"We never see each other, CJ," Danny pleaded to his wife.
"I know."
"I want to see my wife."
"You want me to quit my job!" She said sarcastically.
"I'm not saying that, CJ. But we've got to do something. We're both at work all day. I just want a day I can spend with my wife and my daughter."
"Are you saying I don't want that. I want that." CJ paced toward the cabinets in the kitchen.
"Then we need to make some compromises."
"And that means me." CJ wasn't in the best of moods.
"I'm not saying that." Danny demeaned.
"Taking the job as an editor was suppose to—"
"CJ, I'm a reporter. This isn't for me."
"We don't see enough of each other as it is—"
"I can't sit by and watch other people get the stories. I'm a reporter. You married a reporter. I love you and I love Emma, but I can't be a good husband, or a good father if I'm not happy. I'm talking the reporting job." Danny left CJ in the kitchen.
"Hey, I'm home." Danny threw himself on the bed as CJ watched TV with papers strewn in front of her.
"I know I saw you come in. Remember. I was the woman at the door." She said sarcastically.
"No, I meant," he raised his eyebrows. "I'm home."
"Oh." She smirked at him as she turned her head and he leaned up to kiss her. Danny kissed CJ with the sweet passion he had when he kissed her back in 2000. He caressed CJ's face as he lifted his hand from her hair.
"Emma asleep?" Danny asked.
"Yes." CJ smiled. Danny leaned in and kissed her again and made his way to her neck. "No, Danny. No. I need to watch this. Toby's going to be on Nightline."
"What? Really? I thought Josh was doing the ABC thing?"
"He lost his voice. Toby's taking over."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No."
"This I have to see."
Danny sat on the bed, keeping close to the warmth of his wife while she watched the program. It was a typical discussion with Toby, which ended with loud voices and this interchange:
"Oh, please, Senator I could do a better job in the Senate than you. I'm a New Yorker and you are not doing the best for New York—"
"You're saying you can do better, Mr. Zeigler."
"Yes!"
"Is that a challenge?"
"I don't think I'm ready to answer that—"
"You just challenged me, Mr. Zeigler. If you think you'd do my job better than me, you're going to have run against me and have the good citizens of New York give their blessing—"
"Good—citizens—" Toby laughed. "I just might do that!""Hey bug!" Danny Concannon scooped his three-year-old daughter up into his arms. The red headed girl clung to her father's shoulder, having missed him terribly.
CJ entered the living room and framed herself in the doorway.
"How are my two favorite girls?" Danny smiled till he saw CJ's face."Josh called—"
"They want you to work for Toby's campaign—?"
"Yeah."
"You want to do it?"
"Yes."
"Ok. I guess were moving to New York." Danny left his daughter down, and she ran off to play with a ball.
"You're ok with this?"
"As much as I can be—." Danny placed his overnight back on the floor and walked into the kitchen."Danny, this is important to me--."
"I know it is. Which is why I'm saying yes. I uprooted by life to move here, to take the job you wanted me to—"
"Are we still on that---""I'll move with you to New York. I just want to be with you, CJ—"
"It's hard when you live out of your suitcase and not with us—"
"I'm trying here CJ—.""Maybe you should stay here for now and follow Emma and me out to New York after everything's taken care of---"
"What ever you want, CJ.""You sure said yes to that quickly—"
"I don't want this, CJ—"
"I have to pack."
Things were getting hard between them.
LATER ON IN NEW YORK
CJ played with her cereal bowl looking off into the distance.
"Mommy?" her daughter asked her. "Mommy?" It took a moment to bring herself out of her daze.
"Yes, Sweetheart." She looked her daughter in the eye. Into the blue eyes of her father. The deep blue eyes that would side step any paternity test. No one could look into the beautiful girl's eyes and not see her father. To not see Danny.
"When's Daddy coming?"
CJ paused, not knowing what to say. Because the truth was she wanted to see Emma's father.
"I don't know, sweetie." She kissed her daughter on her foreword and scooped her into her arms hugging her close.
"Danny?" CJ asked through the phone. "Where are you?"
"I'm in Turkey—I'm on my way home CJ-"
"Come home, Danny—"
"CJ. I can't hear you---""Come home—come to New York—"
"Do you really mean that—"
"I miss you—"
"I miss you too—"
"I'm sorry.---"
"CJ, you're breaking up—"
"I'm sorry—"
"Me too. I love you. I'm on my way."
