A/N: In addition to the extra day that ff.net made me wait to post this, I really ought to wait another day following my policy of being told to "update soon." I decided to be nice and count yesterday but if I'm told to update I will wait and extra day to post. Consider this a warning.


File 8: Tears and Hope


There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

-Proverbs 23:18

While there's life, there's hope!

-Ancient Roman Saying


Ran and Sonoko walked side by side after school one afternoon. Sonoko filled the silence surrounding the pair of them by talking about classes and the cute guys she had seen that day. A passer-by would be surprised by the stark difference between the two young women, one happy and seemingly carefree, and the other sorrow filled.

I know Kazuha told me to bury my sorrow at the memorial a couple of days ago but I can't. How can I? If Conan is Shinichi, then I've lost both of them, Ran thought.

Tears began to fall from Ran's face again. Sonoko, who noticed that Ran was crying for at least the second time that day, stopped talking and looked at Ran.

"Ran…" said Sonoko quietly with almost uncharacteristic concern, "You're crying again."

"Huh?" Ran said quietly, "I wasn't aware I was crying." She wiped away the previously unnoticed tears with the back of her hand.

Sonoko quietly watched her friend out of the corner of her eye for the next few minutes as they walked together in silence.

She still misses Chibi-chan.(1) I don't really understand her attachment but I suppose if I lost my sister I'd feel a lot like she feels. Still…she is acting more as if she has lost the love of her life and not someone she thought of as a little brother. Trying to take Ran's mind off things, Sonoko suggested that they go shopping. Minutes stretched by as Ran considered Sonoko's suggestion.

Finally, Ran replied emotionlessly, "I'm sorry, Sonoko, but I don't really feel like going shopping today."

Ran's statement brought forth Sonoko's frustration, which had been building up, and she snapped at Ran, "I don't care. You are going to get out and away from your home. You have been moping around for too long. It isn't healthy." She turned to Ran and pointed an accusatory finger at her as she said, "AND, you are going to tell me what is really bothering you because you are acting awfully odd for someone who lost someone they thought of as a younger brother." Ran's eyes widened slightly at the last part of Sonoko's accusatory statement.

I can't tell her I think Conan is Shinichi. She wouldn't believe me. I hardly believe me. It's just too outrageous. Still…

"Sonoko, I don't want to tell you because you won't believe me," said Ran somewhat reluctantly. "But…I think part of what is bothering me is that I can't talk to Shinichi about what has happened. He frequently calls after something big happens to me, I think the professor tells him, and he calls. But he hasn't called. He hasn't called in almost a month and a half. He usually calls before a month has past. Something might have happened to him. …I think I'm worried about him on top of everything else and that might be why he hasn't called."

That should satisfy Sonoko but…it isn't a complete lie either, thought Ran. If my suspicions are wrong then something might be wrong with Shinichi.

"Huh, that makes sense," said Sonoko, perking back up to her normal self now that she knew what was bothering her friend.

"Maybe I'll go shopping for a little while," said Ran, caving, "It might help me feel a little better."

"That's better," said Sonoko. Striking a pose, she proclaimed, "Onward shopping!" Then, she grabbed Ran's arm and dragged her off in search of the nearest sale.

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Ran walked up the stairs to the apartment, laboring a bit under the purchases she had made and her tired feet.

That wasn't a full-blown 'Sonoko Shopping Expedition' but it was close, thought Ran as she plopped down onto the sofa after an afternoon of power shopping.

Ran kicked off her shoes and relaxed into the slightly worn, but comfortable couch. She sat, recovering her energy, listening to the eerily quite apartment.

Unconsciously, she thought, shouldn't Conan-kun be here? Did Dad and Conan-kun go out? Sometimes Dad takes Conan-kun to Mah-Jongg. Maybe he's out with friends? Ran sucked in a labored breath. Conan-kun isn't here. He'll never be here again.

Ran began to cry again. Pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs, she began to weep in earnest. She wept for the loss of the cute but strangely mature and protective presence of Conan.

"I want to let go," Ran whispered, "I want to let go. But…"

She unwillingly kept thinking about her suspicions, that Conan and Shinichi were one in the same.

