Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz. If I did, I certainly wouldn't be writing fanfiction, now would I? No, I wouldn't. I would have much better things to do with my time. Author's notes are at the end.
Warnings: language, violence, and mostly shounen-ai with just a little yaoi. The latter will be mostly in the next chapter.
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All the World for You
part 2
I watch as smoke lazily floats upward, drifting in strange ribbon-like swirls. A small gust of wind comes along, scattering the smoke into oblivion.
I flick my half-burned cigarette onto the asphalt of the alley, and grind it down with the toe of my boot. I have suddenly lost my taste for it. Instead, I inhale deep breaths of the cool night air, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the brick wall behind me. It is so silent out here, so peaceful. I can hear the occasional noises of the rest of Weiß getting ready for the mission inside, but I prefer to be out here where I can think.
I didn't mean to make Ken nervous, I really didn't. I never meant to say what I had said in the car…but his voice had been so bitter, and his expression so forlorn that I couldn't help it. That's all I wanted to do, all I ever want to do…make Ken happy.
I suppose that's what being in love is all about. Funny, I used to think it was all about sex. Of course, I want that too, but this is different…deeper.
I love Ken more than I ever loved Asuka, I know that now. And I will be damned if I lose him like I lost her.
I don't really know when I fell in love with Ken Hidaka. I think it was sometime after the murder of Kase and sometime before the final battle with Schwarz. I realized it during that battle, when all I could think about was whether or not Ken was okay. It's easy to see why I fell in love with the soccer-obsessed klutz, though. He has this…way about him, that just makes me want to protect him, be there for him, always. He is just so fuckably cute, too. Every time I see him, I just want to drag him off to the nearest flat surface and—
"Yohji, are you coming?"
I open my eyes to find Omi standing right outside the door. Why is it he has to come out here just when my thoughts are getting good?
"Yeah yeah, I'm coming," I reply, pushing myself off the wall gracefully. Of course, it doesn't take much effort on my part. I'm always graceful no matter what I'm doing, whether it is walking across a room or pushing Ken up against a wall and—
I cut off that thought as quickly as possible. I really need to stop thinking like this, or I'll end up doing something on the mission that will make Ken really nervous. I follow Omi back inside the shop and into the kitchen, where Aya and Ken are standing by the table.
Ken...table…flat surface…
Its going to be a long night.
The object of my fantasy looks up at me, meeting my eyes for a moment. He looks away quickly, pretending to be suddenly fascinated with his bugnuks. The slightest blush is staining his cheeks.
God, he is even cuter when he blushes. I bet he'd really blush if he knew what I wanted to do with him right at this moment. At any moment, actually.
I reluctantly turn my attention back to Omi as he begins talking.
"Everyone needs to be in position by 2355 hours. It is 2330 hours now. I will bring the systems down precisely at midnight. Don't expect much resistance, according to Kritiker, the target's security is fairly relaxed."
We spend a few more minutes going over our positions and the routes we will take to the target, which Omi had outlined for us on a large map spread out on the table. The kid is such an overachiever. He smiles brightly at us, and we head out the door, Aya and Omi heading for Aya's car and Ken and I walking to mine.
Personally, I can't wait to get into position with Ken.
---
"Damn it, Ken! What the hell were you thinking?!" I yell for what has to be the fiftieth time. I slam the first aid kit down on the kitchen counter as the subject of my tirade tries to make himself comfortable on the table.
"Ummm… I wasn't thinking?"
"Damn straight you weren't thinking!"
I continue swearing as I rummage through Weiss's extensive kit. I have dealt with enough bullet wounds in my career to know what I am going to need to patch Ken up.
The stupid soccer-punk managed to get shot on what was, quite possibly, the easiest mission we have had in months. Not only had he completely disregarded Omi's plan, but he had ignored my warnings as well. He had run straight into a clump of armed guards and ended up getting shot in the leg. I suppose it serves him right. While Aya and Omi finished the mission, I had to carry Ken out and come back to the shop. To top it all off, it had started raining. I am so angry, I can't see straight, as the saying goes.
That's bad, considering that I'll be stitching up Ken's leg soon.
I finish obtaining my medical supplies and head over to the table, still swearing under my breath. Ken is perched on top of it, looking entirely uncomfortable with the situation. He had ripped his jeans off above the wound so he could see it more clearly. The bullet had only grazed the lucky dipshit, but it was a deep graze, above his knee. Under any other circumstances I would be quite thrilled to have Ken on the table with his pants half off, but things just aren't going my way.
"I can fix myself up, ya know?" Ken interrupts my musings, sounding a little bit pissed. I hand him a couple pills for the pain and he dry-swallows them.
