Disclaimer: We have established this before, but here we go again: I do not own any of the characters. They belong to their creators.

A/N: Another chapter, because I really wanted to write something before starting Uni again and because I just watched the promo for "Butterflied" and it ticked me off again. BTW I'm not sure where I'm going with this story and if it is going anywhere.

Pairing: N/S


Pushing it or losing it

"Sara", he said while he turned her towards himself. She cocked her head slightly waiting for him to continue. "Do you think this is the best way to go about it?" He said hesitantly anticipating her reaction.

"I'm not sure what you are getting at?" She said sighing knowing he wouldn't let it go. She wasn't up for what she felt was coming, another exploration of her feelings.

"Look Nick, I'm here with you, aren't I? That's all they need to know." She said hoping he would drop it.

To Nick this just didn't feel right. She was suspiciously calm about the earlier events. He needed to know more and he wasn't going to let it all slide.

"But I need to know, Sara. I need to know how his words effected you. What they mean to you."

Sara shifted her gaze away from his eyes before answering him. "They meant nothing, nothing at all."

"Do you seriously expect me to believe that?" Nick responded realizing they weren't getting anywhere. "Sara, if we want this to work, you need to talk to me. We're in this together." Nick softly continued trying to catch her gaze again, hoping he was getting through to her.

Sara knew he was right. He deserved an explanation, but how could she explain what had been going on between Grissom and herself if she didn't know it herself. She had been confused for so long. Until she'd decided it had been enough. Making the decision had been easy, but the follow up had been hard. Every once in a while she would fall back into her old habits. Wondering what was going on, making herself believe he actually cared. She was driving herself crazy with thoughts she had promised herself to banish from her mind. Slowly but surely she started to distance herself from Grissom, arming herself against his mind games. The indifference she felt when he told her he loved her made her realize she finally succeeded in accomplishing her goal, namely moving on.

Hesitantly she started to explain: "He led me on for so long and it took me a long time to figure out it was leading nowhere. He messed with my head and I let him. I wouldn't be surprised if his confession was based on his realization I've really done what I have threatened to do for so long. Move on. I couldn't do it anymore, Nick. I just couldn't do it anymore. I used to think I was imagining things. His actions today confirmed I wasn't."

"Knowing what you do today, do you regret your decision?" Nick asked the question tentatively bracing himself against the answer.

"Do you think I would be here with you if I did?" She asked countering his question.

A small smile appearing on his face answered her question. He knew she wouldn't do something like that to him. It would be cheating in one of the worst ways and she had promised herself she would never do that to someone. Her willingness to start a relationship with Nick had been based on the knowledge she really loved him, loved him deeply. Above all she trusted him, which was something entirely new to her.

"I trust you and I never trusted him." She spoke softly letting him pull her close to him. Then she whispered even softer: And I love you, Nicky. I only love you."


A/N: Please R&R, I would love to know what you think.