I don't know what was served, it could be dinner, it could be lunch, or it could be breakfast and I still wouldn't know. Who knew that not having access to a clock(my phone died. Woohoo!) would mess with your perception of when stuff was. Especially if you weren't fed while kept in a jail cell that was likely deep underground. Whatever the meal was didn't matter, food that looked very fancy, was placed in front of me.
It seemed like the same dish was served to everybody else at the table. I couldn't even really recognize what the heck was in front of me. I think I saw a sunflower hidden somewhere in… my salad? I hated salads growing up, it's just lettuce and a couple extra veggies. I was willing to bet that most were more willing to eat salads because it was an excuse to drown their sorrows in the ranch, but I'm not sure. Some people were also just very conscious of what they were eating, and I could respect that.
I just never seen a salad with sunflowers in it before. Perhaps that was some sort of thought that these… ponies were accustomed to, which I personally saw as odd. It did make sense given that horses and ponies are basically the same thing, and it was safe to assume that they mostly ate plants. I simply poked at my salad with a fork absentmindedly as I contemplated what my diet was going to be from here on out.
There was a couple things I was told, like Changelings mainly feeding off of love(which made my brain hurt just thinking about it). So perhaps my diet would be filled with that, and maybe some plants. That just made me sad, since I won't be able to enjoy any of the foods I actually really loved growing up. I probably wouldn't be given the chance to eat meat, and wouldn't know if my new body could stomach meat at all. Other things like pizza, candy, and seafood seemed to also be out of the question.
What was in front of me did look good at least, so maybe it didn't taste that bad. Who knows? I might like eating sun flowers just as much as I enjoyed eating crayons in the fifth grade for when asked to do it for a dollar. "Is there something wrong with your salad, Ray?" Princess Celestia asked. So I was right, it was a salad. I quickly shook my head, stabbed my salad with my fork(there were three for some reason) and took a bite. All things considered, it was a good salad. If I had a bottle of ranch available, I would like some, but I did like the salad.
The sunflowers added a nice crunch.
"It's just a bit weird. I dunno how much you guys know about humans, but humans are omnivorous? I think that's the right 'vorous' at least. Meaning we ate a mix of meat and plants to keep us from starving. While I can eat fruits, I love apples, I did mostly think of lunch as a hamburger. A meat patty in between bread with maybe some vegetables tossed in for good measure. Seeing a sunflower in my food's a bit weird, but I… actually kinda like it?"
After I said this, I took another bite of my salad, chewed, and swallowed before continuing to speak. "Wish I had ranch dressing, but since I don't see any dressing where, I'll just assume there is none in existence," I punctuated that with another bite of my salad.
"Well, I don't think I've heard of 'ranch dressing' before, but I believe we can find some for you later. It wouldn't be right to not only be feeding you improperly, but also feeding you foods you don't like. I can imagine that just eating plants, for any creature that should be eating meat, could drive them up the wall. mentally speaking of course," Princess Celestia said.
"Nah, don't worry about it. People like vegans and vegetarians only eat plants the whole time. Most of them are pricks that hoard their beliefs over people to make them seem holier than thou. I can go with eating plants my whole life, it could go towards a little experiment I suppose. 'Are humans just natural assholes that like to have moral high ground over others, or does going vegan make turn them into idiots?'" I just realized what I just said. Perhaps it wasn't wise to be swearing in front of royalty, let alone two ponies that are talking about 'adopting' me.
The glare I got from Princess Luna reinforced that sentiment. Good to know, if I ever feel like dying, I can just say 'fuck' in front of her, and poof! I'm dead! "I will let that swear slide, but do not make it a habit. Especially when we are in front of nobles, they are so uptight about 'proper' Equish, that they will drive their 'proper' use of the language down your throat," Luna groaned. Something tells me she had a problem with rich people.
"You see, Ray, my sister here was… imprisoned on the moon for a thousand years. Once she returned, she had a rather… archaic usage of Equish, and sometimes reverts to Traditional Equish while angry. The royals heard Lulu speak like somebody from a thousand years ago, and almost would have gotten their insides inverted if my sister wasn't recovering from her little incident." Princess Celestia explained.
"Well, it seems like that's universal across universes. Rich people, or rich ponies in this case, are assholes," I chuckled.
"What did I say about making that a habit?" Princess Luna asked.
I chuckled. "Fuck," I said, hoping that my little idea was right. To my disappointment, I didn't die, but Luna did fake a stink eye.
"Also, imprisoned on the moon?" I asked. Luna nodded. "For a thousand years?" I almost whispered. I couldn't fathom being alone for even a week, so the fact that Luna wasn't mentally insane said a lot to me about how mentally strong she was. I'll assume that ponies and humans are alike in the sense that we're social creatures. We have a natural desire to spend time with other people or ponies, and years of isolation can make us insane.
