Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling, who may I offer my congratulations! She is having her third baby due sometime next year!
Chapter Six: Acceptance is my saviour!
Professor Dumbledore stumbled in the hospital wing to see Poppy and the other school medic-nurses trying to hold down a fitting Remus. The distressing scene told him everything he needed to know. Albus Dumbledore did not get angry very often but that moment he was livid. How could the pair of them be so stupid!
Albus had been shifting through the list of the new student due in September. Each year there was a decrease in the birth of magic blessed children. It appeared even Muggleborns were becoming rare amongst Muggles. There would be no Muggleborns this year. No doubt the pureblood would be ecstatic! In the midst of his work, he had received a Floo message from Minerva who had found Remus in the great hall, his condition already critical.
"Albus!" Poppy called as she rushed to meet him. "Albus, you have to talk to that man! He has really done it this time! Unless he comes up here and accepts things as how fate had dealt them, we are going to lose him."
"How long do we have Poppy?" Albus asked.
"The longest any werewolf has survived is three days," Madam Pomfrey said. "You have three days, Albus."
Three days after their argument, Severus was completely foxed. He had drunk to dim the pain he felt. The ache inside of him that screamed he had been too harsh and been an idiot. He ignored all calls to his Floo, changed his wards and refused to receive anyone. He did not want to know. He just wanted to die and have done with it. No one would miss him. He would be safe from Voldemort. He would be welcomed in to the great Snape clan halls of the afterlife. Be with people how had truly loved him. He would have his true friends back. Be able to torture Black for the rest of eternity of how foolishly he died.
Falling back on the leather sofa, Severus closed his eyes and sipped into an uneasy sleep. He dreamt of many things. He dreamt of the past, his obsession with the tigers-eye eyed Gryffindor whom he longed to be friends with on the train. The bullies Black and Potter. On the brink of waking, he saw one figure he missed the most: his best friend.
"Severus," she breathed hugging him tightly. He hugged her back. Pleased to see her and hating Lucius all the more for robbing him of her. Loathing fate for all she had denied him in stealing this woman from him. He would have married her, her father and his had wanted it. A Ravenclaw and Snape would be a good match. But Malfoy could never accept second place and killed her in revenge and to prove to his master he was a loyal, worthy servant.
"Epona," Severus said holding her close to him.
"Listen to me," she whispered to him holding his face in her soft hands. "You have to wake up. The Headmaster is here. It's Remus! The Mourning, it is killing him!"
"The Mourning?" He asked confused.
"Care of Magical Creatures seventh year," Epona said rolling her eyes. "Werewolves pine for their mates should they be separated or rejected. The Mourning lasts for two days and on the third they die."
Severus stared at the figure before him in shock. Lupin was dying?
"Please Severus," she begged.
"You promised me never to kill again..." Severus bolted up right from his dream, his breath coming rapidly. Feeling rough from the fire whisky he had consumed he wandered to his office to find a hang over relieving potion.
"Death would have been a better option than this." Severus said taking a sip from the flagon containing the potion.
As his mind cleared he found he could feel more clearly the link between him and his mate. He could feel through the link the pain. Remus was dying. He was so weak. Severus knew he wanted to give up. It was so easy. He would be free of his curse, free to be with his best friends and free of this goddamn war. Death was always the easy option. But it was the cowardly way out too. He had to be brave and loyal to his mate. He had to honour his choices and forfil his promises. Werewolves mated for life unlike so many creatures. But they were beautiful in there own right. It was time to put old hates in a box at the back of his mind. What freedom he had really lost? He had gained more than he had lost.
Severus put down the glass and knew what he had to do. Grabbing Floo powder, he stepped into the fireplace. "Hospital Wing."
Severus Soren Snape had to be a bloody Gryffindor.
Four hours later, Albus stood in the hospital wing looking down on the ailing Remus. His talk with Severus had been less than fruitful. The stubborn Slytherin had refused to listen to reason. He had merely said cruelly. "Good! It would rid the world and myself of one more dangerous creature."