"Like hell you can," I retort. The guy is even worse at first aid than Aya is. "You can't even tell a band-aid from a thermometer."
His eyes flash angrily.
"Yes I can! And I don't understand why you're so pissed at me, anyways. Its not as if I got anyone killed or anything. Who cares if I get shot?" His voice trails away uncertainly, and he looks to the side.
"I care, dumbass, and so does the rest of the team." I grab one of the sterilizing gauze pads and quickly clean the wound with it. He hisses softly in pain, but doesn't comment on my statement. Once I am sure the wound is sufficiently clean, I grab one of our nice needles and a length of suture thread. Without stopping to consider if the pain pills have taken effect yet, I begin closing the wound. Ken makes no sound, so I can only assume he is in the wonderful land of pain killer bliss.
When I am done stitching his leg, I look up. To my surprise, Ken is staring straight at me. His brown eyes are clear and seem to be staring into my soul, as if my entire life is a book for him to read. I push my sunglasses up from where they had slipped on my nose, and grab all the used medical supplies. Ken simply watches as I clean up the mess. Not long ago, I would be completely surprised by a quiet Ken. But lately, he has acquired a habit of lapsing into silence for long amounts of time. It only serves to heighten my concern for his mental well-being. Sometimes, I think Ken has had the most tragic life out of the four of us. Yet he somehow manages to continue smiling, to go on being the cheerful and friendly guy we all know and expect. It is only recently that he seems to be preoccupied and depressed.
"Hey, Yohji?" his voice breaks into my thoughts as I continue cleaning off the table.
"Hey, what?"
"Ummm….last night, in the car…what did you mean?"
I pause in my cleaning and look up at him. His eyes are no longer clear, and he blinks at me sleepily while waiting for a response. Apparently, the other effect of the pain pills is kicking in.
"I meant exactly what I said, Kenken," I reply, not caring if he protests at the use of the nickname. To my surprise, he doesn't.
"Well…okay…I think you're wrong, though. I was always the stupid one, not Kase."
"You aren't stupid, Ken," I say softly as I head over to the sink to wash off my hands. I get no reply, and when I look over towards the table, I discover that he fell asleep. Once my hands are clean, I walk back to the table. Being careful not to touch the wound, I lift the sleeping boy into my arms. I carry him up the stairs and into his room, and gently lay him down on his bed. After I have arranged him comfortably on top of the sheets, I linger next to his bed. I rarely get a chance to watch Ken sleep, although I fervently wish it was different. He looks so peaceful, so calm.
The sound of doors slamming brings me out of my happy reverie, and I realize that Omi and Aya have returned from the mission. I hear someone running up the stairs, and suddenly Omi pokes his head in the door.
"How is he?" Concern is evident in his voice, and his large blue eyes show how worried he is.
"He'll be fine, the bullet grazed him pretty badly, but I stitched it up," I reply quietly, not wanting to wake the sleeping assassin. "Did the mission finish alright?"
Omi nods and then yawns.
"I'm going to bed, I'll write the mission report in the morning," he says, and then he is gone.
I look back down at Ken. His brow is creased in worry, as if he is having a bad dream. What does he dream about, I wonder. I reach out slowly and brush his bangs away from his eyes. The brown hair is silky and soft beneath my fingers, just as I always imagined it would be. He sighs softly and his face relaxes. Giving in to temptation, I press a chaste kiss to his mouth. Then I quickly stand up and exit the room.
---
I watch as Omi steps out of Ken's room and quietly shuts the door. He looks up at me, his eyes widening slightly in surprise. I usually don't come out of my room until noon, unless I'm pulling the morning shift. The shop is closed today, because of the mission last night. This morning, however, I got up early to check on Ken.
"The wound looks alright, but he has a slight fever," the boy begins, approaching me quickly, "But it can only be expected with a wound like that. Being in the cold rain didn't help much," he added, giving me a look as if it was my fault.
"Its not my fault it started to rain," I retort. I stretch lazily and head into Ken's room, ignoring the look Omi gives me and shutting the door behind me. His room looks exactly the same as it did last night, except for the chair next to the bed and an ashtray on the small table. Omi must have pulled the chair over when he took Ken's temperature. The kid must have realized I would be coming in here and placed the ashtray there, too. I can see the gray clouds through the window above his bed, and the rain seems to make the room depressing.
I walk over to the bed and sit in the chair, my eyes never leaving the sleeping boy on the bed. He has a worried expression on his face, just like last night. As I watch, the expression turns to fear and he begins to shake his head back and forth, mumbling. Concerned now, I reach out to grab his shoulder and shake him awake. As soon as my hand brushes against him, however, he sits up and screams.
