I was gonna cut this in half coz it's a lot longer than I usually write chapters but I decided to be kind and just leave it as it is. So I expect lots of long reviews please!
Thanks to:
Mistress of Hogwarts – thanks and yes I will be
Dreamer Child – lol I'm writing this as I should be revising for my exams
CharmedChick
NicolaAfyon
ScruffyWes – I don't think I'd be able to forgive Percy; I'm interested to see how JK Rowling will handle it in the next book. I have a feeling he might not be as humble as I have written him.
Lexinator
Captinuv
Anne-Marie – lol here is the more story
Vampy the chosen one
Charmedfanatic3000
Thorn of Blood – I love your reviews, they are always so long and give me loads to think about! I see what you mean about Percy, though perhaps the fact that he is a Gryffindor means that he could turn out to be an okay guy in the end. He's kind of like Hermione, it's difficult to see why they weren't Ravenclaws because they are so smart, but there must be something about them which is worthy of Gryffindor. I agree about Sirius not returning in canon, I have a feeling we will see him but Rowling will not write his return I think. However that's the joy of fanfiction, I can write what I want!
Chapter 15 – Wrecked
The next
morning, when Buffy woke up, Percy was present at breakfast. She gathered from the way they spoke that
things had been resolved the night previously and he had stayed the night.
"I'm Buffy," Buffy introduced herself as
she sat down. "But you already know that right?" Percy blushed, smiled and
nodded.
"Percy," he replied. "But we're cousins
apparently." Buffy, Bill and Charlie laughed.
"Buffy's too pretty to be a Weasley,"
Bill said with a glance at Buffy. Alarm bells went off in Buffy's brain and she
concentrated on her bacon quickly. Ginny looked at Bill indignantly.
"What about me?" she said, pretending to
be angry. "I'm a Weasley."
"You're the exception that proves the
rule obviously," Charlie said quickly. "Besides, Buffy couldn't be a Weasley;
she doesn't have the hair for it."
Buffy flashed him a smile and piled
ketchup on her plate.
"What brings you to London?" Percy asked her as he ate his way through a plate of eggs.
Buffy and Harry exchanged uneasy glances.
"I was Sirius's girlfriend," she said uncomfortably
and the air became tense.
"Sirius Black is in the Order?" Percy
said disbelievingly.
"He was innocent," Harry said defensively. "He
was set up by Peter Pettigrew." Percy stared at him shocked.
"Then he spent twelve years in Azkaban
for nothing," he said unhappily. "Another thing the Ministry got wrong." Arthur
looked oddly pleased at Percy's criticism of the Ministry, but Buffy had yet to
see how the father and son relations were holding up.
"Where is Sirius?" Percy asked easily.
"He's dead,"
Molly said quietly and there was silence. Percy was taken aback.
"I'm sorry," he said to Buffy when he
found his tongue. Buffy shrugged, not really knowing what to say. So many
people said they were sorry, it didn't really mean anything to her, except that
they were sorry for having brought it up.
"Me too," she said finally. "I miss him.
He was Harry's godfather." Percy's gaze rested on Harry for a moment but he
didn't say anything to him and Harry gazed back at him mutinously.
"I missed a lot," Percy commented
finally. "Hopefully I can be filled in." Molly nodded at her son.
The family began to chat easily after a moment's unease and Buffy was happy that the situation seemed to be resolved and that Percy had been welcomed back into his family. From the way they spoke, he was to join the Order with his older brothers, an insider in Fudge's office, exactly the opposite of what Fudge had intended. He was going to stay in his flat, to keep up the appearance of estrangement from his family.
The next few
days passed quietly and at last Friday came, a sunny day that seemed to belie
what it held for Buffy. When she woke up, she was aware that the day meant
something but for a moment she couldn't remember. Then everything came crashing
into place for her and she fell silent and pale, her tan not being able to
cover up the loss of colour in her face.
Buffy dressed carefully, in black trousers and a white lace top with a matching
cardigan, an outfit she knew Sirius would've liked. Opening her jewellery case
carefully, she extracted her charm bracelet and her promise ring. Buffy deftly
fastened the catch on the silver bracelet, watching the dog and cross charms.
She hadn't added to the bracelet deliberately, she only wanted charms that
meant something on there. Buffy pushed the ring on her finger, the silver cold
against her finger. She hadn't worn it since the day it had shattered the
mirror, but she had kept it with her. Now, she put it on, remembering the
promises it had held and the dreams that had been shattered.
