This chapter doesn't make Harry look too good. In fact he's pretty mean. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big Harry fan, he's a great character, one of my faves, but I just figured that Sirius' death would've messed him up a lot.

Thanks to:

Miz

Caribear

ScruffyWes

Draco-FutureBF

SPASH Panther

Sammi – I don't know yet when Sirius will be back, not for a few chapters yet at least

Vampy the chosen one

Captuniv

Nobody…

Wllw979

Charmedfanatic3000

Anne-Marie

Harmoni9

Erak

Dreamer child – Lucky you in Florida. Lucky me in rainy, cold England…..hmm

SlayerGirl

Chapter 7 – Messed Up

Few words passed between them as Remus pulled out the rubber chicken again and they all held it. Buffy was prepared this time for the whirling spinning felling and so when they landed outside Grimmauld Place, she was able to keep her footing. She threw Remus a satisfied glance which he returned with a grin and the three walked up the stone steps and into number 12.

 "Ron's here," Remus said quietly to Harry when they were inside. "All the Weasleys. Hermione's coming tomorrow." Harry nodded silently, his jaw set. Buffy studied him, he was very thin but she was sure Molly's cooking would cure that within a short time. His clothes were obviously second hand, the Dursleys hadn't seemed too forthcoming with the generosity. Again, Buffy wasn't worried; Dumbledore had told her about Sirius' will, he had made it out on returning to England, leaving everything he owned to Harry and Buffy. When she had heard that, she had been grateful and then the angry feeling that was so familiar nowadays had come. He had prepared for death, but he hadn't warned her. If she'd have known what he was doing, she would have been different, would have done differently.

What worried Buffy about Harry were his eyes. It was nothing she hadn't seen before; the pain etched there echoed that she had seen in Angel's eyes, the memories of his past and the amends he had to make fixed the pain there. It had been in Sirius' eyes, Azkaban had done that, and Buffy saw it in her own eyes now, every time she looked in the mirror. Pain. Solid burning pain, the kind that made you want to curl up and just give up.

Buffy felt so badly for Harry, he was so young and had suffered so much. The loss of his parents, Sirius and the prophecy, the world had really thrown all it had at this boy.

Buffy followed Harry and Remus to the kitchen where the Weasleys were still gathered round the table.

 "Harry!" Molly exclaimed as he entered, and she hugged him tightly. "You look famished dear, sit down. Here's a plate." Harry sat down and managed a tight smile as Molly began to pile food on his plate. Buffy and Remus sat down too, and exchanged worried looks.
The room was silent, most of the people around it looking anywhere but at harry. He stared determinedly at his plate, not making eye contact with anyone.
 "So, how has your summer been?" Ron ventured to speak. Harry shrugged.
 "You know…" he said, trailing off aimlessly. Ron nodded. Silence fell again, and Buffy felt compelled to break it.

 "You remember me right?" she said, and he voice sounded odd in her own ears. Harry looked up and nodded, still chewing.
 "Sirius talked about you a lot to me," he said quietly and Buffy's heart wrenched. "You're the slayer right?" Buffy nodded. Harry gave her a half smile and carried on eating. The room was tense; no one was willing to speak for fear of saying something that might tip the situation over the edge.
Harry finished quickly and pushed his plate away.
 "That was great," he said without much feeling. "I'm just gonna go…unpack….or something." He walked out of the room and began to climb the stairs.
 

"That was tense," Buffy remarked after he left. Remus nodded.
 "He's not doing well," he confirmed. He sighed deeply and got up, carrying Harry's plate over to the side. Buffy sat still for a moment and then got up.
 "I'll go see how he's doing," she said experimentally, and as no one challenged her, she left the room and went upstairs to the second floor.
She pushed the door open to Harry's room and found him standing in the middle of the room, staring at an empty picture frame on the wall. He started when she entered, and when he turned he looked surprised to see her.
 "I thought you were Ron," he said with a sheepish smile.
 "I just came up to see how you're getting on," Buffy said with a friendly smile.
 "Oh you know," Harry said carelessly and Buffy looked at his unopened trunk.

 "I expect you're happy to be here instead of Little Whinging," she said, sitting on the edge of one of the beds. Harry's face darkened.
 "Yeah, thrilled," he muttered darkly. Buffy bit her lip; she didn't really know what to say.
 "Where are you staying?" Harry asked suddenly.
 "Here," Buffy said. "Top floor."
 "Sirius' room?" Harry burst out. "But no one…..it's not for…." He broke off and stared at the wall fixedly.

