Harry Potter Meets his Untimely Demise

A very short story.

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, would I be posting my story here? Of course not. I'd be driving around in my limo drinking champaigne while hot girls carressed my shoulders and chest.

Harry Potter was pissed off. Just a few minutes ago at breakfast, his fat cousin Dudley had stolen his bacon. Again. This was the 5th time in the week that Harry had been back from Hogwarts. So, along with yearning to be back in the magical world and missing his godfather terribly, he was hungry to boot. Why was the entire fucking world against him?

Harry decided he needed to write a letter to Ron to get his mind of things. He took an unnecessarily long amount of time getting out his quill and a piece of parchment. He sat down at his desk and began writing. It took him a while to get started and even longer to finish. In the end it read like this:

'Dear Ron,

How has your summer been? Mine's been shitty so far. Dudley is always taking my food, and I miss all of you really bad already. Please send a reply as quick as possible, I'm bored out of my fucking mind here.

Sincerely,

Harry'

Harry sent his note off with Hedwig. As soon as she flew out the window, he flopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling for 5 hours until it was time for lunch. As he got downstairs, he noticed something odd. Dudley was floating in mid-air, screaming, while Aunt Petunia lay face down on the kitchen floor. He was about to yell, when he saw Ron snickering in the living room, and Ron's dad muttering curses in Dudley's general direction.

"Ron! Holy shit! It's so great to see you! Please get me out of this shithole as fast as possible!" Harry yelled to his best friend. Ron's dad, right on cue, made a portkey out of the couch, which they all grabbed on to to go back to Ron's house.

Next thing he knew, Harry was at Ron's house. Harry started jumping up and down and whooping while Ron looked amused. Ron's dad went straight back into his garage, where he began tinkering with muggle crap. Ron suggested they go have a good fly on their brooms.

But as they were walking outside, a huge herd of stampeding hippos came running right towards them. Having no time to react at all, Harry and Ron with both stomped into the ground, blood splattering everywhere. Parts of Harry and Ron were found up to 50 miles away.

As soon as Voldemort got wind of this he became extremely giddy. So giddy, in fact, that he decided to just destroy the entire world right now. Which he did. And so this is how humanity ceased to exist.