"Don't touch me, Kase!"
"Ken! Ken, its me!" I grab his shoulder and give him a rough shake, trying to bring him back to reality. He turns towards me, his scared brown eyes meeting mine. His body slowly relaxes, and I remove my hand. Neither of us say anything. He tears his eyes away from mine and looks up towards the ceiling. I fish a cigarette package out of my jeans and light up as he lays back on the bed. Deciding that he has had enough time to recover himself, I speak.
"Care to tell me what that was about?"
"Care to tell me why you're here?" he replies bitterly, answering my question with a question.
I take a drag off my cigarette before responding.
"I'm just checking up on you. You've got a fever. How's your leg?" I keep my voice casual.
"Fine. Go away."
"I'll go away after you tell me what that was all about."
He doesn't respond. I watch as he shifts his gaze from the ceiling to the window beside him. His head is turned away from me, but I can see his face reflected on the rain-streaked pane.
"Why do you care?" he finally asks, his voice no longer bitter. Instead, he simply sounds tired.
I shrug, even though he can't see me. Its not a sincere gesture, though. I know exactly why I care. A few more minutes pass away in silence before he speaks again.
"Kase…my God, I don't know why I'm telling you this, you're going to think I'm such a pansy," he pauses momentarily, as if he is deciding to go on, before continuing, "Kase…used to hit me."
He laughs bitterly and quietly. I can almost hear the self-loathing in his voice.
"He always told me I deserved it. I suppose I did. I deserved it because I loved him. That was my big fucking mistake."
I watch as tears slowly begin running down his face. I had suspected something like this, but hearing him say it is a different thing. I want to kill that bastard Kase. Too bad he is already dead.
"So now you know my big secret. Now you can run and tell everyone all about it. Tell them how not only is Ken Hidaka gay, but he got beaten by his lover."
"Do you honestly think I would tell anyone?" I ask, my voice soft. I am hurt that he would think that.
"Why else would you want to know?" he replies, his voice angry.
"Because…because I care."
Ken turns his head towards me, and I can see clearly now his tear-streaked face and the angry look in his eyes.
"Why? That's the second time you've told me you care. I want to know why. I told you about Kase, so I think you owe me."
He is right, of course. I do owe him. I should tell him how I feel. He was honest to me, so I should finally be honest to him. I still don't want to say it, though.
"Because…"
Why are the words so hard to say? I have said them countless times. I have said it to people I can't even remember anymore, quick fucks in the dark.
Perhaps its hard because this time, I actually mean it.
"Because I love you."
There, I said it. I watch as his eyes widen. He doesn't respond. I look down at my cigarette and realize that it has burnt halfway to the filter. I reach over to the table by Ken's bed and put it out on the ashtray there. When I look back over at Ken, he is still staring at me.
"Why?" he whispers suddenly. There is no anger in his voice now. Its almost as if he doesn't believe me.
"Why?" I parrot, and then laugh.
"Isn't it obvious? Because you're you. You're kind and you like kids. You're the boy next door, the type of guy girls want to take home to meet their parents. Besides, you're so fuckably cute."
I watch, amused, as he blushes deeply. It feels kind of nice to finally be able to say these things to him.
"You're even cuter when you blush."
He still doesn't say anything. His hands fidget nervously with the blankets, as if he is scared of what I might do next.
"You didn't deserve any of what Kase may have done to you, and he sure as hell didn't deserve a guy like you." His eyes narrow slightly and he looks down at his hands.
"And let me tell you, he should be glad he's dead. Because if he wasn't, I'd hunt him down and torture him slowly," I add in my happiest voice.
He looks back up at me, and I can't resist. I reach out slowly and gently wipe the tears off his face. His eyes widen again, like he is scared of me.
"I would never hurt you, Ken. I would never force you to do anything you don't want. I just want you to be happy." It's possibly the sappiest thing I have ever said, but it's true. I would give all the world to him, just for him to be happy. The boy is turning me into the fluffy, romantic type.
But the smile on his face is worth it. It's a soft, hesitant smile, and it's beautiful. I smile back.
"Now go back to sleep. You've got a fever, in case you forgot."
His eyes close slowly and his face relaxes. I lean back in my chair and watch him sleep. Maybe I'll get to watch him more often in the future.
author's notes: ummmm…long time, no updates.sorry. i've got excuses, though! school is one. yep. i'm working on some original stories, too, so that's another excuse. yeah. anyways. thank you goes out to those who reviewed the first chapter, and once again i apologize for the long update time. i'll have the epilogue done soon. comments and criticisms are appreciated.
