It wasn't long before she was turning out the bedside lamp and pulling her pillow close. After so many years of being married, being alone in bed was quite a new concept, and holding her pillow gave her some solace. Her eyelids grew heavier and in no time at all she was gone

She was back in the darkness but she couldn't see Des anywhere. She dropped to the floor and sat there alone, the only sound she should hear where her heartbeat and her breathing. She felt something touch her leg, and she looked down to see a familiar hand, her eyes followed it up the arm and it lead her eyes to Des's face.

"Hey" She smiled

"Hi" Came the reply

"I thought you'd gone" She said, the words catching in her throat as she spoke

"I told you I'd be here as long as you need me" He said, reassuringly squeezing her knee

"I know but, you weren't here waiting for me when I fell asleep" She said, feeling pathetic saying it but she wasn't prepared to hide her insecurities in her dreams, it was the one time she could do as she pleased, without any disapproval or consequence.

"You and your kids had a good night, you're a lucky lady to have such a wonderful family" He sighed, the pain in his voice was evident, he had wanted few things more to be a family with Sheelagh and little Niamh, but it was never to be

"I know I am, I count my blessings every day for those kids" She gave a little smile, but her thoughts couldn't help but drift back to Niamh. The pain was still so raw, but having Des to talk to eased it slightly as she no longer felt like she'd lost them both.

They looked at each other and half-heartedly smiled

"You're thinking about Niamh" She sighed at last

"So are you" He replied

They said nothing more, Des put his arms around her and pulled her close. She nestled her face into his chest, but not being able to hear his heartbeat disturbed her. The tears began to roll down her cheeks, she couldn't help dwelling on the past, her relationship with Des, it was all so hard to take in. He held her tighter 'Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light'