Snape's response had deeply disappointed Albus. The Potion Master still held grudges for events that were long ago. Although, he had failed the young Severus, Albus had hoped the older and wiser man he had become would see the errors of his past, but alas! It might just cost another life to show the Slytherin sense.
"I'm not sure how to approach this problem," Albus said with a sigh. "I am even less sure what the solution is, Minerva."
Minerva bit her lip and shook her head, wishing the tears she felt creeping up on her away. She brushed a hand through the soft brown locks of Remus Lupin. His temperature was sky high. He was in the last stages of the Werewolf Mourning coma. Poppy stood beside Albus looking down at the one pupil all three of them loved like a son.
"There's nothing more we can do, Albus." Minerva said with a sob.
Poppy was instantly at the other woman's side. They hugged each other in their grief. They had both since horrific loses in the first and now second war on Voldemort. Never had they thought they would watch a pupil of theirs who they had watched grow into a fine man, whom had become their friend when he became a professor die. He was not even dying of a curse or battle wounds. He was dying because of another man's selfishness.
"Hush, now Minerva." Poppy sniffed drying her eyes with a tissue the Albus passed her. "He needs us to be strong and make him comfortable in the last few hours he has."
"I fully agree," Albus said as the twinkle that had been absent from his eyes for days suddenly returned as he noticed a shadow. "Minerva, Poppy. Perhaps we could go Poppy's office for some tea to collect ourselves. No doubt, Remus will need us strong for what is to come."
Both women nodded. Poppy straightened her uniform and led the way to her office. Minerva kissed Remus's forehead before rising from the small hospital bed. Albus brought up the rear; he looked down the ward briefly spotting the lurking shadow moving closer as he began to close the door. Praying that the good he had once seen in the figure that the shadow belonged too, did not fail him now after years of such good service.
How had it all gotten so complicated? Severus asked himself from the shadows were he hid. Never once had he ever regretted his harsh words to any one. Yet here he was feeling guilty. The truth of Albus's words still terrified him. The old fool of course had been right. Remus had frightened him by his willingness to be his friend and the level of trust the werewolf gave to him. Him! The black bat of the dungeon! The greasy git! Mr. Nasty! But Remus had not seen any of that. For crying out loud, the wolf had noticed the charms that he used to hide behind. Charms, he removed for Remus. Somehow, very much without his consent he was beginning to feel for the werewolf.
Severus slowly approached the bed where his mate lay shaking. His hands reaching for the heavy teaching robes, he wore. After unbuttoning the long length of buttons, Severus shrugged out the black robes and tossed it over the chair, leaving him feeling very naked in the crispy white shirt and black fitted trousers he wore beneath. But Remus had been right; the black robes were his costume when he became the Black Bat. He was here now not as Professor Snape, or the hateful, intolerant Severus Soren Snape or his Death Eater counterpart. He was here as just Severus.
He sat on the chair beside Remus's bed and looked at his mate. Beads of sweat clung to the werewolf's forehead. He looked so incredibly pale. Severus barely recognised him as the kind, happy person Remus Lupin was. He had done this by rejecting that good man, who had given up everything to save his worthless life. Remus should have just killed him that night; the world would have been better for it. Now instead the one who should be alive and well was dying. But life was never like the fiction novels were heroes always won the day. No, most of the time heroes lost the fight and evil was allowed to rule.
A couple of violent shakes over took Remus's body; he thrashed under the covers and murmured under his breath. Severus lent forward and without thinking grasped Remus's free hand that lay exposed on the white sheets of the hospital bed. The shaking suddenly calmed to tremors again. Guilt further slammed into Severus. Inching forward he moved to sit on the edge of Remus's bed, still holding his hand, which seemed to calm him.
"See Lupin, this is what I do." Severus said as he swung his long legs onto the bed so he could sit comfortably. "All my life, I have hurt people. I have been responsible for so much pain and death, I wish you could have been spared from it Lupin. My selfishness once again is a destroyer."