She walked
downstairs, not really paying attention to her surroundings. Today was it she
knew that, because after today she had to stop hurting, she had to be strong
and start to let him go. She just didn't know if she could.
Buffy entered the kitchen and Molly was cooking as usual with all the house
occupants eating the food, minus Percy who had returned to his flat. The
difference was the lack of noise, hardly anyone was speaking, and they were all
focusing on eating. Buffy sat down and started to eat but soon found she wasn't
really hungry. All the occupants of the table wore black robes, something Buffy
had contemplated doing but in the end she decided against all black. She wanted
to wear something she felt comfortable in, something Sirius would have liked
and something that made the day slightly less depressing than it was. Honestly,
she didn't care what anyone else thought of her, today was the day she faced
her future, empty and cold and alone.
The fire began to crackle more fiercely, a
sign that someone was approaching by Floo and to her great surprise, Willow
stepped out of the fireplace, looking round wonderingly at her surroundings.
"Willow," Buffy gasped and flew towards
her, throwing herself upon her in a hug. "What are you doing here?"
"We wanted to be with you today," Willow
said gently, holding Buffy by both hands and looking into her eyes concernedly.
"Someone called Remus Lupin sent us a letter." Buffy looked over at Lupin and
smiled gratefully.
"Thank you," she said honestly and he
returned her smile. Willow ushered her away from the fire and one by one her
friends came through, Giles, Xander, Oz, Anya and Faith, all dressed in black
and carefully groomed. She hugged them all tightly, smiling tearfully at them,
something she hadn't thought she would do that day.
"How did you all get here?" she asked
wonderingly.
"I have a friend in the Floo department," Arthur answered for them. "He added your fireplace in America to the Floo network for the day." Buffy smiled softly.
"It's so good to see you all," she said
honestly. Her eyes began to water, so she quickly pulled out the remaining
chairs for them.
"Sit down," Molly encouraged them,
conjuring up more chairs with her wand. "Tuck in, you must be starving." They
all sat down and Buffy did the introductions. Buffy sat between Faith and
Xander, and she talked quietly to her fellow slayer.
"How's Sunnydale?" she asked and Faith
shrugged.
"Same old, same old," she said casually.
"Vamps, demons, the usual. How are you holding up B?" Buffy also shrugged.
"Some days are better than others, she
admitted. "It's been good to get away, to do something different with new
people." Faith nodded, scanning the faces of the people round the table.
"Two of them are total hotties," she
commented to Buffy who grinned fondly. Faith looked openly at Bill and Charlie
who looked somewhat afraid. Faith tossed her hair back and grinned confidently.
"They taken?" she asked Buffy, eyes
still on the prize. Buffy shrugged.
"Don't know really," she said, supremely
unconcerned. "I can hook you up later if you want." Faith nodded thoughtfully.
"Which one's Sirius' godson?" Faith asked
Buffy quietly and subtly Buffy pointed out Harry.
"That's Harry," she said and Faith
scrutinised him. "He's a great kid."
"I bet," Faith commented. "Sirius always
talked a lot about him." She turned to talk to Giles and Buffy turned to
Xander.
"You okay?" he said and Buffy nodded.
"I'm okay," she confirmed. "It's been
rough."
"I bet," Xander said gently, putting an arm around her. "But you're our strong Buffy." Buffy smiled absently, but she wasn't sure whether she agreed with what he said.
She looked
over the table to Remus and Oz.
"Are you a-?" Oz asked and Remus cut him
off with a nod.
"I am," he said quickly. Then he looked
doubtful. "Unless you didn't mean a-?"
"I did" Oz assured him. "A werewolf right?" Remus nodded comfortably and they began to discuss life as werewolves.
Faith and Giles were still talking quietly sp Anya and Xander joined a conversation with the twins and Willow talked with Molly. Buffy smiled at Harry who returned it hesitantly. She was glad to see him sitting between Hermione and Ron once again.
As their
breakfast passed, more people entered the house and once again Mrs Black began
howling continually.
"Quite a character," Xander commented
breezily as Buffy showed her to them.
"I thought this might be a job for your chainsaw?" Buffy suggested to Giles and he nodded.
"I'll pop back to Sunnydale to pick it up
after the service," he confirmed. Buffy looked at all her friends and a tiny
flicker of hope was in her heart.
