Sheelagh sat alone in the dark with a glass of white wine in her hand, she rolled the liquid round and round the sides of the glass, not really wanting to drink it but not really wanting to put it down.
It had been a long and very traumatic day. She was finding it hard to forgive herself for not talking to Des when he'd pleaded to her; she wondered if maybe she had, then he wouldn't have wound that psycho up so much and then he'd still be alive. She couldn't help blaming herself for everything, so many things had gone wrong for her lately it was hard to believe it was all just misfortune.
Her thoughts flashed back to leaning over Des's body, trying to revive him. She never thought their lips would have to meet like that, with a resuscitation mask between them.
"Oh Des..." She sighed to herself "I'm sorry"
She knew she should go to bed, although facing work in the morning would be a challenge, and that thought put her off moving. She looked back at the glass
"Here's to you, wherever you are" She whispered, her voice breaking as the tears fell.
She downed the glassful in one go and winced, then cast her eyes to the bottle standing on the coffee table, it was all a blur through her curtain of tears but she could see enough to reach out and pour another drink. The bottle neck clinked against the glass, she surprised even herself with how much her hands were shaking, but it wasn't going to stop her. She knew drinking wouldn't solve her problems, but just for tonight, maybe it would keep them at bay.
She slumped back in the armchair and gazed into space, it was too difficult to focus so she just stared blankly. She put the glass down on the table and watched it, she knew she'd had too much because it wouldn't stay still. She picked up a cushion, put it under her head and closed her eyes. The tears still rolled down her cheeks, they itched as they traced their way down, but she didn't move to wipe them away.
She cried herself to sleep, it wasn't intentional, but she couldn't stay awake any longer.