"Wait, you're a thousand years old?" I asked again, before realizing that I just asked a lady about her age. Luckily neither Princess Luna or Celestia took offense(at least on the surface. I don't know if Celestia was contemplating snapping my neck for such a question). They both simply nodded.
"Well, to be exact, I am one 1,143 years old. Luna is 1,130 years old," Princess Celestia said with a sip of her tea.
Before we knew it, the food was gone, and the plates were quickly taken by the same ponies that served us. Even after I offered to carry my own plate to the kitchen, I was told a stern 'no'. It seems like these ponies take their job as waiters to the royals of Equestria, and me apparently, very seriously. I sighed and slumped back in my chair. Luna and Celestia already looked ready to start discussing something, before Princess Cadence got up from her chair, and walked around the table to be seated next to me.
"So Ray, I believe you and I have gotten off on the wrong hoof," she said.
"Well yeah, it's pretty hard to have a friendly meeting with a freak like me. And it's also pretty easy to befriend somebody, who you thought was ruler of the planet a day ago, who also threw you in prison because I 'knew too much.'" I let sarcasm begin to roll into my voice towards the end. I was willing to forgive her for the whole imprisonment part. If I saw something ad ugly as whatever I was, in my home, I wouldn't be very quick to trust me either.
"And it seems like Auntie Celestia and Auntie Luna might adopt you, so we will be cousins even if you're adopted. Meaning we'll be family in quite possibly a few days," she placed a hoof on my shoulder and I flinched at the touch. "I figured it would be best if we started over, as friends of course. I'd hate having to live, knowing that my cousin didn't like me at all," Cadence said.
"Yeah, I suppose that would suck, but I wouldn't know. I've never really even met my cousins, but I supposed it'd be kinda like if I hated my brother for some reason. I doubt my brother will be happy knowing that I loathed every fiber of his being," I chuckled. "Plus I don't think the 'Princess of Love' would willingly cheat on her husband. Plus that sounds a bit like a felon. 'I cheated on my husband with this 14 year-old bug pony thing that's from another dimension!"
Princess Cadence giggled. "Yeah, I am not cheating on Shiny, and I am definitely not going to be dating somebody as young as you. That's just wrong," she then whipped my back with her tail. "So, did you have a special somepony before you ended up in my storage room?" She asked.
"Nope. I probably had a crush on some girl, but it was just a crush. I really don't talk to anybody at school unless it is necessary for a group project. Plus it seems a bit weird to love somebody you barely know. Sure, having a crush is one thing, but if she doesn't know I exist, then I can't really love her, y'know? It's hard to love somebody if you don't personally know them."
"I suppose that does make sense," Cadence smirked. "You seem to be quite mature for your age, and probably quite intelligent. I'm sure somepony would love to have you as their coltfriend."
"And I wouldn't be able to reciprocate any love back. Sure, 'love doesn't make sense' is something used a lot, but I'm not willing to trust that. I may be a Changeling, but I have the mind of a human being. I'm going to be attracted towards another human being. I don't know if I can truly love a pony in the way you'd love your husband, and then I wouldn't try to date them," I took a deep breath. "Feels wrong to date somebody when you can't give them their best."
Princess Cadence elbowed me. "Are you sure you're 14 years old? You just made yourself seem a lot older than that!"
"It's what my dad told me once I turned 13. Something about 'the birds and the bees'. I'm also just pulling all of that out of nowhere, since I really have zero relationship experience. I'm a 14 year-old high schooler, who just became a changeling. I'm not exactly thinking about dating, y'know?" Princess Cadence nodded.
"Well, if you ever find a special somepony, just know that I can help you score a date, and maybe something more," Cadence said with a wink. I had no clue what that meant. 'Something more' sounded a little vague, and I really hope I never find out what that meant. I've got a good feeling that I won't enjoy whatever 'something more' is.
Princess Celestia and Luna got up suddenly and started heading towards the doors. "What are they doing?" I asked.
"We are going to make the transition from day to night. Would you like to watch?" Princess Celestia offered.
"But doesn't the Earth spin around, which causes day and night?" I asked.
"Perhaps in your world, but here in Equestra… I think it's better if you come and watch," before I could even retort, I was enveloped in a blue aura-type-of-thing, and brought over to where the royal sisters were. "Come, sister. Let's show Ray why you and I are called the 'Princess of the Sun' and the 'Princess of the Moon', shall we?" Luna then dragged me along through the castle with her magic. She could've very easily carried me through the air, but I guess I'm too heavy to carry? I don't know, but boy was I glad for my exoskeleton.
