Gah, haven't written in awhile and now I'm trying to get back into it. _

Revised: 4/9/04

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*** = Shift in PoV

' ' = Thoughts

" " = Dialogue

::: = Flashback

[ ] = Suggested Soundtrack

( ) = Disc – Track Number

[ -- ] = No Music, Silence

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[Prelude – Final Fantasy Pray (1-01)]

Cloud had become lost in the warmth that was Aeris, losing track of his surroundings and time. The only thought occupying his exhausted mind was that he could stay in this position for quite some time. And taking in the full glow, Cloud hugged his pillow a little more, somewhere in his mind registering that it was Aeris who was his cushion. As he lay there, he thought on the recent events. Another wing, another disfigurement, another mark of his inhumanity… And he was sure such thoughts would have continued if he hadn't remembered what he'd been doing prior to the new growth.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed as his head jerked up. Aeris jolted and Cloud felt momentarily guilty for scaring her like that. Apologizing quickly, he pushed himself up on his elbows, then sat on the bed. Bringing a hand to his face shortly 'til his head cleared a bit, he staggered up and made his way to the door, footing becoming more sure the closer he got to it.

Aeris was right behind him, worry coloring her tender face. "Cloud, what are you doing? It's too soon for you to be up!" Her hand reached out for him, settling upon his forearm, forever bandaged it seemed, as he paused to open the curtain.

He paused drawing it back to look at her, "I'm fine now, Aeris. Really," he said with a small smile. "I promised Cid something, I have to keep it."

Aeris was not going to give up. "He'll understand if you don't fulfill it, Cloud! He was there!" she reasoned as she pulled her hands to clutch in front of her, her adorable face taking on a slightly pouting tint.

A hand came up to gently stroke her cheek with the back of its fingers. "I know he would, Aeris. But I promised. And, thanks. For helping me…as you always do." And with that, Cloud walked up the hall to the cockpit.

Aeris watched him until he sat down next to Cid in the co-pilot's seat. "Just don't push yourself too far, Cloud," she said to herself before leaving to find something to help with. It wouldn't do herself or anyone else any good to just sit around and worry. She thought it would be best if she checked on Yuffie first. While the girl had seemed alright in the end, she had been quite terrified at that start of it all. 'I should just make sure she really is alright…'

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[Kogetsu Souya- Juuni Kokki Ending Single (1-02)]

Cid had been truly grateful to Cloud for returning to his temporary post. He was shit tired and needed some sleep. Sure, they all went through long periods of little or none at all for days on end during the whole Sephiroth campaign, but didn't mean he liked going without it. No sleep was almost as horrid as no cigs, as far as he was concerned. Before preparing to relinquish control of the helm to Cloud again, Cid glanced over at him once more, telling himself it was just to make sure that the kid really was good to go again. His eyes swept Cloud over from boots to highest spike of his pale hair before taking his image in as a whole. The now pair of wings had such an...ethereal effect on the eyes, standing out drastically against the pale skin uninhibited by cloth. And fleetingly, he'd wondered why Cloud hadn't covered them up again. Perhaps he figured everyone already knew, so what's the point... The wings made Cloud seem as if he would dissipate at the slightest disturbance... Cid jerked his hand back embarrassedly, his face flushing as he realized he'd just attempted to see if that really would happen. And the embarrassment only grew as Cloud first looked at him through the corners of his eyes, then straight on as he took in Cid's red face, the question written in his boy-like features. 'He wouldn't look so young if he'd let some damned facial hair grow out!' he thought. 'The longer hair helps, but he still looks so goddamn young.'

Cid just shook his head slightly, trying to peak at Cloud through the sides of his eyes. Hard to do, since the kid was so damned observant, so he had to do it in quick spurts. When Cloud did finally go back to the console before him, Cid tried to make casual conversation. "Hey, Cloud," he started out as casually as he could manage, "why don't you, uh, grow some hair or something." It was more of a suggestion and Cid mentally smacked himself for not making it sound more like a question.

Cloud looked up at Cid, puzzlement drawing his fair brows together. "What do you mean?" He shifted his eyes up to look at his long bangs. "I thought I had plenty of hair." And here he gave a teasing smile while a mischievous glint momentarily entered his eyes. "And I was under the impression that you all thought I had too much of it as is."

