Animal Planet!
DISCLAIMER: Yu say: If KGB stand for 'Killer Germ-Infested Bunnies,' then we own YGO!
Chapter Two
Bunnies, Doggies and Kitties, Oh My!
POOF!
The smoke in the room cleared away, revealing a row of chairs filled only by clothes. Clothes of the people that used to be sitting in them.
Yugi opened his eyes and stared out at the big new world. Everything seemed ten times the size it had been before. "What happened?" he wondered aloud, attempting to stand up and immediately falling flat onto his face. "Erhm?" he grunted, then attempted to push himself up and saw his hands. Except they weren't his hands. They were little, white, furry...paws.
"No. NO WAY!" he exclaimed, shaking in fear as he felt his face. His nose was wet. He felt for his ears, becoming more scared every second. They were not there. Yugi began to panic, and felt at the top of his head. There were two long furry things up there. He grabbed onto them and lowered them down into his line of vision, then let them go with a scream. "I'M A BUNNY!"
"Ack! That hurt my ears!" Joey whimpered nearby. "Wait a minute..." he said, wondering exactly what that big yellow snout in front of him was. He lifted his hands to swipe the snout away...and saw big yellow paws instead.
"Uh...Joey?" asked Yugi softly. "Joey...is that...you?"
Joey looked behind him and saw a whip-like yellow tail wagging merrily. "Yugi...I'm a dog, Yugi!" he said mournfully. It was then he noticed Yugi's fur and ears. "Hahaha! You're a bunny, Yugi! Hahahahaha!" he barked.
"Erhm...I know..." replied Yugi.
"Squawk! I told you this was a stupid idea! Squawk!" The dog and bunny turned to see a brightly colored parrot, speaking with Tea's voice.
"Hey...you're a birdie, Tea!" Joey said incredulously.
"Squawk! So I noticed. Squawk!" Tea answered dryly.
"Wow...everything got really big all of a sudden," said a little brown hamster sitting nearby. It sounded peculiarly like Tristan.
"Is that you, Tristan!?" exclaimed Yugi. "Haha! I'm taller than you, now!"
"I guess the bunny's Yugi..." said the hamster. "And wait...lemme guess...Joey, you're the dog, right? Haha!"
Joey growled and bared his gleaming white canine teeth at Tristan. "Hey pal! Watch what you say, or I'll eat ya in one bite!"
Suddenly Joey began sniffing around excitedly. "Hey guys! I smell...pussycat!"
"There's a brown and white one sitting over there," offered Yugi the Bunny.
"Come-no-closer!" the cat hissed as Joey began ambling his way toward it. "I said stay away, mutt!"
Joey barked and grinned, wagging his tail eagerly. "Hey, Kaiba! You're a kitty cat! Nark!"
"You just shut—cough cough cough! Hack hack cough!" The bunny, parrot, hamster and dog stared at the Seto kitty as he coughed and hacked uncontrollably. Suddenly a wad of cat hair erupted from his mouth and landed on the floor two inches away.
"What...was...THAT?" asked Kaiba weakly.
"That, my friend, was a hairball," said Joey gleefully.
"Well, in that case...HAVE IT!" kitty Kaiba shouted, picking up the hairball with his paws and chucking it onto Joey's nose.
"Hey! Arf arf!" whimpered Joey as he attempted to remove the slimy mass of hair from his nose. When finally the icky wad had been removed, he glared and bared his canines at Kaiba. "You're gonna pay for that, kitty boy!"
"Damn right about that!" snarled the brown kitty. He sauntered arrogantly in perfect cat fashion past Joey, brushing his bushy tail under the dog's nose.
"Get that filthy feather duster outta my face!" barked Joey menacingly.
"If I want to, I will. And it's not a feather duster; it's my PUUURRRFEECT tail."
"Well, it's a chew toy now!" said Joey, chomping down onto the cat's fluffy tail.
"RRREEAAARROWWW!" screeched Kaiba, hissing and spitting at the dog. "You get your slobbery jaws off of my tail NOW!" he demanded haughtily.
