Glad I got so much good feedback from Redemption, thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I should be updating this quite often for now because I've already written the first five chapters. Hope you like, and review!

For reviewing chapter 1, thanks to:

ScruffyWes

Jess S1

Miz

Charmedfanatic3000

Chidlywhoo

SPASH Panther

Draco FutureBF

Fallen_Angel

Little Red Rabbit – lol the fist shaking has been noted

Nobody – lol I am a little afraid of Pedro now

DragonKatGal – lol the first few chapters are all kind of depressing, sorry!

Harmoni9

Erak – I don't really have any plans for Spike, maybe he might get a little role but because none of the stuff with the Initiative happened, he didn't get his chip and isn't therefore good. You made me think about him so I may slip him in somewhere.

Red2

Dannii

Becks89 – lol the angry letter threat is duly noted. No dawn, I really don't like the character, she's just too whiny. Oh and I'm liking ER too, I'm English too so I just saw the ep with Carter in Africa. Not a big fan of him though, I like Luka betterJ.

Alexandra from eyes-only – ah u can b my fave if u want

Chapter 2 – Sleeping and Dreaming

Buffy didn't leave her spot where she sat, crumpled by her bed. The shadows lengthened and dawn broke but Buffy didn't shift from the spot.

 The tears had stopped a long time ago, left her empty and dried out with nothing left inside her. The grief she had was at bay, she didn't want to bring it too close, examine it too much and make it really hurt. But it lurked in the back of her mind, the realisation that she would never see him again, never feel him, never touch him, never kiss him.

She heard voices downstairs, Willow and Oz she dimly realised. She heard them moving upstairs and Willow calling her.
Buffy thought about closing her door, but she couldn't summon the will to move and so Willow came into her room.

 "Buffy what's going on?" she asked confusedly. "Are you hurt? Did you get hurt on patrol?" Buffy was numb, she looked up at Willow without really seeing her.

 "Sweetie what's wrong?" Willow asked again. She noticed the shattered mirror. "What happened, did a demon get in?" Buffy didn't answer and Willow cam over to her. Buffy made no effort to respond to her. What was the point really?

Willow saw the crumpled letter on the floor and picked it up. She skim read it and by the time she was finished, tears had filled her eyes too.
 Sirius, oh god," she choked out. "Buffy, I'm so sorry." Carefully she wrapped her arms around Buffy.
Buffy sat stiffly, listening to Willow sob detachedly. Tears burning in her eyes but she furiously tried to blink them back. She was stronger than this. She hadn't cried at her mom's funeral, she has waited til it was just her…….her and Sirius and she had cried in his arms and he had held her tightly. He had held her but he wouldn't again, he wouldn't tell her it would be okay again. It would never be okay again, it would never be alright.
Buffy felt the sobs coming before they reached, from a place deep inside her, the tiny place that had grown larger over the years where she stored all the grief that she didn't want to deal with at the time, that she didn't have the time to deal with.
And she cried, for how long she didn't know. Tears that she thought had dried out long ago kept coming, pouring down her cheeks drowning her in her grief, making tire al. He was never coming back, the realisation hit her and it was pain more that she could bear.

It felt like hours later when she stopped crying and Willow released her from her strong hold. She had needed that, needed to be held again by someone who loved her.

 "I'm so sorry Buffy," Willow said tearfully. "I'm so sorry." Buffy touched Willow's cheek.

 "Thank you," she croaked. "But I just- I don't……I'm lost." Willow's eyes filled with pity.
 "I'm here for you," she said gently. "Anything you need, I'm here for you." Buffy nodded.
 "I just want to be alone," she murmured and Willow nodded, getting up.
Buffy got up and lay on her bed, curled up, clutching her blanket tightly between her fingers.
Willow stopped in the doorway and looked back at Buffy, bit her lip and closed the door.
Willow wandered along the corridor, into Joyce's old room, the room that Buffy had given to Willow and Oz.
Oz lay asleep on the bed and Willow sat down on the edge of it, not wanting to wake him. She sighed deeply, her heart breaking inside her at the thought of Buffy suffering.
Long ago she had realised Buffy was special, that Buffy would always have to suffer through emotions and do things that Willow and Xander couldn't comprehend. She had seen her kill Angel and that had nearly broken her but she had struggled through best as she knew how and faced up to her destiny. A destiny which had killed her and was likely to be the final death of her.
But her mother's death was something that Willow had watched Buffy struggle with and it was the closest she had ever seen Buffy to losing it. The brain tumour had returned and Willow had seen Buffy's frustration as she faced something that she couldn't fight, that all her slayer powers couldn't stop. And the tumour had taken Joyce's life, had pulled Buffy's world from underneath her. But she had survived; somehow she had clawed her way back into some semblance of life.
But Sirius was all Buffy had left, other than her friends, and he had been her rock. Even when he wasn't by her side, he had been something for her to lean on. But that was gone now, and Buffy was all alone with nothing to hold on to.
And Willow was scared that Buffy would just give in.

 "Hey, what happened to you?" Oz said dozily, waking up. He wrapped his arms around Willows waist and kissed the top of her head.

 "Sirius is dead," Willow said numbly.
 "Sirius is dead?" Oz said, fully awake and alert. "Oh god. What? How?"

 "He died in battle," Willow said emotionlessly. "Buffy go a letter last night. I was with her."
 "I'm so sorry Wills," Oz murmured. "Is Buffy okay?"

 "She's sleeping now," Willow said, turning and resting her head against Oz's. "But honestly, I don't know what she's going to do. She just kept it together after Joyce died. Now, I just don't know." Willow began to cry again and Oz held her until her tears subsided.

Willow and Oz left their room a few hours later and went downstairs. They found Faith sitting on the couch, flicking through channels on the TV and they filled her in on what had happened. Faith's first reaction was to get up and go to Buffy, but Willow stopped her, telling her that Buffy was asleep. The three of them sat on the sofas, TV switched off, no one talking much except for a few words here and there.
All their thoughts were focused on the girl sleeping in the room above.

Buffy's dreams were troubled as she had known they would be. Flashes of green light, flashes of red light, laughter that made her skin crawl. Faces passed before her eyes, her won, Faith's, Sirius' and mostly Sirius' godson, Harry. Her dreams kept returning to his face, his dark hair, wide green eyes and red scar on his forehead. There were snakes and demons and vampires. Every which way she turned, there was a new horror facing her, more of the evil laughter and above all Sirius calling to her, begging her to help him. And she wanted to but she didn't know where to go, the calls echoed around her head until they faded and she was left alone, in silence and inky darkness. The lights flickered on and Buffy thought she saw the room filled with people, but when darkness returned, she reached her hands out and felt nothing. But she knew she wasn't alone, there was something with her and then she felt a cold hand on her shoulder and she screamed.

Opening her eyes wide, Buffy took in the familiarity that was her room. For a moment everything was the same and then she remembered that the world had changed, that what appeared to be the same place actually wasn't. The world had betrayed her.

Sitting up she saw the owl that had brought her letter sitting on her windowsill patiently. She got up, walked over to it and stroked its head and in that instant her mind was made up.

The three downstairs heard her before they saw her and they all got up and rushed to the foot of the stairs. Buffy appeared at the top, dragging a suitcase on wheels behind her.
 "Buffy, what-?" Willow flustered.

 "I'm going to England," Buffy announced.