DISCLAIMER: I do not own Resident Evil, Visine, McDonalds or The Matrix. Which is the same thing through the entire fic, so unless I mention something else, this is the last disclaimer you will be seeing.

A/N: I was reading through this, and decided that maybe I should try doing this in third person so it reads better. So here it goes…


With 200 zombies marching toward them, and the McDonalds kid tripping his little brains out, Wesker decided drastic measures should be taken...he took off his sunglasses.

"Damn, Captain, I think you might need some Visine or something for that." Rebecca said, pulling out a med pack.

"No worries, I am merely a bio-enhanced human, who wants to destroy Chris Redfield, and more than likely take over the world."

"Huh?" The idiot with the bowling ball looked confused.

"I'm evil, it's what I do."

And with that said, Wesker proceeded to kick some major ass in a very Matrix style way.

Then there were 2...Wesker and a zombie Keanu Reeves. McDonalds and the rest of the group grabbed some popcorn and found a seat for the fight.

Neo picked up a Colt M1999A1 and loaded it. Wesker loaded a .50AE Desert Eagle. They ran at each other, crisscrossing, and shooting. Then they leapt, and wrestled to the ground the guns pointed at each other's heads. Both of the guns clicked empty.

"Your out of ammo, Mr. Anderson." Wesker sounded eerily like Mr. Smith.

"You're out too."

They jumped to their feet and Wesker landed on top of Neo. A cop car was flying at them at full speed, followed by a tanker truck.

"Good-bye, Mr. Anderson." Wesker was grinning like a shark.

"My name is... NEO!"

Neo flew 40 feet into the air, leaving Wesker for dead. The car ran right over him, along with the tanker. Wesker stood up, unfazed but he asked for an aspirin anyways.

Neo phoned Morpheus..

And on the roof of a building, to Wesker's left, came a black Mr. X. He pulled out 2 Mp5s and started doing jumps and such, but his weight and gravity didn't mix too well. He stumbled, then fell into a smelting pot...that was just there for no reason at all. He came out, naked and on fire. He let out a thunderous roar This was quickly followed by a KA-BOOM, and a giant arm went flying through the air and knocked McDonalds in the head.

Chris Redfield turned a bright shade of crimson. "Force of habit."

With those parting words he promptly disappeared, and all was quiet.

"It certainly is strange the things that happen in Raccoon City, and it's not even a full moon." Wesker commented.

He slipped his sunglasses back on, and dusted a bit of road grim from his shirt. As he turned in the direction of the others, he caught a glimpse of himself in the hubcap of the police car which had run him over only seconds ago.

"AHHH! I have a hair out of place! It's an emergency! How can I be a treacherous bastard without the proper hair style?!"

"Want some gel??" McDonalds asked, as Wesker ran around frantically.

"NO!.. I'm allergic to hair gel." Wesker then let out a short string of obscenities, mumbling something about exposing his weakness.

"Well, what do you want then??"

"Just give me a comb!" Then he punched through a car window.

"Here!" McDonald's handed Wesker a comb, and he fixed it in one sweep. "Well... What now?"

"We should head to that cheap hotel over there!" The little perv with the toy then winked at Rebecca.

"No thanks!" Snapped the Bravo Medic.

"How about the RPD?"

"Nah. I'm sure some other survivors all ready ransacked that place." Wesker nodded. "Nothing there, except zombies and Birkin's brat."

Everyone turned to stare at Wesker. He shrugged and turned his attention to a bit of dust on his shirt sleeve.

"FINE! How about that gas station?!" By this point McDonald's was getting touchy

"Sounds good!" It was the first helpful thing Mr. Bowling ball had said all evening.

And so our happy group of survivors proceeded to the gas station. After arriving, they split up, going about their business. Mr. Bowling ball went looking for beer, Rebecca started going through the lotto tickets, and the rest of them waited in line for a slushi.

"Wow, look what a found!" Mr. Bowling ball appeared holding a fancy key, and the key said…Key to a Walkthrough.

Suddenly everything went slow-motion...

McDonald's looked down…a banana peel!!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!.."

But it was too late. A thunderous crash shook the gas station, and the key flew through the air. It was headed toward a gutter.

"I got it.!" Wesker dove for the key, but missed and fell into a chocolate bar stand.

The perv threw his battery operated toy at it, deflecting it away from the sewer opening. It then landed in the open top of the slushi machine.

"AHHH!!!" Screamed everyone.

"ACK!" Perv choked out, pointing out the window at 300 zombies edging there way to the Gas Station.


A/N: Please let me know if it reads a bit better in third person.