It's been years, I don't know how many. I've decided to stop counting years by now. Counting years only makes me remember the years that have past and all that's past with them. I've lost count of the years and it doesn't seem to matter. I just know that it's been so many years since I've loved you and you haven't known.
I've watched you love others more than me for years.
"Do you think he'll be alright, Moony?"
"You know he will be."
I've never said anything.
"She's a stunner Moony."
I've helped you with Harry. I listened to your tales long ago of girls from Ravenclaw and conquests from Hufflepuff.
"Watch this twirl, Moony."
I've applauded your dancing with faceless blondes and brunettes years ago when people were married and were happy.
"I've got to go, date with that redhead from 5th year!"
"Have fun."
I've watched you learn about how to love in more than one way. I've helped you love Harry like a son and watched you love countless girls for one night at a time.
"If only James was still here, Moony."
I've always been there for support but nothing more and I've never said anything.
I've always been patient and calm. I've never yelled or argued. I've only tried to make you happy in any way I could, instead of pulling you down into bed with me.
"Did you see how well he flew, Moony?"
"Just like James."
I've always wanted you to be happy. I've encouraged your loves in all forms even when all I wanted to do was pull you against me and have you love only me.
"She said she'd go to the ball with me, Moony!"
I've never told you the truth, only said I was happy for you when you loved someone else. I've helped distract you from the pains of your family's house or listened when you had no one else to go to so long ago when your family was not just spirits to plague you. I never told you how I'd do what ever you wanted to make all of your pains go away.
"Andromoda is the best cousin!"
"See, you do have good family."
I've let you walk out when all I wanted to do was make you stay. I've watched your back disappear through doors for years.
"I've gotta go, Ravenclaw girl you know."
I've never said anything in all these years.
"Moony…"
I've never told you that I'm in love with you and I've always been in love with you for years.
"Harry's gone to the department of mysteries, Moony!"
As I look up at you now, words escaping your lips full of concern for your Godson I don't tell you to stay here, let us go get him. I just nod, knowing you want a chance to fight for someone you love again and I don't tell you that I'll always fight for you.
As I watch you go I wonder if I'll ever tell you before the last time I watch your back through the door, as I've done all these years. Will I ever tell you I love you before it's too late?
