Hey I'm at 180 reviews, and I really want to make 200 so review lots for this chapter please!!
Also I have a question for everyone which I need some help with. I just got a new idea for a fic, another Buffy/Harry Potter crossover, and I can't make up my mind whether to start writing and posting now, while writing redeemed at the same time or to wait until after this fic is finished or nearly finished before starting a new one. Let me know, I need the advice!
Thanks to:
Becks89 - your poor finger, I hope it doesn't delay the next TYE update too much!
Dreamer Child
ScruffyWes
Vampy the chosen one
Erak – I see what you mean about the Buffy episode, I loved that episode. Season two was my fave Buffy season I think.
Anne-Marie
Captinuv
Darla56
Harmoni9
Carmelina
Charmedfanatic3000
Miz
Dsaf
Lexinator – hope your back gets better soon!
Caribear
Thorn of Blood – lol I like your reviews, they are always long and give me stuff to think about. Review again!
Everyone asked loads about the prophecy, which I wanted to save to talk about at the end instead of just repeating everything. I haven't decided whether I'm going to use that in this story. The significance was Buffy deciding to make her own destiny and not do what she is told to do. After all, she didn't choose to hear the first time, though perhaps it was destiny that she did. Otherwise she wouldn't have gone down into the hellmouth and died and then loads of other stuff wouldn't have happened. Hmmm now I'm all confused, thinking about the butterfly effect and how much small stuff changes everything….anyway I digress. The prophecy may not be referred to again, except in Buffy's thoughts. It's not, as yet, a big feature of this fic.
Anyway, on with the chapter!
Chapter 13 – Floodgates
Charlie,
Bill and Buffy arrived back at Grimmauld Place to find it empty with the
exception of Remus.
"Where is everyone?" Buffy asked,
sitting down in the drawing room.
"Molly took them all to Diagon Ally,"
Remus said with an uncomfortable smile. "She wanted them all to get new robes
for the memorial service." Buffy returned his awkward smile. She barely knew
Harry but she could almost bet on the fact that he was unhappy about the
excursion. Harry was particularly resentful of Molly because he didn't want
anyone to replace Sirius as his parent figure. But Molly was only trying to
help. As she was thinking, she heard the noise of the fire that told them that
the others had returned. Sure enough, they all came trooping into the drawing
room, looking weary.
"Good shopping?" Buffy asked with a smile and Ron groaned. Buffy looked at Harry who looked pale and tired.
"How was
the Ministry?" he asked her wanly. Buffy shrugged.
"It was okay. I got to see my prophecy,"
she said carelessly. "Oh I almost forgot I brought you something." Buffy fished
in her pocket and extracted the 'ouch' badge which she presented to Harry with
a flourish. He read the legend and then began to laugh. The others gathered
round and also began to laugh. Buffy grinned happily.
"Are you trying to tell me something?"
Harry asked, still laughing and Buffy giggled.
"I saw it and thought of you," Buffy teased. Harry pinned it to himself which made them all laugh even more. The others flopped down on the sofas and soon the house filled with the smell of cooking. Buffy curled up her legs and sighed contentedly, for a moment forgetting all of the things that were wrong with her life. Harry looked over at her.
"Did you see anything interesting at the Ministry?"
he asked quietly and Buffy shrugged though he was carefully watching him.
"A few," she said vaguely.
"Did you go...to…did you see?" Harry
said uncomfortably and after a moments thought, Buffy nodded. Harry looked at
her, though Buffy got the impression he was looking through her.
"There was nothing there," she said tiredly.
"I thought there would be something but there was nothing, nothing of him." She
sighed and Harry looked frightened for a moment, before returning to his blank
look.
Molly called them all into the kitchen and Buffy sat down at the table with the
entire Weasley clan, Harry, Hermione and Lupin. They tucked into the beef that
Molly had provided.
"We saw Percy at the Ministry," Charlie said and Bill elbowed him causing Charlie to scowl at him. The room went silent.
"Percy," Molly said weakly and Arthur's face
went carefully blank though he was clutching his napkin tightly.
"He covered for us actually," Charlie
continued, shooting a reproving glance at Bill. "Went along with us saying that
Buffy was our cousin and everything. And he was about to say something when
Bill made us leave."
"Bill," Molly admonished. "You could have let
him speak." Bill scowled.
"We don't owe him anything," Bill said
angrily. "Least of all the right to apologise."
"You think he was going to apologise?" Molly
said, her face lighting up.