Turning to the still shaking figure at his sides, Severus began to brush his fingers through Remus's hair just as Minerva had done before. Why he did it, Severus did not understand but it felt right to do so. It seemed to be comforting to Remus as well, so he continued to speak while brushing his fingers through soft locks of hair.
"I been responsible for the death of many," he sighed. "I never felt true guilt for them all just one. That changed my life. Now I feel guilty for this. I hope you can hear my apology, Remus. I am sorry for what I said. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I truly am."
As the shivering body beside him continued to tremble and Remus's temperature to soar, Severus felt sleepy. Quite by accident he dozed off on the pillow beside Remus. Nor did he stir throughout the night. In fact, he slept through the arrival of Albus who smiled at the picture before him. Remus had calmed in his sleep and shifted to lie at the side of his mate, his head resting on the Potion Master's shoulder. Minerva joined Albus shortly afterwards, unspoken relief filled in aging features as she beckoned Albus over to a corner so not to wake the sleeping figures.
"Albus," she whispered. "How did you manage to get him to come here?"
"Minerva, my dear. He came by himself."
Placing a hand over her lips to stifle the sob of relief that rose in her, Minerva glanced at the two sleeping figures before allowing Albus to lead her out of the hospital wing, which now was silent. The thrashing, figure was now calm and at peace.
As the last of night's darkness was banished away but the returning hopeful morning light, Severus woke. He felt stiff and sore. Opening his eyes, he met the warm caring amber eyes of Remus smiling down at him. The werewolf's colour was much improved but he was still a little sickly pale. No beads of sweat clung to him, he had stopped shaking and his eyes were bright.
"I-" Severus began only to have Remus silence him.
"I heard everything you said last night," Remus confessed. "It is a little foggy but I know you said sorry and I accept it. Severus, I do not wish to be your enemy."
Severus nodded, his mouth suddenly very dry as Remus lent over him. Through their growing shared link, he knew that Remus was going to try and kiss him. His breath hitched in anticipation, before he scrambled off the bed-leaving Lupin crumpled on the bed.
"Enough Lupin!" Severus bit out, before collapsing in the chair over which his robes were still draped. "It seems that we cannot escape this situation. It makes me feel guilty and weak, and it nearly killed you. Though I don't understand why you're alive now, obviously it had something to do with me coming here last night."
Remus smiled weakly before moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "The Mourning is brought on by rejection or long term separation. Acceptance triggers the opposite affect, or perhaps it was the close contact."
Both men were silent for a while. Remus studied him as he regarded the werewolf. How was he supposed to overcome twenty years of hatred in less than forty-eight hours? Fate was indeed asking a hell of a lot of him today.
It was Remus who broke the silence. "How about we play it by ear? One day at a time, I am not demanding you turn into a nice person, for it would likely kill me if you did. But last night you showed you could stomach my company. It's not that we are going to be stuck together for long."
"Lupin, despondency is my signature card!" Severus said rising his eyebrow at the werewolf in front of him. "Last night did prove that I could tolerate your presence. But this does not mean I like you, but nor can I just sit by and watch you die. The Order needs for you more than ever since that Moron Mutt of yours got himself killed. So perhaps we could try to give this bond a chance."
Remus smiled and offered Severus his hand. With a snort, he accepted it.
Behind further down the hospital wing there was a crash and the running of footsteps. Madam Pomfrey dashed from her office looking disheveled from sleep. How dare Albus Dumbledore slip her something in her tea! As she spotted the two men, she halted and stared in disbelief.
"Thank heavens," she said with a grateful sigh. "Right now, have either one of you seen Professor Dumbledore? I have some business to resolve with that man! Regarding proper uses of tea!"
Because there are so many mentions to do. (They equal five pages of print outs.) I am going to do a general big thank you to all those who reviewed and let them know I appreciated them and hope the story is living up to their expectations. With the promise that I will update next time with individual mentions to people rather than a general rather unfriendly one! But I just want to say "Thanks Chickens!"
They really should take Big Brother 5 off Channel Four I am turning into Michelle, people from Britain will know what I am mumbling about.
