She
muttered to herself on the way out to the car "Bloody useless waste
of space" but at the same time she couldn't help realising that
there wasn't really much anyone could do. She drove home in
silence, she didn't want to turn the radio on, she'd heard about
these paranoid people before, she didn't want the stereo reading
her mind. She laughed to herself, it was kind of funny in a 'it
would be if it was happening to someone but me' sort of way.
She
got home, unlocked the front door and headed straight into the
kitchen. Conor was making a sandwich, he looked round
"Alright
Mum?" He said, it was more of a rhetorical question, he didn't
really want a detailed description of her days events and all that is
wrong with the world through the eyes of his Mum
"Hi, how are
you? You didn't come home last night" She said, trying not to
sound like a nagging mother, it wasn't like she'd been
worrying.
"Yeah, I kipped on a mate's sofa. You weren't
worried were you?" He asked, feeling guilty. He may have grown up
but he knew she still worried about him the way she did when he was a
kid.
"No, was it was just an observation" She smiled
"That's
alright then. Do you want a sandwich?" He said, holding one out to
her
She looked up at the clock, it was 1.30 already, she
couldn't believe how long she'd been at the doctors. She took the
sandwich from her son and smiled.
"Thanks
sweetheart"
"No problem, I'd better go I was supposed to be
down the pub half an hour ago!" He mumbled, with a mouth full of
food. He kissed her on the cheek and darted out of the room.
She
put the kettle on, made a drink and went and sat on the sofa. She put
the cup down on the coffee table and turned on the TV
"Daytime
television...I'm so pleased I have a job" She muttered to
herself
She lay down on the sofa and without evening meaning
to, she fell asleep.
"Make up your mind! Are you staying or
going?" Des asked, he seemed a little friendlier than he had done
earlier
"I
didn't mean to come, I was watching TV..." Her voice trailed off,
she realised she was talking to someone that wasn't even real
again
"Daytime TV has that effect on a lot of people, Shee, I
wouldn't be too concerned" He smiled
"It makes them talk to
dead people?" She said sarcastically
"Yes, but isn't it
nicer when you talk to me, instead of trying to escape, it just gets
us both upset" Reasoned Des
Sheelagh looked around, all she could see what darkness. She held her hand up to her face, but she couldn't see it until her fingers touched the end of her nose. It was all very bizarre but for some reason she wasn't scared.
"So, what's changed between now and the last time you visited?" He asked "You did nothing but panic and plot your escape"
She sighed
"I realised that it's all in my head, they doctor looked at me as if I was mad, imagine what would happen if I told anyone else. So I figured I'd just have to make the best I could of it"
Des stepped closer
"I'm sorry if I scared you earlier, Shee. I didn't mean to, I was just getting so frustrated, things have changed so much and there's only you I've got to talk to"
Sheelagh looked him, should couldn't help but pity him, she'd been terrified last time she'd fallen asleep but now she felt guilty.
She dropped to her knees, hoping there was a floor in the blackness, and there was. She sat down and reached up to take Des's hand. She guided him down to where she sat. She didn't like to question why he appeared to have a beam of light onto his face, it illuminated him down to his waist, like a spotlight you'd find in a theatre.
"So what do you want to talk about?" She asked after a few seconds silence
"I'm sorry, Shee, for everything that's happened
"Does that include threatening to kill your best friend?" She asked curtly
"Reg knows I'm sorry. I left him a parcel before I died" Des replied, glancing sideways to try and avoid her invasive stares
"That's something I suppose" She replied, looking away, she knew she was making him uncomfortable by staring like that
Des looked at her
"I really am sorry" He said, hoping he'd get a response if he said it enough
Sheelagh looked into his eyes, she wanted to believe him, after all he was suffering enough for it now. She didn't know what to say, she didn't like to have her trust abused by people, and essentially that was what happened. She'd believed Des to be relatively trustworthy, she thought he wouldn't lie to her, but he did. It was that that hurt her.
"Des, I..." She stopped and looked out into the blackness, "It's OK, it doesn't matter now"
"It matters to me, Shee." His voice began to break and he turned away
Sheelagh looked at him for a moment, from his silhouette she could tell he was trembling , something compelled her to speak but the words weren't coming to her, until...
'Got
a picture of you I carry in my heart
Close my eyes to see it when
the world gets dark
Got a memory of you I carry in my soul
I
wrap it close around me when the nights get cold
If you asked me
how I'm doin' I'd say just fine
But the truth is baby, if
you could read my mind
Not a day goes by that I don't think
of you
After all this time you're still with me it's
true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh
baby, not a day goes by
I still wait for the phone in the
middle of the night
Thinkin' you might call me if your dreams
don't turn out right
And it still amazes me that I lie here in
the dark
Wishin' you were next to me, your head against my
heart
If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say just fine
But
the truth is baby, if you could read my mind
Not a day goes by
that I don't think of you
After all this time you're still
with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby,
baby, oh baby, not a day goes by
Minutes turn to hours, and
the hours to days
Seems it's been forever that I've felt this
way
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all
this time you're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain
locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by'
Des turned to her, despite his tear stained face he managed a smile, he'd never heard her sing before. It was so pure and beautiful and he couldn't help feeling like she really did need him.
"Where did that come from?" He asked with a careful smile
"I don't know, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't find the words to tell you how I feel. Don't get me wrong, Des, I'm still angry and I'm still hurt but I'm still in love with you" She found it hard to look into his eyes as she whispered her words out, but she knew she had to.
He moved closer and leaned into kiss her but she pulled back, the pain in her eyes burned through him, he knew she wasn't doing it because she didn't want him to kiss, but because the reality of it was, it wasn't real.
She knew he understood so she held his hands in the silence
"So what happens now?" She couldn't help wondering what would happen now she'd forgiven him, did it mean he would go? Or would he just lurk around in the darkness of her sleeping mind?
"I'll be here as long as you need me" He said enigmatically, something seemed odd about it, how would he know when she didn't need him any longer? What if she always needed him?
Her puzzled expression gave her away, Des smiled weakly
"You've been through a lot, Shee, and I know I've let you down. But I'm here with you, for now at least"
She smiled
"Thanks Des" She said, looking rather coy.
His parting 'I love you' blurred into the sound of her daughter's voice and she awoke