"Or what, huh? What can a little pussycat do to a big, strong Labrador?" Joey asked, still chewing on Kaiba's tail.
"This." Kaiba held up his paws, and suddenly his claws sprung out and buried themselves in Joey's nose.
"BBBBAAARROWWRRRARF!" Joey whimpered, immediately releasing his enemy's tail.
"Eww, now it's covered in dog drool," Kaiba said with disgust as he picked up his tail and allowed it to flop wetly back onto the ground.
Suddenly, his whiskers began to twitch and his ears perked straight up. "I smell...rat." Not far away he spied a little yellow rat, sitting on its haunches and sniffing forlornly at the air. With a lick of his jaws, he began to stalk the little creature.
"Uh, what are you doing, Kaiba?" asked Yugi worriedly. "That could be Mokuba!"
"No...sniff...it's not," replied Kaiba, not taking his eyes off the rat.
"Then it's somebody else!" Yugi protested.
"Maybe it'll be Marik and we'll rid the world of one slimy rat!" was the only reply he received.
Abruptly, with lightning speed, he pounced onto the rat and clamped it in his jaws, returning to Yugi and the others with a smug cat look on his face.
"EEEEEKKKK! If you don't put me down, Kaiba...I'LL KILL YOU!" screamed the rat with Mai's voice.
"Oops," said Kaiba unrepentantly as he dropped Mai onto the floor. "Cat instinct, you know."
Mai merely glared at him. "I have a right mind to bite your tail off!" she snarled.
"Oh, go to that thing over there and eat the cheese," Kaiba said, pointing at a mouse trap a few feet away.
Mai gaped at him indignantly. "Do you think I'm stupid?!" she hissed at him.
"Well, you ARE a rat. And, rat's DO have little brains, so..."
"DON'T finish that sentence."
Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. "Hey, Seto! Where are you?" asked Mokuba's voice from somewhere above the others. Suddenly a large black hoof crashed to the ground, landing conveniently on Kaiba's tail.
"RRREEAARRROOWWW!" screeched Kaiba, whipping around and sinking his claws into a horse's leg.
"NEEIIIIGGGHHH! Ow, that hurt!" exclaimed Mokuba's voice from the horse's mouth. Kaiba blinked and removed his claws from the leg.
"...Mokuba?" he asked. "Mokuba, is that you?" he asked, staring up at the immense animal before him.
"Seto? Seto! You're a kitty! How cute!" exclaimed the horse as he lowered his muzzle to peer down at the cat.
"And you're a...Shetland pony," stated Kaiba flatly. "Do me a favor and get off my tail, 'k?"
"Oh, sorry!" said Mokuba, lifting his hoof off his brother's tail.
Suddenly, a white streak of energy zipped by Kaiba and ran headlong into Joey, who was laying down. "Oooff! I say! What's this?" asked the ferret, gazing up at the big yellow dog.
"...Bakura?" asked Yugi, hopping over to where the other sat.
"Yugi? A bunny? And...Joey, right?" Bakura asked, staring at the dog.
"Yeah, yeah, shut up," grumbled Joey.
"Squawk! It looks like everyone is here but Marik! Squawk!" said Tea, flying down from her chair to land on Joey's head.
"No bird crap on the fur, okay?" he ordered with a glance in the bird's direction.
"Maybe he got turned into a bacteria cell and is gone from sight forever!" Yugi said wildly, hopping around happily.
"Only you would think of that," sighed Tristan the brown hamster.
"Hey, what's that green thingy over there?" boomed Mokuba, motioning with a hoof at the table with the crystal ball on top.
"Hey, Kaiba!" barked Joey. "Go get it!"
"I am not your servant, mutt!" hissed Kaiba, bringing forth his deadly claws.
Joey grinned and bared his teeth. "Two bites, Kaiba. Two bites, and you're gone." He licked his lips for emphasis.
"Hisssss....fine!" snarled Kaiba as he got up and walked toward the table. "You overgrown bag of slobber!"
"What was that, Kaiba? I'm kinda hungry, ya know; haven't eaten all day!" Joey said, clamping his jaws.
