don't be sad. Just remember that I'm with you always. i'm sorry I'm so weak, that I couldn't handle my life. That I gave up. I couldn't try any harder anymore.

Kanzaki Hitomi...

And that was how Kanzaki Hitomi came to be at the Institute of Modern Mental Healthcare.