Glad I got so much good feedback from Redemption, thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I should be updating this quite often for now because I've already written the first five chapters. Hope you like, and review!
For reviewing chapter 1, thanks to:
ScruffyWes
Jess S1
Miz
Charmedfanatic3000
Chidlywhoo
SPASH Panther
Draco FutureBF
Fallen_Angel
Little Red Rabbit – lol the fist shaking has been noted
Nobody – lol I am a little afraid of Pedro now
DragonKatGal – lol the first few chapters are all kind of depressing, sorry!
Harmoni9
Erak – I don't really have any plans for Spike, maybe he might get a little role but because none of the stuff with the Initiative happened, he didn't get his chip and isn't therefore good. You made me think about him so I may slip him in somewhere.
Red2
Dannii
Becks89 – lol the angry letter threat is duly noted. No dawn, I really don't like the character, she's just too whiny. Oh and I'm liking ER too, I'm English too so I just saw the ep with Carter in Africa. Not a big fan of him though, I like Luka betterJ.
Alexandra from eyes-only – ah u can b my fave if u want
Chapter 2 – Sleeping and Dreaming
Buffy didn't leave her spot where she sat, crumpled by her bed. The shadows lengthened and dawn broke but Buffy didn't shift from the spot.
The tears had stopped a long time ago, left her empty and dried out with nothing left inside her. The grief she had was at bay, she didn't want to bring it too close, examine it too much and make it really hurt. But it lurked in the back of her mind, the realisation that she would never see him again, never feel him, never touch him, never kiss him.
She heard
voices downstairs, Willow and Oz she dimly realised. She heard them moving
upstairs and Willow calling her.
Buffy thought about closing her door, but she couldn't summon the will to move
and so Willow came into her room.
"Buffy what's going on?" she asked confusedly. "Are you hurt? Did you get hurt on patrol?" Buffy was numb, she looked up at Willow without really seeing her.
"Sweetie what's wrong?" Willow asked again. She noticed the shattered mirror. "What happened, did a demon get in?" Buffy didn't answer and Willow cam over to her. Buffy made no effort to respond to her. What was the point really?
Willow saw
the crumpled letter on the floor and picked it up. She skim read it and by the
time she was finished, tears had filled her eyes too.
Sirius, oh god," she choked out. "Buffy,
I'm so sorry." Carefully she wrapped her arms around Buffy.
Buffy sat stiffly, listening to Willow sob detachedly. Tears burning in her
eyes but she furiously tried to blink them back. She was stronger than this.
She hadn't cried at her mom's funeral, she has waited til it was just her…….her
and Sirius and she had cried in his arms and he had held her tightly. He had
held her but he wouldn't again, he wouldn't tell her it would be okay again. It
would never be okay again, it would never be alright.
Buffy felt the sobs coming before they reached, from a place deep inside her,
the tiny place that had grown larger over the years where she stored all the
grief that she didn't want to deal with at the time, that she didn't have the
time to deal with.
And she cried, for how long she didn't know. Tears that she thought had dried
out long ago kept coming, pouring down her cheeks drowning her in her grief,
making tire al. He was never coming back, the realisation hit her and it was
pain more that she could bear.
It felt like hours later when she stopped crying and Willow released her from her strong hold. She had needed that, needed to be held again by someone who loved her.
"I'm so sorry Buffy," Willow said tearfully. "I'm so sorry." Buffy touched Willow's cheek.
"Thank you," she croaked. "But I just- I
don't……I'm lost." Willow's eyes filled with pity.
"I'm here for you," she said gently.
"Anything you need, I'm here for you." Buffy nodded.
"I just want to be alone," she murmured
and Willow nodded, getting up.
Buffy got up and lay on her bed, curled up, clutching her blanket tightly
between her fingers.
Willow stopped in the doorway and looked back at Buffy, bit her lip and closed
the door.
Willow wandered along the corridor, into Joyce's old room, the room that Buffy
had given to Willow and Oz.
Oz lay asleep on the bed and Willow sat down on the edge of it, not wanting to
wake him. She sighed deeply, her heart breaking inside her at the thought of
Buffy suffering.
Long ago she had realised Buffy was special, that Buffy would always have to
suffer through emotions and do things that Willow and Xander couldn't
comprehend. She had seen her kill Angel and that had nearly broken her but she
had struggled through best as she knew how and faced up to her destiny. A
destiny which had killed her and was likely to be the final death of her.
But her mother's death was something that Willow had watched Buffy struggle
with and it was the closest she had ever seen Buffy to losing it. The brain
tumour had returned and Willow had seen Buffy's frustration as she faced
something that she couldn't fight, that all her slayer powers couldn't stop. And
the tumour had taken Joyce's life, had pulled Buffy's world from underneath
her. But she had survived; somehow she had clawed her way back into some
semblance of life.
But Sirius was all Buffy had left, other than her friends, and he had been her
rock. Even when he wasn't by her side, he had been something for her to lean
on. But that was gone now, and Buffy was all alone with nothing to hold on to.
And Willow was scared that Buffy would just give in.
"Hey, what happened to you?" Oz said dozily, waking up. He wrapped his arms around Willows waist and kissed the top of her head.
"Sirius is dead," Willow said numbly.
"Sirius is dead?" Oz said, fully awake
and alert. "Oh god. What? How?"
"He died in battle," Willow said
emotionlessly. "Buffy go a letter last night. I was with her."
"I'm so sorry Wills," Oz murmured. "Is
Buffy okay?"
"She's sleeping now," Willow said, turning and resting her head against Oz's. "But honestly, I don't know what she's going to do. She just kept it together after Joyce died. Now, I just don't know." Willow began to cry again and Oz held her until her tears subsided.
Willow and
Oz left their room a few hours later and went downstairs. They found Faith
sitting on the couch, flicking through channels on the TV and they filled her
in on what had happened. Faith's first reaction was to get up and go to Buffy,
but Willow stopped her, telling her that Buffy was asleep. The three of them
sat on the sofas, TV switched off, no one talking much except for a few words
here and there.
All their thoughts were focused on the girl sleeping in the room above.
Buffy's
dreams were troubled as she had known they would be. Flashes of green light,
flashes of red light, laughter that made her skin crawl. Faces passed before
her eyes, her won, Faith's, Sirius' and mostly Sirius' godson, Harry. Her
dreams kept returning to his face, his dark hair, wide green eyes and red scar
on his forehead. There were snakes and demons and vampires. Every which way she
turned, there was a new horror facing her, more of the evil laughter and above
all Sirius calling to her, begging her to help him. And she wanted to but she
didn't know where to go, the calls echoed around her head until they faded and
she was left alone, in silence and inky darkness. The lights flickered on and
Buffy thought she saw the room filled with people, but when darkness returned,
she reached her hands out and felt nothing. But she knew she wasn't alone,
there was something with her and then she felt a cold hand on her shoulder and
she screamed.
Opening her eyes wide, Buffy took in the familiarity that was her room. For a moment everything was the same and then she remembered that the world had changed, that what appeared to be the same place actually wasn't. The world had betrayed her.
Sitting up
she saw the owl that had brought her letter sitting on her windowsill
patiently. She got up, walked over to it and stroked its head and in that
instant her mind was made up.
The three downstairs heard her before they saw her and they all got up and
rushed to the foot of the stairs. Buffy appeared at the top, dragging a
suitcase on wheels behind her.
"Buffy, what-?" Willow flustered.
"I'm going to England," Buffy announced.