"Die," Kaiba whispered dangerously as he retrieved the green thingy from beneath the table. As he returned, he spat it out onto the ground. "Behold: it's a turtle."
"Hey guys! That must be Marik!" Yugi exclaimed, hopping over to sniff the little green box turtle.
"Away from me, Easter bunny!" screeched the turtle in Marik's voice. "Or I'll make you my obedient mind slave!"
Joey barked amusedly. "With what, teenage mutant ninja turtle? Lookie over there! Your rod is ten times bigger than you! You can't use it!"
"Did you just call me a teenage mutant ninja turtle?!" seethed the little green turtle-Marik.
"Yeah, gotta problem with that?" asked Joey, allowing slobber from his tongue to fall onto Marik, who looked thoroughly disgusted. "Turtle, turtle!"
"You buffoon!" yelled Marik menacingly. This did not have the desired effect.
"Somehow, Marik, a turtle calling us buffoons just isn't intimidating," Tristan said with amusement.
"Shut up, hamster boy! I'm bigger than you are!" Marik snapped moodily.
"Yeah! Which means...you can be my go-kart!" the hamster exclaimed, leaping onto Marik's shell. "Actually, how 'bout a go-nowhere kart, 'cause you're so slow?"
Kaiba suddenly got an evil grin on his face. "Hey Joey, isn't that the hamster that's supposed to be turning the wheel in your head that serves for a brain?"
"Grrr! Watch it, Kaiba! Dogs like me eat kitties like you for breakfast!" Joey snarled warningly.
"Psh. No, Joey. Dogs like YOU eat Kibbles 'n Bits," Kaiba stated.
"You KNOW that Kibbles 'n Bits are made out of cat, don't ya?" asked Joey smartly.
"No. They're made out of by-products from cows, pigs and sheep!"
"Well as of today, they're made outta cat. Remember what I said earlier, Kaiba? Two bites. Kibble, bit. One, two. Better run, kitty, 'cause this dog's hungry!"
"Phfffssssttt!" snarled Kaiba as he leapt onto Mokuba and then onto a nearby bookshelf. Joey ran to the bookshelf and barked at the brown cat hissing on top.
Kaiba hissed again, then tucked his paws beneath his chest and curled his tail around him. "I am not afraid of you, slobber bag!" he stated.
"Oh yeah? Then why's yer tail all poofed out, huh?" Joey asked, barking even louder.
"I like it that way." The great fluffy tail swished serenely over the edge of the bookshelf.
"Yer gonna get it, Kaiba!" growled Joey, ramming himself into the shelf. It tottered a bit and Kaiba almost slid off, but he grabbed onto the wood with his claws and hung on.
Joey, on the other hand, was not so fortunate. Before he could run away, all of the books on the shelf fell off and landed on him. And they were thick, heavy books too, mind. Ouch.
Kaiba smiled arrogantly at the scene before him, then leapt gracefully off the bookshelf and landed on the top of the book pile. Underneath him, Joey groaned and whimpered pitifully. "Cats rule and dogs drool, mutt," Kaiba stated. "It's a simple fact of life." With that, he began to swish his tail peacefully and cleaned his face with his white-tipped paw.
J: This crazy idea is courtesy of Yu.
Y: Yep! Don't know where it came from, but it's here! Kinda just popped into my head last night...
Joey: (pant, pant) Do I get to eat the kitty?
Seto: NO!
JY: Hmmm...we'll think about it, Joey.
Joey: Really? (wags tail)
Seto: (hisses loudly) How can you choose that slobber bag over a cat like me?
Y: Well...cats are my favorite animals! (picks up Kaiba and cuddles the kitty)
Seto: RREAARROWW! Put me down NOW! I am not a thing to be cuddled!
Y: Okay! (dangles Kaiba in front of Joey) Here boy! Wanna treat?
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! (pant, pant, wags tail)
Seto: NO! Cuddle me! Cuddle me!
Y: Okay! (cuddles Kaiba kitty)
Joey: Damn...I though I was getting a treat.
J: Maybe next time, sport.
Tea: Squawk! R&R please! Squawk!
