Into the Labyrinth
By Verdigris
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. I'm having a great time writing this fic, it's great stress relief. Hopefully most of you have seen the Labyrinth, or at least enough of it to get the basic principle of the film. I had to re-watch the movie to try and keep the storyline plot in order, so I fear those who do not remember most of the film won't get some of the jokes. Who knows, I could be wrong )
Chapter 2: Entering the Labyrinth
Lina stomped as she walked down the hill. She was mumbling about how stupid blond headed men were, including the ones in tights with mullet haircuts. If only Aunt Flo didn't decide to have a nice, friendly extended visit this week she'd solve the damn maze in no time. Up ahead she noticed the large wall surrounding a garden. Walking toward it she saw a dwarf relieving himself in a small pond.
"What you trying to do? Contaminate the water?" Lina barked as she marched toward him.
The dwarf immediately composed himself and turned around to face her. "Oh! Well I....oh. It's you." He looked dejectingly at her. "Wished away a kid, didja?"
Lina put her hands on her hips, "For your information, he wasn't a kid!"
He raised a brow at her. "He wasn't? That's a rather odd thing to do, wishin' away people who aren't babies.."
"Trust me if you met him, you'd think differently."
"Whatever." The dwarf shrugged and picked up a spray bottle and started spraying at the faeries fluttering around the plants. Lina's eyes widened as the faeries shrieked and dropped out of the air once the spray hit them.
She bopped the dwarf on the head, "What the hell do you think your doing?"
The dwarf staggered back and rubbed his head. Even with the red skullcap on his head, Lina's blow still hurt. "Ooww! Leave me alone lady, I'm just doin' my job. Faeries is nasty business."
Lina sniggered with a grin. "Oh really." She picked up one that had fallen and held it in her palm. The little faerie was curled up in her hand and whimpered at Lina's looming face. "Aren't you terrifying...OW! It bit me!" She threw the faerie to the ground and stepped on it.
The dwarf chuckled. "See, I told you. Now if you excuse me.."
"I'm not done with you!" Lina shot at him. "I have to get to the castle and I need to find how to get into the Labyrinth."
The short, little man waddled away, spraying faeries as he do so. "Are you too done with me. I ain't helpin' nobody into the Labyrinth. But if you me correctly...." He gave Lina a small, crafty glance.
Lina sighed and rubbed her temple. "Okay...the right question." She seemed to have made up her mind and stalked toward the dwarf again. There was a long pause between them and they stood only a few inched away from each other. Lina suddenly grabbed him by the collar and shook him. "TAKE ME TO THE ENTRANCE OR I'LL MAKE SURE YOU WON'T HAVE TO THE USE POND AS A BATHROOM AGAIN!"
The dwarf was then tossed to the ground and he stumbled, trying to get up. He looked up at her nervously and stuttered, "Oh, heh, good question, missy. The entrance is over there." He pointed to one side of the wall and the doors opened.
Lina grinned. "That's more like it. What's your name by the way?"
He brushed off his shirt and glared at her. "It shouldn't give it to you, but the name's Hoggle."
"Cute." Lina mumbled and turned her back to him to enter the doorway.
Inside the walls there was an eerie silence. The old maze was a ruin of broken, vine-covered stones and odd plants of all kinds seemed to have made their homes between the cracks. From the looks it, the pathway was divided into two ends, both extending in a straight line as far as she could see.
Lina looked at the dwarf. "Just to save me the trouble, would you go left or right?"
Hoggle chuckled and crossed his arms over his barrel chest. "Heh, I wouldn't go either way." He cried out as he ducked his head out of Lina's reach. "If you're goin' to be like that way go look for the castle on your own!"
"Fine!"
"FINE!"
Lina growled and walked down the path to her left. Hoggle shook his head and went back to his pest control work. "Women..."
Our heroine found herself walking endlessly down the left path of the Labyrinth wall. Nothing had changed in the way of direction and Line was very sure the maze would have turned once or twice by now. Getting frustrated she broke into a run and sprinted for a few minutes before completely stopping.
"Damn..." She kicked the wall, "..IT!" After delivering several more curses and blows to the wall she leaned heavily against it and sighed. "I don't believe any of this. I'm stuck in a magic Labyrinth...with NO magic? The irony is so thick in here you could spread it on bread." At the mention of food her stomach began to growl. "Great timing, stomach."
Just as she was about to get up a small, cockney accented voice spoke up. "'Allo!"
Lina blinked. "Huh?" She turned and saw a small worm sitting between one of the stones, smiling up at her with a tiny hat and scarf.
"I said, 'Allo...ACK!"
Lina kicked out and squashed him. "SLUG! I hate slugs!" She hurriedly backed away from the wall and expected to collide with other opposing one, only to fall through it. Landing on her backside, she starred at the so-called 'wall'. It was in fact an opening that blended into wall. "An optical illusion!"
"Wow, things are nothing as they seem." Lina said dumbstruck. "Woo, go me!" And ran down the new passage.
Meanwhile, back at the Goblin Castle....
The Goblin King was lounging in his throne with his legs resting over the top of the arms. His hand was propped up around his chin and in the other was tapping a cane against his boot. Around him, funny little goblins were scattered in the room, fighting and yelling and otherwise torturing chickens with peashooters. He growled in disgust and looked up tiredly at the thirteen-hour clock. He was almost getting bored when Gourry suddenly popped up in front of him.
"Uh, hi." Gourry grinned.
The King regarded him coolly. "What is it this time?"
"Is Lina here to get me yet?"