"What do you care?" Ginny said bitterly
and everyone looked at her in surprise. "Everyone's thinking it. Percy betrayed
the whole family, we don't need him. He probably wasn't going to apologise,
he's too stuck up for that."
Buffy felt
uncomfortable at being present during the family argument, she hadn't had much
experience with this since Willow and Xander's relationships with their
families were practically non existent and Faith didn't even have family to
argue with. Buffy looked over at Remus, Hermione and Harry to see how they were
acting. Remus was calmly eating, apparently oblivious to what was happening,
Hermione was watching worriedly, mouth slightly agape, but Harry was watching
intensely, looking on the point of speaking. Buffy placed a hand on his arm and
he looked at her furiously.
"It's not your argument," she murmured
and Harry looked slightly mollified. "You can't expect Molly to stop
over-mothering you if you involve yourself in their family stuff."
"Percy is such a git though," Harry
whispered, as Bill was shouting at Charlie. "Last year he sent Ron this letter
complaining about Mr and Mrs Weasley and calling me a liar, telling Ron to cut
off our friendship and encouraging him to tell tales about me to the Ministry."
Buffy bit her lip.
"Just let them sort it out," she replied
quietly. "Molly and Arthur raised him, he's their son."
As they looked back over, Fred and George joined the argument. Arthur watched
pensively, yet to contribute to the discussion.
"We don't want Percy to apologise," Fred
roared furiously, standing up. "We don't want him back in our family."
"He should change his surname," George
contributed angrily, standing also. "He's not a proper Weasley."
"He's still your brother," Molly shot
back. "People make mistakes; lord knows you have." George looked furious.
"We should have some say in this," Bill
said in a low, angry voice. "Percy let all of us down. He turned against us
when we needed him the most."
"Yeah Mum," Ron spoke. "Remember how he
didn't even come when Dad was in hospital." Molly's mouth tightened.
"I don't want this family divided
anymore," she said tearfully. "Half the family in the Order, the rest of you
wanting to join. We could all die, and I don't want us to die never having made
up with Percy." Bill's face softened.
"We'll be okay mum," he said gently,
putting his arm around his mother. "You've got all of us." Molly began to cry.
"Don't you see though," she sobbed.
"Everyone could die, we could all die. And poor Harry's got the prophecy and he
could die and then where would we all be. I don't want you all to grow up
without parents."
Buffy
looked quickly at Harry who had whitened considerably. Buffy knew he hadn't
told his friends about the prophecy but apparently Molly didn't and both Ron
and Hermione were looking at Harry questioningly while he carefully avoided
their gazes. Only Lupin noticed and he too was watching Harry.
"Look we'll be alright," Bill said soothingly.
"We don't need a git like Percy to make our family complete."
A cough behind them alerted them to the
presence of another person, and Molly's head whipped round to see who it was.
The fire that he had come from reflected in his tortoiseshell glasses and his
red hair was in disarray as if he had been tugging at it in exasperation.
"Hi Mum," Percy said quietly. The tension in
the room was so thick, and the silence was only broken by the spitting of the
fire.
"How did you find this place?" Bill said
darkly.
"I told him," Molly said before Percy
could answered, covering her face with her hands.
"Did you tell Fudge?" Bill asked
quickly. "Did you tell anyone?"
Percy shook his head.
"No one else knows," he said
uncomfortably. "Look, I came to talk." Bill glared at him. Buffy and Lupin got
up hurriedly, as did Hermione and Harry.
"We'll get out of your way." Lupin said
quickly and they left the room, Buffy shutting the door firmly behind them.
The four of
them walked through into the drawing room to wait for some signs of emergence
from the kitchen.
"Do you think they'll sort it out?"
Buffy asked Remus.
"I hope so," Remus said with a sigh.
"It's really important to Molly and Arthur that their family stays together."
Buffy nodded thoughtfully and rested her head back against the sofa, closing
her eyes.
"Did Mrs Weasley say something about you
and a prophecy?" Hermione ventured and Buffy opened her eyes and sat up. Harry
shot her a pleading glance but she just looked at him. He needed to tell his
friends.
"Harry?" Hermione prompted and he
swallowed hard.
"Yeah, she did," he said moodily. "What
of it?"
"This is the prophecy from last year isn't
it?" Hermione asked shrilly. "The one about you in the Department of Mysteries,
the one Voldemort sent you to get for him, the weapon."
"Yes, so what?" Harry said, not looking
at her.
"You know what it says?" Hermione probed him
and Harry stared at the floor.