Cid shook his head and said, "Nah. I mean like...a beard or something. Maybe a goatee or mustache. Just some facial hair to make you look older, is all." He sent a side glance every so often in-between last-minute command inputs, trying to gauge Cloud's reaction. "I mean, I've never even seen you shave, or carry any thing used for that." The other man hadn't even moved much, only smile and eyes dropping, looking past the floor, it seemed. He stayed in that position for some time before turning in the seat to properly face the console once again, not a single sound uttered. Cid half-turned to face him and waited, about to voice Cloud's name when he spoke, so very quietly. "What was that?" Cid said, perplexed. He hadn't heard what he'd said, but he did hear the quiet sigh that left Cloud at his question.

He stopped his ministrations on the controls, and stilled his hands against the edge, elbows locking and arms becoming rigid. "I said I can't," he whispered. Knowing what was coming, he answered Cid's next question before it could be asked. "I...never really reached that...point." He punctuated this statement with an even stare at Cid before turning away again to the console, in what was embarrassment or shame, Cid thought.

Cid knew he probably shouldn't pry, but he wanted to know. And he didn't see what this could hurt. Not like he was asking the kid about his sex life with Aeris. Though that would be an interesting topic, he mused off-handedly. "I don't understand," he said simply, hoping the kid would elaborate.

Cloud sighed, knowing he didn't have to continue, but doing so anyway. "Back in...Nibelheim...when I underwent... you know," he started without looking up, though Cid could plainly see the contorting of his face. "My body...changed. Or is it stopped changing?" he asked rhetorically, giving a bitter laugh. He sat back in the chair, another sigh escaping him as his did, this one weary. "A few weeks before the whole Nibelheim...horror...my voice had finally dropped, cracked, call it what you want." And Cid briefly recalled that he'd never heard Cloud speak of his hometown without pausing, no matter how slight, when he did speak of it. "As you all know I've under-gone the procedures for SOLDIER without being one...officially. On paper." His left hand came up, idly playing with a knob in front of him. "But I have all the scars which say differently..." he mumbled, and Cid was sure that comment had been purely unintentional. "I've ceased...developing at sixteen, since that day."

"Developing?"

Cloud waved the previously fidgeting hand vaguely, trying to come up with some thing. "What's the word...? Maturing." The fingers returned to their haven of turning the knob left, then right, then left again, lost in the meaningless rhythm. "I haven't aged a day since then, Cid. I was lucky my voice dropped when it did, or I would have forever sounded like a girl." The fingers paused in their play. "I've...never had the experience of shaving. I don't know what it is. Or what any other hair besides the ones on top of my head feel like." Cloud looked across at Cid with a sad little smile on his face and concluded, "I'm twenty two years old, Cid, and trapped in a boy's body."

Cid was...well, floored. He'd never really put any thought into the cause of Cloud's...overly youthful appearance. So, being overwhelmed, he spoke without thinking...again. "So, you have like no pubic hair at all?"

Cloud's flush was instantaneous. He lifted his left arm up, elbow above his ear and out towards Cid, exposing the clear, smooth, hairless underarm. "There. Do you believe me now?"

Cid nodded, but his mouth still hadn't caught up with his brain. "What about down there? None at all?"

"I refuse to answer that," Cloud said through tight lips, returning to the console. "Everyone, all the SOLDIERs, I mean, looked young," he continued after some time. Whatever age they were inducted at is the age their body retained."

Cid kept quiet, intrigued by this insight into the SOLDIER process. He'd seen a few in his time serving, and they'd all had that fresh, young look to them. But never green...never green. They'd all glared too sharply to ever be green. Just as Cloud did. They were considered elite, and therefore, very hush-hush. Weren't allowed to discuss anything about their attributes. Someone might over hear ya. So everyone except the higher-ups wondered why they were always so young in appearance. But it never really became such a mainstream issue until after Sephiroth's fame in the Wutai War, when he was in the Shinra spotlight for two decades and no evidence of his aging was visible. Or recorded, according to endurance tests. But his thoughts focused on Cloud when he continued to speak.

"He always looked young. Never woulda thought he'd fought in the Wutai war looking at him." Cloud chuckled lightly to himself here. "Never woulda thought he was almost fifty either," Cloud said to himself, laughing more heavily here. "But then again, he never showed his age either." That statement was issued with such vehemence and darkness that Cid knew Cloud hadn't been talking about Sephiroth until that last statement. So he was left to wonder just who Cloud had been referring to in the beginning. Someone he'd been fond of, he was sure.

