Title: My Saviour.
Author: Anita.
Rating: PG13.
Summary: The darkness threatens to swallow Mulder as he awaits Scully's demise.
Spoilers: Redux. Set during the opening scene.
Author's notes: A dark piece which takes on the idea of Mulder battling depression. As a sufferer of depression myself, I hope that I have been successful in describing the darkness and despair that can engulf you.

Depression. I have never really thought of myself as being depressed. Never understood the meaning. Books hold no charm. Their cold, clinical explanation. Imbalances sweeping the human mind, throwing the sufferer into depths of despair. While I was studying at University, I saw first hand how this disease, yes I believed it to be a disease, plagued people. Innocent souls who had done nothing more than to try and cling onto sanity. I saw the after effects of their disease. The scars that adorned their bodies; the vacant look that echoed in their eyes; the frailness of their minds, hoping that the darkness would not swallow them again. I saw how the doctors quietened them with drugs; Prozac, Lithium, Zoloft. But I never believed it could happen to me.

Sitting here now, surrounded by darkness, I, too, can feel the chasm opening. The precipice so close to the edge of my feet. Hardly daring to breathe in case I fall, the one person who can hold me back. Who can save me lies dying in a hospital bed, shrouded in white linen. Awaiting her fate without a word. I admire her strength. Always, she has been more than I have. She makes me whole. Perhaps even alive. But she will be gone soon. I've failed her. I've failed her family. I've failed myself.

The thought of death seems so appealing now. Because I will go with her. Waiting forevermore until she too graces the kingdom of light. There is nothing for me to believe in now. The quest has failed. Perhaps there was never a quest to start with. Just a lost man crying for his saviour. Pulling down others until they reached his darkness. His despair.

My life holds no meaning now. I cry my last tears. Yet I still wait for my saviour. The light, which will beckon me, home.

My saviour.

My love.

My light.