"Dumbledore told me," he said so quietly
Buffy could barely hear him. "After last year I port keyed back to his office
and he told me."
"But you didn't think it a good idea to
tell us?" Hermione asked, hurt.
"Well I wasn't really thinking about
you, to be honest," Harry said coldly. "Funnily enough, you weren't the first
thing that came to my mind when I heard about it."
"Harry, relax," Hermione said, trying to
settle the situation. "It would've been nice if you'd have thought to tell us."
"And have you lot staring at me like I
was some kind of freak all summer," Harry said hotly. "That would've been fun.
As if my life wasn't hard enough, I'd have to deal with you lot asking me if I
was okay every two seconds. Well I'm not okay, it'll never be okay again."
"Harry," Hermione said calmingly. "We
know okay. We know how it feels about Sirius, we all cared about him too."
"No you don't," Harry shouted. "You
couldn't possibly understand how it feels to be me. Only Buffy can begin to
comprehend what it feels like. I have a destiny which means I can never be an
ordinary person again. And I lost Sirius the one person I had left on my side
who understood a fraction of what I'm going through. So you don't know, you
don't know anything." Harry threw her one last glance filled with contempt and
left the room. Hermione promptly burst into tears. Buffy and Remus exchanged
concerned glances and Buffy got up to put an arm round Hermione.
"It's okay," she reassured her as
Hermione sobbed into her shoulder. "He's lashing out because he's hurting."
"He used to tell us everything,"
Hermione said tearfully. "And now he doesn't even tell us something huge like
this."
"Harry's a boy," Buffy said bluntly.
"Boys don't have the capacity to express their feelings properly. This means
they come out in one big crazy moment and it pretty much sucks if you're on the
end of that."
"He told you," Hermione said accusingly, tears
rolling down her cheeks.
"I knew Sirius, I had a prophecy, I'm
the chosen one," Buffy said, ticking off the reasons on her fingers. "I'm the
only one who can relate to him, or that's how he sees it. You've got to
understand that you'll never be like Harry, never have the weight of the world
on your shoulders like him. And he knows that."
"What did the prophecy say?" Hermione said,
wiping her tears off of her cheeks. Buffy shook her head.
"Not my place to tell you," she said
apologetically. "He'll open up to you, just give him time. You and Ron are his
best friends; he takes out his pain on you because you're so close." Remus
watched them silently.
"You wanna go to him?" Buffy said to
him, but Remus shook his head.
"You're the only one who's reached him,"
he said carefully. "You go. Just don't let him turn you away." Buffy nodded
purposefully and walked upstairs.
Harry was
sitting where Buffy had sat just the day before after her confrontation with Snape.
"Hey," she said softly and Harry looked
up blankly from his seat on the ground. Buffy sat down, leaning against the
wall opposite him. "You really upset Hermione."
"I know," Harry said uncomfortably. "I'm just
not ready to deal with her yet."
"Well you'd better get ready," Buffy
said bluntly and Harry looked at her sharply. "You can't keep alienating your
friends." Harry opened his mouth to speak but Buffy held up a hand.
"Ron and Hermione want to help you,"
Buffy continued. "And so does Dumbledore. But you keep pushing them away; I've
seen you do it."
"Dumbledore
doesn't want to help me," Harry said bitterly. "All he has done since I met him
is make my life difficult. He kept the biggest secret of my life from me and
then he killed my godfather." Buffy blinked slowly.
"You really believe that?" she asked him
and Harry's face darkened.
"You should believe it too," he said
angrily. "You should hate him, he killed Sirius, he took him away from you,
from me."
"Sirius didn't die because of Dumbledore,"
Buffy said firmly. "We both know that. Sirius died because he was a kind man
who loved you."
"Dumbledore locked him in this house," Harry said kicking the peeling paintwork. "He made him restless and desperate for a break. If he hadn't had done that then he wouldn't have come to the Ministry."
"You really believe that Sirius wouldn't have
done that for you?" Buffy asked incredulously. "The Sirius I know would've
jumped through fire to save you, would've done anything he possibly could've to
help you."
"It was Dumbledore," Harry insisted
hotly. "It was his fault. He didn't tell me about Voldemort, he kept it from
me."
"He made a mistake," Buffy said levelly.
"People do that. Giles, my watcher, he's made mistakes and I've forgiven him
and vice versa. He's only human."
"He killed Sirius," Harry said
stubbornly, still kicking the paintwork irritably.
