TRIGGER WARNING - There are big mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide. Also elements of abuse throughout the story. Please read with caution.
Lucy didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to think or feel or – She just didn't know. Lucy knew Natsu would never hit her, she wasn't an idiot. But he also had never been so… She blinked the tears from her eyes furiously, her heart clenching in her chest.
He had scared her. Natsu scared her.
The blonde made her way back to her room slowly, delaying the inevitable. She didn't want to sit in her dull, mind-numbing room to just think about what just happened. She needed something else to do, because the moment she thought about Natsu, Natsu leaving and Natsu… Lucy felt something dangerous bleed into her mind.
The things he said. He said they shouldn't have become… Lucy shook her head, her eyes welling up again. He was trying to hurt her. Which was a really fucked up thing to do after what she had just gone through. But she preferred the theory of him trying to hurt her rather than him actually meaning what he had said. He couldn't have meant that.
Lucy snapped at little things. Like, an off-hand comment about her hair, or her name. But this wasn't little - This was insurmountable. She could barely get through Gildarts waking her up for her meds before she was ready.
Natsu didn't want her anymore – And he regretted ever having wanting her in the first place. Lucy was nearly at her room when she heard familiar footsteps behind her.
"Oh, not now," Lucy moaned as she lowered her head.
"Lucy?"
Lucy sighed heavily.
"Erza," she turned on her heels reluctantly to face her councillor. Erza frowned and crossed her arms.
"I just ran into Natsu," Erza began. With that Lucy turned around and kept walking, ignoring Erza's stumbling behind her.
"Lucy, come on," Lucy shook her head angrily at Erza's stupid, caring and infuriating voice.
Lucy had to suppress a growl as she glared at the blurred tiles under her feet. Someone's hands shocked her to a stop.
"Lucy," Gildarts droned in warning.
What was the point? Lucy stopped. Erza caught up – finally – and smiled gratefully at Gildarts.
"Gildarts," Erza began, her voice breathless. "Thank you – This one went on a bit of a – "
"No time." Gildarts dismissed her. He pushed Lucy gently to the side to whisper in Erza's ear. Lucy only picked up a few words.
"They… Adult's ward…Then…Critical…Sorry."
Gildarts voice was strangely serious. Usually, his voice was passive or cheery. To hear him so intent and worried was unsettling. Lucy eye's found Erza's face, which slowly morphed from confusion, to concern, and then Lucy swore she saw a flash of horror.
"Ah… Oh my – Okay." Erza smiled apologetically at Lucy. "I need to go see to something. Gildarts – Take our Lucy back to her room."
Gildarts just nodded and began walking. Lucy huffed but followed.
"So…" Lucy began after a few moments of silence. Gildarts turned his head towards her as he walked.
"That girl on the first floor stirring up trouble again, huh?"
As Lucy predicted, Gildarts sped to a stop.
"Excuse me?" He asked kindly, the tone false. Lucy just hummed, welcoming the distraction.
"I've heard about her – It is her, right? What did she do? Did she hurt someone?"
Gildarts grit his teeth but started walked again. Lucy could barely keep up.
"Uh-oh, someone's cranky," Lucy mocked, and Gildarts cast her a dark look.
"You shouldn't know about any of that," Lucy shrugged as he continued. "It's none of your business, and if you could just keep that to yourself it would really – "
"Save your ass?"
" – Help."
Lucy laughed. Gildarts clicked his tongue and spun to a stop to face Lucy.
"Look, you could start a something we and the patients really don't need. There are surprisingly no rumours about this, and we'd like to keep it that way. So, please - Don't start anything stupid."
Lucy folded her arms and smiled. Gildarts eyes bore into her own and her smile widened as she just walked around him.
Lucy was still chuckling when she closed her door. She enjoyed the power she had, having this information the adults really didn't want her to know. She was genuinely amused when the coherent part of her brain reminded her why she should be losing it right now. The blonde's smile faded as her eyes swung around to find her door, knowing just behind it was Natsu's.
She huffed and fell into her bed. She threw an arm over her eyes, but the light still intruded. She grabbed a pillow and pushed it over her face. So, what is she going to do here? What would she do when antagonising the staff didn't distract her? Just deal with the fact that Natsu's leaving and be heart-broken? Show him how much it was hurting her, that the thought of him not being a constant part of her routine was just wrong?