"It's so good to have you all here," she
said, eyes beginning to tear up again. "I've missed you all a lot."
"We missed you too sweetie," Willow said
gently. "It's not the same without you." Buffy smiled gratefully and wiped her
eyes, glad she had remembered to use waterproof mascara.
"We'd better go down," she said, drying her
eyes completely. "It's about to start."
They all headed down the stairs and out into the small garden of Grimmauld Place. The sun was shining still, and the air was warm against their skin. The entire Order was present, including, Buffy noticed with a scowl, Snape.
Dumbledore moved to the front of the crowd.
"Today we meet to celebrate the life of
Sirius Black," he began solemnly. "I'm not sure I am the best person to talk
about Sirius, I did not know him as well as some of you. Sirius was a dear
friend to all of us however. He was a loyal, kind and loving man who gave to
life vibrantly and embraced it. Sirius suffered through his life but he never
let it kill his spirit. He was a valuable asset to the Order throughout his
life and his memory will live on in those he loved."
Buffy stood between Giles and Faith,
clutching both of their hands tightly. A light wind blew her hair a little and
Buffy shivered despite the heat. As Dumbledore spoke about Sirius' life Buffy
felt pain building inside her stomach, hard solid pain that didn't dispel
however deeply she breathed.
This is it; she thought bitterly, this is the end of the grieving period. Tears
began to fall down her cheeks and she swallowed hard but the pain inside her
didn't leave. Maybe she was dying, Buffy thought reflectively. She welcomed
death right then, called on it to take her, to take the pain away. She didn't
want to hurt anymore; she didn't want to feel the world around her. The sky so
blue, grass green, everything was perfect but it wasn't. Nothing was right, or
would be ever again. Looking around she saw people crying, Molly, Hermione, Harry,
Remus. People crying for Sirius. And Buffy was jealous because they could cry
and mean it.
But Buffy
was broken and she doubted she'd ever be right again. She could cry but it
didn't mean anything anymore. What was the point of living if this was what
life was like? It just kept hitting her and she had to take it. Buffy stopped
listening to what Remus was now saying about Sirius, because it didn't matter
anymore. How could she celebrate his life when there was nothing left of it for
her to hold onto? Tears blinded her and she turned, pulling her hands from
Giles and Faith's holds. Quickly as she could, she walked across the lawn and
entered the house.
Faith looked at Giles worriedly.
"I'll go," he murmured. He followed
Buffy across the lawn, without anyone else noticing they had left.
Buffy stood
in the drawing room, still except for the tears that poured down her face.
"Buffy," Giles said tentatively but she
didn't turn.
"I don't want to do this anymore," Buffy
said hollowly. "I don't want to live anymore if this is what life is like. If
this is what I have to do to get through it. People I love keep dying and I
have to stand by and watch. I can't do it again. "Giles was silent, he honestly
didn't know what to say to what she said because deep down he knew that life
was like that.
"When I lost my mom," Buffy said
quietly, still staring unblinkingly at the wall. "I nearly lost it. I nearly
lost my grip on. You saw that.
"Yes," Giles said simply. "You nearly
gave up."
"But I didn't," Buffy said blankly. "I
still had a few things to hold onto, you guys and Sirius. But everything keeps
getting stripped away, Angel, mom, Sirius. Nothing ever stays. Everything
fades." Giles took a few steps towards Buffy and then stopped.
"I don't know what to do anymore Giles,"
Buffy said and her voice quavered. "I don't know how to do this anymore. I
can't do this anymore." Giles moved to Buffy, and grasped her shoulder lightly.
She turned and fell against his chest sobbing and he wrapped his arms around
her. She clung onto him as if she were holding onto life itself.
"He was a good man," she sobbed. "The
best. He would've made a good husband, a good father."
"He
would've," Giles said softly, stroking her hair as she sobbed for the man she
had loved.
"Do you think he's thinking of me?"
Buffy asked him, face buried in his chest. "Wherever he is, do you think he's
thinking about me?"
"I know that he is," Giles said softly.
"He loved you Buffy and you loved him. What you had can never be taken from
you." Buffy looked up at him, tears shining on her face.
"Stay," she said simply. "Stay here with
me, don't go back to Sunnydale. I need you."
Giles didn't know how to reply.
"Please," Buffy pleaded. "Stay here,
they won't mind. Please." Giles nodded, more than anything to reassure her.