"Why are you doing this?" Buffy said
suddenly. "Why do you keep blaming him?" Harry was silent.
"Why?" Buffy persisted. "What had he
done except for make a human mistake? Why do you blame him? Why, Harry?"
"Because then I don't have to admit that
it's my fault!" Harry yelled exasperatedly and then he stopped, just froze
without blinking or breathing. For one wild moment Buffy thought Harry had
died.
"Your
fault?" Buffy prompted, feeling that at last she was getting somewhere. Harry
covered his face with his hands. When he looked back at her, his face was wet
with tears.
"You should hate me," he said shakily.
"Everyone should hate me, Lupin, Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione and everyone. I
made them all go, I didn't listen and then Sirius was killed. They all could
have been killed and it would've been my fault. It should've been me. I wish it
had."
Buffy gazed at him sadly; this was what Harry had been holding in: guilt. He blamed himself for Sirius' death and had covered it up by getting angry at Snape and Dumbledore for the thing he feared he had caused.
"Just leave me alone okay," Harry muttered,
not meeting Buffy's eyes. "There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do.
Just go back to America. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person, Sirius suffered for
the stupid mistake I made."
"Do you want me to go back to America?"
Buffy asked and Harry didn't reply. "If that's what you want I'll leave. But I
don't hate you."
"Well you should," Harry burst out angrily. "I'm a bad person, I killed Sirius. He's gone now, you'll never see him again and it's because of me."
Buffy
vision blurred with tears for a moment.
"Stop trying to make me hate you," Buffy
said heatedly. "I've seen this before; I know what you're doing. You think that
it'll make you feel better if I hate you because it'll stop the guilt. But
you're wrong. Only you can stop the guilt." Harry scowled.
"Maybe I don't want it to end," he
murmured.
"Did you kill Sirius?" Buffy demanded.
"Did you stick a knife into him? Did you do some crazy magic thing on him that
made him die? Did you push him through the veil?" Harry didn't answer.
"You didn't," Buffy said, calming down. "You didn't kill him. You made a mistake. A mistake. It happens to everyone. Dumbledore, pretty much the wisest guy in the world makes mistake. Giles makes mistake. I make mistakes. You can't help it; it's what makes us human. What stops us from becoming monsters is how we deal. So deal." Buffy stood up and stood over Harry. "Think about it. I'll be downstairs. This is your big time, where you become what Sirius always said you'd be, one hell of a man, or you give up. Let it go Harry."
Buffy left
Harry sitting on the landing and walked carefully down the stairs. Dumbledore
waited for her at the bottom. She followed him into one of the smaller sitting
rooms on the ground floor.
"Very impressive Buffy," he said, eyes
dancing. "If that can't reach him then I doubt anything can." Buffy shrugged.
"Faith was the same," she said
explanatorily. "She wanted me to hate her, but I couldn't. And I can't hate
Harry. I even feel like I should, but I don't. I don' think I've got enough
feeling left in me for that."
"Or perhaps the power to hate people
just isn't within you," Dumbledore said wisely. "Hatred is one of the most
powerful emotions a human can possess. But you don't possess that. You and
Harry have a more powerful emotion in you, the most powerful force in the universe
as I once told Harry. You love. To be able to love is more powerful than any
magic in the world." Buffy stared at him, mouth agape.
"But I'm so afraid," she murmured,
admitting this to herself as well as Dumbledore. "I'm scared that I've lost all
the love I had. Life has torn me down so many ties, I had to kill Angel and a
piece of my soul went with him to hell, my mum died and I lost it, I fell apart
and only Sirius held me together. And now he's gone and I feel like I'm empty.
There's nothing left inside me, I can't even cry anymore." Dumbledore looked at
her over his half-moon spectacles.
"You will never lose that," Dumbledore assured
her gently. "It may feel like you have, but it'll be back. When you've healed
you'll find that it's still there." Buffy smiled softly.
"Will Harry?" she asked him and
Dumbledore nodded.
"I have faith that he will," he said
assuredly. "He's strong. He's always had to be."
"You knew didn't you? Buffy said
suddenly. "You knew he would blame himself didn't you?" Dumbledore nodded.
"Unfortunately when loving, good people
suffer loss, they blame themselves," Dumbledore said gravely. "Harry thinks
that it was his actions alone that led Sirius to his death when it was a
combination of things. He just took a while to realise it." Buffy nodded
pensively.
"Let's join the others," Dumbledore
suggested while a kind smile and they left the room to join Remus and Hermione
next door.