Anger still burned in her stomach at his coldness. She still couldn't believe he would treat her that way, disregard her that way. They had only known each other for a few months, but they both shared things with each other that they never had to anyone else before. That obviously meant nothing to him. Lucy meant nothing to him.
She hated how important he became to her. It happened so fast it made her head spin. She obviously wasn't doing as well as she thought, because right now the bed felt like it was swaying beneath her, as if she was in a sinking ship. She didn't even care.
Lucy wasn't about to let him treat her that way. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of hurting her, of scaring her. And if Natsu thought he could be cold, he had seen nothing yet…
Everything used to be easy. Someone would get close to her, she'd get so happy it scared her, so she stopped being their friend. Better to hurt others than be hurt, right? But now, Lucy really doesn't feel that way. Natsu was… Too good. He suddenly – and unexpectedly – meant too much.
It was just so annoying. She didn't fucking sign up for this. This was not meant to happen. But here she was, laying in her bed, trying to figure out how to stop caring about that impossible man. It became more annoying when she recalled that she was literally here to get better, but so far all being in this place had done was ruin and complicate things.
Especially her defence mechanisms.
"Lucy."
Lucy lay still before pulling to pillow away from her face a sitting up slowly. She cast her eyes to the infuriatingly beautiful man at her door. Why did he have to be so…? How can she possibly…
"Get out."
Natsu's expression didn't change. His brow furrowed slightly, but then he just shook his head in disapproval.
"No," he kept shaking his head. "No, don't do that."
"Do what?"
"That." He gestured at her. "That stupid, fucking emotionless act."
Lucy scoffed. The fucking nerve of this man.
"You mean the exact same thing you did?"
Natsu's eyes hardened. They looked hurt, but she knew it wasn't her who caused that. He did this to himself.
"I wasn't acting. This really was a stupid thing to do. We never should have started somethin' in a place like this."
Lucy stood up and faced him, meeting him in the centre of the room..
"You don't get to decide that." She snapped, her throat tightening. "You don't get to make all the decisions about – whatever the fuck this is. I'm in this too, so don't just throw everything we had in my face like it was nothing."
"What did we had?" he hissed back through his teeth, his green eyes burning with rage. "We kissed one fucking time – "
"Two – "
"Oh, grow up, Lucy!" he snapped. "Listen to yourself. You really think you're the only girl I brought into that room?"
From the looks of it, Natsu regretted saying it the moment the words left his mouth. Lucy didn't react. No way was she going to give him that. She gave him a sharp nod.
And then she left.
"Hey. Hey!"
Lucy had to stop herself from speeding into a jog as she heard his voice behind her. He eventually caught up and grabbed her shoulder to spin her around.
"I'm sorry - "
"No – No!" She rounded furiously on him and pushed him away. He barely moved. "You do not get to do that. You do not get to tell me all the things you know would kill me to hear and then beg for forgiveness. So just fuck off, Natsu. You win, okay? You want me to believe this was a mistake? Congratulations, I fucking believe it."
Natsu's eyes were tortured, like they were flickering between two emotions. Lucy didn't have time to care. She started to walk away again, but Natsu grabbed her again.
"Luce, plea – "
"Natsu."
The two looked up at Gildarts' booming voice. Gildarts made his way towards them, but his eyes remained only on Natsu.
"Something's come up," He said gruffly, gesturing behind him. "You gotta come with me."
Natsu's pained eyes flickered back to Lucy.
"Lucy, please." He muttered. Lucy scoffed – He'd quietened down now, hadn't he?
"You have somewhere to be." She said, her voice clipped. Natsu growled and looked back at Gildarts.
"Can I go back to my room later?" Roughly translated to: 'Can I come back to meet Lucy in the piano room to continue our conversation?'
Lucy felt a swirl of unease, but Gildarts answered before she could voice her distaste.
"I don't know how long we'll be - Don't worry," he started when Natsu looked like he would interrupt. "You'll see Lucy when we're - "
"No, he won't," Lucy murmured as she pulled her arm from Natsu's grasp to make her way back to her room.
She heard Gildarts call to ask if she was alright as she walked away. All Lucy could do was nod mutely as she made her way back into her room, refusing to look back as Natsu's eyes burned into her.
