Chapter 13

Having dozed off at the Altin's place, I wake up to the sound of barely concealed arguments somewhere beyond the living room. Before I'd fallen asleep, Yurio and Vasilisa had been out here with me, watching yet another princess movie upon her demands. But neither Altin was out here with me now. Yet somewhere in the house, I could certainly hear Yurio and Otabek in a heated argument.

I really shouldn't be here for this.

"Have you already forgotten your promise that you said you'd have as many kids as I wanted?" A deeper voice. Otabek.

"No, I didn't forget, durak. You never fail to fucking remind me of it." That snappy response is undeniably Yurio.

A click of a tongue. "That's low, even for you."

"What's low, is you demanding I have another baby as if it's your body and not my own."

A sigh of irritation. "Just one more child. That's all I ask. A sibling for Vasotchka. Is this such an impossible request?"

Yurio whines. "I hated being pregnant and you know that."

I really shouldn't be here for such a private conversation. They surely must have forgotten I was here, or assumed I was still asleep. Those two were not one for letting any disagreements leak beyond this home. Better than even I ever could with Viktor.

"You're the one who said you'd endure it all again! Why get my hopes up if you never meant it?" Otabek says. He sounds both angry and hurt all at once.

Just when I reach for my coat to pull on, I hear:

"Otabek, can you please, for one moment, think with your head and not with your wild Alpha need to spread your goddamn seed? All you have to do is pump for half an hour and your part is done. I am the one who has to bend over and take it, and then Xerox an entire fucking human inside me. And then push that shit out!

"Have you forgotten that I almost fucking died to have our daughter now? Did you forget what I fucking endured to avoid leaving you a damn widower ?

"You almost lost me. I almost lost her. And I almost lost my fucking life! So please, give me some more fucking grace for not exactly being thrilled at the idea of RISKING MY LIFE a second time to do it all over again!"

Okay. I really should get going. I regret having heard any of this, even by accident. I'm just about to put my shoes on when I hear the door slam open and Yurio walk out, before hearing another door slam open and shut again.

Otabek comes out soon after, looking very stressed and a bit regretful. When he turns and notices that I am not only still here, but awake, the regret turns to a bit of shame.

"… How much did you hear?"

"Enough."

His shoulder sag, his head right along with it. "I'm an asshole, aren't I?"

It's very weird to hear this mostly upstanding man swear in any shape or form. I think about it, but then take my shoes off again to head back inside. My coat follows, and I wave Otabek into the kitchen so I can start making tea. It's not tea leaves like we have at home, but tea bags. Subpar but it will do. Silently, I steep two cups of chamomile.

Stirring a spoon of sugar into each cup, I begin speaking. "When I was terrified of losing this baby again, Yurio was the one to assure me the risk was all worth it. The pregnancy, the symptom, the labor, the post partum—all of it."

Otabek scoffs, but I continue speaking before he can get a word out. "He'd do it all again, Otabek. He wants to. But his wants are not yet greater than his fears of the worst outcomes repeating themselves, with less favorable endings. He fought and won against losing his life, and your daughter's life the first time. But what if?"

He shakes his head. "You can't live on what ifs."

"It's only a what-if to you. But a reality for us."

The words are like a bomb between us, but I continue on, calmly as ever. "I never really much minded or thought much of the dynamics of this society. Alphas had their roles, omegas had theirs and beta's were the bridge between. That's just how it was. How it is. But objectively, I can see Yurio's point. And keeping in mind how his family completely ostracized and abused him just for his sex…he doesn't exactly view the system as fair. Not when his traumas constantly remind him otherwise. He loves being with you, Otabek, but he resents being what he is. An omega. And all the baggage his omega-ness forces upon him. And that includes childbearing. You can't fault him for that."

Lips pursed, Otabek nods slowly.

"Beyond his trauma of all that, is his new trauma with staring death in the face and living to tell the tale.. He's got a lot on his plate. You knew that coming in."

He nods again. "I did…"

"And he is trying. With the therapy and the medication."

Another nod. "He is…"

Silence. Both here and upstairs. I wouldn't be surprised if Yurio were eavesdropping from the master bedroom. I mostly hoped he was.

"I don't…know what to do, Yuuri. How can we compromise on this? I can't force him, I'd never forgive myself and he'd hate me forever. And yet… I know if I drop this, it will eat at me. I've always wanted several children. I don't know what to do."

Otabek runs a hand over his face and I pat his arm. "It's not a competition," I say simply, and I shrug. "I can't tell you what the answer to this is. I will say priority in this matter, probably should go to the one bearing the child. But…I think the best answer for both of you, might be found in therapy. Yurio already has his counselor. Maybe you should schedule a group therapy for both of you."

But for now—take these and go to your husband. Chamomile is his favorite, and it's calming. I can guarantee his anxiety is probably through the roof. The tea and your pheromones will be most helpful now. The rest, can be handled tomorrow."

I leave when he takes the two mugs to do just that, not bothering to stick around for the result. I don't hear from either of them for a few days—Otabek for privacy, and Yurio likely due to embarrassment for having me witness the meltdown—but later on, Yurio sends me a message of thanks. Brief. And enough.

The entire encounter makes me think of my own circumstance however. Nearly the complete opposite of theirs. Was it fair to have dragged Viktor into my obsession with bearing my own child with him? For him? Was it really for him when he was terrified of the prospect of my endangering myself for the sake of "duty"?

It made me guilty to think of it. I'd brought it up to Viktor for discussion weeks after the point, but he'd merely shushed me and told me to stop blaming myself, making sure to further prove the point by thoroughly ravaging me afterward.

God, I love this man. But I promised to whichever deity is listening that if this pregnancy was successful, this was the only one I'd ever have. I wouldn't force Viktor to face his fear a second time.

Almost as if a sign that some god had taken pity on my vow, Yurio sends a captionless photo of a positive pregnancy test.

~~*~~*~~*~~

"So, you're about a month along and I'm seven months out. Didn't think we'd both be here in this office as patients together."

Yurio rolls his eyes and flips me off. The most ungraceful omega on this planet. I wouldn't have it any other way. Opposites sometimes make the most interesting of friendships.

"Shut it, piggy. You're the one who suggested couples counseling like a real adult. I accidentally allowed sense and logic to work and now I'm knocked up again. Go figure."

I can't help the laugh. And he playfully swats me, though I can see the smallest of grins on his face. It doesn't last long. "I'm still…afraid, you know…" he says quietly.

And I nod. "Me, too. Are we brave, or foolish?"

"Yes."

A little bit of both, I decide. I hope it is worth the risk, for the both of us.


Author's Note: The story's end draws near. I already have the last three chapters written. Agh! I don't know why I always sit on the final chapters way before I have any connecting chapters written up, ha!

Do I do lemony one-shots attached to the tale afterward? Leave it where it lies? Do another story set in this universe? Decisions, decisions...

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