The Kitchens were surprisingly busy for 4am. David Lister idly noted that and then returned his attention to what was really important.

He was hungry.

One of his good friends in catering, and he had many, was making him a roast beef and nutella sandwich, but he was taking his sweet, sweet time. Dave was bored. Very bored. Sandwiches are fun to eat and fun to make, but watching there creation is duller than a fish cleaning knife after two hours of said cleaning. He decided to explore the kitchens.

A person he kind of recognized as 'Headbanger' Harris was arguing loudly with Tim, the chef Kochanski had left Dave for, about cheese puffs. Tim was trying as hard as he could to calm him down and get the point that there were No Cheese Puffs On Board before the entire ship was woken by his shouting and came rushing to the kitchens to find out what the hell was going on.

And Dave saw them.

Mushrooms.

Dave didn't really like mushrooms. I wouldn't eat them if he could help it. He had no problem with the idea of fungus, he bred various species of it for fun, but eating it. Eating it was a bit much, even for him.

Rimmer, however, loved mushrooms. They were on his list of favorite foods (Dave had seen it once) right up there with mashed potatoes and different kinds of fish.

(of course, this episode would forever scare Arnold off of mushrooms. But let's wait a bit for that.)

There were quite a lot of mushrooms. Enough for... oh.. breakfast? Perfect timing too.

Dave checks all the directions he could think of, including up, and then subtly picked up the mushrooms and put them in his coat pocket.

By then his sandwich was ready, he went, with his ill-gotten foodstuffs, to retrieve it. He left with ideas for breakfast, and maybe some post-breakfast fun (maybe) floating in this head.

A few hours later, Harris finished the argument with Tim (and completely cheese puffless) and returned to the mushrooms. Or, at least, where the mushrooms were supposed to be. But they had vanished.

"Oy oy oy. Who stole my fungi?"

a/n: I know that nobody in the world except me says things like "oy oy oy!" but what the hell. It's my Harris. I can do with him (because I say it's a him) as I please. And he says things like "oy oy oy!" So there.