CJ was asleep in her room when she heard the noise of Danny coming in. Drenched from the rain, silently as he could, he rested his belongs on the floor. The room was dark. The streetlamps below sent light though the large atrium window in the kitchen, hitting Danny in the doorway. CJ slid open the double doors to her bedroom and caught Danny in the shadows of the rain of the glass. There was a moment while they saw each other like it was the first time all those years ago. Danny ran to CJ and she took him in her arms and he kissed her close and hard. She looked into his blue eyes and knew she was really home. Danny walked CJ back into the room and shut the door as rain drizzled on the window outside causing a relaxing and gentle hum to the moment.
Danny held CJ all night falling asleep in their clothes. Sometime in the early morning Emma had woken up and crawled into bed with them, nestling herself between what little free space there was between her two parents. CJ woke up first noticing her daughter and softly stroking her hair. She noticed Danny was awake also smiling at his family. Danny put his hand on CJ's hand causing the three of them to be connected together physically. Danny leaned in and kissed her.
"I want another baby Danny—"
"You do?"'
"Yes. Do you?"
"Of course, but CJ you're 46—"
"I'll be fine. Women my age have children all the time—."
"I want whatever you want CJ. Whatever you want."
"Daddy, Daddy." Spoke the groggy Emma.
"Hey Bug!" Danny yelled, grabbing his daughter by the waist and hanging her upside down. She laughed. CJ laughed. Danny tossed his daughter lovingly between himself and CJ and began to tickle her. CJ laughed.
"No, Daddy, no!" Emma laughed.
"What? Should I crack your toes instead?" Danny made like a sinister man from a silent film and went for her toes.
'No!" Emma squealed in delight.
"Ok, maybe I should just tickle your mother."
"No!" CJ laughed, but Danny had her before she could get away. Emma danced around the bed laughing. Danny grabbed her and pulled her into a huge three-person hug. CJ kissed her on the forehead.
"Danny, I don't think we should tell people just yet, that I'm pregnant." CJ said, putting an earring on as she looked at herself in the mirror. "I just don't want to say anything until the third month." She crawled into bed and kneeled next to Danny who was still in bed.
"Ok." He kissed her, rubbing her back.
"I just want to be careful—"
"You sure this doesn't have anything to do with Sam, Josh, and Toby—"
"What?"
"It's not that your afraid they're treat you different because you're pregnant—"
"No—"She pulled away and put her shoes on.
'I know you CJ—" He rose up in bed.
"That's not it. They say it's best to wait three months. Make sure everything's ok."
"Ok."
CJ leaned in and kissed Danny.
"I gotta go. Emma's lunch is in the refrigerator and Cindy will be here at three."
CJ walked to the door. As she reached the doorway Danny called after her.
"CJ--."
"Yeah."
"You're just as good as the boys. In fact you're better."
CJ smiled. "I'll see you tonight."
CJ woke up, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of her. Morning sickness, she thought. But she didn't feel sick. She just felt strange. It was a hot, sticky August day and CJ felt groggy with the feeling she had slept more than she should have. She was late. She took a quick shower and threw herself into a blouse and pants.
"I thought you were gone!" Cindy, Emma's nanny spoke as CJ slid open her bedroom doors.
"I know. I'm late." CJ grabbed her bag off the table next to the door and was gone. She still couldn't seem to shake the feeling. This was one of many things she hated about being pregnant, not being up to her full stamina. It made her feel left behind everyone else.
August in New York was like hell wrapped in a cultural metropolis of life and energy. It was even worse without air conditioning. Four fans blew in the Toby Ziegler For Senator office, causing the room to be hot and breezy, but still hot. The only indication that there was air coming from the fan was the streamers in flight attached at their seams. Toby, Sam, and Josh all sat in pushed up sleeves with their jackets hanging on chairs behind them. CJ rubbed her neck, pacing behind them. CJ was hot. She was bothered, but she wouldn't let on why. She unbuttoned her shirt as far down as she could and shook the collar to get some air in and relieve her skin from the hot garment. CJ felt it was a precursor to her what laid ahead after her pregnancy; menopause.
"Toby you have to do it." Sam demanded in his straightforward voice.
