Dude, I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, the books would be unoriginal, crappy, and complete. So there. :p

Please keep in mind here that the school robes are magical, and thus have fantastically deep pockets.


Chapter One: Weasley Can Be MY King Anytime...

Malfoy sighed, "Why are you making me turn out my pockets? It's stupid."

After being silenced on pain of being locked in a room with Harry Potter for five hours, the contents of his pockets are examined.

-a comb, equipped with a small mirror and tube of Alkat's Absolutely All-holding Hair Gel

Well of course, I can't ever have my hair messed up, that would ruin the whole 'in control' image I have.

-a small, living Harry Potter action figure with one arm dangling at an alarming angle

Need I say more? Puh-lease. I hope THIS at least will shake those disgusting rumors of Potter and I... ugh. The thought makes me want to hurl.

-a solid gold Gobstones set

-class schedule with little hearts drawn around Potions and Care of Magical Creature

Hey! Give that to me, none of your business... What? Oh, um... Potions interests me and I have a genuine love for learning to care for magical... things? Moving on...

-a small diary, with one of the later entries detailing the worst days of his life, including when Ron accidentally cursed himself in second year, and several other days, all of which talk of Ron getting hurt. It goes on to say that he wishes he could go out with...

HEY!!! That's mine you effing mudblood, give it back...

-a picture from behind of Ron on a broomstick, bending over to catch the Quaffle (meaning that the pic catches his derriere) with little hearts drawn around it, the back of the pic says "5th year- Weasley can be MY king anytime!!!"

That's for... a friend. Riiiiight. It belongs to a friend of mine who wants it for purely research purposes... researching the physique of Quidditch players and how it relates to their, um, I think I should stop now.

-a little doodle of a heart with "Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy" written inside

Alright, you caught me. IT'S MINE!!! I ADMIT IT!!! I, DRACO MALFOY, AM GAAAAAAAAAAY!!! I'M IN LOVE WITH THE WEASEL KING WHO I FREELY ADMIT HAS A TIGHT ASS!!! That's why I hate that damn Granger so much...

-a photo of Goyle dressed as Cleopatra from the waist up, but clad entirely in peacock feathers from waist-down

Uuuhhhh, I can explain...


Well, if you want more chapters and characters, then review. If you want it to be a retarted one-shot, then flame. FLAME LIKE THE WIND!!!!