Cid had leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees with hands clasped in front sometime during Cloud's reflection. But at what point, he couldn't say. He'd let that comment on their past enemy slide, knowing when to leave something alone for the better. He'd been gazing absently at Cloud's left arm, but that image was finally starting to register in his brain. He couldn't say what made his mind take this course of thought, whether it was the lack of clothing on the kid's torso or perhaps an observant spell on his part, but the ever-present wrappings along Cloud's left forearm stood out. More so than usual. He'd always thought it'd been to pad against the heavy gauntlets Cloud wore, but that idea was less sure as he thought of how the right arm wasn't as sufficiently protected. That, and the many circumstances where it had remained there outside of battle-dress. Cid gathered his breath, and voiced his thought. "There's one thing I've always wanted to ask you, Cloud." And Cid continued to stare at the wrapping as he felt Cloud's eyes on him. "Why do you always have that arm bandaged, even when not fighting?" he asked, nodding towards the subject of conversation.

Cloud's eyes hadn't so much as narrowed, before he asked in a strange voice, "Are you sure you want to know?" Cid looked up to his eyes. Something in the other man's tone held warning. But a warning against what wasn't clear.

Cid nodded, looking back to the wrappings. "Yeah, pretty sure. I've always wondered."

Cloud's narrowed eyes stayed on him a moment longer before turning to look out the view screen. "It was back then, in...Nibelheim, too. When we were under the mansion...'n the tubes." Cid couldn't stop himself from looking at the kid's face as the shuddering sigh escaped Cloud. He watched as Cloud's eyes fell closed and his lips parted to take a deep breath. "It was one of my more...lucid moments," he said, bluest eyes once again peering out the front to the stars beyond. "A passing orderly had dropped a shard of materia. I...I tried so hard to remember it was there, so I could grab it the next time I was...removed." Another breath. "It hadn't been too difficult, really. Hojo had never payed that much attention after he was...done with me." Cloud had paused, and Cid didn't think too much of it, until the pause lasted more than a few moments. Cid had looked up, seeing that Cloud had switched to looking out the side. He opened his mouth, but was immediately shushed by Cloud's hand as it waved him silent. "Zack...tried to stop me, of course, when he figured out what was happening." His voice had become muffled from facing away from him, and Cid leaned further forward to hear. He almost felt bad for not stopping the kid, such was the level of melancholy in his voice. "Even through all the pain...he was always trying to protect me. But he never got put through half of what I did... He was in the other tube, after all...and they were only words." For some reason, that statement, so full of dark promises in days long past, caused Cid to shudder, and he tried his best to suppress it, lest he push his friend away. "I had the body of a SOLDIER. Knives, the scalpels I managed to conceal... All blades were useless. I healed much too quickly. But I never stopped trying." Cid's mouth fell. He understood it now, the bandages. Cloud looked at his forearm, palm open, facing the ceiling and exposing the underside of the arm. "As you can see, it didn't work. But it's the only thing to ever leave any scars on my body," he finished, looking at Cid with an emotionless smile.

After the shock of that story had swept and passed through Cid, he voiced the one question on his mind. "Why do you cover it up, then?"

"I don't like the reminder of my never-ending life." The answer was very frank. And Cid knew those were often the most painful to accept. After a time, Cloud amended, "Well, as never-ending as I know. I'm sure I'll die someday. I better." Such a wicked thought, but Cid knew the kid had more than just reasons to wish for an eventual death.

'Zack,' Cid recalled. 'Was that who he'd been mentioning before Sephiroth?' He shook his head slightly. He remembered Cloud telling them of how Zack had been a SOLDIER and how he'd helped him. So much about what he'd told them could be considered doubtful. 'But admitting to someone saving your life was not something a man would just throw around,' Cid nodded to himself. 'He'd been too embarrassed when stating that. And the kid wouldn't have been around today if that guy hadn't've pulled him outta there. I suspect, as I have for a long time, that everything he's told us about Nibelheim is true. After he corrected that it was Zack who was there as a SOLDIER and not himself. He would've been too damned weak to get outta there himself. Even Vincent had concluded the same thing in a private consultation,' Cid mused. He stood up and stretched, then walked to stand in the doorway. He placed his hand on Cloud's closest shoulder, and spoke with a sincere tone, one Cloud couldn't remember ever hearing from Cid before. "Thanks for telling me, Cloud. I–I know it musta been hard." And with a small pat from his hand, Cid mumbled something about catching the rest of his sleep before wandering down the hall. Cloud had only given a small smile and nod before positioning his wings and leaning back in the chair, intent on his chore.