"I don't have to do anything I don't want to do it Sam!" He yelled.
"Toby you're running for office." Josh yelled. "You have to smile."
"Who says—"
"Ah Toby!" Josh lowered his head. The heat wasn't making this any easier.
"Tell him, CJ. Tell him he has to smile."
CJ stopped pacing and looked up at Toby. "Toby, you have to smile." CJ spoke flatly.
"Oh, that's enthusiasm. Thank you." Sam turned and told her. "CJ, are you alright?"
"Yeah," Toby took a look at her. "You don't look so good?"
"I'm fine. It's the heat—I think something I ate--."
"Sit down." Toby told her.
"I'm fine. Keep going." CJ put her hand to her neck to wipe the sweat away again.
"Ok." Sam looked at his notes. "What else do we have?"
"We should talk about the President--?"
"The President?" Toby asked.
"President Bartlet. He wants to come endorse you—"
"President Bartlet?" CJ asked.
"It just sounds so impersonal?" Josh asked.
"Well, what else do we call him?"
"I don't know, the President?"
"Well that could cause some confusion—"
"The ex-president?---yeah, I see your point. It's just strange—"
Toby couldn't take the bickering or the heat. He stood up.
"Ok, Ok. Will you to just stop it. It's like a shfitz in here. Let's go have lunch over at Murray's, we'll finish it there. —"Toby took his jacket.
Toby had been able to get, through friends and so forth, a nice office in one of the larger buildings downtown. Sam, Josh, Toby and CJ exited the building onto a large patio type atrium made of marble and cement. Sam and Josh walked ahead, engrossed in their own discussion, followed by Toby walking alone and CJ behind him. Toby walked down the small but long three steps when he realized CJ was very far behind. Toby turned around and took a step forward to see CJ standing behind him on the top step. CJ walked in a small semi-circle as she took a breath.
"CJ." He yelled to her and walked closer to her. "CJ, you coming?" He stood next to the step. CJ didn't seem to hear him as she walked over to the opposite side from Toby and grabbed onto the railing. It looked as if she would use it to walk down, but she slowly sunk into a sitting position.
"CJ?" Toby walked to her and squatted down to her level.
"Something's wrong" she whispered.
"What's wrong? What happened? You ok?"
"Call Danny?" She told him. CJ held onto her abdomen hunched over in pain.
"CJ." He was worried. "Why do I need to call Danny? What's wrong?"
She looked Toby in the eye.
"I'm pregnant."
Toby's face turned to fear for he knew what was wrong.
"Somebody!" He yelled looking around. "Sam! Josh!" They were nowhere around. "Help! I need an ambulance!" He looked at CJ who's head started to go limp.
She could feel her eyes slipping away from sight and her energy seeping out of her like water down a drain pipe. She was passing out.
"CJ!" Toby yelled, taking her face and trying to wake her up. She had to stay awake. "CJ!" he yelled. "CJ! CJ!"
Toby felt helpless as he watched CJ being pulled away into the emergency room leaving him alone. He hadn't left CJ's side, riding in the ambulance with her, while Sam and Josh jumped into a cab.
Toby, holding his jacket over his arms, walked into the waiting area. Toby's face was more than somber.
"Where is she!" Danny yelled, breaking through the crowd.
"Danny!" Toby yelled seeing him coming and motioning with his hand. Toby whispered to a nurse next to him."How is she? What's goin' on?" Danny was desperate."I'll take you back" said the nurse. Toby said nothing and lowered his head. Danny knew what the answer was as they locked eyes.
"Go." Toby said to him softly and he was gone.
Toby lowered his head and walked toward the waiting area as Sam and Josh walked up.
"I saw Danny come in." Josh asked.
"Yeah."
"Did you know she was pregnant?" Josh asked as he walked up to Toby.
"No?"
"She ok?" Sam asked.
"No."
"She lost the baby?" Josh ran his hand through his hair from his forehead.
"Yeah." Toby took a moment. "It was an ectopic pregnancy. There was nothing they could do."
Toby walked away mourning in his own way for his friend.
Back in her hospital bed, Danny held his wife as she criedShe didn't want to have him see her cry, and even though he couldn't see her face, he felt her heaviness against his body. He sat on the bed holding her, causing their bodies to create a single shape, and they both lost track of where each of their bodies ended and the other began.
TBC