"We'll see," he said quietly and Buffy shook
her head frantically.
"You have to stay," she insisted. "I
need you, there's something I have to do. For Sirius I have to go and get him."
Giles blinked in surprised and Buffy
told him about what Dumbledore had told her about the archway that Sirius had
fallen through.
"It's suicide Buffy," he said gently. "You'll
fail and you'll die. You can't go."
"Don't you see that I have to?" Buffy
argued. "I have to try, I have to do something. Because if I don't, then I can
never rest."
"You can't do that Buffy," Giles said bluntly. "You can't walk into hell and
expect to walk back out."
"If you stay here and try and find a
spell then maybe I can," Buffy said pleadingly. "Please Giles."
"No Buffy," Giles replied firmly. "I
won't help you kill yourself. I can't let you give up like that."
"If it had been Jenny would you have
done it?" Buffy said quietly and Giles stared at her unfalteringly. "If you
could've have done anything to get her back, then wouldn't you have?" Giles
didn't answer; he stared unseeingly into her eyes and Buffy knew he didn't see
her, but Jenny, his own lost love.
"I'll stay," Giles said finally. "I'll
help you if I can. For you and for Jenny."
"Thank you," Buffy said sincerely. "She
would've been proud of you."
"Maybe," Giles said with a soft smile. "More
likely, she probably would've told me I was being a silly English man for
helping you." Buffy smiled too.
"I really have missed you," she said
openly. "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to all of you. I left so quickly,
I shouldn't have done that."
"It's okay," Giles assured her. "Let's
go back out."
"Yeah, I want to be there for Sirius,"
Buffy said quietly and she clutched his end as they rejoined the rest of the
crowd in the garden.
After the
service, Molly prepared a buffet in the house and the Order members that were
able to stay did. Dumbledore had to leave, as did many of the more furtive
looking members. Buffy quickly went into the kitchen and asked Molly about Giles
staying.
"Of course dear," she said kindly. "It's
your house anyway, yours and Harry's. Any guests you want are welcome." Buffy
thanked her and rejoined the rest of the people in the drawing room, many of
which were eager to speak with her.
"Nice people kiddo," Xander commented to
Buffy when it was just the two of them. "Are you happy here?" Buffy considered.
"I am," she said simply. "I like it
here. I hadn't really thought about feeling happy, but I guess I'm as happy as
I can mange right now."
"Good," he said, putting an arm around
her. "Everybody needs a little happiness. Especially you." Buffy looked up at
him.
"Are you happy?" she asked him.
Xander's eyes moved across the room until they rested on Anya who was once
again talking money with the twins.
"Yep," he said eyes still on Anya.
"Very. Only thing I miss is my Buffy at home." His eyes moved to Buffy's.
"I miss you guys too," Buffy said
apologetically. "But there's some stuff I have to do before I can come home."
Xander nodded.
"I have to ask you something," he began,
with uncharacteristic squirminess. "Your opinion on something."
"What's that then?" Buffy asked absently,
scanning the room for Harry so she could introduce him properly to Xander.
"I want to ask Anya to marry me and I
wondered what you thought," Xander said in a rush and Buffy looked at him,
mouth agape.
"Well, I…" she said and Xander looked
worried. "I think it's a great idea. Congratulations!" Xander's eyes crinkled
in a smile as he hugged her.
"Great," he said, relieved. "Now I've
juts got to clear it with Anya." Buffy giggled and moved across the room to
join Faith who was talking to Moody.
"Hey B, I've just been getting
acquainted with Mad Eye here," Faith said breezily.
"I'd be very interested to see the both of you in action," Moody growled and Faith raised a speculative eyebrow at Buffy who punched her arm gently as a warning.
"We could give a demonstration later maybe,"
Buffy offered and Moody nodded before limping over to Kingsley to inform him.
Kingsley's eyes met Buffy's briefly and he nodded at her.
"You gonna hook me up then?" Faith said,
eyes fixed on Charlie and Bill. Buffy laughed and led her over to them.
"How are you?" Bill asked concernedly
and Buffy shrugged.
"I'm doing okay," she said, which was
true, the archway loomed ever present in her thoughts. "Just hanging with my
girl Faith. She's a slayer too you know."
"The better slayer," Faith said boldly with a
smile. "According to many." Buffy laughed easily, tossing her hair over her
shoulder.
"Buffy said you would say that," Charlie
said with a broad grin. "She told us a bit about you."