She dragged me on the ground all the way through the castle.
Eventually my tormentor released me as soon as we were on a balcony. I examined my exoskeleton for a second to notice several rub burns on it. They didn't hurt, and I couldn't even really feel them, but they were there. Who knows? If I had human flesh, I'd be a red, in pain, bean pole. Not the most fun I've had while being dragged through a castle, but the only thing I could think of that would be more fun was jaywalking on a busy highway. Pain is fun, bring it on!
I'm going to die in a week or two. God have mercy on me, even if I don't believe in you.
Princess Cadence and Shining armor had also joined us on the balcony. I could hear them idly chatting while I tried to get up. Big emphasis on 'try'. Despite all the time I spent in the dungeon, which was mainly used to discover how my body worked, I only knew how to get up while I had at least two legs under my body. Right now, I was lying completely flat on my side, so I had no clue how to get up. Instead of bothering to get up, I just lifted my head and my eyes widened at the sight.
Princess Celestia's horn began to glow, she stood in in a regal fashion, while keeping her eyes on the setting sun. The same yellow hue on her horn enveloped the sun, and the sun lowered past the horizon in the weat. Princess Luna on the other hand, was floating in the air, fore legs stretched out, with a blue hue on her horn. Slowly, but surely, the moon(a full moon too!) raised from the east, enveloped by the same blue hue that Luna's horn was emanating…. That was awesome, but now my whole understanding of how the world works just took a massive shit, and then had a heart attack.
"So, how was that, Ray?" Luna asked.
"Pretty cool, honestly. Though, if you can raise and lower the moon, why did you drag me all the way through the castle, onto this balcony?"
"Because you're fat," Princess Luna said in a flat tone. I could see a small smirk etching onto her face.
"So I weigh more than the moon, according to you?" The lunar princess nodded. "You really had to do all of that for an elaborate 'you're fat' joke, didn't you?" I heard all the ponies present give out a snort as I rolled my eyes.
"Well, I suppose that means it is time for bed, Princess Cadence and Shining Armor can show you to your room. Just know that you might have to wake up early, since my sister and I have to catch a train back to Canterlot. We both left on short notice as soon as we heard of your arrival, so we need to get back by noon tomorrow at the very latest," Princess Celestia prodded me with a hoof. "Are you too tired to get up?" She asked.
"I'm used to having arms to get me out of this situation," I moved my forearms for a bit. "And hands. I've also never really tried getting up like a horse before, and thought I'd never need to until now. Technically I'm not a horse though, just a bug pony thing, so clearly I still do not need to know how to get up while laying flat on my side," I said. "Though I have watched dogs getting up, surely a horse's anatomy and dog's anatomy are the same!" I have no clue how dogs get up so fast. Princess Celestia seemed to like my joke because she snorted at it. That was a good thing, right?
The next thing I know, Princess Celestia is laying flat, like I was, before me, looking in my eyes. "I will show you how to get up," she said. "First raise your head up, and your spine should follow suit," she instructed. I did as told, and my right foreleg had instinctively contracted underneath my body. I noted that Celestia did the same. "Next, push with your right foreleg." Soon enough I was on both forelegs, and getting up from there was pretty simple.
And with me, being the idiot that I am, flopped on my side into that horrible position, and took a minute and a half getting up again. With… mild giggles and snorts from Princess Cadence and Princess Luna. I managed to get up on my own, without zero instruction though, so that's a win in my book. "Now come Ray, we will show you your room for the night, and get you to sleep."
The first thing I noticed was that my room was fancy. Sure, it lacked decorations or personality, but the room was made for guests. It was a lot like a really nice hotel room more than anything else. The bed was huge and plush(comfy too), the walls looked like they were built out of crystal, the blankets, the lamps, everything looked so nice.
I hated it.
The problem wasn't the look, but it also kind of was. I hated having anything over the top. If I could have a simple little bed without the frame, on the ground, or even a cot, I'd be happy. Give me a cottage in the woods somewhere over this any day of the week. Fancy stuff will just spoil me rotten, and I've seen how spoiled kids at school act; entitled, holier than thou, pricks with zero talents. I preferred being a somewhat nice, talentless prick, thank you. With a snort, I decided to just lay on the carpet. The carpet itself was softer than my bed back at home… I sighed, knowing that I'll never see that again. Maybe I could ask for a way home, but if there was, wouldn't the princesses have given me the way home already? I was stuck here now, and apparently was about to be adopted by royalty.
I just wanted to be back home, in my room, sitting in my bean bag, no-lifing Pokemon for 12 hours straight. I'd trade all the opportunities I've just been given, in exchange for even a chance to scare my brother while he's playing video games. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.
