Disclaimer: The characters are all property of Tamora Pierce and the song (though slightly changed are from that episode of Buffy "Once more with feeling" and belong to whoever wrote it. I am gaining no money from this so don't sue me!!!

A/N: Alanna and Jon's relationship has begun to get serious. They both start having doubts and I pick that exact moment to make them burst into song… hehehe.

(music starts)

Alanna:
This is the man that I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Knighthood was mine!
But though I'm still in the biz
The name I made, I may trade for his
The only trouble is…
I'll never tell.

Jon:
She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace.
Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight…
Embrace! Tight embrace!
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - no.
I'll never tell.

Both:
'Cause there's nothing to tell.

Jon:
she snores.

Alanna:
He wheezes.

Jon:
Say 'marriage' and she freezes.

Alanna:
He eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe.

Jon:
I talk, she breezes.

Alanna:
He doesn't know what pleases.

Jon:
She cares less about me than her Bazhir tribe!

Both:
The vibe gets kind of scary

Jon:
Like she thinks I'm ordinary

Alanna:
Like it's all just temporary

Jon:
Like her toes are kind of hairy

Both:
But it's all very well
'Cause Mithros knows, I'll never tell!

Alanna:
When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his crown!
Now look, he starts to frown
'Cause he knows that I know.

Jon:
She clings
She's needy

Alanna:

He's also really greedy
He nev-

Jon:
Her eyes are beady!

Alanna:
This is my verse, hello! He…

(Dancing Sequence)

Both:
You know...

Alanna:
You're quite the charmer.

Jon:
My knight in armor.

You were the cutest of the pages
Your Gift stronger than a mage's
And your firm yet supple-
Tight embrace!

Alanna:
He's swell

Jon:
She's sweller

Alanna:
He'll always be my feller

That's why I'll never tell him that I'm petrified.

Jon:
I've read this tale
There's no wedding, but betrayal
I know there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide.

Both:
I lied
I said it's easy
I've tried
But there's these fears I can't quell

Jon:
Is she looking for a pot of gold?

Alanna:
Will I still fight when I've gotten old?

Jon:
Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?

Alanna:
When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?

Jon:
Am I crazy?

Alanna:
Am I right?

Jon:
Am I marrying a Knight?

Alanna:
We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!
So, thank god, I'll never tell!
I swear that I'll never tell!

Jon:
My lips are sealed

Alanna:
I take the Fifth

Jon:
Nothing to see. Move it along.

Both:
I'll never Tell!

(music stops)

Jon & Alanna look at each other.

(uncomfortable silence)

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