"Oh really?" Faith said, glancing at Buffy.
"Well we do go way back, me and B. All good stuff I hope?" Buffy left the three
to talk and joined Giles and Oz.
"Everyone seems to be enjoying
themselves," Giles said speculatively.
"I know, I was just thinking about
that," Buffy said worriedly. "Shouldn't everyone be sad and thinking about
Sirius?"
"In England it's considered more of a
compliment if a person's wake is an enjoyable event," Giles informed her. "It
shows a person had a lot of happy friends. If only a few people turned up and
were mournful, it would be horrible wouldn't it? It shows a person was well
loved and reflects on their happy life and friends." Buffy nodded.
"Sirius was certainly vibrant," she said
fondly. She looked around the room and her eye caught Snape's for a split
second. He sneered and she resisted the urge to go and punch him. Instead, she
left the room and sat on the hallway floor. After a moment, Harry joined her.
"Hey," she said, looking up at him.
"Hey," he said passively. "You alright?"
"Yeah," Buffy said after a pause. "And
you?"
"I'm okay," Harry said. "What did you
think of the service?"
"I missed some of it," Buffy replied
apologetically.
"I noticed," Harry said. "Rough wasn't
it?" Buffy nodded.
"Let's go back in," she said. "I'll
introduce you to some of the guys."
Harry left the hallway and Buffy stretched her legs out and got up to
join him. Before she could open the drawing room door, it opened before her and
Snape stood glowering in the doorway.
"Miss Summers," he said with a curt nod.
"Could you move?" Buffy said coldly.
"I could," Snape replied, equally as
frostily. "I think you mean may I move."
"Lay off Snivellus," Buffy said harshly,
using the name she remembered Sirius using. Snape's face contorted.
"Just like Black," he said haughtily.
And Buffy laughed mirthlessly.
"Do you really want to do this again?"
she said challengingly and Snape took a few steps forward, letting the door
close behind him and lifting him wand out of his pocket to point at Buffy's
face. The hallway was silent except for the two of them breathing.
"I bet you loved today," Buffy said,
staring at him. "Listening to people talk about how Sirius was a good man,
singing his praises. I bet you were jealous as hell because you know they
wouldn't do that at your funeral." A nerve in Snape's temple twitched.
"Don't start something you can't handle
Miss Summers," he said warningly, clutching his wand tighter.
"I bet you hated it," Buffy continued
regardless. "All last year you bugged Sirius about being the coward, the
useless one but deep down you know it was you. He did the time in Azkaban that
you deserved and you know it. Twelve years for nothing and you, a death eater,
got away with it. I bet it ate you up inside." Snape scowled.
"Expelliarmus!" he yelled and Buffy was
lifted off of her feet and thrown back against the wall. She slid down it,
winded and panting. Before she could get to her feet, Snape himself was thrown
back against a wall and held there. Xander held him by the throat.
"Touch her again and I'll kill you," he
snarled, more angry than Buffy had ever seen him. Snape stared fire at him, but
his wand hand was pinned against the wall.
"And if he doesn't I will," Faith
promised, moving forward to pull Buffy up by her hand. Willow stood behind her,
also glaring at Snape. Xander released Snape, who rubbed at his neck angrily,
still clutching his wand.
"Don't even think about trying anything
with that stick," Faith warned. "Because if you do, I'll shove it so far up
your ass that you'll be able to use it as a tooth pick." Buffy stifled a giggle
at the look on Snapes face.
"Thanks guys," she said, still smiling.
"But I'm gonna talk with Severus for a moment."
"I've got a
shovel and a shotgun," Willow warned him darkly, before they went back into the
drawing room. "I doubt anyone would miss you." The three left Buffy alone in
the hallway with Severus.
"You have some interesting friends" he
said without a trace of emotion.
"Let's cut to it," Buffy said sharply. "I pretty much hate you; I know exactly what you are and I don't want to be around you. This is half my house now and I know Harry and you aren't exactly buddies so I'm thinking you should stay away from this house unless specifically asked for by Dumbledore."
"Nothing would give me more pleasure," Snape said with a sneer. "Good day Miss Summers." He walked through into the kitchen and stepped into the fireplace to leave. Buffy stared at the glimpse of fire she could see down the hallway for a while. She hated this man as much as Sirius had, she was sure. The feeling made her feel oddly warmed and she rejoined the party.
