Wow, it's been a while since I've updated this. Oh well. If you had to read 1000 pages of classical literature in nine weeks, you wouldn't find much time to write, either.







Sheik was pleasantly slumbering, basking in the warm yummy-ness of the sunlight streaming in through Impa and Zelda's bedroom window. Then, unbidden, his nice, cozy, fuzzy dreams turned into a dream of him falling through an ice-fishing hole in Lake Hylia.

Awakening instantly, he looked up in time to see Zelda standing over him, poised with a cup of water held over his head.

"Nice try."

Zelda stomped her foot in that furious, yet dainty manner that only princesses and the most effeminate of men can accomplish. "How do you always know?!"

Sheik plastered a smug grin on his features. "Sheikah intuition."

Zelda rolled her eyes, and for a moment, Sheik thought she was going to drench him. "Dork..." she muttered. "Just get up; there's someone downstairs who wants to talk to you."

"That's a fine good morning. If it's that imbecile Dominic, tell him I'm hung over, or something."

Zelda's all-too-thin patience was being sorely tried. She noticed her left eyelid twitch slightly, and attempted to stop it, as it wasn't a very dignified action. Her eyelid twitched more. "It's two in the afternoon!" She punctuated that statement by dumping the water in her cup on Sheik's head. "And it's not him. There's a woman here who's willing to pay us for something, and seeing as you've probably lost your job at the potion shop by now..." She started towards the door.

"All right, I'm up, I'm up..." Money was always a rather important issue, seeing as it was so extremely useful in procuring food and paying for shelter. And it was true, now that Link was awake, Sheik hadn't shown up for work in several days. Pedro likely wasn't too thrilled with that. "What's she paying us for?"

Zelda positively snarled in grammatical disgust. "It's 'For what is she paying us', and I'm not saying anything more about it. You'll have to talk to her yourself." With that, she left, and Sheik heard a muffled 'He'll be right out' through the door. Heaving a sigh, Sheik clambered out of bed, straightened his bandages, and stumbled out into the klivingchen.

When Zelda had said 'woman' Sheik had been expecting a hylian, or perhaps even a gerudo, but he was definitely not expecting the woman who was seated at the table across from Zelda. Her skin was gnarled, greyish-brown in color. Her hair was a darker shade, very long, and very curly. All this, and judging by the soft, large eyes and the way the chair groaned miserably under her impressive bulk, she could be nothing less than a goron. Fortunately, she couldn't see Sheik's jaw drop.

Zelda broke the brief silence. Sheik, this is Diamondi. She's come all the way from the goron city. [Well, obviously...] He nodded curtly and took the remaining seat. Diamondi needed no further prompting, but explained her situation in detail.

"Well, now, I don't suppose you know what's been going on in the mountains, and I don't see why you would. None of us rightly know how it happened, but last year a dragon found its way into our mountain, right in the middle of our temple, to be exact."

Here, she found herself interrupted. "But there are no such things as dragons," murmured an incredulous Zelda.

The goron woman was unshaken. "That sounds good to me. Now, if you can walk up there and convince Volvagia (that's what we've taken to calling her by, you know) that she doesn't exist, I'll be most grateful!" She beamed proudly at her retort, continuing after Zelda's nod of resignation.

"As I was saying, every now and then, there's a goron what goes out, and that's the last we see of him. And Darunia (he's my husband, you know), he-"

"Oh! I know that name! He's the goron king, isn't he? Which makes you a queen." Zelda silently congratulated herself on being such a clever duck. Patiently, Diamondi rose and bobbed a polite curtsy.

"We mountain folk don't have royalty, young miss, that we can speak of. I'm just the Big Mother."

['Big' is a very appropriate term...] The Big Mother remained standing while she re-gathered her thoughts, and if not for the knowledge that articles of furniture cannot vocalize, Sheik would have expected her chair to heave a sigh of relief.

"Clay and rust, I can't keep getting sidetracked so! We'll be here 'till midsummer! As I was saying," Here, Sheik shot a warning glance Zelda's way, as much as to say 'Don't you DARE say anything else.' "My husband got mighty fed up with folks disappearing, and being so smart, he decided that dragon was the cause of it all. So, he gathered up some of the missing folks' kin and went off to crack the pesky thing's skull. Well, that was a full two days ago, and by that time, I was getting mighty fretful. So," She seemed overcome by emotion, for she beat her hands together and let out a piteous howl, startling her audience so that they nearly fell out of their seats. "So, I took off to look for him. I wasn't thinking, oh! May dodongoes eat my toes for my foolishness! I forgot about my little son, who was still fast asleep at the time. Ah, I forgot! Addlebrained dunderhead that I am! I left my son at home, and now I can't find him anywhere! I've searched the city and the mountain all morning. Then I came down to your village (I am desperate) and heard there were sheikahs here. Sheikahs are trackers, you'll take pity on a poor, stupid, worried mother, won't you?" She was pulling at her hair by this time, and tears were streaming down her plump cheeks.

Zelda was thoroughly moved by this heart-breaking scene, and volunteered Sheik without further hesitation. "Of course, Sheik would be honored to help you, Big Mother!" Ignoring the 'what?!' look from the party in question, she leaned over and patted Diamondi's hand in womanly reassurance. "Sheikahs are very protective of children; he'll have your son back safe and sound before you know it."

Just as quickly as it a switch had been flipped, Diamondi whooped happily, clapping her hands and hopping up and down a few times, rattling the cottage down to its foundations and endangering the lives of several dishes. Laughing, she swept an unsuspecting Sheik into an enthusiastic goron hug. Our hero's eyes bugged out as all the breath was squeezed out of his lungs by Diamondi's vice-like grip. Also, he found that his face was being unintentionally pressed into a very indiscreet area. [Oh, THIS will look good on my epitaph. 'Here lie the earthly remains of Sheik, killed tragically in his youth-smothered by goron bosoms.']

Now, to the outside observer, this all looked a bit hilarious. Seeing Diamondi, her mouth stretched into an impossibly huge grin, and Sheik, flailing his arms in an effort to regain his balance and giving muffled cries for air, Zelda caught a laugh welling in her throat, turning it into a prim cough at the last minute. "I suppose he should start off right away, so he can take advantage of the light."

Diamondi immediately released Sheik, who sat down heavily, gasping. "Oh, he will? Wonderful! Oh, you're both such gems! I'm so lucky!" Sheik looked from Zelda, who was looking back at him meaningfully, to Diamondi, who was grinning at him in adulation. [So much for a day off...] With a slight sigh, he stood and stepped back a couple paces. Bowing a little more elegantly than usual, he took a deku nut from its satchel. "I'll try my best, ma'am." He hadn't wanted to ruin Diamondi's good mood by saying that he really wasn't the greatest tracker in all sheikahdom. Heck, he wasn't even the most okay tracker in all sheikahdom. He was really kind of lousy at it, but she had been so adamantly sure that he would be able to find this son of hers...

The goron woman returned a gravely sincere curtsy. "I will be forever grateful to you, young sir. He's just a wee mite of a thing, after all..." She wrung her hands and sat down again.

Letting the deku nut fall, Sheik began his teleport to Goron City's entrance just before the flash could blind him. [I'm such a sucker.]

Back in Kakariko, Diamondi was quite impressed. "What a delightful trick! I was right to go to the professionals, I was." With a broad smile, she crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair (with was rather close to breaking from the stress), fears allayed.