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[Fishermen's Horizon - Final Fantasy VIII: Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec (1-05)]

He slashed fiercely left, quickly spinning on the ball of his foot to the right to parry the incoming attack, stabbing at the front before pivoting to cover his own back, beads of sweat flying from his face as he did his latest sweep. He flipped his right hand, preparing to do a rolling slash, only to stumble at her voice. "It's a little hotter here than it was in Traverse Town, hm."

It was more an observation and stating of fact than an actual question. But her sudden intrusion, though not entirely unwelcome, scared the shit out of him. He stood straight, Lionheart falling to his side, the gloved right hand gripping it increasingly tighter as he looked at her. "Aa," he acknowledged. Without the cool dampening effect of the cave-enclosed water, he was sweating up a storm. He'd removed his jacket to help, but he knew his simple shirt was soaked through in most places. He felt strangely vulnerable. He clenched Lionheart's handle again as his eyes took in the room quickly, then looked to behind where Aeris stood.

She pushed off from where she'd been leaning with crossed arms against the door frame to the ladder chute, speaking in a quiet assuring voice, "He's not here." And Aeris couldn't tell if she was supposed to be saddened or happy by his reaction of visibly relaxing. She had been walking towards him, but had stopped when he'd tensed up again. She sighed. He was on guard and wouldn't let her any closer. She could see that by how the one foot had shifted just slightly away from her, ready to take a full step, if needed. Although the distance between them probably wasn't much greater than it had been during this routine in the cave, it felt too far. Her crossed arms fell apart, and her fingers started fidgeting with each other. "I came to apologize," she said haltingly.

And Squall became a little less guarded as curiosity spread across his face, the pinched features easing. "For what?" was all he said.

"For earlier. For Cloud...and me," she said looking up into his eyes. "I'm sorry, Squall. I didn't mean to snap at you."

He knew it was wrong, especially when Cloud had literally flung him away from Aeris, but he couldn't stop looking into her beautiful, pleading eyes. "You didn't really snap."

But she shook her head, refusing to let Squall shake it off as nothing. She had been so worried about Cloud, and that had made her irritable. "No, I know you were only trying to help. I knew that, I just... I was just so worried about him. And at the time, I felt you were getting in my way. I really am so very sorry, Squall!" She surged forward in her earnestness, hands clasped under her chin, and Squall hadn't been able to move away quick enough. But she didn't come within three feet of him, of that he was grateful. Even now she was still aware of others' feelings.

He felt himself soften and he half-smiled, still wary, repeatedly looking off to the side, unable to gaze into those eyes at her confession. "I know." He adjusted his grip on the handle again, his other hand flexing as well, still nervously keeping his eyes from meeting hers for too long.

Her hands fell to hang in front of her, her eyes following them. "And Cloud...he's just over protective. He doesn't really mean to come across so harshly," she said, guilty eyes meeting his for a fraction of time before timidly darting away again. "It's probably just him not wanting me to get hurt again, is all," she said with a pretty smile as she came forward and took his free hand. The contact had caused him to jump and his head had whipped around to look at her. 'Too close. Too close,' was all he could think of for the first few seconds. "That's probably all it is, is him being over protective. So please don't let it bother you too much," she said as she squeezed his hand. And it was pure reflex that made him return a gentle one of his own. But his thoughts were doubtful as to Aeris's reasoning. He looked at his hand clasped within the both of hers, the black leather worn, but it did nothing to hinder the feel of her. He was glad they were on, for the feeling of skin to skin would be too much for him right now, and he knew he'd do something he'd be made to pay for if they'd been off.

[Love Grows - Final Fantasy VIII: Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec (1-10)]

He pulled away from her and turned to face the wall free of crates. "I'm not so sure about that, Aeris. But I didn't come down here to think of that." He brought Lionheart up to a ready position. "You'd better leave before he finds you here. I need to practice. It's been awhile since my last time." He could see Aeris shake her head 'no' from the corner of his eye.

She moved to plop down against a stack of crates. "No, lemme stay and watch you. Like we used to do in Traverse Town," she said with a smile from atop hugged knees, which turned sad. "One last time."

The pang in his heart flared and Squall struggled to keep it from his features. 'That's right,' he told himself. 'Tomorrow,' slash, 'I'll be dropped off.' Parry. Thrust. 'And she'll be gone.' Spin and cut. 'Forever.' Twist and dice. 'I'll be alone.' Dash and slice. 'Again.'