 "It's not for what?" Buffy said, thinking that she probably shouldn't continue this but doing it anyway.
 "Well, its Sirius' room isn't it?" he replied coldly. "No one else should stay there." Buffy could've laughed, it was so ridiculous.
 "What are you, twelve?" she said disbelievingly. "There wasn't much choice, no other rooms free. Besides he's gone, and even if he wasn't, I don't think he'd mind me taking his room."
 "What do you know about it?" Harry snarled. "You weren't here when he died. He told me that you didn't want to come to England to be with him." Buffy took a step back. That was a low blow. She was angry now, and it was taking all of her self restraint not to hit him. But she knew she had to be mature in this situation, Harry clearly wanted her to react.
 "Why are you doing this?" she said angrily. "I just came to see if you were okay, and you attack me."
 "What do you care?" Harry said hotly. "You came up here to make yourself feel better. To try and help me, to get me to talk about my feelings. Well don't bother. How could you possibly understand?" Buffy laughed mirthlessly.
 "How could I possibly understand?" she repeated. "Well, apart from having had a prophecy about me saying I would die, there's the simple matter that I lost Sirius too. You're not the only one who's hurting. But if you want to be alone, to lash out at everyone that reaches out to you, then be my guest."
Buffy turned and walked out of the room. Anger welled in her; she had badly wanted to hit that boy to make him feel even a tiny bit of the pain that he had caused her. She couldn't believe that that was Harry, the same boy that Sirius had talked so fondly about. He was so angry, so cruel, and so unhappy. Buffy walked downstairs and returned to the kitchen.
Remus looked up expectantly as she entered and Buffy shook her head at him. He sighed. They were the only two left in the kitchen.
 "He didn't want to know," she said sadly. "He's so angry, if I didn't know that was Harry I wouldn't recognise him from the way Sirius described him."
 "Life hasn't been easy on him," Remus said sadly. "When that happens you want to turn your back on the world."
 "Don't I know it," Buffy sighed. Remus sighed too.

 "A werewolf and a slayer," Buffy said, with half a smile. "What a combo." Remus smiled.
 "I read your prophecy," he said suddenly and Buffy looked at him. "Dumbledore showed it to me in the codex." Buffy tipped her head to the side.
 "What did you think?" she asked. Remus shrugged.
 "Well it can't have come true," Remus said matter-of-factly. "But it must've been bad at the time." Buffy suppressed a smile.
 "It did come true actually," she said conversationally and Remus raised an eyebrow. "I was bitten by the Master." She lifted up her hair to show him the bite marks.
 "But it said you would die at his hand?" Remus said quizzically.
 "I did," Buffy said with a shrug. "For a minute or something. But my friend Xander brought me back with this muggle thing, called CPR. So it was okay." Remus surveyed her, marvelling at the truth about her.

 "In the end it wasn't so bad," Buffy considered. "When I heard, I flipped out. I mean, I was sixteen years old and overheard my boyfriend and my watcher talking about me dying. I told them I quit; I wouldn't go so I couldn't die. But in the end I did go, you don't really have a choice, that's the point of prophecy isn't it? And it all worked out okay. Stuff happens like that, you think your life is all set out for you, but life has a way of surprising you. I have a feeling life might surprise Harry too."
A sound at the door made Buffy look up and Harry stood awkwardly in the doorway.
 "Could I talk to you?" he said, staring at Buffy. Remus tactfully left the room and Harry sat down at the kitchen table facing Buffy. Harry took a deep breath.
 "I'm sorry," he said and Buffy nodded.
 "It's okay," she said. "I get it, what you're going through."
 "I'm kind of messed up at the moment," Harry said awkwardly.
 "We all are," Buffy said with an ironic smile. Harry stared at his tightly wound hands.
 "I heard what you said," he said, not looking at her. "I was eavesdropping. What you said about the prophecy when you were sixteen. What did it say?"
 "I think the exact quote was…. 'The Master shall rise and the Slayer shall die at his hand.' Something like that, I forget exactly."
 "You forget?" Harry said in disbelief.
 "It doesn't really matter anymore," Buffy said shaking her head. "It's finished. The prophecy wasn't the end of my life, so I can forget. I had much bigger bads to deal with anyhow. There was this huge snake thing…."

 "But it said you were going to die," Harry argued. "How can you just face something like that without losing it?"
 "Oh I did," Buffy assured him. "But when that was done with, it was all clear in my head. It's a prophecy, you don't have any choice. That's the point. But it isn't as black and white as you think. It said I would die, and I died. But I didn't stay dead."

 "But if I die," Harry said, swallowing hard. "Then everyone dies. If I can't stop him, then that's it."

 "So don't die," Buffy said bluntly and Harry was taken aback. "If you want to win, then win. Fight with everything you have, and then just a little bit more. I don't know much about you, but Sirius said you were brave and loving. That's something that no one can take away from you."
 "About what I said about Sirius…." Harry began awkwardly but Buffy cut him off.
 "That's so over," she said and Harry grinned. "Don't even worry about it."
 "Thanks," he said and Buffy returned his grin.

"I bet last year blew your mind," Buffy said and Harry nodded with a shrug. "Last year sucked for me too if it helps."
 "What happened?" Harry asked and Buffy sighed. She wasn't into the sharing too much, but she figured they were damn good friends after that conversation.
 "My mom died," she said softly. "Early this year, Sirius came to the funeral. And then Sirius died and it was like my world fell apart. But it's getting better." Harry nodded.
 "I can understand that," he said. Buffy gave him a grateful smile.
 "It'll be okay," she decided, leaning back in the chair. "The way I see it, we've got each other now. Sirius wanted me to look out for you and I wouldn't want to break a promise."
 "Do you miss him?" Harry asked quietly and Buffy nodded, feeling her eyes well up for the millionth time.
 "Every second of every day," she said softly. "But you get that." Harry rubbed a hand through his hair. The move was so purely Sirius that it nearly made Buffy sob, but she hung onto her tears.

She contemplated telling him about what Dumbledore had said about the archway but decided to keep it to herself. If she went through the archway, it was for her to do. If Harry knew he might get some crazy idea to go with her or go alone. From what Sirius had told her, this was exactly what he'd want to do. He was too important to risk. She would wait, and maybe, just maybe, she would see Sirius again.