He growled, "For the last time NO! If she's like all the others it will take at least twelve to thirteen hours for her to get here. That is, if she makes it that far."
Gourry nodded and shrugged. "Well, Lina isn't exactly normal."
"I discovered that much..."
He turned back to the clock and then back at Gourry who was refusing to leave him alone. Gourry kept shifting his weight on his feet clearly not frightened by the situation he was in and had to nothing to keep him occupied. The King was used to small, gurgling, easily entertained children being wished away, but not full-grown men. However, he was beginning to understand why he was wished away in the first place.
"So..." Gourry's voice trailed off. "Want to play cards or something, Jeff?" He looked hopefully at him.
"It's Jareth and NO, I will play cards with you. Go bother the goblins for all I care."
Gourry watched as the short, little goblins scrambled over one another to sit around the King's throne. They were all dressed in tattered clothes and had a slight rubbery look to them. "Those are goblins?"
"Yes." He drolled.
"Are you a goblin?"
"No, I am the Goblin King."
Gourry looked confused. "But if you are the King of the Goblins, that means you are a goblin. Right?"
Jareth turned in this throne, the blood in his head starting to boil. He glared at Gourry, "No, I'm not a goblin, but I am in fact the goblins' King in the castle beyond the Goblin City."
"Where is the castle?"
"You're in the castle!"
Gourry looked around him again in amazement. "This is a castle?"
"Yes, this is a the castle! You're in the castle beyond the Goblin City. I rule the goblins because I am their King! Do you understand?!" By this time, Jareth was nearly standing on his throne with his fists balled up and his hair even spikier than normal.
There was little recollection that passed over Gourry's face. "Why do you have make-up on?"
"I AM NOT wearing make-up! This is my face!"
"Oh, how awful. Did you get teased at a lot as a kid?"
The Goblin King out stretched a fist and opened his hand to make a crystal appear. Gourry's eyes lit up. "Oh shiny! What is that?"
"It's a crystal and if you don't shut up right now I'll use it to send you to the bottom of the Bog of Eternal Stench."
"New Jersey?"
That was it. Jareth raised his hand, ready to chuck the ball at the stupid man before a goblin came running up to stop him.
"No your Majesty! You must keep to the rules! The one who is wished away must stay with you until the thirteen hours have passed!" Whimpered the old goblin with a one horned helmet and an odd looking mustache.
Shaking with anger, he gave the goblin a deadly glare before settling back down in his throne. He was right and he hated breaking his own rules. The ignorant man would stay put with him until time ran out. Even as King he couldn't break one of the most important rules of the Labyrinth. Sighing he shooed the goblin away and sank down in his seat, the crystal disappearing from his fingertips.
"Bugger." He hissed.
Gourry flinched and lifted a foot to look under it. "Where?"
The Goblin King groaned and massaged his temples. "Normally a good song and dance number puts me in good spirits, but I doubt it would help me now."
Lina's stomach growled and she moaned, "I promise I'll feed as soon I find something. I haven't eaten in four hours. I'm going to die in this god-forsaken mess. Maybe Gourry would be happy as a muppet..."
She traveled through a couple more passages and stopped at wall with two doors guarded by two odd looking creatures. "I could have sworn that was a dead end." Lina muttered as she neared the things guarding the doors.
"No, that's the dead end behind you," one of them laughed. Lina spun around and the opening behind her had become a solid wall.
"What?! Why does this place keep changing?" She yelled. Calming down she got a good look at the creatures.
Originally she thought there were two, but now that was in fact four of them. They were holding two large rectangular shields that mimicked a deck of cards. Not only did the shield have the design of a card, but also the creatures themselves. One head peeked out over the top with one under the bottom and supported the shield with two pairs of clawed hands.
"So," Lina began. "What's the deal with you guys?"
The Blue Guard's bottom head popped out slighted. "One of these doors leads to the center of the Labyrinth and the other one..,,"
"Bah bah Bum!" The Red Guard joked.
"Sudden death!"
This didn't surprise Lina at all and simply asked the guards. "Could the both of you tell me which door leads to the castle?"
They shook their four heads and answered, "You can't ask both of us, only one or the other. It's in the rules." The Blue Guard explained, then the Red Guard continued. "But we should warn you that one of us always tells the truth and one of us always lies." The Red Guard motioned to the blue with his head. "He always lies."
"I do not! I tell the truth!"
"Oh what a lie!' Then they burst into a fit of giggles.
Lina bit her lip and regarded them, trying to figure out what the best approach would be. "So one of you tells the truth and one of you lies?"
"Correct."
She walked up to the blue guard, "What is the color of my hair?"
"Nah, Missy, that would be cheating."
The Red Guard interjected. "No it wouldn't!"
Lina grinned, "Then you would be the lying one, right? It's a simple question."
The both of them looked at each other. "What makes you think that?"
"Answer it!" She demanded the blue guard.
"Orange."
She glanced at the other and he said, "Red."
Lina let loose a cry of triumph and pushed past the Red Guard. "That was too easy." She opened the door and began walking through, "Everyone knows my hair is r....ahAAAH!!" The trap door opened under her feet and she plummeted through.
The guards smiled and laughed. "She should have been more specific."
TBC
Author's Note Part 2:
Punk of Anime – Glad you like it so far. The make-up joke was too good to pass up!
Starlitsunbeams – MUHAHAHAHA!!
Mistress DragonFlame – Heh, I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one who considered the idea. It's such a fun, interesting movie.
Earth Star – Thank you. I hope to start writing more very soon.