He didn't like to think of the time his world was engulfed by the darkness that was the Heartless. They'd all fought, of course. Balamb's and the two newly rebuilt Gardens' joint efforts eventually squandered. All of the civilians had been put in some stronghold, while those who chose to fight, the Seeds, and Seed students themselves took care of the waves of Heartless. There were...many deaths. He hadn't wanted Rinoa to fight. Had argued with her about it through most of that night. But, in the end, she was still Rinoa, sorceress and all. Her spells had been more than welcome, but after awhile, their effectiveness was decreasing. And after more time, the rate of that decrease had become frighteningly noticeable. He'd managed to convince her to stay at the civilian compound, guarding them, figuring she'd never see any action. But they had fallen back to that point far too quickly, their numbers sickeningly low. Defeat was apparent; he could remember its foul taste. But he'd tried to protect her, up to the last. The cry that tried to escape him was too strong, and he had to convert the energy into something else, which he did by thrusting his sword with all the pent up rage into the crate in front of him. The sound of the shattering wood broke him from his memories, and he blinked as he looked at what he'd done, his arm still extended and locked, with Lionheart halfway buried.

Squall pulled it free from the crate, his left hand coming up to his forehead. Aeris had come to his side, placing hesitant hands on his bicep and shoulder as he continued to hold his hand to his face. "Are you alright, Squall?"

The touch had been expected, that was her way, but it still burned. He lifted his fingers away from his face, gazing at her from underneath his palm, then at the slender fingers gently wrapped over his folded arm at the bicep, before returning to her face. He let the arm fall as he stared at the damaged crate in front of him, her one hand falling away, while the one at his shoulder remained. "Yeah," he said distantly, closing his eyes briefly. "Just..remembering what's waiting for me."

Her eyes narrowed in worry and confusion at the bitterness she could detect in his statement. "Waiting for you? What do you mean? Something bad? That you need help with?" she asked all at once, though not hurried, the hand once again returning to his bicep. He thought he was going to turn to ash.

He sighed, wondering himself where he was going with this. "You told me before that you and...Cloud are alone in your world." He looked right out the viewport across the way. While no where near as large as the one in the 'Viewing Room', a good deal could still be seen through it. And the starlight, faint as it was, coming through the small window, added a comforting glow. "I, too, have no one waiting for me back home." Aeris's hands squeezed in sympathy, and Squall shuddered. "Rinoa," his voice hitched, and absently he wondered if she thought his previous shiver was due to his current emotional stress as he tried to explain. "Rinoa," he started again, voice still catching, "didn't...make it. They...were pushing too fiercely before we fell." He could feel the damned tears. Burning wetness pooling along the bottom lid. No matter how many times he thought of it, he couldn't keep the damned bastards from coming.

He moved his free arm up to wipe them away, jerking his head around to face her as Aeris pulled on that arm, keeping him from doing so with a slow shake of her head. "No," she said, voice gentle. "Don't deny them. I know you're probably embarrassed, but all they mean is that you cared, and still do. That's why they keep coming," she finished with an all too knowing smile. The hand that had kept his arm from moving came up to stroke the tear off his right cheek, the caress more than he could handle. His breath caught, a small hiccup, and the tiny hand cupped his cheek. More hiccups followed, more tears, and faster and faster until they were a stream of grief, finally freed because he could no longer hold it prisoner after the knowledge of a second love, finally found, only to be lost again. The pressure had been so very slight, but it had been more than enough and all that was needed before he completely gave in to the feelings and her eyes. The Lionheart slipped from his fingers, clanging somewhat hollowly on the floor, as he leaned into her, arms wrapping around her small form as hers adjusted to embrace him. The hand slid up from his cheek to cradle the back of his head, the other sliding around both shoulders. She held him while he released the emotional memories of his past, tucking her chin upon his head as they sank to the floor accompanied by the muffled sounds of his sobs.

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Yuffie slunk back into the shadow of the chute, fingers of a hand coming to her lips in thought, processing what she'd seen silently. This could spell trouble for the next twenty-four hours, she knew, and she looked at them once again. She turned away and started back up the ladder quietly. She had best make sure Cloud was well occupied for a good while, lest war break out. And there was no doubt in her mind nothing short of that would occur if he was to see them in such a position, no matter how innocent the intentions. While not overly violent, Cloud protected what was his with all his passion. And having once lost this something previously, Yuffie found herself in fear of the intensity with which Cloud might retaliate.

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Hmm, well, I think I'll end it there for now. =) Lots going on in this chapter, and none of it was planned. Angsty! I know it's not my usual nine pages, but I exhausted myself writing this. Dunno how. =/ But I thought this would be enough to tie most people over til the next posting, since it HAS been quite some time.

As always, emails welcome, no matter the subject/viewpoint. ^^