Speaking to herself, Ran said, "If Shinichi is dead, then…then…I don't really have anyone left to live for. Shinichi means so much to me. Without him, my life has lost meaning. I don't want to live without him. It wouldn't matter if I just disappeared of died. Some people would miss me but they could move on."

Ran slipped further and further into the pits of despair that had consumed her heart since she was first informed of Conan's death. Alone with her thoughts, she was unable to defend herself from the melancholy that was held at bay by simply having other people around.

"Shinichi," she whispered. "Shinichi…you can't be gone, you just can't. I won't allow it!" she wept.

"SHINICHI!"

Minutes or hours could have past and she would not have noticed. Her lamentation was interrupted, though, by the ringing of the phone echoing through the silence in the apartment.

She gasped in surprise. Wiping her tears and clearing her voice, she answered the phone. "Hello, Mouri Detective Agency."

"Ran," the voice on the other end made her heart stop for a moment. She gripped the phone tighter as tears began to pour anew from her eyes.

"Shinichi…Shinichi," she wept, disbelief coloring the tones of her voice.

Quietly, almost shyly, Shinichi said, "Yeah…it's me."

There was a few moments filled only with Ran's crying before Shinichi spoke again. "I'm so sorry, Ran. I would have called sooner if I could have. And I'm sorry I'm not there right not," said Shinichi.

"Baka! I've been so worried!" she said, a little bit of her old self coming back. "But still…Shinichi!" Ran said with tears still running down her face.

"It's okay, Ran. Cry all you need to. I'm here for you to talk to."

Ran told him of her grief over the death of Conan and wept, finally able to bury him. Their conversation lasted well into the night, with Ran's dad coming home and only half-heartedly grumbling about her talking on the phone for so long.

Before they parted ways, Shinichi fervently promised Ran, "I'll call at least once a week till I come back. And I may be coming back soon. Ran…I swear I'll do what I can to help you."

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Haibara looked at the latest set of tests in the search for the antidote to the Apotoxin.

Another failure, she thought, sighing as she tore off the latest printout. This is the…, she looked at her notes to see how many previous attempts had failed, is the forty-third failure, she thought with some surprise. It seems like there have been a lot less than that. At least, not all the tests have been complete failures. But I need a break.

Haibara walked up the stairs from her lab. She walked to the kitchen where she got some lemonade. Electrolytes and water, she thought with a smile, the perfect way to regain my energy.

"Good afternoon, Ai-kun," said Agasa ambling into the room. "How goes the research?"

"Better and worse than I thought," answered Haibara. "Another test failed and when I looked back to see how many before have failed I discovered a lot. However, the puzzling thing is that I do not feel discouraged. I don't understand why."

Agasa smiled sagely, "It is because you are filled with hope. You have the poison and you have the temporary antidotes to work from so you are not fishing around in the dark." He paused a moment and added, "It also helps that Shinichi is going to be just fine in a couple of weeks." Haibara considered this information and then nodded in agreement.

"But I am still puzzled as to the number of failures," she said, "I am working using the poison and the temporary antidotes and I am only having more failures."

"Uh, Ai-kun, might I make a suggestion, scientist to scientist?" asked Agasa.

"Certainly," Haibara replied.

"Instead of using the temporary antidotes as models of what worked maybe you should figure out why they failed and work from there."

Haibara looked at Agasa with widened eyes, "That is a very good idea. Why didn't you say something earlier? Why didn't I think of it?"

Agasa looked abashed, "Well, it didn't occur to me till just now."

Haibara chuckled a little. Feeling better and filled with even more hope because she had direction, she parted with Agasa and headed back to her lab. She stopped a moment to look out the window. What she saw was a bright and cloudless day. She could hear birds chirping and cicadas buzzing. Haibara smiled at the unexpected peace it brought to her mind. Turning away from the window, she headed down the stairs to continue her search.


(1) Sonoko actually does call Conan "Chibi-chan." Means little or short. Would be like her calling him shorty. Understandably, he hates it.

Angsty Ran and a hopeful Ai. I call that a reversal.

I know people are reading this story who just started watching it on Cartoon Network. And this is somewhat unfortunate because I have been writing this story with readers who know all the basic and secondary characters in mind. This means that there are unintentional spoilers in the story. I've tried to keep them to a minimum but there is only so much a person can do.

Posted: 7-8-04